Two men walked into a bar. They decided to save the state of California and they almost succeeded.
A king maker in the little town of Claremont decided to solve all the state’s problems, so he took a hardcore Republican, dressed him in Democrat’s clothes and got him elected governor of America's most liberal state, all the while pulling his puppet’s strings from a barstool. Things start to improve quickly especially after the legislature went on strike leaving Governor Jim’s hands unfettered. The National Guard did a great job of implementing the governor’s plan until the president can’t take it any longer and tries to have him assassinated. Then there is that little surprise from Jim’s checkered past that he could have never seen coming. Golden State Blues is a riotous and outrageous spoof on the sorry state of the Golden State.
Excerpt
Jim had a clock that received updates from the Strategic Air Command’s atomic clock deep within a hollow mountain somewhere in Colorado. Amy ushered Major General Edwin Murdoch into the governor’s office as the second hand reached zenith precisely at two o’clock, or as the general referred to it, “Fourteen hundred hours.” The general saluted. Jim returned it smartly and walked around his desk to shake the man’s hand.
“Thanks for coming, General. Please have a seat.” Murdoch started to sit in the intimidation chair. “Take this one, sir, it’s more comfortable,” Jim gestured to the other chair.
Murdoch sat and crossed his legs. “Governor, when the Commander in Chief calls, I jump. How can I help you?”
“I just thought it was a good idea to get to know each other, sort of size each other up. There’s a lot going on in this state that I don’t rightly approve of, and if I’m going to get some things done around here, I need to know who I can count on.”
“Governor, you can absolutely depend that, in times of crisis, whether it’s an earthquake or an insurrection, the California National Guard is your personal army.”
Jim wanted to laugh and slap his knee but he managed a slightly restrained grin. “General, when you walked through that door, I knew I had my back covered. Let’s talk a little about hard assets. What kind of firepower have we got here?”
“Sir, we are the Army. When you call we show up in armored personnel carriers and tanks. If you need air support, my counterpart in the Air Guard can give you Cobras, fighters and we’ll even get you drones if you need them.”
“Let’s hope it don’t come to that.”
“Naturally, but it pays to be prepared.”
“Couldn’t agree more.”
“May I ask, Governor, is there something specific you’re concerned about?”
Jim sat back in his chair and said, “The things I intend to get done are going to stir up more than one hornets’ nest. Could be riots. No matter what, I intend to preserve law and order and protect property. Could be I’ll need more manpower at the border, too.”
The impassive general’s face finally broke a smile. “That is a matter dear to my heart.”
Jim’s grin grew a little wider. “Let’s just say, hypothetically, you all were down there protecting our state, and the feds up and say immigration is their show. Who you gonna listen to?”
“As you know, immigration is federal and they’re rather jealous about it. However, you, sir, are the Commander in Chief of the California National Guard and we are a chain-of-command organization. I take orders from you. Now, that doesn’t say that the President of the United States might not issue you an order concerning the deployment of Guardsmen, but whether or not that order is passed down the chain is your decision.”
Jim looked thoughtful as he rose and walked to the credenza. “Any silly regulation against tasting a little twelve-year-old scotch while on duty?”
“Not for a general.”
Jim gave a tumbler to his guest and resumed his seat. “So how many men you got?”
The general drew a sharp breath and said slowly, “That’s not something I’m very proud to tell. Our quota is twenty-one-thousand, but with Guardsmen being rotated through tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan, recruitment went down and stayed down. We can field only fifteen-thousand today.”
Jim thought for a moment. “Maybe we put together some kind of campaign to get those numbers back up. These days there ain’t supposed be anybody over there but CIA spooks.”
“At the start of the Depression, and I mean the current one, recruitment soared because people were looking for some extra income. Now, they can draw more sitting on their ass and they don’t have to worry about getting shot at by some rag-head bastard.”
“If we put our heads together maybe we can come up with a plan to incentivize those recruits all over again.”
“Governor, you had my complete loyalty before I walked in here but you just got more of it.”
Jim raised a forefinger in the air and pushed the voice call button. “Amy, girl, get a hold of that ol’ rascal, Rauch, and see if he’s looking for a job. I need somebody to work some of that PR magic he was so good at.”
“Good as done, boss. Do you want to see him?”
“If he’s interested, get him in here so I can tell him what I need.”
“Got it.”
“Where’d you find that one?” Murdoch asked.
“Oh, Lordy, did I get lucky that day.”
Professional Reviews
Fabulous Page Turner
Reviewed by Burt Boyer, Bestselling Author of Yes I Can
This marvelous book, superbly written, is the story of a man who sees his state of California and all of its God given glory being trampled on and destroyed by self-serving "public servants,” the police and teachers' unions and decides to do something about it by becoming Governor. Once in office he starts to clean house. He addresses issues such as officials of bankrupt towns paying themselves salaries in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. He fires them. When some reject his dismissal because they were voted into office he finds ways to oust them, cutting budgets he controls, etc. He empties the prisons of illegal immigrants (saving California millions) by sending them to Nevada and Colorado. He is a ruthless dream come true who literally fixes a broken state. His actions that eliminate insane spending fill the State's coffers so well that he is able to remove sales tax and state income tax. Some of the many toes he steps on reach out for help to Washington, D.C. and when the lady president of the U.S. A. cannot reach him (he won't take her many calls) she threatens to cut Federal funding, to which he is able to reply, "Keep your money, we don't need it." California is rich again. In the course of his house cleaning he confronts the Legislators in Sacramento who decide "We'll show him" and leave town and their responsibilities. In the absence of a legislature he is able to assume powers to further clean the mess and crookery. This is not a book for supporters of illegal immigrants and other darlings of the liberal Left. Hopefully it will be an inspiration to some politician who will see that it can be done, that The United States of America can be raised from the dust.
The ending broke my heart, when the Legislators, hungry for their lost power, reconvene, vote for impeachment and are supported by the liberal Left voters and this brilliant man is removed from office. In his absence they begin to re-instate all of the destructive, unaffordable policies he had abolished and by which he had saved the State.
Sadly, the author who writes and thinks brilliantly, is a realist and understands the inevitable. I strongly recommend this book to everyone, Conservatives who'll say "Yeah!!!" and Liberals who might become influenced by the other side of the aisle's thinking. That is, if they are truly liberal.
Farctured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces, Part II satirizes popular children's stories into adult-oriented renditions. FFFF &FF, Part II is also available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble e-book formats.
