Download to your Nook (eBook) Amazon Barnes & Noble.com Golden Tales Category:  Science Fiction Publisher: Zumaya Otherworlds ISBN-10:  1934135461 Type: Fiction Pages: 292 Copyright: 2007 ISBN-13: 9781934135464 Inspector Noah Dane follows a trail of mystery and intrigue that leads him to a conspiracy that threatens all mankind. But he's not too happy about his new partner, a Marilyn Monroe celebudroid. Noah Dane is a mid-21st Century San Francisco police inspector who, while hunting his partner=s killer and investigating a pair of seemingly unrelated murders, stumbles onto a conspiracy that threatens all humanity.  Chastity Blume is a celebrated talk show host known as AAmerica=s Favorite Virgin. who discovers the sinister plot while searching for the mother she never knew.  Along with Noah=s new crime-fighting partnerBa Marilyn Monroe celebudroidBthey lead a cast of quirky characters towards a climax of comically sexy proportions, where all the clues point to an insanely popular new virtual reality experience that=s ABetter Than Chocolate.. Excerpt . . “Okay, you can stay on this case, though I’m going to catch hell for it. But there's one thing.” The captain got out of her chair, walked part way around her desk, and looked through the transparent partition. Noah saw something was bothering her–something she didn't want to tell him. He took the opportunity to retrieve his badge and gun. He didn't feel balanced without that weight in his shoulder holster. “I wanted you to take a breather before you had to deal with this, but . . . I'm assigning you a new partner. Shut up and listen,” she said, stopping him short him again. “You know the rule book as well as I. You've got to be partnered-up. And I'll tell you right now, you're not going to like this. I don't like it either. But it's not my call. This play comes straight from the booth up top. Yesterday's debacle left you a marked man. So you can either stick to the game plan or find yourself back on bike patrol.” “Hell,” wondered Noah aloud, “who is this new partner, some sort of mental defective? I know. It's a troll, isn't it? I'm not working with some alien midget.” “That's not it, though I almost wish it was.” Captain Raevski walked back to her chair and sat. “You remember last year's celebudroid craze?” “Sure. All those robots made to look and act like famous dead people. They were everywhere, hired out for parties, mall openings . . . .” “Yes, well the fad faded away quicker than a lame-armed quarterback. Celebuwares went bankrupt, couldn't pay its taxes, and the city came out of the scrum holding its assets.” “What in the name of Jack Daniels does that have to do with me?” “It was in a local grid poll, didn't you see it?” “I don't vote.” “You should. The public decided it wanted to recoup its losses, and have the celebudroids retrained, or reprogrammed I guess you'd call it, for a variety of municipal tasks. Some jerkoff bench jockey in City Hall decided to see if one of these droids could do police work.” “Don’t tell me.” Without taking his eyes off the captain, hoping for a telltale sign it was an elaborate gag, Noah dropped back into the chair. “Yes. This particular droid has been reprogrammed with complete law enforcement and police academy training. It's passed all the written and physical tests.” “No.” “Now I've been ordered to take it into the squad and make it part of the team. Specifically, I've been ordered to make it your partner.” “No.” “I know. At first I thought it was somebody's idea of a joke too. Now the joke's on you, Dane.” As Noah tried to harness the rather schizoid engrams running amuck in his brain, Captain Raevski did something with her desk screen. A few seconds later, there was a knock on the door. “Enter,” she said officiously. Noah turned and saw the front view of the blonde he'd eyed before. She was every bit as impressive from this angle. Rich honey-colored hair, bedroom eyes, lacquered nails, a tiny mole on her left cheek, luscious lips–though a touch heavy with the lipstick, he thought–and an hourglass figure that cried out for a full-body inspection. She had on this one-piece all white outfit that was belted in the middle and tight in the ass. It covered her from neck to calf and left most everything to the imagination. That was okay. He had plenty of imagination. Then a string of cerebellic goup snapped and he realized he'd seen this tasty pow-whammy before. It occurred to him he recognized her from several pieces of pop art he’d chanced on in some store. The realization slammed him to the mat. “Inspector Dane,” said Captain Raevski formally, “let me introduce you to your new partner, Detective Special Class, Marilyn Monroe.” * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * . . . She'd been inside the institute longer than she thought. It had grown dark–the only illumination the soft coral glow of the streetlights and a single public grid screen pulsing with some marketing inanity across the way. She retrieved her pad from her purse to call for her car, then realized she wasn't alone on the street. A trio of bikeroos, alternately resplendent and ragged in their striking blue colors, leaned on their bikes just yards away. She hesitated with her pad, and as she did, four more gang members coasted to a stop near her. They were all around now, leering at her with countenances both curious and threatening. Some of the faces were so young, she thought, too young to be on the street. Belatedly she thought of activating her pad's emergency link. A bikeroo approached her from behind and snatched the pad from her grasp. “You won't need this,” he said, smiling almost politely. “See what else she's got in there,” called another one, gesturing at her purse with a blade that glimmered in the dim light. The first bikeroo held his hand out expectantly for her purse. Part of her wanted to slap it away, but the part that was in control right now was terrified–terrified and angry. She was angry at herself for being so preoccupied, so stupid as to put herself in this position. After a few seconds hesitation, she handed over her purse. That's when another trio of bikeroos pedaled in, the lead biker skidding to a stop so close she was about to jump out of the way. This guy was older than rest, bare chested except for a fancy vest that looked small on his barrel frame. Chastity couldn't make out the designs, but she could tell his heavily muscled arms were covered with tattoos. She gathered from the way the other bikeroos wavered that this was their leader. He got off his bike, let it drop, and looked her over with deep-set eyes under beetle brows. His stare was disconcerting. Chastity nervously pulled on her pale-lavender skirt and took a step back. The gangster tilted the bright-blue derby he wore back from his forehead and smiled like a kid at Christmas. A glint of silver ignited his grin. “Chastity?” he asked in a gravel-toned voice. “Chastity Blume? Damned if it isn't really you.” Chastity was used to being recognized, but this time she was caught unawares. It took her more than a moment to grasp how this bikeroo knew her name. “I'm mega-fan numero uno. Haven't missed a single program–no, not a single one.” Still flabbergasted, Chastity didn't know if she should feel relief or not. “You dim bulbs know who this is don't you?” Only a few appeared to have caught up with their chief. “This is Chastity Blume, America's Favorite Virgin, a dyed in the bull celebrity. You know, from that show Gridspeak.”

Asimov's Science Fiction
“If Mickey Spillane had collaborated with both Frederik Pohl and Philip K. Dick, he might have produced Bruce Golden’s Better Than Chocolate.”
Asimov's Science Fiction


SF Reader
On the surface, Bruce Golden's new novel Better Than Chocolate may seem banal, some of its plot points even trite. But give it a few chapters and you'll see it's the understated satirical tone of the book which makes it unique. You soon realize there's more going on here than just a search for a cop-killer, and the discovery of a conspiracy that threatens all humanity. There's a subtle undertone of gonzo social commentary inherent throughout.

The book's vibrant characters are both larger-than-life and true to it. Golden hatches his dramatis personae from hackneyed stereotypes, then breathes new life into them by keeping their actions and reactions realistic and plausible. It's a delicate balance, but one which he pulls off again and again.

The characters who populate this mid-21st Century setting include a celebrity talk show host known as "America's Favorite Virgin," a virile, hard-nosed San Francisco police inspector, and his new crime-fighting partner, a Marilyn Monroe celebudroid. Yes, you read that right. The American film icon comes to life in Better Than Chocolate as one of several celebrity androids created for commercial purposes, to look and act like their originals. Comic juxtaposition ensues when Marilyn's original programming seeps into her police work. Of course, as with most artificial intelligences, Marilyn begins to evolve beyond what her creators intended. And though, along the way, she proves an annoyance to Inspector Noah Dane, their relationship evolves as well.

Celebudroids aren't the only manifestations of the future. Golden's vision includes a society where identities are confirmed by an array of biometric scans, cameras are everywhere, and law enforcement routinely uses facial recognition technology. Of course, where such technology exists, there will be always be illegal means of countering it. Such is the case here, with such blackmarket commodities as falsefaces and idisk blinds. Virtual reality is the pop culture addiction of the moment, and while some government agencies use "flying cars," only the wealthy can afford to fuel automobiles in this future. Mass transit is the rule of the day, though bicycles have made a comeback, along with other human-powered modes of transportation. Even the gangs ride around on bikes.

In his previous novel, Mortals All, Golden wove a civil rights theme throughout a remarkably poignant futuristic love story. In Better Than Chocolate he's once again crafted characters that, though they live in a future we'll never see, feel familiar to us all the same. He makes it impossible not to feel their pain.

I rate this book a 9 out 10 because it's such a fun read—not a description you hear a lot, but it keeps you turning pages, and wanting more. The spirit and tenor of the writing reminds me quite a bit of David Brin's Kiln People. But unlike that wonderful novel, Better Than Chocolate is not so much plot-driven as it is people-driven. And, if you don't already know what's better than chocolate, you'll find out as Golden's quirky cast of characters leads you through this science fiction who-dunnit (or, more accurately, who's gonna do it) towards a climax of comically sexy proportions.


Tales of the Talisman
If you could throw Blade Runner, Alien Nation, and Mickey Spillane along with a dash of Glenn Cook's Garrett P.I. series into the literary blender and hit frappe, you would get Bruce Golden's novel Better Than Chocolate. This futuristic police drama is filled with sex, oddball characters, and enough twist and turns to keep any reader entertained regardless if they are a fan of the genre or not.

When Police Inspector Noah Dane's partner is gunned down in cold blood in the line of the duty, Dane becomes hell bent on bringing the killer to justice. With his new partner, a Marilyn Monroe look-alike android, Inspector Dane weaves his way through a future version of San Francisco in hopes of finding any usable clue as to the identity of the shooter. Along the way he is asked to solve a series of other high profile murders which are somehow linked to his partner's killing.

At the same time, Chastity Blume, America's Favorite Virgin, and talk show host is trying to come to grips with her new found celebrity. When her fame and faith starts to pull her in different directions she decides to track down the mother she never knew. When her path eventually crosses Inspector Danes, they find themselves in the middle of a cover-up with the human race's very existence at stake.

Bruce Golden futuristic Sci-Fi cop drama contains something for everyone. With a strange alien race, witty sarcasm, shoot-outs, and a full cast of characters along with a sprinkle of sex mixed in to spice things up, Better Than Chocolate will not disappoint. Police Inspector Noah Dane is one of those characters who is highly addictive, and I certainly hope Mr. Golden is planning his next adventure right now.

I really enjoyed this novel. It is a nonstop roller coaster ride. There is not a lull to be found anywhere throughout the book. Mr. Golden does a great job of not getting lost in the plot, and really letting his characters develop and tell the story. His Inspector Dane is a hoot, and I cannot wait to see what Mr. Golden has cooked up for him next. Better Than Chocolate is an easy book to recommend. Bruce Golden has proved he is a writer to keep an eye on, and I for one am looking forward to his next project.