Not happy being a parent? Blame the experts, after all they've been blaming you for the past forty years. Not only blaming you, but leading you astray with the myth of happiness.

Raising children has moments of wonder and joy, but it is not a ride on the happiness train. Expecting to be happy or to keep your child happy is expecting to climb Mount Everest in sneakers and running shorts while carrying a gorilla on your back.

Don't buy the happiness mantra. Don't sell it to your child. Instead work to keep fear, pain, and anger from owning you or your child. Learning to own your feelings takes work and in the end neither you or your child will live happily every after.

I refuse to promise happiness. I do promise less fear, less guilt, less shame, less anger. I promise you will fare better when life is hard, you will have greater contentment when life is good. I promise your child will fare better in good and bad times.

Katherine is not only a licensed therapist, former professor, and director of mental health crisis teams, she and her husband have cared for over three hundred foster children. Her suggestions are both clinically sound, but also based on practical experience. She knows what works and what does not work. Moreover, she is on the side of all parents.