Long ago when real heros walked the land.... adventure/fantasy/humour - all you need for a fun read.
The Grand Whizzarde needs Rambusco's pet (huge dog like)garwolff for some 'special' magic. He is escorted by two argumentative Dwarves and meets a young Aruther on the way. So many adventures - you're going to have to read the book to find out!
There is a 'meanwhile back at the ranch' section. His wife, Drangora and mother-in-law have a great deal of trouble with a breakaway tribe of rebel Dwarves. They too have a lot of fighting to do before the end of the story.
The excerpt is part of their tale.
Excerpt
CHAPTER 10. More fighting, a little confusion, and Grandma cuts a deal.
Joy was not only unconfined, it was running riot. The victors returning to the Summer house were so full of uppity that the leaves on the trees they passed almost curled in the fog of euphoria. This lasted till they arrived, and started to do the ordinary things, like washing, getting supper ready, and making room for the new members.
It was Feltfeet who first made a normal, rational comment; to no one in particular, “Do you think Drabdrub will be very upset when he finds out what we did to his bread and butter pudding?” It was one of the cooks who replied.
“Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.”
“Now we know why they made you a cook,” said Grandma.
“When we were busy getting supplies out of the store, I didn’t take much notice of what you were doing with the salt. You put some in the bread and butter pudding, didn’t you?”
“And the broth,” said Feltfeet.
“Oh boy. Oh boyohboyohboyohboy”
“O.K. We’ve heard all that. So tell us what it means.”
“There is nothing, and I mean nothing, in this world that Drabdrub loves more than bread and butter pudding; and you have….. ohboyohboyohboyohboy.”
“Salt is good for the system.”
“In bread and butter pudding? Oh b..”
“Don’t start that again. So, you think he might be a bit upset?”
“Upset? He’ll be incandescent with rage.”
“He’ll be what?”
“Flaming mad”
“O.K. so he’ll come looking for us?”
“Definitely,” and he started to look very worried, “I bet he’s on the way right now.”
Rearwind’s eyes widened, “Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.”
“Don’t you start.” said Grandma.
“It seems we have two choices,” said Drangora, “we either wait here, set up some traps, and some sort of defence; or we can run.”
“Run!” said Rearwind.
“Where?” asked Feltfeet.
“Anywhere, and as soon as possible.”
Grandma spoke up, “Now, now, don’t panic, I’ve got a plan.”
“I hope it’s better than Rearwind’s,” said Drangora, “which, if you must know, I’m almost in favour of.”
“I said, don’t panic.” As Grandma glowered at those around her. “With a little bit of luck it’ll take them a while to find this place, they are sure to go to our cave first. So I might just have time to get the forest elves involved.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” asked Drangora.
“It’s the best I can do on the spur of the minute.”
After different ideas were aired, an early night was quickly rejected; which upset Rearwind. He wanted a couple of hours sleep, more or less, then a very early morning run, in any direction. Grandma managed to stop the idea of going home just because it was easier to defend. “I have an idea,” she said, “if it works out, we may not have to do any defending.”
“Sounds good to me,” said Feltfeet, “I don’t want to back out of a fight, but, if we don’t have to…”
Rearwind agreed, “Fine by me.”
“This had better be good,” said Drangora.
“And quick.” Said Feltfeet.
“Right”, said Grandma, “this is the plan. First, we stay here. When that rogue finds out who owns this place, he won’t dare touch it, or us.”
“You sure this friend of yours is top grockle?”
“Definitely. He leads the biggest tribe of dwarves, anywhere.” She took a deep breath, “Problem is, well, you see, dwarves never, ever interfere in each others troubles, fights, or whatever. This means that he won’t fight for us; but, he won’t let anyone harm us when we are his, er, guests.”
“So we don’t really know exactly how safe we are here?”
“No, daughter dear. Which is where I come to the second step.” Another deep breath gave her the chance to see how they were taking things up to now. “I’m going to see that family of elves who live near the great tree.”
“Elvish devilish, that’s what you always used to say. Anyway, elves never actually help anyone.”
“But they dearly love doing someone a bad turn. When they hear my story, I think they’ll be upset enough to give a certain dwarf a thick ear.” She looked around at the small band. “We can be a pain in the begonias to him, but if it came to a straight fight, we would be very lucky to survive. Now, I’d better be off, I want to get there before bedtime, certainly before the midnight hour.”
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