Magical crisp packets with personalities determined by their flavouring.
Genetic engineering has accomplished many things, one of which has been to create the Super Spud! The humble potato elevated to new heights, creating the most flavoursome crisps ever known to humankind! But that's not all - A magical transformation occurs to all Super Spud crisps not eaten before their use-by date. They take on a life of their own. And so long as they remain undetected by humans, they enjoy life in their own Super Spud cities, take part in major Super Spud sporting events and even start the odd Super Spud war or two. Join Colin, Cougar, Hannibal Vector, Generals Rock, Jock and Strap and all the others in their rollicking adventures. You'll never look at a packet of crisps in the same way again! Fun, quirky and totally original, Michael Diack's debut is strictly for those who are still big kids at heart.
Excerpt
The first thing you need to know is that Super Spuds have magical powers. The scientists who created them don’t know this and neither does the rest of the human population. At the instant the seed is created, the Super Spud is alive, aware, and governed by a set of stringent magical rules. These magic rules have always existed throughout the universe and are not exclusive to Super Spuds. They are there simply to hold the universe in a state of balance and to keep the beings with magic unknown to those without. There are a few ‘believers’ on Earth who are suspicious that Super Spuds are more than just exceptionally great-tasting crisps; but due to the magic rules (which I’ll explain more about later) nobody knows the real truth and the ‘believers’ are simply regarded as mentally unsound. However, Mother Nature was indeed tampered with during those underground experiments and Colin the Super Spud came into the world on the 24th January 2011.
The Super Spud seeds would be distributed from S.P.U.D’s underground laboratory to the finest, most fertile fields on the planet. These fields would be surrounded by electrified security fences, while armed guards would stand watch day and night with authorization to kill any birds that fancied eating the seeds thereby contaminating the luxurious soils with their dirty feet. The high quality and quantity of the nutrients in the soil ensured the seeds reached their full maturity in only seven days. Once mature, the farmers – wearing full body decontamination suits – would delicately remove each Super Spud by hand. The potatoes were then transported to the factory surrounded by bubble wrap and on a blanket of duck feathers, so that their skin wasn’t bruised or damaged. At the factory, each Super Spud was individually hand cut into crisp slices by a diamond blade and flavoured, using a special mixture also created in S.P.U.D’s underground laboratory. Furthermore, it only required one Super Spud to fill a crisp packet; unlike the non-Super Spud crisp packets of the past which you opened to find a measly twelve crisps that didn’t even reach halfway.
Despite being conscious of its surroundings, it is not until the Super Spud is placed within the crisp packet and sealed airtight that its magic power truly manifests itself. Upon being sealed, the foil packaging – through the magic of the Super Spud inside – develops eyes, ears, a nose and a mouth. Visually to us humans, the outside of the packaging looks normal, but that’s because whenever any humans are around the Super Spuds act dead. If the Super Spud keeps its eyes closed, all its facial features disappear and it looks like a normal crisp packet. Only when the Super Spud talks and opens its eyes can you tell that there is something seriously not right with that crisp packet! Even better though, if the Super Spud isn’t consumed by its specific use-by date, then that Super Spud – when safe to do so – can magically develop its arms and legs, and is free to move and live forever, in secret, away from the humans.
Here are the three governing magic rules:
1) At the instant the Super Spud is placed within its foil package and sealed, the crisp packet cannot be opened or even slightly punctured. Otherwise, the magic power dissipates and the Super Spud within dies, leaving only the physical remains inside.
2) Once the crisp packet is sealed, the Super Spud will die instantly if it is heard talking by a human, or seen with its eyes open. If a human suspects it has heard unusual voices, or seen a pair of eyes where there shouldn’t have been any, then this alone is enough to result in the removal of the magic and an instantaneous vanishing of that packet’s facial features.
3) After its use-by date, if a Super Spud has used their magic power to develop arms and legs and it is seen by a human, then it will die instantly. This includes the slightest glimpse, such as a corner piece of the packaging. Even if the Super Spud subsequently acts dead when humans are around, it still dies.
Thanks to these stringent rules the humans remain unaware of the fact that thousands of living Super Spuds dwell secretly among them. Just imagine if the humans found out the truth – there would be absolute chaos! Rules two and three did not apply to animals, only humans, but rule number one was essential in all cases. If the crisp packet seal was broken or punctured, no matter how minuscule, the Super Spud would die. Upon its creation, the Super Spud is well aware of these three fundamental rules, so it is entirely their own fault if they don’t comply.
The last thing you should know is that the flavouring added to the Super Spud determines its personality. The magic power utilizes the chemical properties of the flavouring to create the unique personalities and special attributes of each flavour. Salt and vinegar creates an arrogant persona; steak and spinach seasoning creates a strong, soldier-like persona; and strawberry and cream flavour creates a smooth-talking, chilled-out persona. You’ll meet these three, plus many more, and their respective character traits, in due course.
In the factory, Colin had been randomly selected to be part of a multipack of six Super Spuds, comprising three flavours of two packets each, which were: salt and vinegar, lemon and vanilla, and strawberry and cream – of which Colin was the latter. Once the multipack was sealed, it was perfectly safe for the six Super Spuds to open their eyes, although they still had to whisper to avoid being heard on the outside. After a quick look around, Colin couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw her at the top of the pack looking down at him, the most beautiful lemon and vanilla flavoured Super Spud he had ever seen. This is a bit of an exaggeration, considering he had only ever seen two lemon and vanilla flavoured Super Spuds in his life – her, and the guy below him in the multipack. Nonetheless, Colin fell in love at first sight – literally.
Unfortunately, also placed above Colin and with their backs to him were the two salt and vinegar packets, who were the most egotistical of all the flavour personae.
“I wonder which one of us will get picked first?” whispered Cougar, the lemon and vanilla flavour, who possessed a zesty and likeable persona.
“It won’t be any of you losers. We may not be a fancy flavour, but we still have the best taste and you know it,” said Razor, one of the salt and vinegars.
“Salt and vinegar were created to go together: it’s a fact of science. We’ll definitely get picked first,” said Chalk, the other salt and vinegar flavour.
Despite the fact that being picked first meant they would die first, this still pleased Razor and Chalk as it meant they ‘beat’ the other flavours. Even though the Super Spuds couldn’t move, they could still make facial expressions which Razor and Chalk were maximizing to their full potential by pulling suggestive faces to Lucy, the girl at the top of the multipack. However, Lucy was not at all interested in Razor and Chalk and started talking to Colin to avoid their unwanted attention.
“Hi, I’m Lucy,” she said, softly.
“Hi, I’m Colin, and you’re the most beautiful Super Spud I’ve ever seen.”
Colin knew that was direct, but he had nothing to lose seeing as she might be eaten any time soon, especially given her precarious position on top. Chalk and Razor softly laughed at Colin’s forwardness.
“Foolish potato, talking to her like that won’t work. You’ve got to be mean and show off your foil-wrapped rigidity,” said Razor.
But to Colin’s surprise, Lucy chuckled and replied, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Colin blushed and he became the envy of all the other Super Spuds in the multipack. Razor and Chalk continued making suggestive faces, despite Lucy’s rejection. Colin’s flavouring had given him a handsome face and a trustworthy persona.
Colin’s multipack was delivered to the supermarket and bought by a shopper the very same day. Super Spud crisp packets had a ridiculously cheap price of only 25p per individual pack. They flew off the shelves by the millions worldwide and S.P.U.D. promised to keep the price at 25p permanently. Even with the low price, S.P.U.D. still made a healthy profit due to their crisps’ worldwide popularity. It was universally agreed by food critics that Super Spud crisps were the best taste sensation on Earth, easily beating the food from any Michelin-starred restaurant. Even the world’s most famous chefs didn’t argue with the fact that Super Spuds far out-tasted anything they could produce.
Professional Reviews
Rollick, Wit, and Crispy Goodness!!!
Every great once in a while I decide to take on a book that is outside of the "norm" - one that seems unique, crazy, off-kilter, or even a bit impossible - and this month I chose Michael Diack's The Super Spud Trilogy. Why? Well, honestly, the book blurb mentioned a few of my favorite things: genetic engineering, potatoes (yum-yum!), hidden civilizations, and magic! Sounds strange right? But how could anyone pass up such ludicrous pairings? I had to know how all of these parts came together as a whole, and I was certainly not disappointed! Less than twenty-five pages into the book, I was already giggling at the well-written, wit-filled absurdity, and from there I was hooked, (just like a bag of crisps, you can never eat just one...). I was surprised how original the content was, especially the off-the-wall characters/flavors and the balance between rollick and reality. I never thought that I could sympathize with an inanimate object, but Diack humanized every crispy character down to the last starch-filled bite. I laughed, gasped, and shook-my-head along with my new spud friends, often thinking, "Oh yeah, they're potatoes...", which only made me laugh more. I must commend an author who can make talking potatoes more enjoyable than their giant human counterparts. The well-detailed locale, the hysterical level of comedic violence, the face-palming puns/ movie references, and the quick-paced stories made for an unexpectedly relaxing, yet mirthful read. I could see the crisps' antics in my head - particularly those of Cougar, King Martin, and Colin - and could not help but imagine how great they would look if Disney/DreamWorks/Pixar Animation Studios got a hold of them! The stories were tied together nicely with an enjoyable overall progression, and were very fun and easy-to-read. I actually liked the length - all three books in one - but I thought that there were a few sections that could have been shortened due to overly-descriptive background details. Thumbs up for originality, character development, and proper editing! I am not going to forget this book, and cannot wait for volume four! Recommended to anyone who has ever wondered about the secret life of the potato crisp, or those who crave a ton of great laughs to get through the day!
The Super Spud Trilogy (paperback)
5 STARS!!...... for creativity, originality, laugh-out-loud funniness, and pure, raw, awesome-ness! The Super Spud Trilogy is a book of 3 stories of genetically engineered potato crisps that take on a life of their own when not eaten by their expiration date. They have different personalities depending on the flavor of potato crisps. There are over a hundred adventurous and interesting characters in the story, though most of them experience a sudden or gruesome death at unexpected moments during their wild endeavors. If you refer to the obituary in the back, of the Super Spuds who lost their life in the making of this story, it helps to keep track of the characters and all of the fatalities that occur throughout their adventures.
This is a quick read, with constant humour, dialogue, and action- unpredictable, with twisting plots. I read a large a part of this novel at work during my breaks, and I found myself laughing out loud and then having to look around and make sure that no one was watching me. I was totally surprised by how much I enjoyed this novel, nothing like anything I have ever read. I would also recommend it to older kids or teens. I would love to see this novel as an animated film for adults and children, with a little tweaking to downplay the violence. Over here.... Disney Pixar!!! Or maybe even a late night animated sitcom. Move over "Family Guy"!!! Michael Diack slam dunks it with this debut novel. Looking forward to reading the second novel. Get on with it, Michael!
A fun and imaginative adventure!
This is a very creative and humorous book about the humble potato crisp that is transformed into something magical by genetic engineering. The special abilities of the crisps develop while hidden within their airtight packets, and fully mature after the date of expiration comes due. With arms, legs and personalities as disparate as their flavorings, the crisps embark on a series of adventures. Unless they follow the rules of survival, they will die as any human would. A delightful and imaginative read!
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