A collection of stories, events and humorous observations from the life of author Gerald Darnell.
A Florida native, Gerald grew up in the small town of Humboldt, Tennessee. He attended high school and was a graduate of HHS class of 64. Following graduation from the University of Tennessee, he spent time in Hopkinsville, KY, Memphis, TN and Newport, AR before moving back to Florida – where he now lives.
The stories and events included in the book span times from pre-high school to his now retirement in Longwood, FL – near Orlando. As an avid hunter and fisherman, many of the events involve activities and stories from his personal outdoor adventures. As a business executive, and extensive traveler, he gives us some playful observations accumulated from the millions of miles he traveled across the US. As someone who loves animals and adventure, he offers thoughts and observations that are probably outside most reader’s imagination.
Not a ‘tell all’ narrative, real names and real people are included. If you know the author, you might find yourself – or one of your adventures – included. If not, I’m certain you will find a real familiarity with the stories and the times chronicled in the book. A must read if you enjoy hunting, enjoy humor and can laugh at yourself – while others are laughing at you.
Excerpt
PLEASE DON’T WAKE ME UNTIL IT’S TIME TO GO
FORWARD
Truth and reality are always more humorous than fiction. What follows is, for the most part, both true and real – I hope you will find some of it funny. I may have borrowed a tale or two from some of my friends (you will know who you are), but most is true and accurate – at least as I remember.
About me. Well I have always wanted to be James Bond – why not? Not Superman, Batman or some other cartoon man, but a REAL man. Forget all the women, this guy could do it all. Fly planes, fly helicopters, fly space shuttles, operate all types of underwater craft, drive big boats, small boats, submarines, classic cars, and even lunar landing vehicles. He could ski better than any Olympic athletic, dive underwater without the aid of oxygen and sky dive (sometimes without a parachute). He could disassemble, assemble and shoot every type of weapon known to man. I assume he spoke over 35 native languages because he never needed an interpreter. Knife throwing, sword fighting and all oriental fighting methods were second nature. He knew every wine, every entrée, every desert and he played all musical instruments – along with card games that I can’t pronounce. Hell, he knew EVERYTHING. What a guy.
Several years ago I wrote a story about a duck – from the ducks point of view. Outdoor Life published my story and sent me…$300 I think. I also sent the same story to Ducks Unlimited. Not only did they not publish; they wrote me a crusty letter along with their “No Thanks”. Obviously they didn’t appreciate ‘real life’ mixed with some humor.
I started this by just writing down adventures. It quickly got out of hand. As I got into writing I realized that it was impossible to tell everything – at least tell everything so readers would understand. I have omitted a lot – so those not named be aware.
I write like I talk, as you read the narrative remember it is story telling – from a storyteller’s voice.
In my quest to do everything, I have probably done very little. But I have had some fun trying. Perhaps in writing my exploits to share with others, I can both relive those adventures and pass some small humor along to others.
Some names were changed to protect the innocent – but there are few innocents in the pages that follow.
For a time, I perched myself on a flat rock, comparing my life with the Guyandotte River. Just as its tributaries replenish it daily, changing it in some small—sometimes great—degree, so have the day-to-day occurrences of life changed me. Like the ri
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