The young Maasai woman born in Africa shares her story, and she writes of how she feels about herself since having been severely burned and how she copes with the stigma of being scarred for life.
I may look fairly normal on the outside, especially on the front, but if one were to see my backside, they would find out that I carry horrendous scars on my back, shoulders, buttocks, and especially my one leg. It is because of these scars that I live in fear of being rediculed or stared at each and every day, and I do not think I am beautiful.
I think I am very ugly.
I had always been a normal woman, full of life and joy, living out my young womanhood in Africa; but then I came to America 5 years ago, to start a new life and to attend university to study to become a teacher, and that was when my troubles started. I was home alone one night, in my apartment, and somebody broke in and attacked me. He managed to rape me and then, to cover up his "crime", he set my apartment on fire, and in my attempts to escape, I fell hard and broke my one leg in several places; and I was severely burned.
I can still remember that pain as though it only happened yesterday: it felt as though my skin was burning off my body (which it probably was), and the pain was, as I recall, quite intense and unbearable. It wasn't long before I passed out from the pain.
When I awoke later, I found myself in a hospital bed, heavily bandaged; and shot up with medicine; but it didn't seem to touch the pain one bit. I remember the doctor coming in to work on me, and she caused me more pain; and I told her to stop, but she wouldn't. It was as though she were pulling my skin right off of me, and at times the pain was so severe I would get sick and throw up. It ended up that I was in the hospital for about a year; I had suffered burns to approximately 35-45% of my body, according to doctors. I had third- and fourth- degree burns to my shoulders, back, buttocks, and my one leg.
Now I have since recovered from my burns, but the scars are still there, and they will probably always be; but they still cause me no end of grief. For one thing, they are still very itchy, especially if I sweat, and they get easily irritated if I don't cover them up prior to going outside if it is sunny outside. I have to keep on putting moisterizing lotion on the scars, or my skin will flake badly. I am also susceptible to contractures, which is where the skin tightens and tries to draw up my hands or knee, and then I have to have the skin stretched if it doesn't become loose. That is about one of the worst things about having burn scars, and it is embarrassing when I have to explain to people why I can't move my hand or knee as well.
Because of my scars, I don't like to wear short sleeves or skirts, for fear that people will see my scars, and this is one reason why I don't like to go out all that much. It is bad enough being in a wheelchair or having to walk on a walking frame or sticks; do people have to notice my scars, too, on top of all this? No wonder I think I am ugly because people are always asking me what happened, or they think that I look like a monster, and it is very upsetting to me.
Now, my husband and my older son both tell me that I am beautiful, but when I see my scars, all the old ugly, nasty feelings come back, and then I feel bad. Sure, I could get my scars taken care of by surgery, but I am already in enough pain as it is, and I am afraid I don't handle pain very well, which I never have. So I just go on and try to endure day by day. Or people tell me that I could be a model, but I don't want to have peeople looking at me and commenting on my scars; that probably would be what would happen to me. And I don't think I could take it.
This is why you never see me in short sleeves or in a skirt because I am trying to cover up my scars. I get stared at enough as it is because I am so tall and so thin, plus I am disabled and am on a walking frame or sticks, or use a wheelchair; and I don't want to draw unwanted attention to myself. As I just said, I can't handle any more pain on top of all the pain I have had in my life already!
A page-turning novel about a relationship between best friends that is interrupted because of betrayal , deceit, sexual promiscuity and pregnancy happens!
A page-turning novel about a relationship between best friends that is interrupted because of betrayal , deceit, sexual promiscuity and pregnancy happens!
I may look fairly normal on the outside, especially on the front, but if one were to see my backside, they would find out that I carry horrendous scars on my back, shoulders, buttocks, and especially my one leg. It is because of these scars that I live in fear of being rediculed or stared at each and every day, and I do not think I am beautiful.
