My Home Town

            Sam stepped outside the huge gate and heard the metal clink as it shut behind him. The sound made him shudder and he hoped he would never hear that sound again for the rest of his life. He stood there for a moment and took a deep breath. The smell was blissful freedom. But still he had mixed emotions. He was angry with himself for getting in this situation in the first place and scared at the same time. Now he had a record that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He wondered if he would ever be free of his past. The last four years he had been behind bars for robbery. He shuddered at the thought of ever going back. He had been in counseling for most of his incarceration and was ready for this day he thought. He was headed east to the small town his sister lived in. They had held off on the reading of his grandmothers will until he was released from prison. His grandmother had never been told about his prison stay. She had a weak heart so the family made excuses for his absence. She had passed away before he could get out of prison. She was gone and he would never see her again. He would miss her terribly and hated the fact that he hadn’t been there to say goodbye. She had been a sweet loving woman with gray hair pulled up in a bun on the back of her head, the grandma dresses and shoes. He could still see her in his minds eye, as she had been the last time he had seen her. They had been very close. Apparently not as close as he thought, or he would have been back, sometime in the last eight years. He thought to himself.  A taxi pulled up in front of him and the guard that stood beside him reached for the back door. He didn’t have much to take with him. Two duffel bags to be exact and the taxi driver motioned for him to get inside with them. He never looked back at the huge structure with the razor wire fence as they drove away. He didn’t need to. That picture was forever burned in his memory. He watched out the window as they drove along. Cars, people, stores and outdoor displays lined the narrow street and he could smell exhaust fumes coming through his rolled down window. He picked up on the smell of someone cooking and saw a café as they drove by. The smell was making his stomach growl. He would eat as soon as he got to the bus depot. The taxi slowly made his way through town as if to give him a chance to look and sightsee. The taxi driver never spoke and Sam wondered if he was scared of him or if he was just naturally quiet. Didn’t matter to him. He didn’t need anyone to talk to. He had his thoughts for company. The taxi pulled over and stopped in front of a large brick building and killed the engine. Sam picked up his two duffel bags and got out. The taxi had already been paid for so he walked inside the bus depot and picked up his tickets. They were paid for in advance to. The woman at the ticket booth handed him his tickets and he stepped back from the window. He tucked his ticket into his shirt pocket, picked up his bags and stepped aside. He stood there looking around. He felt like a fish out of water and he was scared to death. He wondered if it showed to the others around him. He spotted a bench across the room where he could sit alone and walked toward it. The building smelled of diesel smoke and dust. A fragrance he hadn’t smelled in a long time. His mind wandered back to the last time. He took a bus to Kansas City one year for Christmas. That had been a long time ago. He shifted his weight on the bench and leaned back. The wall behind him was cool through his shirt and it took him down the path of more memories. He watched people as they went about their business and took note of the changing styles of hair and clothes. The shoes that a young girl was wearing caught his eye and he wondered how she ever walked in them. The soles were over five inches thick. He must have shaken his head because he heard someone close by say ‘don’t see how they wear those without breaking an ankle.’ He turned to see a man of about sixty sitting beside him. He didn’t answer just nodded his head. He didn’t know what to say. He was afraid to talk. Afraid it would come out with something he said and they’d know where he’d been. He didn’t want that. Didn’t want the talk and the stares. The man beside him didn’t offer any more talk. He had taken the hint and kept to himself. The loud speaker came on and he heard his bus being announced. He picked up his bags and hurried over to the gate and reached for his ticket. He had looked around but didn’t see any food machines or a place to order anything. He would eat the next time he found a place.

            The bus was filled to capacity and he was starting to feel like a sardine not twenty miles into the trip. The man who was sitting beside him kept jabbing him with an elbow and hogging the shared armrest between them. He was getting angry and didn’t want to cause trouble. He looked at the guy with a hard look and pushed his arm off. The guy looked startled and then looked away and moved over slightly. He scooted up against the window and laid his head back. He looked out the window at the farmland and houses, his mind going back in time. He felt his eyes grow heavy and let the hum of the bus lull him to sleep.

            The whoosh of the air brakes woke him and he shifted in his seat and stretched. He wondered where they were and what time it was. They had stopped at a restaurant and everyone was getting off. He waited till the man beside him stepped out in the isle before he stood. He was still hungry. He hadn’t gotten anything to eat since he left the prison. The thought woke him up completely. He walked down the steps of the bus and out onto the asphalt parking lot. The sun was warm on his skin as he followed the rest inside. The bus driver told them all to be back in the bus in an hour. They were right on schedule. He was seated at a table with an elderly woman who looked like her face would crack if she smiled, a man about his age and a young woman probably in her twenties. There wasn’t much conversation, which was fine with him. The waitress gave them a menu and took orders for drinks and Sam eagerly looked for what he wanted. The choices were numerous and he couldn’t make up his mind. The waitress was back before he knew it and he quickly went over it again trying to decide. He heard the others order one by one, and then it was his turn. He shuffled uneasily in his seat and felt the heat rise to his face. The waitress cheerfully suggested the special of the day and he nodded his head. It did sound good. He closed the menu and handed it to the waitress and caught the displeased look on the older woman’s face. He looked away quickly and his eye fell on the man who sat beside him on the bus. He was sitting several tables away but he could hear every word he was saying he was talking so loud. No one was talking at all at his table and for that he was glad. He didn’t want to talk. Suddenly a plate appeared in front of him and he looked up to find the waitress standing beside him. “Thank you.” She reached to the side of her and got the other orders and passed them out, then filled the glasses up with tea and left them to their meal. Sam opened his silverware with shaky fingers. He hoped he didn’t drop anything. He shot a quick glance across the table at the older woman and found her staring at him. He stopped his hands and stared back hoping to back her down. It didn’t work. She continued to stare, which was fast turning into a glare. He looked back down at his plate and picked up his fork hoping to simply ignore her. It only worked for a few bites. He was starving and the food was so good that he forgot his manners. He was eating like there was no tomorrow when he heard her clear her throat. He didn’t look up but tried to eat slower and remember his manners. “Where did you come from boy, a pig farm?” came a voice on his right. The young girl was looking at him when he looked up. He was getting angry now and looked at the other two. They were watching him to. He let his tongue slide over his lips in appreciation for what he just ate and said, “You don’t like the way I eat, then go sit somewhere else.” The old lady snorted and said “why? You too good to have us sit with you?” He felt the anger rise in his chest and wondered if this was how it would always be. “Where did you come from?” The old lady asked. He looked at her long and hard and with the meanest look he could put on his face and said, “prison. Any more questions?” He saw the shocked looks on all their faces and the terror in her eyes. He went back to his meal without another word. He ate the last few bites of his meal then pushed his chair back and got to his feet. He walked out the front door without looking back. The air was warm outside and he slowed his steps and took his time. Letting the warmth of the sunshine penetrate his bones. He looked up at the sky as he lit his cigarette and saw a few clouds.

            The driver was in the bus waiting when he got there. He nodded his head as he passed and the driver did the same. He was already seated when the rest of them came back. Nobody paid him any mind except the three people he had eaten with. The big man in the seat next to him burped loudly as he sat down and never said a word. Rude bastard. Sam leaned his seat back and closed his eyes. If he slept the rest of the way he wouldn’t be annoyed at the guy. He lay there with his eyes shut for a while before he heard the doors shut and felt the bus moving forward. He would be getting off at the next stop.

            The sound of the air brakes woke him once more and he sat his seat up and looked around. He looked up above the driver’s head and saw that this was where he got off. As the bus slid into the terminal he scanned the crowd of people waiting outside. He saw his sister standing in back of the crowd looking nervous. She had never come to see him while he was in prison. She said she didn’t want to see him that way. He understood. He hadn’t wanted to be there either but he had been given no choice. The bus came to a stop and the doors opened and several people stood to leave. He reached into the cargo area above his head and got his two duffel bags and stepped into the isle across the mans feet who sat beside him. He made his way to the door and down the steps, wondering what he would say to his sister. He pushed his way through the throng of people and when their eyes met he saw an accusing look in her eyes. His steps slowed and his gut tightened in apprehension. Now what, he thought to himself. He had contacted her by phone and asked her to meet him here. Now he wished he had just made it on his own. He didn’t know what to say. She walked toward him as if she was in a hurry to get this behind her. His gut was like a rock now he was so tense. "Are you ready?" she asked. He nodded his head. She looked at his two meager bags and frowned. ""Is that all you have?” Again he nodded. She shook her head and turned to leave and he followed behind her.

            They never spoke until they were out on the road headed for her house. “The attorney that handled granny’s estate and will is meeting us at the house. He’ll be there just about the same time we are.” He wondered why he was coming. He knew granny had passed away but all she owned now was her house and car and he figured she willed that to somebody else. She had some money stashed away. Maybe she left Kay, his sister, and him some money. He shot a sideways glance at Kay and found an angry expression on her face. “If I’ve put you out to come get me I can get out. I can hitch-hike or walk.” She let out a growl between clenched teeth and he wondered why she was so angry. “Why did you get in all this trouble and get yourself thrown in prison? Do you know how hard it was to keep that from granny? She knew something was wrong and that was hard on her.” He felt like a jerk for what had happened anyway and his sister wasn’t helping. He didn’t answer and he saw Kay look quickly at him then sigh. “She missed you you know. She always asked about you and how your job was going in Alaska. It was so hard to lie. She knew we lied, she just didn’t know why.” He was feeling about as low as he had ever felt in his life. He didn’t know what to say. “So what’s the lawyer coming for?” he asked. “He said it’s something about the will. He wouldn’t say what. Everybody she named in the will will be there. She reached for her purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and shook one out, then put it in her mouth and searched blindly for the lighter. After fumbling for a moment she pulled it from her purse and lit the cigarette. He noticed her hand tremble as she lit it and wondered again if it was anger at him or if it was the lawyer that made her angry. He reached in his pocket for his own cigarettes and lit one up. They drove in silence for the rest of the trip. She didn’t live far and that was even better. She told him that none of her kids knew he had been in prison and her husband was ok with it although he didn’t approve of what he had done. Said he believed in starting over. He knew this had been hard on his family. Hell, it had been hard on him to. He wished it had never happened. It would never happen again. He would make sure of that.

            She turned the car onto a country road and bounced along the narrow trail. He wondered how she even got out in bad weather. The road was dirt and had to be impassable in rain or snow. The narrow road curved and stretched through pastureland for about a quarter of a mile and ended at the house. It was a sprawling white house in need of minor repairs like painting and mowing. He saw three kids come running out the front door. They stopped and stared at him when he stepped from the car like they were afraid of him. Well, they hardly saw anyone except for their parents, so he figured that was why. He didn’t have to worry about it. He didn’t intend to stay long.

            There was another car parked over to the side of the gravel area used for parking. He guessed that it was the attorney. Kay led the way to the house and told the kids to play outside until she came to get them. They nodded their heads and scampered off. The littlest one was barely able to keep up. Kay opened the door and motioned for him to follow. The living room was large and well furnished. Toys were stacked neatly in a box next to the fireplace and a big overstuffed sofa sat along the opposite wall. He took the first seat he came to which was an easy chair sitting right by the door. The lawyer was seated in a similar chair against the wall to his right. He was the typical businessman with his gray pin striped suit and properly manicured nails. His hair was impeccably groomed with not a hair out of place. He nodded but didn’t speak. Kay went to the front door and looked outside then glanced at her watch. The others were late for the reading. She looked at the attorney who sat impatiently waiting to get the show on the road. Sam shifted in the easy chair nervously and watched the others. They all seemed to be nervous. He heard gravel crunch outside and knew the show was about to start. The lawyer pulled some papers from his briefcase and prepared his speech. A brown envelope lay on top of the stack.

            His Aunt and Uncle walked briskly through the door and hurried to the sofa and sat down. They too looked nervous. They were the last ones to arrive. The Attorney cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention and then opened the brown envelope and pulled out the contents. “I was given a list of people to contact that needed to be here today, but I have no idea what is in her will. This will be as much of a surprise to me as it is to you. Whatever her will says will be done.” With that said, he opened the letter with shaky hands and began to read. Sam was listening as all the jewelry, what knots and such were read off and given to certain people. He was still wondering why he was here though. The house was mentioned next and he about choked when he heard his name called as recipient. He glanced around the room in total shock. Everyone was staring back at him with shock on his or her faces as well. The Attorney read on quickly. The money came next and he gasp out loud when the amount given was also attached to his name. He was now getting angry looks from everyone. He finished up with the car. It was his to. He was so nervous he fidgeted in his chair and tried to ignore the glaring looks that everybody in the room gave him, including his sister as well. Well, it wasn’t like he knew what was coming. He was as shocked as anybody. The will was done and the lawyer rose to his feet and came to stand in front of Sam. He held out a set of keys and handed him a paper in which he needed to transfer the money, house and car into his name. He simply nodded his head, took the paper and set of keys and watched him walk away. The only thing he needed now was a ride to his new home.

            The harrumphe from his Aunt started everybody talking at once and the roar soon became deafening. Some were yelling insults at him and others were yelling at each other. Sam got up and started out the door. He needed to smoke and he had already been told that he couldn’t smoke in the house. The warm air greeted him when he opened the door and the silence was golden. He had never been one to argue anyway and now sure wasn’t the time. His grandmother had gotten what she wanted but nobody else had and the fighting over it had just begun. He didn’t want any part of it. He could have been happy with nothing because it was his grandmother he wanted, not what she left behind. He ran a hand over his face and lowered himself to the middle step of the wide porch. He sat there trying to absorb it all and was brought back sharply by the slamming of the screen door. He jerked his head around and looked behind him and saw his Aunt and Uncle rushing toward him with an angry look on his face. The Attorney went by next in a hurry. He looked like he was glad to be out of there. He wished he could leave to. All of a sudden the mass confusion that was in the house earlier, was now outside with him. His sister came to his rescue and told every one to stop the arguing. The will was legal and was done. They needed to go home and deal with it. His sister never looked at him. In fact it was like he was invisible. She walked back in the house and he heard the screen door shut behind her. He pulled the paper out of his pocket and began to read.

            He was deeply engrossed in his paper from the lawyer when he felt someone sit down beside him. He glanced up startled to see his sister sitting there. “What are you gonna do now?” she asked quietly. He studied the paper in his hands for a moment then said, “I guess I’ll try to find a way to get to my new home.” She nodded and asked him if he planned to sell it. He shook his head. “Not right away. I want to see about the repairs and live there for a while and get my life back on track first.” She nodded again and told him that aunt Bessy was willing to buy it from him if he would sell it now. She had wanted it for a long time but their grandmother wouldn’t hear of it. He slowly shook his head. “No, I’m keeping the house. I don’t know about the car. Don’t even know if it runs now or not, but I’m keeping the house.” He looked at his sister and saw her smile. “It’s what grandma would have wanted.” He could still see a bit of anger in her eyes but now he was sure it wouldn’t last. She would get over what he had done and they could all move on with their lives and forget this had ever happened someday. “How will you get there?” She questioned. “I’m not sure yet. I thought about a rental car but I don’t know if I can get one. If not I’ll take the bus and get as far as I can then hitchhike the rest of the way. I’ll make it.” He saw her frown out of the corner of his eye and knew she didn’t approve of the last part of his statement. “I can see what I can do. I might be able to take you there myself. I’ll talk to Logan about it.” He nodded his head and they fell silent for a moment. “Will you be ok?” He nodded but didn’t talk. What else could he do? He would survive somehow. He wished she would go back to what she was doing and leave him alone. After he didn’t say anything for a minute she got up and went in the house. He sat there where he was for a long time sorting out thoughts and making plans. The sky was growing dark and the air was cooler when he got up and went inside. The relatives were all gone now and the kids were in their rooms. He found Kay and Logan in the living room talking. He didn’t know where his room was yet or he would have headed straight there, instead he went in and sat down across from them as quietly as he could and crossed one ankle over his knee. Logan spoke to him and tried to talk but it was all about prison and what it was like, and he didn’t want to talk about it. He finally managed to yawn and they both took the hint and said they would talk tomorrow. About the same subject he guessed. Kay led him to a room in the back of the house and told him he was welcome to stay as long as he liked. He nodded, but knew that he would be gone as quick as he could. She said goodnight and as she turned to go she asked, “will you go back to the way you were?” He looked up with a look of surprise on his face and she added, “ I don’t want you living in grandma’s house and doing what you did. It’s disgraceful.” His look of surprise turned to one of anger and she started to apologize. He waived his hand to stop her. “If you only knew what it was like in that place you wouldn’t ask that, and further more, what do you intend to do, sue me for the house because of a mistake that I paid dearly for?’ She almost started to cry and said, “no, the house is yours, I just want you to live right in it.” He gave a curt nod of his head and said, “I will, thank you.” She shut the door behind her when she left and he sat down on the bed and pulled off his shoes. He would get a good night sleep and he would see if he could get to his new home tomorrow. He lay down and closed his eyes.