M'buti Sormiento shares her feelings about September 11, 2001, and the renewed memories of her friend, Stephanie Green, who died in the terror attacks when the plane hit the World Trade Centers. (Stephanie was killed instantly.)
I hate this time of year.
I hate the memories that are presently rushing back, and I hate the fact that my friend is dead, and nothing I can do or say can bring her back.
September 11 is fast approaching, and next Thursday, the 11th, will mark the two-year anniversary of when our country was savagely attacked by foreign terrorists who have absolutely no regard for humanity; and because of the terror attacks, my best friend, the very first friend I made here in America, was killed. She worked in the World Trade Centers in New York City, New York (where she lived), and she was killed when the plane hit the building. She was killed instantly (but it took a few days to find that out; previously, we thought she had died when the building fell).
We ("we" being myself, my husband, and our three children) are going to be leaving for New York City; we are planning to go to the memorial service and reminiesce about what happened that Black Tuesday. We will be leaving Nashville on Saturday, and we will be back the following Saturday; we will be gone 8 days. We are going by car (rather, truck; my husband has his HUMMER, and we are going to New York in his HUMMER).
We are already packed and ready to go; but I really don't want to go. I don't want to deal with the bad memories, and I don't really want to see New York City. Ever since the Towers no longer stand, New York City doesn't look or FEEL the same, and there are just too many painful memories whenever I see Ground Zero on television.
Each time I see the NYC skyline, I am only reminded of the terror attacks, and the death of my friend Stephanie, and I still can't find myself to forgive those who were responsible for the attacks. They MURDERED my friend, and they are evil, no-good BASTARDS. They have absolutely no regard for humanity, or no remorse for their actions, and I am sorry, but I can't forget what they have done, and it is because of THEM that my friend is dead. Jesus may have forgiven His enemies; but I am NOT Jesus, and I CAN'T forgive those who killed my friend! HOW can they call themselves "religious" when they KILL innocent people?? I just can't comprehend their way of thinking or their motives; and it all makes me physically sick inside AND outside!
I try to pray to Jesus, to ask Him to help me with the bad memories; but with September 11 fast approaching, or hearing news of terroristic threats being directed at us by Al Quaeda, I just can't forgive them that easily, and I still can't sleep that well at night. I am still plagued with nightmares, and I still can't hear a plane flying overhead and not panic, thinking that we are being attacked again!
Louie, my nurse friend, tells me to go to counseling, but I have already tried that, and I don't see what good it has done me. If anything, talking about September 11, 2001, has only intensified my fear, and right now I am a nervous wreck! I still can't watch the news, for fear I'll see the images of September 11, 2001, and I still can't look at pictures of New York City or The World Trade Center Towers without cringing.
What, then, do you suggest that I do? I am at a loss here, and I can't cope with the bad memories any longer! Am I being silly, or am I truly going MAD inside??
An excellent write...and forgiveness is always the answer. After all, it was not the whole of the people who wished ill will, it was just the selected few.
Many of us hold on to ill feelings because we think forgiving and condoning are sinonimous. No, in no way do we condone! But forgiveness sets your heart free. And you keep writing. When you run out of stories on the subject, the ghost will be laid to rest.
m'buti is feeling many of the same feelings and anger many are feeling right now...powerful, emotional write. well done.
continue to write, get your feelings out, and continue to pray nothing like this ever happens again
and never forget. over time, the sad, angry feelings may ease, but you'll never forget.
learn to forgive those that have wronged you, never let yourself stoop to your antagonist's level, and live with peace and love in your heart, and pass it on to everyone you meet.
