This is a follow on from "From Brigands to "V" Bombers and tells the story in diary format of the transition to "Lynne" (12th May 1989-31st December 2001)
LIFE BEGAN AT 60
LJ Braithwaite BEM LSGCM & Clasp RAF Retd.
Born 1st July 1934
I have, like my father, always kept diaries. It has allowed me to, over the years, to take a rational look backwards and see where my life has taken me.
The reader can take a look into the first 60 years of my life as told in "From Brigands to V Bombers" in which I told of my youth in the Lake District (N W England) followed by the best part of 40 years in the Royal Air Force.
With the momentous change in my lifestyle (that in my inner self I knew to be inevitable), the writing of my diaries became essential to enable me to try and make some sense of what, at this time in my life was happening to me.
For anyone of a doubting nature who would despise or sneer at Transsexual people. Please be aware that this route through life is not taken lightly. It is not to "Cock a snoot" at society, or to challenge authority, or any other misguided / misinformed reason.
It is a route that is chosen for you at conception and as my father said when I told him at 82yrs of age, about my situation "If that is what nature intends then best you learn to live with it". Can I say here and now. It was a better answer than I ever got when asking all the so-called experts the question: "Why me at the age of 59.5yrs"?
Transsexuals have been around for hundreds, possibly thousands of years. Mother Nature is not an exact science, and science is revealing more and more as time goes by what a lottery life is. Not just human, but all life.
Trans People are not seeking to change his or her gender identity. What trans people are trying to do is find a way of presenting their gender identity in such a way that the rest of the world will understand.
So my diaries have played a crucial role in my development. They have allowed me to try and make some sense of what has and is happening to me. I wasn't intending to go public but so many people have asked the same questions over and over again that I decided to go public with them.
The diaries are real, the situations are real and are about my life.
Regards.Lynne.
Excerpt
CHAPTER ONE
THE MOVE UP NORTH
I have bought the house at Heysham. It is not in the Lakes I know, but I cannot afford the prices up there. However I can see the mountains across the bay.
Friday/Saturday May 12th and 13th 1989
With the help of one of my neighbours who is a retired furniture removal expert and a rental furniture van I moved all my goods and chattels from Waddington to Heysham.
We loaded the van on Friday and I left my car in their large yard. Saturday morning we loaded the remainder of my bits and pieces and I said farewell to my family. We made good time and had an uneventful journey. We did however stop at a transport café for a bacon buttie and a drink. On arrival at Heysham the van was unloaded and we then drove back to Waddington. The van was returned to the rental company and I got a rebate, as I wasn't using it on the Sunday. I had a meal at my neighbours then said farewell to them and drove back up to Heysham in my car. By the time I got back I was shattered. I also got a polite warning off a policeman for speeding across Greyhound Bridge at Lancaster!
Monday 15th May Decree Nisi today
July 1st 1989 Official demob day
July 4th 1989 Divorce absolute (Also Independence Day in the USA)
For the remainder of 1989 and also the years 1990, 1991, 1992 and the beginning of 1983 I was much too busy to maintain a diary.
However a lot of work was done in the house and garden. The garden was a major undertaking. My new partner worked extremely hard in the house whilst I also concentrated on getting my business "LJB Models" up and running.
Over a 3year period I manufactured some 125 master models mainly of aircraft, all of which were included in the catalogue. These ranged in size from 3grams to 220grams. Tie tacks to 5" Span Special presentation models. The charms and tie tacks numbering some 53 models were available in sterling silver or 9ct Gold. The most popular of these by far was the Vulcan.
Presentation models of which there were some 56 were on average 40mm wing span or length depending on the model. Any a/c that in real life had variable geometry wings could have the wings soldered at whatever angle the customer specified, I would then solder the under wing stores on at the correct angle.
The "Top of the range" models were the "Special Limited Edition" series of which there were only six. Vulcan BMk2, Victor KMk2, Canberra BMk8, Sunderland, Spitfire Mk5 and the RAF Sentry Mk1 (AWAC). All were serial numbered and mounted on a Westmorland Green Slate base with a silver nameplate. The whole supplied in a varnished wooden transit case. One-off commissions were undertaken by request. Models made include a "Volvo front end loader unit" and a "Aveling Barford Grader".
In 1991 I was recruited as a member of the local Air Training Corps (ATC) Civilian Committee which I really could have done without at this time. Now spending a lot of time up at Dad and Mam's helping out with jobs and keeping the peace! Also in this year I formed the "Longlands Avenue Neighbourhood Watch Scheme. (More unpaid work!)
July 21st 1991
Dad and Mam came to stay with us for a week. They seemed to enjoy themselves. Dad gave me a lot of help to build the new workshop. Took them both home on the 26th July.
1992/93
Still very busy. Models, Garden, ATC, Neighbourhood Watch etc. Then disaster! The recession has hit me hard. The first thing people stop buying in a recession are "Executive Toys" and let's face it that is what I make! In the end I am compelled to wind up the business. Had talks with the accountant, Bank and the DSS. At least I do not owe anyone anything. So at the age of 59 my business has gone. I am totally despondent and fed up. There are other things lurking in my head that I really do not want either and it is not doing my new relationship any good either! I am now registered as unemployed as of the 1st March 1993. It is not a good feeling.
During April whilst my other half was away visiting relatives I found myself giving way to some of the thoughts that I have been having for a while, but had always been able to put them out of my head and tell myself that I was being silly. I know deep inside that all is not well. When my other half returned we had a very difficult discussion. She knew there was something wrong with me and said "I am not the man she married anymore".
During a conversation when we first met we had both said that if one was not happy in a relationship then it was better to get out of it. The upshot was she said she wanted a separation so I agreed. My mind suddenly cleared and went into overdrive. My innermost feelings have gone haywire! I feel as though the "Cork has come out of the bottle and the Genie has escaped". All the previously subdued feminine feelings have come to a head. WHY? I cannot give a reason or logical explanation. All that I do know is that I am fed up with my male lifestyle and want an end to it!
****************************************
Chapter 3 page 304
Friday 7th June 96
Got up at 08.00 showered and dressed. Then into the dining room for B'fast. I would like to have had the full menu. BUT it's a light diet for me today. Had a chat with Bill and John the owners. I then walked down to the shops to get some cards to send up north. I also got a good street map of Brighton to post off to Lynda for her to use when she and her mum come to collect me in ten days time. Sat on the prom and wrote some of the cards. I was quite surprised how scruffy the place was. I then made my way back to the guesthouse and posted the cards and Lynda's map at the same time.
By now the time had got to 10.30 and I decided to make my way up to the hospital. Bill called me a cab and I said my farewells to them both. I arrived at the Nuffield at 11.00. I couldn't believe my eyes when I walked into the reception area. I was convinced I had arrived at a "five star hotel" by mistake. It is out of this world. I was made most welcome by the reception staff and given a drink and asked if I would mind waiting, as my room wasn't ready yet. I could hardly complain, as I was an hour early for my appointment. I had a surprise card waiting for me from Fiona. I was shown into my room (No23) at 11.45.
Its "BRILLIANT". I had just got my case unpacked when lunch was served. Consommé soup and jelly only for me. Carolyne is my personal nurse. She's great and I felt quite at ease with her. I was given my first enema at 12.15. (Picolax) It worked in a big way at 14.30. Another Picolax at 16.38. This one didn't take so long to work and kept me busy going to the loo for a while! I also had a visit from Mr Hoyle the anaesthetist at 15.30; he almost fell off the bed when I told him about my PE in Feb. He was not too impressed at all.
But I explained to him all that I had done to put Mr Royle in the picture. The upshot was that I had my surgical stockings on by 16.00! Dinner was served at 18.00. Same soup and jelly! I had just finished eating when Mr Royle arrived for a chat. It transpired that he too had not been informed of my past history and was to say the least a bit miffed. I did all I could, getting the LRI to send copies of my treatment in Feb to Dr. Reid for him to pass on.
He has also made it clear that he considers the full op to be too big a risk for me to take, owing to lack of "RAW MATERIALS". The risk of a prolapse is going to be too high. So I said to him I would leave it entirely up to him as the expert. I also said that if I ended up with Non Invasive surgery I would be disappointed but not distraught. After all it is my mind / brain that I am reconciling not the rest of the world. So I completed another consent form to cover whatever happened.
I could see he wasn't very happy about the whole situation and he was doing quite a bit of reckoning up and asking me questions about what had gone on. It was fortunate that I had my diary of events from that time with me. In the end he said." Well one thing is certain, we will have to do your op for you". He then smiled and said see you tomorrow and departed. I asked for a sleeping pill, then at least I will get a night's rest, and it's an early start tomorrow.
Saturday 8th June 96 "THE BIG DAY".
Up to the toilet at 04.00 and again at 05.00. Wakened by the nurse at 06.10. Shower, stockings, gown and knickers on. Cleaned teeth. "Pre-Med" at 06.50. Load of pills, Premarin injection. Removed Hair, teeth and jewellery. Put on surgical cap.
Going to theatre at 08.00. Can't remember leaving my room, but vaguely remember the anaesthetist talking to me, and remembered his face quite clearly later in the day.
I was back from theatre at 12.40 and starting to come round by 13.00. Surprise, surprise! A lovely display of flowers from Edna. Well I have had non-invasive surgery after all. But it is really in my best interests, so I can accept what has happened at the moment. How I come to terms later is of course a whole different story. Slept most of the time. Had a visit from Dr Karenza Adams (House Dr who is South African) A super person to talk to!
Jack Kelly was a child performer, son of New York model, Nan Kelly, brother of actress, Nancy Kelly, brother-in-law of actor Edmond O'Brien and cinematographer Fred Jackman, Jr. On TV, from 1957 until 1962, he was James Garner's brother on the show,
The story of Ron Hull, paralyzed in a surgical accident back in the dreaded polio epidemic days, was able to overcome most of the stigma and stereotypes and "pass for normal" for 30 years. As Ron's paralysis increased gradually through the next 20
