A young woman with serious health problems writes of her feelings as she struggles day to day with her disabilities.
Monday, June 16~
Dear Diary:
I have decided to start a new diary. I feel I must write of my feelings because I think writing about them will help me come to terms with understanding my life and my situation better.
My name is M'buti Ayala Sormiento, and I will be 26 in October. I have been married for 4 years, and I am the mother to 3 beautiful children (two boys and a girl, two being twins less than six months old). I was born in Africa, in Kenya, but I now live here in the United States of America, and I am now an American citizen.
I have always been healthy, but then, about five years ago, I was raped and then burned; and I was burned terribly on the legs, buttocks, and my back; and I was in hospital for months recovering from my burns. I then got out, but I was having many problems, and I learnt to walk on sticks and leg braces; and I was doing okay for a few months, but then I got flesh eating bug, and I nearly lost my life. When I came out of my coma, all I remember is being in severe pain, and nothing could be done to stop it. The doctors felt I was crazy, but I was NOT crazy. The pain was so bad I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, or do ANYTHING. I ended up losing a lot of weight, and I was so weak and so sick I had to go back into hospital, and I had to be on tube feedings, which I did NOT enjoy AT all! Eventually, I ended up having to have more surgery, but this time to stop the pain; and it worked, but now I have one leg that doesn't move, and I now walk with sticks or walking frame. Or I use a wheelchair if I go for long trips.
I have been doing better since the surgery to stop the pain, but I now have problems with my blood pressure, and if it gets too low I faint. I also have fibromyalgia, which is like having arthritis of the muscles, and it all leaves me feeling weak and tired; and there isn't much I can do except rest when the pain is especially bad. I feel bad because I have a husband and three small children to take care of, and usually, Roberto (he's my husband) has to end up taking care of the children, and also the animals, because I am just so tired and so sore to be able to manage.
I always worry about Roberto being angry with me because he has to do a lot for me, but he never seems to be. He is always so sweet to me, and he is a fantastic father to the children, who love him dearly. And he takes such good care of Afiya and Rodriguez! And all of this on top of his working at hospital as a nurse! He is so busy, I don't know HOW he does it, but he does!
I am glad I am feeling better (for the MOST part), but I still worry about people staring at me. I am very tall for my age, and very skinny (never have been fat), and I wonder what people think about my being married to a non-African man (my husband is Spanish-American), and I also wonder what they think about my being disabled. I am sure people stare at me, and when I am in my wheelchair or am on my oxygen (my lungs are not strong, and I get out of breath easily, so I sometimes wear oxygen), I feel especially uncomfortable. This is why I don't like to go out much; I'd just as soon rather stay home with the babies. That way, I don't have to worry about people saying things about me.
Will write more tomorrow. It is time to check on the babies, and besides, Jubaki is taking his bath, and he has gotten quiet. I hope he hasn't gotten into mischief....
Re-Release! No longer back-listed. Return to the Olde Ways. The hustle and bustle of modern day life has brought many of us to a quick fix attitude.This book is for those of you who are fed up; have looked at your life and your loved ones and realize
