Jacob Sims will find himself, but will he like what he sees?
Depression has hid Jacob Sims from himself for his entire life. Then, one day, depression is gone. Jacob learns what he's been kept from and who's kept him from it.
Excerpt
Chapter 1
Jacob Sims pressed gently on the brake. He slowed to a stop and turned left on the same Oklahoma dirt road he’d turned on a thousand times before. Dodging loose shale, he made what he thought would be his last approach to his parents’ home.
To his left, a level field of dry land and straw stretched out, eventually giving way to a giant cluster of weeds and trees. The pasture on the right was tall yellow-green grass, holding several tractors, most rusted and stripped of their insides.
Up ahead, a clearing opened in the grass, and in that clearing stood a country home. Jacob stopped, then pulled up the driveway, hearing the rumble of small white rocks shooting from underneath his tires and crashing into each other. At the top of the driveway, an old Ford Falcon and a blue service pickup sat idle. These two vehicles had been there when Jacob left this morning. He was grateful, knowing this meant that no one was home. He needed the solitude to complete his plan.
Jacob stopped at the top of the driveway and sat, trying not to think too much. He only wanted to think of his breath and what he wanted to do. His familiar sense of vague tension was there, but for the last couple of hours, he had been able to keep it on the perimeter of his mind. He knew his calm was artificial and that he wouldn’t be able to make it last.
Jacob got out of the car and walked up the sidewalk to the house. No door handle or latch on the screen door, he just grabbed metal and pulled. Several boots and shoes were scattered about the floor of the interior back porch. Jacob scanned them until he found an old galosh. He picked it up, took a key out from under it and used that key to unlock the back door.
Jacob rushed through the house on the way to his parents’ room. He folded back a closet door. On the rack were his mother’s dresses, slacks and shirts. Old sweaters, sweatshirts and coats were strewn about on the shelf above that rack. Jacob reached a hand up on the shelf and pushed it under the winter clothing until he felt cold steel. He pulled out a black .22 pistol.
***
Jacob packed the pistol under the driver’s seat of his Ford Escort, then walked back inside the house. In his old room, he grabbed a notebook and a pen from his suitcase. He carried them to the kitchen table, flipped to an open page and then wrote.
The letter lacked the detail he knew should be there, but he feared that opening himself up would cause the tension to rush in and take him over again. He left the letter in the center of the table.
Jacob got in his car and drove further down the dirt road. After a mile, he glanced at a compost dump that ran from the side of the road down a hill into Bull Creek. This sight reminded Jacob of years ago, when he used to fish with his older friend Todd. But now, trash and chemicals had turned the water black. And Todd was dead.
Jacob continued down the road for two miles, turned west, drove another three miles, then went south again, around a curve and onto a lease road. There was a sign at the entrance that had never been there before.
NO TRESPASSING. THIS SHALE PIT IS CHECKED ROUTINELY BY LOCAL POLICE.
The sign reminded him of the night his mother had called him at school and said that two people had died in a car accident after coming from one of the shale pit parties. She had said she was reluctant to tell him at all, since he had already lost three friends this year.
The lease road sloped down into the pit. Jacob drove around a large pile of red shale. Now the road was not visible. On the other side of his car stood a group of trees.
“Out of view,” he whispered.
As Jacob got out of the car, something stabbed his leg. With his empty hand, he reached into the pocket of his jean shorts and pulled out a key. He threw the key and watched it land in the red dirt. A slight feeling of power came with the certainty.
He crawled up on the car’s roof and sat there, cross-legged, with the gun in his right hand, pressed against the steel of the car. Several memories of this place fell on him at once. Two deep breaths and the memories separated and came one by one.
There was the memory of the first party, with the visions of the shocked but pleasant faces of people he had known all his life, but not really spoken to before that night. Then there was the memory of seeing them in other places and forgetting how to connect with them again.
More parties and more faces came, but the results were always the same.
“Why could I only do it here? What’s wrong with me?”
Jacob pushed thoughts away and regained calm.
Soon, he was busy smacking himself and wiping sweat from his brow. He laughed. “Oklahoma Summer: the humidity and the mosquitoes don’t fuck around.”
He took another deep breath. He pulled the gun up and placed the barrel under his chin. He placed his finger on the trigger. He felt the certainty right up to the instant before he pulled it.
***
There’s a ringing in Jacob’s ears, and on his face is the remnant sensation of the gust from the blast, where, a few moments ago, the bullet passed inches away. He is now off the car, pacing back and forth in a straight line. His body shakes and his eyes are wide open.
The air rushes in and out and fills him with energy. He’s thrown on his back and his body twitches spasmodically. At first, he’s terrified. But as the movements become faster and more violent, he feels less connected to them and his mind becomes calmer. His body is there with him and he senses it, but somehow, it does not feel like his own.
The energy seems to slowly take form and connect every part of him. His body stops shaking and becomes like one solid muscle, pulsing with charge. Then, even the pulsing stops and he can only feel energy. And though that energy is with him, he feels separate from that too.
The world fades into red and then into black. Then there is the sensation of rising into the sky. It feels incredible, magical. Without effort, he’s floating. His consciousness is moving with the energy. And it’s not like a dream. His thoughts are rational, and he is fully aware.
Higher and higher he moves, and he’s moving faster all the while. There is the thought that he is being taken away. But there is no fear.
This is what I wanted, he thinks. The life he had and all the tension seem far away. He wonders where he will go, where this energy will take him.
The rising slows down, then stops completely. It’s as if he’s come up against a ceiling in the sky. He still only senses the energy and his consciousness, but the energy is pulling away.
A third part comes, some kind of resistance. This part tries to hold onto the energy. But the energy builds up against it like water against a dam. Not knowing why, he fears the resistance will break. But his fear doesn’t seem to matter. The energy continues to build against the resistance. It becomes so strong that he knows the resistance will break.
Starting at his head and proceeding down, little by little, Jacob becomes aware of his body. There is light again. It comes back slowly, until he can see the Earth directly below. He sees himself below. His body is still on top of his car. It sits there cross-legged, head down. The gun is still in his hand, held out in front of his face.
There is the sensation of air in his lungs. He tries to cry out, to wake the person down on the car, but there is only enough air to produce a slight noise. His new body begins to tilt back and forth in the sky as his resistance breaks down against the escaping energy. The air comes back to his lungs, and he stores it up.
The top of his new body leans forward and holds there, but he is able to hold his head up. Not sure that there is enough air yet, but afraid to wait any longer, he pushes the air out of his lungs. This time there is more sound than before.
“Jacob! Wake up!”
The person on the car does not react. The last of the energy trickles away. He somersaults twice in the air and then sees the red earth rushing at him.
***
Jacob came to in the dark. At first, he thought he was dead. Then he tasted the air and began to sense his body. He felt the metal underneath him. He opened his eyes, and found himself still on the car.
For a moment, he could only sit there and wonder what was real. But a new feeling soon overtook him, a feeling that he was completely unfamiliar with. Something had been lifted, and this new feeling, this new urge, was left.
Jacob searched for an explanation and one stood out.
“Oh no!”
He set the gun down beside him, and then slowly moved one hand under his chin and one hand to the top of his head. There was no wound. He sighed in relief. But there was still no explanation for what had happened.
After climbing off the car, Jacob inspected the rest of his body. It was drenched with sweat, but not dirty.
“I was never on the ground. I was not in the sky.”
His mind felt sharp and clear, wide open. In it, he searched again for something rational to explain it all. Nothing came.
The urge within him grew, but it wasn’t a straining urge, like severe hunger or an uncontrollable sex drive. It was more of a calm desire, like magical fascination. He walked around. The sound of a bird drew his attention. The bird was out of sight, but he continued to look around anyway.
“It’s this place. There’s something here. There has always been something here.”
On the other side of the hill of shale, Jacob continued to look around, inspecting his surroundings. Wind whistled and leaves of trees rustled. He stepped toward those trees and the urge ebbed. When he stopped, it started to build up again. As he waited, it took him over and Jacob thought he understood it a little more.
“No, it’s not here.”
Jacob returned to his car and placed the pistol in the passenger seat. He barely noticed the heat as he settled into the driver’s side.
Red dust flew into the air as he backed the car up. His car swiveled as he sped to the exit. There, he stopped. He looked back through his dust-clouded rear window then to the gun in the seat beside him.
“It’s not this place, Jacob,” he whispered. “The tension isn’t going to come back.”
But still, his eyes were on the gun. Jacob slowly let off the brake without pressing on the accelerator. His car crawled through the exit.
On the other side, he stopped and waited for the tension to return. He placed his hand on the pistol. Only a taste and he would be satisfied. Just a tickle of the old stuff and he would know what to do. He wouldn’t even bother hiding again. And he’d put it in his mouth, so there wouldn’t be time to pull it away.
Seconds turned into minutes. Still, there was only the calm and the urge. But he remembered moments of fleeting happiness from the past and how the tension always rushed back in to take things over.
“Forever a pessimist, Jacob. Just a little while longer.”
More minutes passed. In his mind, he searched for the tension. He even tried to make it come. His mind remained calm and his thoughts crisp. The urge grew. Again, he tried to know what he urged for. But he couldn’t place it.
Slowly, he loosened his grip, until he didn’t feel the gun anymore. It seemed far away. He placed his hand back on the steering wheel, satisfied.
Jacob drove toward his parents’ house. As the urge grew, Jacob felt it come into focus. He realized that he didn’t need to look for anything. What he longed for would find him. What he felt was anticipation.
And what he wanted was close now. It had to be, because the feeling was strong.
It wasn’t until he was most of the way back that he saw something that scared him and killed the anticipation. There was a big cloud of dirt up ahead, and he wondered if it was possible that his mom could be coming home already. He knew it couldn’t be his dad, who never came home early on a weekday. And his sister, Tyla, had said she had to work late. But visitors were rare down this road. He thought of the suicide letter he left sitting in the middle of the kitchen table.
By the time he reached the driveway, Jacob could see that it was a white car coming toward him. Both his mom and Tyla drove white cars, his mom a new Bonneville and Tyla an old Caprice. He couldn’t quite make out the shape, but he didn’t think there’ was time to wait.
Trying to rush up the driveway, Jacob spun the tires of his Escort. Seconds later, he looked down at the road as he got out of the car.
Tyla, he thought. She must have gotten off early.
Jacob knew Tyla might think it strange that he saw her and didn’t wait until she came up the driveway to go inside, but he figured that could be dealt with later. He whipped the screen door open and picked up the galosh to get the key, only to find nothing but the dirty back porch floor.
Panic set in as he wondered where he had left the key. He looked under other boots and some shoes too, examined the pocket of his jean shorts, even flipped through his wallet.
Jacob heard the white rocks popping into each other and the low rumbling of the car’s motor. He tried to calm himself. A few seconds later, the memory of throwing the key into the dirt came. Then there was the sound of a car door slamming. Jacob turned and saw his little sister, clad in her work uniform. She pulled the screen door open.
“Hit anything?” Tyla asks.
“Huh. What?” Jacob answered.
“I saw the pistol in the front seat of your car.” She smiled. Yet it wasn’t an accusatory or mischievous smile. It took Jacob a few seconds to put it together.
“Yeah, not much to shoot in the yard. Thought maybe I’d find something at the dump.”
“I like to shoot the rifle, myself. I can’t hit the broad side of a barn with that damn pistol.” She laughed.
“I don’t know what I did with the key.”
His little sister laughed again. “All those brains and you still can’t keep track of anything. I got a key.” Tyla fiddled with the keys in her hand until she found the right one. She reached past him and unlocked the door. Then she walked ahead into the living room.
Jacob followed her as close as he could without being too obvious. Tyla glanced down at the notebook on the table, but Jacob casually picked it up before she got a good look at it.
“Just something I’ve been working on.”
“Oh,” Tyla says, and then headed into the next room.
Jacob hurried back to his car and shoved the notebook under the driver’s seat. He grabbed the gun, then went back inside. With the sound of the running shower coming from the bathroom, Jacob put the gun up. He went to his car and drove back to the shale pit.
Chapter 2
Jacob stood by the hill of shale, smiling, with the key to his parents’ house in his hand.
“You’re not what I came for, but I guess you’ll have to do for now.”
Jacob was disappointed that the anticipation he had felt earlier had not returned. But he was glad that the old tension hadn’t returned either.
He got back in his car, wondering how long the calm would last. It felt like it could last forever. And he wanted to believe that.
Jacob didn’t want there to be a rational explanation for it all. He didn’t want there to be a way to explain away his new found feelings or that he had actually experienced himself rising into the sky and falling to the ground. Jacob knew that bringing sense to all this would mean that none of it was real. And if none of it was real, then it was all temporary and he would have to return to how he was.
Driving along, Jacob tried to envision what his future could be like. He tried to see himself approaching things anew, without the tension that had always haunted him. First, he tried to think of being a student. Then he tried to think of practicing law. But he found that he could not see these things.
But then there was the girl. He thought of why he had left her and why he hadn’t contacted her again. That was something he had discussed with his therapist. He wondered what she was doing and what her life was like. He wondered if she was with anybody.
“I’ll just call her up. Yeah that’s it. Hey, Sonnie, how’s it going? Sorry I haven’t called you for five years.”
Jacob laughed. “She’s probably long gone by now anyway.”
But Jacob allowed himself to engage in the fantasy that she wasn’t gone. And he allowed himself to think that she hadn’t changed. She was still beautiful.
Sonnie continued to occupy his mind right up to when he made the last turn toward his destination. That was when the anticipation started to take him over again. It rose faster this time, and it grew even stronger than it had been before.
Up ahead, something seemed to appear out of the blue. It was a yellow Chevy Nova, pulled off to the side of the road. Jacob stared at the car in fascination as he approached. Then, when he pulled up beside it, his own car’s engine died.
Boiling over with excitement now, Jacob looked down at the steering column. He reached down and turned the key. There was no sound.
He got out of the car, knowing this was it. What he anticipated was here.
There was no one in the Nova, but there were voices coming from below, by the creek. Jacob made his way toward them, thinking that whomever was down there was connected to it all. He would see them and know what the incredible anticipation was all about.
As he came over the hill, his ankle buckled under him and he fell forward. He grabbed two handfuls of grass and his body swung around. Feeling the pain but indifferent to it, he got to his feet. Turning his head from side to side, he scanned what was in front of him. But he only saw the creek. The voices were gone.
“What in the . . .”
He shook his head then rubbed his eyes. Still, there was nothing. A little disheartened, he started to turn around.
“No. I heard them. They were there.”
He waited there for a couple of minutes, hearing an occasional bird and the constant sound of the creek trickling along, but nothing else. So he moved back up the hill.
Jacob thought he might wait by his car for a little while. The owner of the Nova would have to come back sooner or later. But, when he got back up the hill, the Nova was gone.
Jacob stood there for a moment, confused about what to do. Then he walked over to where the Nova had been. He looked for tracks back to the road. But the grass wasn’t disturbed at all.
“I would have heard it leave anyway.”
Jacob got back in his car. He didn’t want to leave. The anticipation, though dwindled somewhat, was still present and still enough to keep him interested. But he didn’t know what else to do.
His hand was on the key, ready to turn. Then the anticipation began to pick up again, as if in protest to what he was doing. He turned the key slowly. There was the electric buzz announcing that the car was coming alive. The engine turned over slowly. It became louder and Jacob knew that it was going to start. Then, in what couldn’t have been more then a couple of seconds, the engine faded off into nothing.
Without thinking much about it, he twisted the key all the way down twice. Both times, there was only the sound of metal. The third time he tried, the switch wouldn’t budge. He tried harder, but it was stuck. He leaned up on the steering wheel to get more leverage. That was when he saw something outside of his car that made him stop moving all together.
The Nova was there again. But this time it wasn’t all there. It was transparent and it faded in and out, like it was trying to come into focus. It did this several times before it finally materialized completely.
Jacob opened his door and listened. The sounds of the voices were still not there. Leaving the door open, he got out and ran back down to the side of the hill. Again, it was just the creek.
“Fuck you!” he shouted, dropping down to a sitting position. There, he sat and waited. Minutes ran by and still nothing happened. Then Jacob thought he heard a noise up above, and he turned his attention from the creek for a moment.
When he turned back again, there was a blur and the creek went out of focus. When focus came back, so did the creek. The voices were there again, but they were so faint that Jacob wondered if they were real or if he was just hearing what he wanted to hear. A dim image began to appear, but only for an instant of a second.
“Hey! I saw you! Come on! You were there! You were real!”
He looked down at the creek and tried to make the image come up again. But the more he tried to bring it back, the more the creek seemed to be nothing but the creek. So, he relaxed. He closed his eyes and let the anticipation rise.
The more it was there, the more he wanted to open his eyes. But, at the same time, it was very soothing, so it was possible to just let it grow. He waited for it to peak again, for it to get to the level it had just before he saw the Nova the first time. Finally, he felt the anticipation level off. He opened his eyes.
The image faded in and out several times, as the Nova had done earlier.But after a few seconds, they were there, solid and real. It took him just a few seconds to figure out what they were doing.
There were two men standing in front of the water with their backs turned to him. They were pissing in Bull Creek. That was all Jacob saw before light disappeared and it was suddenly night.
***
“Holly shit!” Jacob says, as he jumps to his feet. The voices are still there. They are young, Jacob thinks. But they are not much younger than he is. He can’t make out what they are saying, but he hears one of their drunken laughs. One of them has a flashlight and is moving the beam all around in the trees.
The beam shifts toward Jacob.
Jacob shouts, “Hey! What’s going on?”
They don’t respond. They don’t even seem to notice him. Their voices are getting closer. After a few moments, Jacob is able to make out what they are saying.
“I just don’t understand it, man. Why are we out here? We’re at a party. There’s plenty of beer and girls, and you want to come out here? Help me out.”
“Well, first off. Your dumb, ugly ass ain’t going to get laid anyway. Second, the reason you don’t understand why we’re out here is because you’re an asshole.”
The voices are familiar to Jacob, but he does not recognize them.
“Hey guys,” Jacob says. This time they are close enough that they have to hear him. But again, they don’t respond. Jacob steps toward them. He stops when he notices that his feet do not make a sound when he steps.
One of them comes up even with him. Jacob turns and walks next to him.
“You can’t hear me, can you?” Jacob says.
The man turns, but it’s not to Jacob he speaks.
“Hey, Eric. You want to hurry. It’s cold out here.”
Cold, Jacob thinks. Then he notices that he feels no temperature at all.
“Don’t worry, Stan the man,” the other voice says. “I’m sure your little friends are just fine.”
“Stan,” Jacob says. “No. It can’t be.”
The man beside him opens the car door and the interior light shines on him. Jacob begins to wonder if he was wrong. He thinks that maybe he didn’t pull the gun away before he shot himself. He thinks this, because the man beside him has to be a ghost.
The second man gets up to the car and walks over to the passenger side. “Okay. Let’s get this done, so we can get back to the party.”
Jacob realizes what’s going on and where they are going.
“No, Stan. Don’t go!” Jacob says. But it’s futile. They get in the car anyway. Jacob tries the handle on the back door, but his hand slips through without grasping anything. He stands there shocked by this for a few seconds. He touches his hands to each other. They feel real. He tries to touch the door handle again. Again, his hand goes right through. There is the sound of the Nova’s large engine roaring to life. Jacob jumps through the door and lands in the backseat.
Jacob is in a sitting position, but his body does not touch the upholstery. When the car takes off quickly and fishtails, his body is not pulled and swayed like the other two bodies in the car. He floats along with them.
Jacob recognizes the man driving the car as Stan Wayne. He knows that Stan has been dead for almost five months now. The man in the passenger seat is Eric Hower. Jacob is not sure what happened to him.
Stan focuses on the road, but the car still sways a little. Eric lights a cigarette.
“Don’t smoke right now,” Stan says.
“Why not?”
“Just don’t, all right!”
Eric rolls down the window and tosses the cigarette, then he laughs a little under his breath.
“Stan the man, I just don’t get you. If you’re too damn drunk to drive, why would you want to come out here.”
Eric looks at Stan, who does not answer him.
“Damn it, Stan, you’re just too sweet for your own good.”
Stan makes the first turn and nearly ditches his car. He recovers, but he does not slow down.
“Hey, man. Take it easy. I don’t think those kids are going anywhere.”
“I said I would be there at two o’clock. It’s five till now.”
“Of course.”
Eric is hunched over in his seat. He shakes his head. “So, Stan, make me understand this. Nobody was ever this nice to us when we were in high school. Hell, nobody is ever this nice to high-school kids, especially guys like you and I who haven’t been out of school so long ourselves.”
Stan comes to the next stop. Jacob is sure that he must have cleared the previous three miles in less than two minutes. He thinks about jumping back out of the car but doesn’t. He is fascinated with all this and wants to see its conclusion.
Stan puts the car in park, then turns to Eric, who moves closer to the passenger door.
“All right, Hower. I’ll explain it to you. You’re wrong. Not everyone was mean to us. But I admit most were. And before we had cars, we missed most the action. That was just the way it was. But that doesn’t mean it has to be that way now. You don’t got to keep being a jerk to the kids, just because the older guys were jerks to you. You don’t need it, and the kids don’t need it either. Understand?”
“Yeah, man. I understand. I think it’s a lot of horse shit, but I understand.”
“Fuck you, Hower!”
Stan puts the car back in drive and turns. A little later, they arrive at the shale pit. There are empty beer cans scattered everywhere, but the place looks deserted.
“Look, Stan. Those little punks left without cleaning up. They have no respect for this place, not like we did. We got to stop bringing them out here.”
Stan turns the car, and his headlights shine on a body lying face down over by the hill of shale.
“Oh fuck!” Stan says. “Is that Robert Phillups?”
“Yeah, I think so. I hope he’s all right, because you brought him out here.”
Stan looks at Eric. “You better shut up!”
Again, Eric moves closer to the door. Stan opens his door at almost the same time two kids come from behind the hill. One is a boy. He’s wearing an unbuttoned shirt. A girl follows behind him. She has on a letter jacket, which she holds shut with both hands. She seems to be trying to use the boy’s body to shield her from view.
“It’s Jay,” Stan says, and then he gets out of the car.
Jacob jumps through the door and stands amongst them.
“What’s the matter with Rob?” Stan asks.
The boy he called Jay looks confused. Then he looks over at the hill, where the other boy lies.
“Oh, he’s all right. Passed out about a half an hour ago. But man, some major shit happened out here tonight.”
“What?”
“Oh man. I’ll tell you. But do you have a couple of smokes we can bum?”
Stan turns back to the car. “Hey, Eric!”
“What?”
“Give me a couple of Marlboros.”
“You ain’t given my cigarettes to those kids.”
“Just do it!”
Eric sits there for a few seconds. Then he comes out. He walks up to the kids and extends a hand with two cigarettes. Jay takes them both. He hands one to the girl.
“Got a light?”
Eric holds his lighter out in a fist and flicks out the flame. Jay lights his, then passes it back to the girl, who uses it to light her own.
“Thanks,” Jay says.
“Whatever,” Eric responds, then goes to the car and sits on the hood. He stares at the girl who looks away, obviously nervous.
Jay takes a puff of the cigarette. “You know Jeff Limerod?”
“Yeah,” Stan responds. “I think I’ve seen him around town a few times. He’s kind of a different looking kid, right?”
“Different my ass!” Eric says from the car. “He’s a faggot if I ever saw one.”
“Thank you, Eric!” Stan says loudly.
Eric looks away and smirks.
“Yeah. Jeff’s kind of different looking,” Jay says. “Anyway, he brought some kind of bombs out here. He set one off over behind the hill. Some people cheered, but I think he made a lot more people nervous, because a bunch of them left. Well, then Adrian Cooper told him to cut that shit out and Limerod told him to fuck off. Cooper hammered him one and knocked him on his back. Limerod got up and tried to fight, but Cooper just laughed and tossed him around. Limerod started crying, real pissed off like. Then he took the other contraption out of his stomach pack and said he’d blow everyone up. Man, people got outta here quick as hell.”
“Where did Limerod go?”
“Well, he just sat over by Phillups for a little while. We tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t talk back. He just sat there mumbling under his breath. He finally got up and took off walking across that field.” Jay points off to the west.
“I wonder why he didn’t go towards town.”
“I don’t know, man. He’s a strange bird. I would have tried to stop him, but I was afraid he’d blow me up.”
Stan looks at the field Jay pointed to. “All right, how long ago did he leave?”
“Not long ago. And he was walking slow. I doubt he’s made it across the field yet.”
“Okay,” Stan says. “You two hop in, and we’ll head em off. Then we’ll come back for Robert.”
The two kids get into the back seat of the car. Eric walks up to Stan.
“All right, Stan. Helping these kids I can tolerate. But now you want to go help out some freak you hardly even know.”
“I don’t have time for this right now, Eric. You stay here and look after Robert. We’ll come back for you.”
Eric starts to say something but then throws his hands in the air. He walks over to the hill of shale, sits down, and lights up another cigarette.
Stan gets into his car and Jacob gets in beside him. The two kids are silent during the trip to the other side of the field. Jacob thinks it’s because Stan’s driving is scaring them. Stan drives fast and slows very little at the turns.
On the other side of the field, they find the shadow of a young person. He’s standing on the side of the road. Jay opens the back door and the kid gets in. Like Jay said, he’s mumbling something under his breath.
Stan turns the car around, and they head back the way they came. At first, everyone is silent, except for the new passenger, Jeff Limerod. He mumbles louder and louder. Jacob thinks that he is trying to be heard over the Nova’s engine.
“What’s he saying?” Stan asks.
“I don’t know for sure,” Jay answers. “All I can make out is redemption and Nescata.”
Stan makes the first turn. Then he leans an ear toward the backseat. Jacob wants to tell him to keep his eyes on the road, but he knows he can’t. Jeff Limerod continues to mumble, but now it sounds more like he is chanting. Jacob can also make out “redemption” and “Nescata,” but he doesn’t really care. He is too interested in what he thinks lies ahead.
The last time Jeff Limerod says the words, they are loud and clear. He screams, “The day of redemption draws near, Nescata!”
Stan laughs lightly as he turns back around. But he’s too late. Up ahead, there are two men in front of a pickup truck parked in the middle of the road. They jump up and down and wave their arms.
Jacob hears the girl gasp. He sees Stan jerk the wheel to the left. Jacob jumps from the car. He braces himself to hit the ground. But he does not hit the ground at all. Instead, he’s left standing. He opens his eyes on time to see the Nova fly into the ditch.
Lights seem to go everywhere when the car flips. There is the sound of metal ripping through metal and Jacob thinks the car has hit a barbwire fence. The lights on the car go out.
The two people who had been in front of the truck now move toward the crash. Jacob follows. He stops before he gets there. It’s only shadows that he sees now. But he can see that the car is upside down. He hears their voices.
“Somebody’s moving in the back!”
“Pull them out!”
The two men remove one of the people from the backseat. The person moans loudly, then he says, “Get the girl. Get my girlfriend out.”
The two men take Jay away from the car and then go back. Next, they pull out the girl, who screams. She gets to her feet and pulls away from them. She runs toward where Jacob is standing and past him.
The men run after her. Jacob moves toward the car. He thinks he can hear somebody inside. When he gets beside the car, he hears Jeff Limerod clearly.
“Fuck you! Fuck you! You won’t take me alive!”
Jacob looks in the front seat first. Stan is in the windshield. He’s not moving. In the back, Jeff Limerod chants, “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!”
Only Limerod’s upper body is visible. His legs seem to be caught under the backseat, and he is hanging upside down. His arms are scrabbling madly around his stomach. With one hand, he pulls a small object above him. With the other, he holds up a lighter. Jacob starts to move but is too late.
There is a loud ringing in his ears. Flames suddenly surround him. But they do not burn, and he is not thrown by the blast. He moves out of the flames and sees that the Nova is engulfed.
“Fuck!” one of the men screams as they come running toward the fire.
“Help the kid!” the other screams.
Jacob looks down the road where Jay is trying frantically to crawl on his arms away from the fire. The men get to him and pull him further away.
When Jacob turns back to the car he sees yet another man. He’s tall, dressed in white, and completely bald. He’s standing at the edge of the flame. Like Jacob, he is not burned.
Jacob turns back to the road, where Jay and the men who pulled him away from the fire stare at the mess with dazed looks on their faces. But they are not looking at the man in white.
Jacob turns back to the fire. The man in white looks at him and smiles.
“I come to take away,” the man says.
***
Jacob came to in the daylight, the anticipation gone again. He was still in his car, and he was still at the side of the road. He sat for a few minutes and wondered if he had gone crazy.
“I don’t know,” he finally said.
He turned the key, and his Escort started right up. He moved toward his parents’ home. Driving down that road, he still felt calm, which was something he didn’t understand. He thought the things he had seen were horrid, especially the man in white that nobody else could see and who seemed to be the only one that could see Jacob. Yet the memories of these things circled in his head without bringing emotion.
***
“Hey big brother, come out here and talk to me,” Jacob heard and came to. He had lain down in his old room when he got back. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep but did anyway. A dream had come, but he couldn’t remember it completely. All he could remember was sitting at a desk in his old high school.
He sat up on the side of the bed. His head spun with drowsiness as he made his way to the door. Tyla was waiting at the dining room table. There was a steaming cup of coffee sitting in front of the chair cattycorner to her.
“Tyla, you’re God-sent.”
She laughed. “No, I just know you’re not worth a damn until you’ve had caffeine.”
Jacob sat down and took a sip of the coffee. The spinning began to slip away, like water down a drain.
“So how long you here for, Jake?”
“Oh, I imagine I’ll be here until late next week.”
“Good! I know a lot of people have been asking about you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. You called anyone yet?”
“No. Not yet.”
Tyla smiled. “Same old Jake.”
Jacob shrugged and went back to the coffee.
“Ted Westphal came into the club the other day. I told him you were going to be in town. He’s all excited now. He said Adam Masters was going to be around too and that he’s thinking about putting together a poker game.”
Jacob tried to look excited, but knew his look wasn’t convincing.
Tyla laughed and shook her head. “Anyway, how’s law school coming along?”
“Well, it’s coming. I haven’t flunked anything yet.”
“Do you like it?”
“As much as it can be liked, I guess.”
“Well, at least it got you away from this God-forsaken place.”
She was looking away from him now, and her gaze was spacey.
“Yeah, I guess Nescata had a rough year,” Jacob said.
“Rough year is an understatement. There were so many damn funerals.”
Jacob shook his head. “It seems like every time Mom called me, she was telling me that somebody else had died.”
Tyla didn’t respond. She just kept staring.
“How are you doing?” Jacob asked.
“Oh. I’m okay. It’s just sad. That’s all.” Tears came to her eyes.
“Were you close to any of them?” Jacob asked.
“No. Not especially. None of them were really my age.”
“I guess not.”
“I knew Todd and Gary through you. And I had partied with Stan.”
Jacob sat up in his chair. “When did you party with Stan?”
Tyla didn’t seem to notice his excitement. “Oh, just a few times. It was the year before he graduated. I guess I would have been a freshman. He was such a nice guy.” The tears had started down her face by now, but she smiled anyway. “Boy did he ever like to talk about you. You would have thought you were his idol or something.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“No. You know how people are always telling you the same story over and over when they’re drunk.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, we would all be out at the shale pit. He would always come over and talk to me. He would tell me about how when you were a senior you brought him and a bunch of other younger kids out there.”
Jacob almost spilled his coffee when the memory hit.
“He said you were the only one of the older kids to ever do anything like that.”
Jacob got up and moved away from the table. “No way,” he said under his breath.
“What?”
He looked back at Tyla, who now looked confused as well as sad.
“Tyla, I don’t think I was that nice to those kids. I only took them out there once.”
Tyla shrugged.
“I mean. I just don’t want to take too much credit, that’s all. I was just as much of a bastard as any of the other older kids.”
