Kindle Edition Amazon Crystal Smith-Connelly, Playwright Createspace Category:  Humor Publisher: Createspace ISBN-10:  1475104626 Type: Non-Fiction Pages: 112 Copyright: May 2, 2013 ISBN-13: 9781475104622 Price: $2.99 (eBook) For I Am Zeus: A Collection of Plays About Greek Mythology contains six short plays about the most entertaining of the Greek gods. Join Zeus as he suffers through marriage counseling, makes an indecent proposal to his sisters, and tries to sleep with anything that moves. For I Am Zeus: Zeus tries to pick up a woman at a bar. Master of Disguise: Zeus is reunited with a few of his past lovers...and they are not happy. 'Til Death Do Us Part: Zeus and Hera give marriage counseling a try. Last God Standing: Zeus and God are the final two on a reality show (hosted by Jesus) which will determine who is the most awesome god of all time. Four's a Crowd: Zeus tries to talk his sisters into a four-way. A Greek God Walks Into a Bar...: Zeus hosts a speed-dating night at his son's bar.         Excerpt For I Am Zeus Setting: A bar called Dionysian Delights. At rise: LINDSEY, blonde, 25, and dressed in a tank top and short skirt, is sitting alone at a table for two. As she takes a sip of her appletini, ZEUS, wearing a toga and holding a lightning bolt in one hand and a scepter in the other, approaches her. ZEUS Mind if I join you? LINDSEY I’m waiting for someone. (Zeus sits down and props his scepter and lightning bolt against the chair.) ZEUS I know. You’ve been waiting for me your whole life. LINDSEY Who are you? ZEUS I am Zeus, god of everything. I know, I know, it’s a pleasure to meet me. LINDSEY I’ve never heard of you. ZEUS Sure you have! I live on Mount Olympus, I rule the heavens, and I have a bunch of kids…because I’m great at seducing women. (Zeus kisses Lindsey’s hand.) LINDSEY (uncomfortably) Could you not do that? I don’t even know you! ZEUS All you need to know is that no woman can resist me, for I am Zeus! LINDSEY I’m sure some women can resist you. ZEUS Nope! When I want a woman, I get her…my success rate is one hundred and ten percent. LINDSEY Nothing can be more than one hundred percent. ZEUS When you’re a god, anything is possible… (winking) And that’s why you’re going home with me tonight. LINDSEY No, I’m not! ZEUS Yes, you are…for I am Zeus. LINDSEY I don’t care who you are! ZEUS You know, I own this place. LINDSEY I thought it was owned by some guy named Dionysus. ZEUS Well, he’s my son and I own him, so technically I own this bar. LINDSEY I don’t think that’s how it works. ZEUS Oh, I’m sorry, are you a god? LINDSEY No. ZEUS Well, I am, and I know everything. When you become an omnipotent ruler, you can make the rules. LINDSEY I don’t want to be an omnipotent ruler. ZEUS Don’t worry…you’re a woman, so you never will be. LINDSEY What’s that supposed to mean? ZEUS Nothing, just that women aren’t capable of being good rulers. LINDSEY That is not true! ZEUS I’m not being sexist, but a true leader must rule with an iron fist… (disdainfully) Not a freshly manicured hand slathered in lavender-scented moisturizer! LINDSEY You are sexist! ZEUS You mean sex-y. LINDSEY Whatever. ZEUS In order to be a successful ruler, you must be a manly man who strikes fear into the hearts of all that must answer to you. LINDSEY It has to take more than that! What about compassion or understanding- ZEUS (cont'd) (jumping up suddenly) Look at how strong I am! (Zeus picks up the lightning bolt and lifts it over his head with one arm, then moves it up and down, as if he is lifting weights.) ZEUS (cont'd) I’m not even breaking a sweat! LINDSEY (rolling her eyes) Impressive… (Zeus throws the lightning bolt in the air and catches it with one hand. He sets it down and flexes his muscles.) ZEUS Watch out for these guns…if you’re not careful, you might get shot.

A fun take on a classic character!
A sassy and saucy take on one of my favorite characters of all time, Zeus. Crystal Smith-Connelly has a fresh voice and a knack for creating a host of plays I would love to see in action. A must buy and a must read! -Lena Coleman, actress

For I Am Zeus plays
This is an excellent book of short plays. Irreverent and often laugh-out-loud funny. I would love to see them performed. You need to read this book! -Alice Hambright, poet

Wonderful take on mythology!
A fresh, irreverent look at Zeus and his behavior, written as short plays set in modern times. The opening play, "For I Am Zeus" is a delight, and the others expand from there. These would be wonderful to see performed. -Daryl Hrdlicka, playwright