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Smashwords
Category:
Self-Help
Type: Non-Fiction
ISBN-13: 9781452393216
Let 's face it,school doesn't prepare for life.
Do you know how to:
- manage your mind ?
- appreciate what you have ?
- raise your self esteem ?
- be successful ?
If the answer is ''no'', then you need this book.
drop out of high school , at a pace of 3 500 per day. Most dropouts feel that what they are taught in school is irrelevant to their lives.The bottom line is that, contrary to popular belief, school does not prepare for life. It is every individual's role to make sure they fill in the gaps and rise to the challenges that await them.That is why Jamila Diallo wrote 'You don't learn that in school'.
Every year in America,1.3 million students
Excerpt
Introduction
One day, the school principal called me into her office.She sat me down and told me: '' you look depressed. You should try to be happier '' . I wished that along with the advice, she also gave me the manual, a how to guide, anything.I wished the teachers taught us to be happy, unfortunately they don't. I wished I learned the important stuff, the tools that would help me better my life.
Instead of that, I was deep in third degree equations and irregular verbs I didn't even use.I wanted to learn the things that mattered, that would make a real difference in my life.I wanted to know how my mind worked, how my emotions work.I wanted to explore that wonderful machine called human being. I wanted to know myself, to find what truly mattered to me so that my life could have meaning.
I wanted all that so much that I quit school.To me, it was impossible to both continue school and go on my quest. I had to choose. I wanted to give it my 100 %, not just my spare time.And I did. This book is the result of that commitment.I want to share with you what I have learned because it has accomplished wonders for me.I hope it will accomplish wonders for you too.
Chapter 1 : Managing your mind
The ancient Greeks believed that men were mere playthings to amuse the Gods. If the fancy took them, the Gods could wreak havoc in men's lives and delight in their struggle. The Arabs believe in fate, ''maktoub'' which litterally means '' what is written ''.In other words, the scenario of your life is already written. Your life happens to you, you have zero control over it. There is nothing you can do about it, you do not matter. You're an object.Well, you are not an object. You are the creator of your own life. You stand at the centre, you are the main character .That is what the Law of Attraction states. It says that you matter, because the thoughts you think everyday create the events in your life. So if you want to control your life, you need to control your mind. It is that simple. Thoughts lead to actions, so if you want to change what you do, you first need to change how you think.
Whatever result you are experiencing right now has its root in a thought.Your thoughts create your experience of life, they colour your perception of what happens to you.That is why it is crucial you gain control of them.Because right now, they are running wild , scot-free.You are not running your mind right now, your mind is running you. The tail is wagging the dog.But with practice, that can be changed.Each and every one of us can master his own mind.You need to become a good mind manager.That is the only way you can find true, lasting happiness.
1- Quiet the mind
Six years ago, my life was a living hell. What I didn't know was that I was making it hell.I kept going into my horror cabinet and replaying in my mind scenes were I was hurt .I couldn't stop hearing the mean things people had said to me. I didn't know how to cope with the anger and nasty images in my head. I used to be so angry I smashed things to the floor, hoping that it would relieve the anger but it didn't.And that made me angry, and sad. It was like a vicious circle, I never seemed to be able to stop the pattern. My mind was spinning out of control.I had to do something about it.From the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep at night, we never stop thinking.Our mind never shuts up! On average, we think a staggering 50 000 thoughts per day !Try this : try to stop thinking for a whole 5 minutes.I can guarantee you will only last a few seconds before the first thought pops into your mind.
And the worst part of it is that most of those thoughts are negative.Research shows we think a lot more negative thoughts than positive thoughts.'' Why did I do that? '', '' I will never make it, Nobody respects me'', etc…Negative thoughts have a direct impact on how we feel.They make you feel bad, limp, not good enough. That's because thoughts generate emotions.It is impossible to feel an emotion without first thinking the corresponding thought.So the equation is : thoughts create emotions.So, if you want to get rid of a negative feeling, all you need to do is to stop the corresponding thought from entering your mind. It's that simple.We want the thoughts that create havoc in your life to stay out.I want you to stand vigil at the door of your mind.I want you to get involved because this directly affects you. This is your life, this is no rehearsal. The time is now.
I know so many people who take up something to give up a few days later. Don't do that, bettering your life is done one step at a time, and this is the first step.Meditation is the best way to quiet the mind.It will help you stop that incessant chatter that goes on in your mind.Think about it, wouldn 't that be great ? Wouldn't it be grand to eliminate an obsessive thought, the one that keep coming back to torment you? So start taking action. Find the time to meditate every single day. I mean every single day. No, I am not joking.I know you are busy and have a ton of things to do but surely you can find 5 minutes to spare in a day , can't you ?Start to meditate. In the beginning, 5 to 10 minutes a day are enough to start the momentum.You do not need a master's degree to start meditating. I mean, it's simple. Plus, it doesn't require any specific equipment, so you don''t have to spend any money on this.
Sit on a chair or lie down on your bed , place a hand on your lower abdomen and breathe deeply.Most people do not breath, they either gasp or pant for air. They take shallow breaths from their upper chest.Place a hand on your belly, that's where the action is.Inhale deeply ,watch your hand rise , hold for a second then exhale.Take 10 of those deep breaths .Then shift your attention to your body.Relax your body from head to toe. Focus on your sensations. Feel your body in contact it the chair or mattress.Then, focus on the sounds you are hearing : someone in the other room, birds singing, car passing on the road, etc…Be present to what you are living right now.If any thought crosses your mind, don't judge it or try to fight it, just observe it.By doing this ten minutes a day, you will grow more aware of the functioning of your mind.Gradually, you will think less disempowering thoughts and you will be able to meditate for longer periods of time.
You'll feel more centered, and poise will become a second nature.Another thing you need to do to quiet your mind is managing the images in your head.Thoughts are images, when we think about something, we immediately picture it in your mind.When you fall pray to anxiety and fear, here is what to do: shrink the size of the image you are seeing. Watch it grow smaller and smaller. Imagine yourself staring down at him, till the image is no higher than your big toe. See your self as huge and that image as ridiculously small. How does that feel? It certainly takes care of any fear. You do not have to live in fear or worry. They are just the result of an undisciplined mind. When you feel afraid, it's simply you created an image of you failing, losing, etc…You are expecting the worst. If you transform this image to one where all goes well, you cannot feel fear. Make it habit to transform the images of fear that cross your mind. Stop, close your eyes and visualize things happening as you want them to. This takes discipline, but that discipline goes a long way.
If you do it, fear will gradually disappear from your life. Which is an incredible result. The second benefit is that you will develop a new pattern: that of expecting the best instead of the worst. Whenever a distressing thought crosses your mind, refuse to go back to your old ways. Take a deep breath and tell it to go away. Do so as long as it takes, until it doesn't come back anymore. Disciplining your mind is no easy task. You need to stand vigil all the time, 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. In the beginning, I felt overwhelmed: how was I to monitor the thousands of thoughts I had every day? The task seemed daunting, but somehow I knew that it was crucial. Every night, when I went to sleep, I felt like I had received a sound beating. I had never been so exhausted in my entire life. And the next day, it was back to the grind.
But, it totally paid off. Today, I am unable to worry. That pattern has been eliminated from my system. I just don't know how to do it anymore. It's amazing. So, it is not science fiction, it can be done. You can do it. You can get rid of your anxieties, fears and worries. Instead, you can choose faith, hope and peace. So, I suggest you do some mental cleaning up. During meditation, try this: visualize yourself sorting all the clutter in your mind. Put all the thoughts you do not want in a plastic bag. Put all your fears and worries, problems in there. When you're through, imagine taking the bag out to the curb where the trash collectors haul it into their truck. Watch your negative thoughts go away, tucked away in the truck. Wave goodbye, this is the last time you will be seeing them. Another technique I use is to write all my negative thoughts, tear up the paper and throw it in the trash, where they belong. This sends a powerful signal to these thoughts, they get that I do not want them. So, they stay away from me.
Do not be overwhelmed by the load of negative thoughts you have. You do not have to get rid of them one by one. There is an easier and faster route. Behind every thought, there is an underlying belief. By getting rid of one belief, you can eliminate dozens of corresponding thoughts.
2- Getting rid of negative beliefs
Thoughts are relatively easy to get rid of, they float in and out of our minds every minute of the day. Beliefs are different, they lie at a deeper level. While thoughts are transient, beliefs are more permanent. Plus, they take on an emotional value since they were instilled in us by our family and background. That's why they have so much power over us: since they have been around for so long, we hold them to be totally true. That is what a belief is: something you do not question .Well that is exactly what we are going to do now. It is crucial you choose your beliefs carefully and not rely on fate and pray that you were born into a family that passed on good beliefs to you. We do not choose our backgrounds, some of us are lucky and some not so lucky. But even if you were born into a family with poor beliefs, it is not too late for you. Beliefs are not made of stone, they can be changed. And if they cause you pain, make your life more difficult you should change them. You do not have to perpetuate the family history. You have a choice, right here, right now.
Just because your parents believed in something does not mean you should too. Do not the past dictate your future. Our parents are everything to us when we are growing up: they're gods, the Sun and Moon, Dad is bigger than Superman and Mom is the most beautiful woman ever. They guide our first steps and we look up to them. We think they know everything and can do no wrong. But as we grow up and become adults, we realize they are only human. They are not perfect. And they may have passed on to us beliefs that are flawed.
If we were taught from our parents at an early age that people were not to be trusted, that they will inevitably take advantage of you, and if we accept that belief and make it our own, we will experience situations where people will lie, cheat , steal on us.Then,we say '' See ! I knew they were going to do this!''.The truth is it happened because you were expecting it, not because people are bad. There are bad people in the world, there are also good people. To teach a child that ALL people are crooks is terrible, because for the rest of his life he will go out and find people that confirm what Mom or Dad taught him: thieves and liars, cheating spouses, backstabbing friends, corrupt officials, unreliable children .In some families, the belief that all rich are crooks and exploit the poor leads to them living in poverty for generations. Belief in poverty keeps them poor; no one dares to claim he wants to be rich, because being rich is considered bad. Having money would be going against their credo so they remain poor. Which is tragic.
As a child, you did not have the ability or the maturity to say: '' Wait a minute, is that belief true? Are my mom and dad right about this? ''You didn't question the accuracy of what you were taught, after all who were you to contradict the adults? Now that you are an adult, it is your responsibility to make sure you entertain beliefs that support you. The time has come for you to take a reality check to see what your beliefs are and if they steer you in the right direction. Ask yourself this: '' Do I want to pass these beliefs on to my own children? ''. That is the ultimate question. Because if you do not get rid of bad beliefs, you will teach them to your child. Think about how those beliefs have impacted your life, do you want him to go through what you went through? When I asked myself that question, my answer was a resounding '' No''. Even though I do not have children, just the idea of burdening them with beliefs I knew were bad made me sick. It increased my determination to get rid of them immediately.
Please, make a list of the negative beliefs you inherited from your environment :those about yourself, life, people in general, money, relationships, men, women, etc…Close your eyes, imagine yourself walking up to the person who instilled that belief in you .You are holding that belief in your hands, thank him/her and give the belief back. Tell him/her:'' I am returning this to you because I do not want it anymore. I still love you, but I choose otherwise ". Then turn and walk away. Do that with each of the beliefs on your list. Then, write '' I choose otherwise. The legacy stops with me. Amen.'' at the bottom of the page. Tear the paper and throw it in the trashcan. Do not hold any grudges against your parents, they love you and they genuinely thought they were protecting and helping you by instilling those beliefs in you. They brought you up the best they could. They never meant to hurt you, but you may have suffered from those beliefs and the way they played out in your life.
Do not hold any grudges against yourself either, you didn't know, you couldn't know at the time. You are doing the right thing now and that is all that matters. Recognizing some of their beliefs are flawed doesn't mean you do not love your parents anymore. It doesn't mean they were bad parents. It doesn't make you a bad son or a bad daughter. Your parents are hardly to blame, and you shouldn't garner any ill will towards them. They probably inherited those beliefs from their own parents who got them from their parents, etc...They also were victims in this. In the beginning, I was angry at my parents when I realized the effects their beliefs were having in my life. That summer, I didn't come home for the holidays. I couldn't face them. But, I am glad to announce the anger has subsided. So, if you get angry, know it's OK. It's a normal reaction, it will pass. You need to find it in you to forgive them. This is not about finding fault; it is about you laying the foundation for your future. It is about breaking free of a vicious circle.
About the author
Jamila Diallo used to be a straight A student who loved school. She loved learning and everything was fine until she reached college. She had the nagging feeling that something was missing. There was vital information she did not know. She realized that she had merely been stuffing her mind to capacity with knowledge that made no difference in her daily life, but knew nothing about her mind. Since the school system was not delivering the answers she needed, she decided to go out in search of them.She is passionate about helping other people learn those life changing skills too.
Web site: http://www.youdontlearnthatinschool.weebly.com.Find her on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/YOU-DON-T-LEARN-THAT-IN-SCHOOL/356885461998.Follow her on Twitter http://www.twitter.com/janabikad
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