A family struggles with the reality of cancer and the impending death of their little boy, who is now in the last stages of his disease.
I can't believe that little Avery Michael is soon to go home to Jesus. He is only 2 years old, but in his brief life, he has suffered more than what most people do in their entire lifetime. He was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 1 1/2, and now, his cancer has gone terminal, meaning that there is nothing more that can be done for him. He is dying, and he can go at any time.
Little Avery Michael is now in a hospice program, and he is now being given medication to help relieve his pain and suffering, but it doesn't seem to do much good. All he does is lie there, in mommy's arms, and he cries miserably as the pain eats away at his delicate little system, which has been ravaged by both the cancer treatment and the disease itself. He is also on oxygen because he has trouble with his breathing. That is another thing..the cancer has spread to his lungs. He can't eat without throwing up, and he has grown incredibly skinny and frail; when one looks at him, it is akin to looking at one of those starving children in third world countries or someone with AIDS.
We try to be strong for my little brother, but it isn't easy when he cries so pitiously in his pain, and it isn't easy when he is oftentimes so sick. We try to go on with our normal lives, but we know that our lives are anything BUT. We see the medical paraphenalia that is in little Avery's room, and at once we are saddened and sickened ourselves because it only reminds us of just how sick Avery is.
We have been confiding in our church, speaking to our pastor, Pastor Bruce, and it HAS helped, but at the same time, inside we are all feeling the stress that a catastrophic illness like cancer can cause. Mom and dad are fighting like cats and dogs, and every night, I hear them screaming at each other above Avery's cries of pain. I wish they would stop, but something always seems to precipitate the argument, and I can't take much more of this. If I hear one more argument I think I shall go CRAZY!
Besides Avery, there is also me (Tasha--I am 14) and my little sister, Corie (she is six), but it seems like all the attention is being focused on Avery instead of on us, and it has gotten both of us very upset. It's like we no longer exist, and it seems like all the attention is being focused on Avery instead of on US. I know Avery is sick and all, but it doesn't seem very fair that it has to take an illness like cancer to take away the attention from us! It is getting to the point to where we are both starting to get angry and scared, and it is getting to the point to where we wish that our little baby brother would just DIE already! More than once I have heard Corie state that she hates Avery because he is sick, and that is so unlike her because she is usually a happy and loving child!
I wish that Avery didn't have cancer, but he does, and I guess we just have to make the best out of a bad situation in our lives; still, it ISN'T easy when we hear him screaming out in pain or hear his raspy breathing or the oxygen machine alarm sounding off again as he fights or gasps for each and every breath or hear the ambulance, not knowing if this is going to be IT, the time when Avery finally dies and goes home to Jesus.
If Jesus loves us, then WHY does He allow such suffering, especially in a young baby that can't really understand what is going on or what is happening to him, and what he DOES understand is filled with pain or unhappiness? Is He mad at us or something, and did we do something REALLY bad to deserve something like Avery having cancer? I wonder about this more times than I would really care to admit, and it is starting to drive me crazy!~
Karyn, your love and compassion for children comes through with htis emotional write. A great example of how the whole family breaks down during crisis, and how parents forget their other children still need them as much as the sick one. Beautiful work Karyn!;-)
Reviewed by Robert Blackwell
6/9/2003
If I had it to do over again, I'd rather be a fictional child, living in the mind of Karen Lynn Vidra. {{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
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