Kindle Edition Amazon Barsetshire Diaries Category:  Humor Publisher: Kindle Pages: 214 Copyright: Aug 16 2013 Price: $2.99 (eBook) Oscar is a Superior with a message. He wants to pass the knowledge on to kittens as to how to train their Longlegs who are of course there just to serve Superiors anyway. Stupid Longlegs just seem to think of Superiors as CATS!!  Oscar is well used to fame. Not just locally in the village where he lives, though of course they think the world of him there, but out in the wider spaces. After all, was he not the star of all the Barsetshire Diaries books? Now he thinks it's time to share his adventures  with a new audience who can be astounded by his training methods to ensure the Longlegs in his life take proper care of him. If they don't, perhaps a swipe of his needle sharp claws will leave a bar code reminder across their shins. Marvel in his wisdom. After all, is he not the most Superior of all the Superiors you know? Longlegs on the other hand seem to think of Superiors as mere cats, houehold pets. They have a lot to learn. Excerpt Oscar gives a gift. My prowl through the grass was successful at early light time. I caught a small running thing. I just knew that I wanted to play with it but that I had promised a gift for 'The Her.' I jumped up onto the ledge of the clearway and though my mouth was full I still managed to call out my success. 'The Her' would not wake and so it was only fair that this gift when through to the him, after all I had asked four times in the dark for my head to be scratched and stroked and he had done it. Not for long enough but he had understood my orders. Especially the last one to open the small clearway and allow me out. Anyway, I walked into his sleeping space calling loudly to him to prepare for the gift I brought. As I jumped up on his platform he woke and slowly opened his eyes. Wider and wider they went. Such strange faces these long legs can pull. I told him of the gift then realising it would be easier without a full mouth I dropped the gift in his lap and explained it was because of his good service. 'The Him' shouted something which I guess was their way of saying thank you and at that moment the stunned gift woke up and ran. These Longlegs can move quickly when they want to. 'The Him' shot off his sleeping place and followed the gift out of the door. Naturally I was close behind. When the gift ran in to the big room with sitting places for the long legs I readied myself to follow and show my prowess again but 'The Him' went in and closed the clearway so I could not follow. I sat where I was left and called out that he had forgotten me. He seemed not to hear and I called louder which made 'The Her' come to see me. She ruffled my ears and opened the clearway but I heard 'The Him' call out to her. Too late I was in. 'The Him' was looking for the gift behind the long seat which was silly as I could smell it behind the thing that gets hot and has fire. I went to get it and it ran again right over 'The Her's' foot. She made a loud noise. 'The Him' picked me up and placed me in the food place and closed the clearway. I was not happy. Why do they let the gift run away like this and then they pretend to look for it when I could take them straight to it. I heard a squeak and was pleased that 'The Him' had learned some of my skills and caught the small running thing. After a few minutes, when I heard a clearway being opened and closed, my clearway was opened. I checked the place where the smell had last been but it was gone. 'The Him and The Her' must have eaten the gift. I was pleased that it had been so well received but why do they not thank me with a few strokes and some food? They seem to be ignoring me apart from some strange looks they send my way. I think this is ingratitude and might not show off my skills again for them. No more gifts until they learn. The Postman’s Foot. I'm not greedy. I'm sure you're far too clever to be taken in by silly rumours that sometimes I wolf my food down too fast. It's just that I get hungry. After my period of hunting in the dark-time, I came back through the clearway and found that my 'The Her and The Him' had filled my dishes with fresh chicken. I was hungry, very hungry, as the hunt had not gone well. I tell you this so that you Longlegs will understand that when I started feeling sick, it was the food's fault and not mine for eating it at speed in case it got away. My stomach started rebelling against me and I made the sound of wanting to give the food back. 'The Her' grabbed me round the stomach and ran with me. This did not help at all. The Him opened the large clearway and I was ejected unceremoniously. Unfortunately my flight came to an abrupt end as I hit The Him who comes daily and puts things through the little hole in the clearway. We were both startled but he more so as my stomach had decided now was a good time to eject it's contents, all over the removable paws of The Daily Him. I scrambled to gain my footing and shot off to admire the flowers in the garden from inside a large bush, but from where I could hear loud words from the clearway as The Daily Him and 'The Her' talked. I saw 'The Him' come with white stuff and start wiping down the Daily Him's paws. Things quieted down a little and The Daily Him left, I could hear him talking quiet words all down the path. 'The Her' threw water all over the place where the infected food had left me and turned to go inside. I shot in before the clearway was closed against me. I did not think the long legs would understand about my illness but I was wrong. As I launched myself onto 'The Her's' sleeping place she came in and offered strokes as I heard her saying "Poor Oscar" and other things I don't understand. I lay back and accepted my due. Now all I have to do is hope that Ginger and the others don't hear of my flight or I'll never hear the end of it. Sock it to me one more time. I like to sleep on the long legs sleeping places. Sometimes with them and often without. I also have a sleeping place they gave me which hangs from a warm place and a secret, quiet place of my own. Or it was secret until today. My 'The Her' was scratching her claws with something that made a lovely sound and I liked the movement. Back and forth, back and forth. I liked it so much that I jumped onto her legs and rubbed my head against her paws so she could stroke me. As she did so I grasped the scratch thing in my mouth and ran. She called after me but not very loudly and I heard that funny hiccuping sound again that they make when happy. I could hear her telling 'The Him' something to make him hiccup too. I took the 'borrowed' object to my secret bed but it did not move back and forth for me. It just lay there even though I played with it a lot. After a while I rested. Later on as I walked through my home I saw something interesting in the small place with a seat. The clearway was open and near the fountain where I sometimes get a drink was something long and hard with a wonderful smell. The hole where the smell came from was too small to get anything but the very tip of my tongue. It was annoying but I knocked it to the ground to play some more. As I jumped down I landed on it and a long worm ran out of the small hole. I pounced but my claws went straight through it and my paws were covered in the white sticky with a nice smell. I soon tired as it did not play with me and decided to walk away. As I did so it was funny because my paws were left behind wherever I walked and yet they stayed on my feet. I could see them, and I walked in a circle and so did they. 'The Him' came towards me but he did not hiccup this time. I heard my name in a roar and ran. 'The Him' followed and caught me up with his long legs just as I reached my secret sleeping place. He roared again as he saw where I was, and my bed. "Socks" he shouted, "My socks" he shouted even louder, and started pulling my bed to pieces, lots of pieces, lots and lots of pieces as I had found that his removable fur for his back paws was very very soft and nice to sleep on so I had 'borrowed' some. 'The Her' approached to see what was wrong and there were the hiccups I liked again. They were so loud that even 'The Him' had to join in and at last he rubbed my head as I deserved. As it is now a good hunting time I will not be telling my stories every day. I hope you will forgive me for this but I must find lots of gifts for my Longlegs. The New Girl in Town. It was light-time and I had been for a walk in the green stuff and to talk to my friends. Ginger was in a good mood and didn't want to fight though he didn't want to talk either so Tiger, Gizmo and I had told our stories of this disappointment we felt in our Longlegs. None of them seemed to show the proper gratitude for our hunting skills and for the gifts we brought. Tiger who is the largest amongst us had even brought back a flying hunter that hooted too close to him, to his Longlegs and they had made loud noises at him before shutting him away. They must have eaten it though because it had gone when they let him out again. Typical Longlegs. We were joined by Smokie, a new lady who had only just moved to the homes. As she approached I'd heard Ginger start to purr in a 'notice me' kind of way but she ignored him and came to talk. I saw both Tiger's and Gizmo's ears perk up but they pretended not to notice her arrival. They're both quite young and still need to impress. Smokie didn't seem to notice and just asked whose ground we we're on. I said this was a place we could all come without fighting so she relaxed and asked how the hunting was in the dark time. Everyone spoke at once to tell of the time they had done this or nearly done that or what gifts they had won for their own Longlegs. Even Ginger told of the time he had nearly caught a brush tail though I noticed he didn't tell that it was only a cub. Smokie looked and sounded impressed for a minute and then started to wet her paw to wash herself. "And who lives in the big place" she asked, pointing her nose in the direction of my home. "That's mine" I replied, " would you like to see it?" "Love to" she said. "Come on then" I told her as I walked away , and yes I swaggered a bit. After all, she hadn't asked the others where they lived. I jumped up to the open clearway and told her to follow me, which she did. "Welcome" I purred. It's difficult not to be impressed by such a pretty young thing. First place I took her was my dishes to offer her some food. She accepted gracefully and by the way she ate I would say gratefully too. Then I showed her the sleeping places of my long legs and told her of the way I liked to wake 'The Him' at early light to open a clearway. We we're just on our way to the place where my Longlegs sit when the clearway opened and there was 'The Him' now. I was about to tell Smokie who this was but she had turned and run, I turned back to 'The Him' and he had jumped back at the sight of us. "You scared my friend" I told him and putting out a paw I swiped him. He jumped back another step and fell backwards over the side of his sitting place. As I saw his legs in the air I didn't stop to laugh as I thought maybe I'd gone a little too far. My name was roared and that told me maybe I was right. I turned with as much dignity as I could and swaggered off to find Smokie. She had retreated to the open clearway. She explained that she didn't have much trust in Longlegs and with a purr goodbye and thanks she was off. I was not pleased at all that 'The Him' had spoiled the visit but I purred that she was welcome anytime and turned to get some food. After I ate I went back to the sitting place and 'The Him' was there talking loudly and I know my name was mentioned. I ignored him and jumped up onto the legs of 'The Her' and started purring until she scratched me behind the ears and started purring in her own way back at me. After a while I might even sit with 'The Him' and let him stroke me just to show him I'm a forgiving master.

May I Present Oscar, the Superior
The book "Memoirs of a Superior" succeeds where so many other books fail - it makes a cat communicate with us in an entirely believable way. I have read many books told from the point of view of an animal, and this book stand above and beyond most of them. As a matter of fact, I can think of only one that could be compared - and this is high praise indeed - "The Fur Person" by May Sarton, an acknowledged masterpiece in the genre. Nothing else comes to mind that could be termed as good as Oscar's story.

Anyone who had met this fabulous cat before in the other delightful books by Lord David Prosser, knows that Oscar is really the master of the household. Oscar himself has no doubt of it, and he runs the lives of his "longlegs" in a despotic though kindly way, as a "superior" should. If you never met him before, not to worry... he will let you know exactly what he thinks, in no uncertain manner.

I also want to touch on the language, which is extraordinary. Oscar's "voice," choice of words, and style of narrating his story are wholly consistent, so much so that you would be able to feel that indeed, a cat is sitting at the computer and typing or dictating to his beloved slave. New definitions like "superior," "longlegs," "dark time" "sleeping place" and "clearway," among many others, are used so brilliantly that you feel and see the way a cat feels and sees. When Oscar is outside, I could hear the "things that rustle in the grass." When Oscar notices the delightful scent of food, I smelled it with him. His views on veterinarians, rats, dogs, or catteries are perfectly in line with his distinctive personality and he would not mince words - why should he? He is a Superior, with a capital S.

Oscar's adventures are sometimes suspenseful, sometimes very funny, and always entertaining. I highly recommend this book which, incidentally, has no age limit. Any animal lover, of any age, would love it, and if you are not an animal lover, well, Oscar may just convert you... Enjoy!
Ilil Arbel. New York