Category: Humor Publisher: Christopher Matthews Publishing
ISBN-10: 1938985036
Type: Fiction
Pages: 286
Copyright: Jan 1, 2013
ISBN-13: 9781938985034
A crazy series of Bigfoot misadventures involving a hermit, crypto-zoologist, the FBI, Sheriff and a tribe of Bigfoot. What you see is not what you believe.
Welcome to Big Beaver, home of the Phantom Bigfoot Bather and his many crazy friends. My Book Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe is a ludicrously different take on Bigfoot and his habits. It quickly dispels the Hollywood b-movie version of a cannibalistic female-ravaging monster. My tribe of Bigfoot are so peace-loving they sadly make easy targets for hunters.
This is where Duane-o the no-brain-o comes in. He has dedicated his life to protecting his Bigfoot and their sexy babes by dressing up as the Phantom Bigfoot to distract said hunters. Problem there is not getting shot. But each year Duane-o has to visit the Big Beaver's surgeon to remove yet another slug. Dumbass Duane-o is also the richest guy in Big Beaver and a bachelor which makes him a prime target for most of the women in town. Problem is Duane-o has no idea why women lust after him and he ain’t gonna find out either.
Things get real tricky for our hapless hero, Duane-o, when Olaaa, a pubescent female Bigfoot abducts Beau, the plumber’s seventeen year old son. The FBI are called in after two days of missing Beau, but most Beaverites still think he’s up to one of his Bigfoot abduction pranks.
Now poor old Duane-o has to keep the FBI and Sheriff Lou from discovering his secret. This he manages to accomplish by getting Sheriff Lou and Agent Willis back in the sack after 13 years miserably apart. It takes a while, but he gets there.
My book is a wild ride into the wilds of N California full of sex, beer, partyfests and Bigfoot. If you want to know how Bigfoot get married, what the jooobaaa is used for and the special significance of red berries then read Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe and laugh your socks off.
Excerpt
With almost unbearable excitement, she stared at him unzipping his jeans to urinate. She saw the steady flow of his pee on the ground and against the tree. The smell of his manly essence and muskiness aroused her.
She swished her hips suggestively, cooing, “Woooo-woooo-woooo.”
Behind the cover of the thickets, Olaaa placed each big foot to the ground with extreme care and walked towards her unsuspecting plaything. She stopped behind the leak tree and listened to him zip up his fly. Olaaa breathed heavily with excitement. She licked her lips.
An owl screeched, as if to alert Olaaa’s pale one, but the plaything was a little too happy on the juice to heed the warning of the wise old owl. He belched.
The chosen one called out. Olaaa thought he was calling to her. Olaaa sighed on hearing the pretty pale one’s voice. She sniffed the night air then sniffed her own pungent odor. She sniffed her very hairy, excessively damp armpits.
She snorted nasally with disgust. She smelled like a raccoon’s behind. She needed a good dowsing in the river if she was going to attract her pretty boy.
“Woooooo-wooooooo,” she called her plaintive mating call excitedly into the night.
The unfamiliar calling sound—which was so loud it seemed to be inches from his ear—which it actually was, suddenly warned the plaything. He reacted as if in danger. Before he could cry out, a big hairy hand, pink and calloused, came up to his face and covered his mouth, stifling his scream.
Olaaa was so excited she let out her mating call.
Professional Reviews
Amazon by Rose Crochet
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
Bigfoot, February 3, 2013
Too funny. Well worth the time to read this entertaining tale. A real treasure in my reading library. I thoroughly enjoyed this story.
Amazon by Larry Gray
Feb 04, 2013
Larry B Gray rated it
Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe by Simon Okill is a part comedy, part mystery, part who done it novel, that despite laughing at the title, I really enjoyed. I found that once I got into the book I could not put it down.
The author did a great job in developing a story that at times seemed a little bizarre, yet at those time I would literally breakout laughing. The storyline was well developed and easy to follow. There were plenty of twist and unexpected turns which kept you glued to th...more
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Reviews for "Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe"
Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe has been voted Best British Fantasy Author - Best Amazon Breakthrough Novel - Best Fantasy Creature Feature Book on Goodreads. Also 19x5* ratings and 3x5* reviews on Amazon including peakinf as bestseller at least 9 times.
