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C.C. Saint-Clair

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Morgan in the Mirror
by C.C. Saint-Clair   
Books by C.C. Saint-Clair
· Silent Goodbyes
· Far From MADDY
· Jagged Dreams    >> View all

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Amazon
Book Makers' Ink (publisher)

Category:  Gay/Lesbian/Bi
Publisher: Book Makers' Ink

ISBN-10:  0972678913

Pages: 212

Copyright: 
February 2004

Saint-Clair’s latest novel, Morgan in the Mirror, moves away from her usual lesbian contexts, and tackles the issue of transgenderism – a most relevant matter for the health and survival of humankind because fear of the unfamiliar is part of the global problem of discrimination against ‘the other’.

If our survival as a community is based on our ability to become compassionate, accepting human being capable of caring for each other, even in the absence of understanding, then Saint-Clair tests our readiness by giving us Morgan and the challenge his personal circumstances present to the world.

Gender and sexuality have never been frozen in binary oppositions of either/or, but have always existed as mere stations along a rich and gloriously multicoloured continuum.
Christen discovered this truism after her own surprising heart-connection with Maddy but
can she now accept Morgan, her new love interest, as he stands before her at the mid-point of his trans-gender journey from female to male?






 

PROLOGUE

On their way to the far end of the Queen’s Domain parkland, the five Skinheads had met at the top of Elizabeth Street to ‘glue’ the neighbourhood with posters of OI!HOB, the best local approximation of a punk metal band.

Tall and rangy, number one buzz neatly parted above her left temple by the pale trail of a scar, Morgan feels big. Big inside the flight jacket made even bigger by the large black and white patch of a Trojan helmet sewn on the back. Big inside her oxblood DMs. Purple laces threaded the ‘trad’ way, in horizontal rows, jeans turned up a couple of inches above the ankles, at fifteen, she is the quintessential teen Skin on the prowl.

The tacit understanding being that shaking is never cool, not even from the frosty wind blowing across the park, hands tucked under their armpits for T-Rex and Bag, warmth inhaled from her incandescent cigarette for Morgan, the lads struggle to keep their breath steady. Finally they hear it—Kurt’s signal—the caw of a crow.

T-Rex and Jimmy hiss a satisfied ‘Yes!’

Sucking a cigarette butt too close to the filter, Morgan peels herself off the tree trunk against which she has been leaning. If the bonehead responsible for Fredo’s broken arm has just passed through the north entrance to the park, he’ll come into view any minute now.

 Bag, as in ‘It’s-In-The-Bag’, the fresh cut shuffling next to her, is nervously snapping his braces. Snap. Snap. And again. The tight, popping sound is getting right up Morgan’s nose because she envies the lad’s ability to do it—to snap his braces against his chest—to have them make that clear, sharp, snapping sound. If she stretched and released her own braces, the non-snap would be a thud muffled, not only by the layered combo of T worn under shirt, but also by the binding wrapped tightly over her breasts. 

Surreptitiously, she assesses the new recruit. The skin on the

youth’s skull is opaque-white under the moonlight. If his cut’s more

than a couple of days old, Morgan thinks, she’ll fucken start zig-zagging her bootlaces. Short and squat. Low centre of gravity. Convenient for ducking and rolling. Shit ass for running, she concludes, briefly pondering the whim of Nature. What if I’d had the choice, huh? Tall and dickless or short with a fat one? Mmmph, she groans silently.

 “Hey, punk,” she growls, “ease up on the rubber bands, will ya?”

The lad looks up, lip curled, ready to snarl, but he changes his mind.

Kurt had already warned him: “You do as you’re told, buddy. Fresh cuts don’t flap back, no matter who, no matter what. Not till you’ve proven you’re one of the crew. So, Gumball … Did I hear you say you want to combat that downtown racial shit and all? Make Hobart City minority-friendly?” The boy had nodded eagerly. “I bet you also wanna strut around with Hobart S.H.A.R.P. stitched on that virgin bomber of yours. You do, don’t you?” The lad had nodded again, eyes even brighter. “Sweet! Little dude, sweet,” Kurt smiled benignly. “But no way none of that’s ever gonna happen if you don’t think clear, you hear? If you don’t think and if you don’t follow orders, you’re nothing more than a wannabe gutter punk with no place on this crew.”

On the off chance that generating a little aggro might get her warmed up from the inside, Morgan persists. “Hey, ice-cream boy!” Her eyebrows are screwed up in a convincing glare. “Why don’t you like, run your butt back to The Milkshake Hut, huh, if that’s getting all too scary for you.” The boy looks at her warily.

A movement in her peripheral vision makes her look twice. The mark’s just emerged from the shadows, alone as expected, and despite the distance that still separates him from the group, she can discern the cap worn backwards and the baggy crotch that reaches almost to his knees. 

“OK, guys,” T-Rex cheers quietly, fist held out for a knuckle rap with everyone. “Boot-scootin’ time! So, Jimmy, what say you and me, we move into that two-men pincer thing and what with Kurt closing in from behin–”

 “What the fuck!” Morgan points. “A chick. How come it’s only now she pops in the picture?” She zips up her flight jacket. Even the binding under her T doesn’t insulate her chest from the icy-cold night air.

 “Squatting for a leak?” Bag’s suggestion.

 “Phroar! Bet old Kurt got himself an eyeful, then. Lucky sod.”

 Jimmy blows on his fingers to loosen them up and sticks them back under his pits. The knuckles will feel less brittle when the crunch comes. “That’s ‘bout the only moonin’ he wouldn’t boot back to the moon, I reckon.”

Hearing the girl’s running footfalls behind him, the young male in the rapper gear turns around and holds out his hand. As the girl grabs it, he spins her into a hug.

“Shit. That’s his bitch.” T-Rex nibbles the inside of his lip. The couple is still a good hundred metres away but getting closer. “Never mind, dudes. We fix two for the price of one. Let’s just not hit her in the jugs,” he says, always the gentleman.

Forehead tense, Morgan shifts uncomfortably. It’s one thing being a lookout for the good cause when, as has always been the case so far, the recipient of the ‘lesson in urban conscience’ is a male. It’s an entirely different gig, one she hadn’t previously thought about, if a chick’s gonna be involved. She briskly sniffs back the cold droplet that teases the tip of her nose.

 “T … look. That’s like, not right, that … booting the girl and all. So seriously uncool, man.” Tall and straight, chin tilted for emphasis, she sniffs again. “I say we catch up with him some other time when he’s solo. We got no beef with her.”

The approaching couple is blissfully unaware of the group clumped among the tree trunks. Staccato-fast, T-Rex argues, “She’s probably got the same views as him, huh? If she hangs with him? Am I right or am I right?”

 “No. Not fucken right at all, T. Guilty by association? That’s not one of our Four Points of Challenge.” Morgan moves out of the shadows. “Watch me spook ‘em out of here, T. I just gotta!”

There is one rule of engagement that Morgan knows T-Rex and Kurt will not contravene. ‘When the unexpected happens, desist immediately. Just pull back and disperse,’ Kurt always reminds the new boys. ‘None of that half-cocked, limp-dick action. Never. That’s a sure way to get you, and me, and everyone around, where nobody wants to go—hospital, morgue, or cop shop.’

Morgan lopes towards the couple. “Off you go, fuckwads!” she calls, shooing them away. “Off our fucken turf, you mongs!”

The vision of the Skinhead jumped out of nowhere propels the young male forwards—a flight on the wings of Queen Adrenal. Morgan chuckles quietly at the sight of him—the one hand hiking up the baggies that hang half-way down his butt, the other yanking the girl behind him.

T-Rex catches up with her. “Morg? You cunt!” Breath warm against her ear, he snarls, “What’s with the confusion, huh?” His hand is hard around her arm. “What’s up with you, dude?”

                                       *****

  






Excerpt

In this scene, Morgan is 23 years-old and a post chest-op transman, unbeknowkst to his would-be lover, Christen.
Excerpt begins on p. 18


He says, “I want you.”
She chuckles against his ear. “I know.” She nuzzles him. “Hey …
Morgan … Tell me you have condoms. There’s no way I can make lo–”
His lips are buried in her hair. “Chris … we need to talk.” He
only whispers because he doesn’t dare speak any louder.
“Oh no, we don’t. Talking’s for later. So where d’you keep
them, huh?” She urges him, hand pressed over his groin. “Condoms
… Morgan?”
He moves her hand away from him. “Christen.”
Aware of a shift of energy in his body, she opens her eyes.
“What’s up?”
“Sit,” he says gruffly. “Please.”
She sits but, tugging at his belt buckle, she reaches for him
again.
He detaches her fingers from his belt buckle, steps back,
briefly crosses his arms before taking two steps towards the hallway
and stops, as if in two minds, before reaching in his back pocket. He
flips his wallet open, rifles through it to pull out a snapshot. He walks
back to the sofa and holds the picture level with Christen’s eyes.
“Oh. Great. So why show me this now?” she frowns. “Your
girlfriend?”
He shakes his head and drops his weight in the armchair
behind him.
Christen peers at the fresh-faced woman. “So, who’s the
chick, then?” Tall and thin in a white T, the camera has caught the girl
leaning out of a window. Her hair, in short but loose curls, looks
mussed by a breeze as she smiles squarely into the camera, seemingly
amused by something the photographer might have said.
“That chick … it’s me.”
Christen’s eyes snap to Morgan’s face. “What d’you mean?”
Her lips hold on to the smile as she peers more carefully at the picture.




Professional Reviews

Sound Bytes
‘Morgan ... a likeable and credible character struggling with one of the





most difficult personal dilemmas in the developed world.’ Susan James











‘Passionate connections in sensual, evocative language.’ F.T. Johnson











‘As a young man, as a young stud, Morgan is more than convincing, he is endearing, though a tad on the macho side.





As an FTM, Morgan has guided me towards understanding the edge of the unknown.’ Toni Harmon







Morgan in the Mirror
By J. Dougherty (PHD)





Bookmakers Ink 2004





Available from





www.bookmakersink.com











MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL











Saint-Clair, in her latest novel Morgan in the mirror, tackles the important issue of transgenderism. It is an important issue for the health and survival not only of our own community but also of humankind, because transgenderism is part of the global issue of discrimination against ‘the other’, and our survival is based on our ability to become compassionate, accepting human beings capable of caring for each other and, in turn, our planet. I believe Saint-Clair’s novel contributes towards our understanding of ‘the other’, and any knowledge and experience we gain of those who differ from us diminishes our ignorance and its concomitant fear. We have all witnessed recently in Iraq the horrific human, cultural and environmental destruction which has occurred as a consequence of this ‘innate’ fear being fanned into all-consuming violence.











Although there is a plethora of information on this subject on the internet, there is little, if any, fictional or imaginative explorations. In Morgan in the mirror, Saint-Clair imagines the mind and psyche of Morgan, an FTM, and her exploration engaged this reader’s interest and compassion. In the prologue, the author sets up an intriguing mystery, which is partly solved for the reader in the first chapter, where the main protagonists are brought together and their inter-relationships deftly uncovered. Then, in a series of flashbacks interweaved with present moments, Saint-Clair develops the credible character of Morgan the transman - from the little girl who ‘had blurred even before she was old enough to know what she was doing’, to the young man who comes to terms with the question: what is a man?











Saint-Clair has developed a fully-fleshed character in Morgan, building him layer by layer by means of flashbacks to childhood and adolescence, depictions of his current experiences as a young man working on a building site, and expositions of others’ perceptions of him. The character of Christen was introduced in Saint-Clair’s previous novel Far from Maddy, as the heterosexual police officer who searched for the missing Jo, became involved with Maddy, and consequently questioned her sexuality.











If our survival as a community is based on our ability to become compassionate, accepting human being capable of caring for each other, even in the absence of understanding, then Saint-Clair tests our readiness by giving us Morgan and the challenge his personal circumstances present to the world.











Gender and sexuality have never been frozen in binary oppositions of either/or, but have always existed as mere stations along a rich and gloriously multicoloured continuum.





Christen discovered this truism after her own surprising heart-connection with Maddy but





can she now accept Morgan, her new love interest, as he stands before her at the mid-point of his trans-gender journey from female to male?




















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Reviews for "Morgan in the Mirror"

Reviewed by Lynne Braithwaite 2/28/2004
Thank you so much for writing this fictional work. As another reviewer said: "There is a plethora of Trans information on the net.
Yes, I contribute to it in an effort to educate people.
Most people are intrinsically good, but many people are frightened about things they do not understand.
I like the way you have tackled a sensitive subject and especially the seemingly less well publicised F2M aspect.
Regards. Lynne.
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