Jacinthe Michaela is now awake from her coma; but she is no longer the same little girl she once was before she took sick with meningitis. She has brain damage on top of her already serious health problems. She is only 3 1/2 years old.
Little Jacinthe Michaela Lewis was previously featured in the "Please, God, Let Her Live!" trilogy.
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I am so tired I don't know quite where to begin.
This is Helene Larkspur Lewis speaking.
My three-and-a-half year-old daughter, Jacinthe Michaela, is recovering from a near-fatal bout of bacterial meningitis that has left its ugly mark on her. She is already seriously physically handicapped: she is hearing-impaired, was born with spina bifida and is paralyzed from the waist on down, has a tracheostomy tube in her throat, and has a very low immunity to sickness; any little bug can make her deathly sick. Now she has brain damage, and she is now like a little infant: she just lies there, staring openmouthed and wide-eyed at me; and it breaks my heart.
She is now in the Rehab part of the hospital, where she is receiving daily physical and occupational therapy, to learn how to move again, and to help compensate for her brain damage. Doctors and nurses both say she is making "significant strides" in her therapy, but as for me, I don't see it. She just looks....well, damaged, for lack of a better word, and it tears me up inside.
I have had to raise Jacinthe Michaela on my own since Goeff left me, and I think I have managed pretty good (all things considering, what with my little girl's health needs and all), but right now the reality has hit me between the eyes: my little girl may NEVER be "normal", or the way I remember her. She was always a happy, fun-loving little child with curly brown ringlets on top of her small head, huge, grey-brown eyes that sparkled with determination and hope, and a pretty little bow-lipped smile that lit up her entire round face. She looked like a little angel, and she was my Heart, my Joy, and my Everything.
Now Jacinthe lay in a bed, unable to speak or even move without help, and she seemed more like an infant than a young girl who was curious about the world about her. All because of a particularly nasty little meningococcus bug that left her forever changed.
It is going to take nothing short of a Miracle to bring my daughter up to speed, but I remain hopeful, especially since talking to her one nurse, Louisiana, who has prayed for my daughter every day since she's been here at the hospital. She says to put my trust in the Lord, and that everything will come out for good in the end. I want to believe her, really I do; but I still feel a twinge of doubt in the pit of my stomach and in the depth of my soul.
Jacinthe Michaela has already been through so much in her young life (it seems as though she's spent much of her young life in or out of the hospital), and I wonder if she will even HAVE a life once she recovers from this illness. To see my daughter in my mind's eye as a vegetable is more than I can bear, and I begin to cry in spite of myself.
That's when I feel the soft, warm hand at my shoulder. I look up, and there is that little nurse standing behind me, looking down at me with love and tender concern in her dark eyes. She gives me a small smile, and I throw my arms around her as the tears continue to pour down my cheeks.
~To be continued.~
Stay tuned for further updates about Jacinthe Michaela Lewis in the coming weeks as time permits.
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