Excerpt
Mary Grace, and Olivia Heaven took their places at the kitchen table while Veronica paced, attempting to coax her husband into walking their yorkies.
The only one in our tiny group who didn’t have children or a significant other, I often hosted our D-group bible study and other church events at my Baduga farm. Somewhere along the way, I’d been dubbed the ‘hospitality’ queen. It was true. I loved entertaining outdoors, but put me in a kitchen to throw a meal together and the only thing leaving my refrigerator is a bologna sandwich.
My childhood friends Mary and Olivia realized as much, but when Veronica joined our group a few months ago, she’d proclaimed that she was there to shake things up. She’d definitely done that. A petite woman around five-foot-two, she had more energy than children funneling sodas.
“Honey bear, I forgot all about the meeting tonight. I would’ve walked the boys if I’d had a chance.” She rolled her eyes. “You can do it. I have faith in you. Besides, Jack and ….” She paused and whispered the other dog’s name. “I’m at a church event. What would my friends think if I cursed at the table? Can’t you walk them just this once?” Veronica held up her index finger and mouthed, “I’ll be done in a sec.”
We’d decided on a meet kind of last minute. Baduga Fellowship Church normally steered away from Halloween events, but recent murders in neighboring towns left everyone feeling a little uneasy. With Halloween only a week away and a notable heaviness in the air, the deacons voted for the trunk-or-treat event.
“Cookies?” I set the store-bought options in the center of the table next to bottled water. “Help yourselves.”
Veronica held up another proverbial one-minute finger. Mary tapped the surface of her phone to show that it was 7:12. She had more children than a Romper Room show and lived by alarms and timers.
Veronica could be terribly rude, but as a Christian Southerner, I didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask her to put away her phone. Christianity stood as the only reason that I hadn’t taken my mother’s advice when she recently suggested that I become a bad hostess if I wanted to stop being nominated for parties. Her next recommendation was somewhat extreme. All I needed to do was bake a batch of brownies and slip some ex-lax in the batter.
“Did you get these at the discount store?” Veronica ended her call and immediately reached for the cookie.
“Of course she did. The store is located next to the feed store. As far as I know, that’s her go-to plaza when she shops.” Mary turned her attention to me. “I only have another 30 minutes. The kids have a project due tomorrow and Roger left this morning. He’s in Cancun for business.”
Veronica perked up. “I wouldn’t let Paul go out of the country alone.”
“Roger and I have an understanding,” she said, smiling. “If there are any infidelities in our marriage, the innocent party gets the house and the one who cheated gets the kids.”
“You’re serious?” Olivia bit into a cookie and quickly chewed, definitely thinking about her current situation.
In truth, Mary and Roger had a beautiful marriage and friendship. They were wild about one another and had built a life and family that many considered as the perfectly wedded example. Olivia, on the other hand, probably wouldn’t say the same.
“Where are your children tonight?” Veronica asked.
“Definitely not alone,” Olivia said. “I couldn’t leave my two boys without supervision from an army of nannies. If the twins were trusted for five minutes, they’d run to the neighbors, claim they were home alone, and ask them to call DCS.”
Veronica giggled. “They can’t be that bad.”
Olivia sighed. “Tell her.”
“No comment,” I said. “But we’ll hurry things along. We wouldn’t want Olivia to lose custody of her little darlings.”
She scoffed. “I’d love to lose them as long as I could find them again after an uninterrupted nap.”
Everyone laughed and I grabbed my notepad and took the vacant seat. “As you know, Pastor John and the deacons voted for a trunk-or-treat event. I’m probably not the best one to plan any Halloween occasion. Anyone else want to take the lead? I’ll gladly assist.”
“You’re more equipped to handle these affairs,” Veronica quickly said.
“I don’t have the time to organize carpool, much less a party,” Mary said.
“I can’t,” Olivia deadpanned.
“It’s decided then. How hard could it be?”
Pastor John once said that even large congregations were plagued with minimal helpers. In our church, the volunteers found new ways to escape responsibilities.
“So what do you have planned?” Veronica drummed her fingers next to her phone as if she expected Paul to call back with a pup-potty report. “Whatever it is, I know it’ll be fabulous.”
“We didn’t celebrate Halloween when I was a child so I may need some help with this one.” While my parents considered anything related to October 31st as a pagan ritual, I had argued about collecting candy. Now, I understood my parents’ concerns. This year was the exception and only because neighboring communities couldn’t offer safer options.
I returned my focus to the group as Olivia asked, “Are you okay? You faded out on us.”
Tapping my pen against the notepad, I played it off by saying, “Where were we?”
Veronica frowned. “You were about to tell us why your parents were so cruel. Why would they keep their child from the biggest kid-focused event of the year?”
“They didn’t see it that way,” I said, minimally offended. “My dad was a cop until he became the interim pastor. My mother taught Sunday school. Dad didn’t think he could be a proper example if his children were dressing as witches and vampires.”
Veronica shrugged. “Guess that makes sense.”
“Have any of you ever been to a trunk-or-treat? What do I need to know?”
“It’s easy,” Mary said, not providing anything beyond that.
“Cakewalk,” Olivia added.
Veronica waved her hand. “Just ask Siri. I ask her everything.”
Olivia looked perplexed. “You’re aware that Siri isn’t a person, right?”
“What?” Veronica feigned surprise. “I was under the impression that I had a personal assistant on speed dial. I’m marching down to Baduga Phones tomorrow and demanding a refund.”
I laughed. “Ok girls. Let’s focus. Where do we start?”
Mary said, “I’d probably email all the parents and ask them to commit to decorating cars and handing out candy. Perhaps you can ask each adult to be responsible for their own decorations and treats.”
“Got it.” I made some quick notes then set reminders in my phone. “Let’s go ahead and choose our themes so we can give parents a couple of examples if they need them.”
Veronica looked perplexed. “I forgot to mention this, but I told the pastor we would feed the participating families. I’ll pick up some pizzas. Melanie, I volunteered you for dessert. You always make the best sweets.”
I bought them at the local bakery.
“I’ll take care of dessert,” Olivia said, looking at me. “You have enough to do.”
“Thank you.” I said. “So back to the cars. I’ll do a haunted trunk and use a friendly ghost theme.”
“Gotta love Casper,” Veronica said. “What about you Olivia?”
She thought for a moment. “I’ll keep mine simple. Maybe do something like haunted pirates and deck the trunk out with hidden treasures.”
“I like it.” Veronica leaned forward. “That leaves you, Miss Mary. What do you have in mind?”
“Charlie Brown. We have a bunch of Christmas decorations with the Peanuts characters so I should be able to use some of those and create the great pumpkin theme. Oh, and before I forget, we’ll be handing out fruit and healthy snacks.”
“Of course you will,” Veronica said evenly.
“What do you have in mind?” I asked, almost seeing the wheels turning as she tried to consider options for her own trunk.
“Picture this with me.” She used her hands to frame an imaginary image. “Now remember, this is Paul’s idea. He loves planning for Halloween.” She paused as if she expected objections. Most of the time, Paul’s ideas weren’t appropriate for church gatherings.
“We’re still with you,” Mary said, checking the time.
“Paul will bring our camper. We’ll have it all decked out in two different realms.” Her blue eyes twinkled with excitement. “As you may remember, our camper has two doors, one on the side then one on the end, next to the master bedroom. This concept is doable, in other words. When the kids walk in, they’ll be greeted with heavy metal music, ghostly sounds, and frightening screams.”
“Heavy metal music at a church event?” Olivia shook her head.
Veronica continued unmoved, “Paul also has a fog machine and lots of Halloween décor. Anyway, the kids will spend a few minutes in Hades then we’ll walk them to the back of the camper where they’ll be greeted with florals, heavenly music, and loads of candy, too.”
“I’m not sure about this,” Olivia said, clearly uncomfortable.
Veronica ignored her. “So, what do you think?”
Mary cleared her throat, but then shook her head. Olivia kept her eyes downcast. I was speechless, too.
“I mean, nothing is set in stone yet.” Veronica’s voice held a note of irritation. “But I love the idea. The kids will be talking about it for years to come.”
Mary nudged me with her foot and the table shook. Veronica quickly turned to Mary. “You can speak freely in front of me. Melanie doesn’t have children. Can you think of a better way to scare kids straight?”
“That’s not the point of this exercise,” Mary said crossly as her inner homeschooling mom roared to the fore.
Olivia cut her gaze to me. We both knew Mary as well as we knew ourselves and she’d been praying for tolerance and patience with Veronica, but it looked as if she might need to pray a little harder. She took a minute to regroup and said, “We’re putting together a trunk-or-treat so our church members have a safe place to bring their children for Halloween. We’re not going to traumatize them.”
“Not at all,” she drawled, patting Mary’s hand. “Paul just wants to do his part. He and his friends have always loved Halloween. He acts like such a kid sometimes. I’d really hate to disappoint him.”
“Paul doesn’t even go to our church,” said Mary.
“All the more reason to let him do something creative,” Veronica said.
“Trunk-or-treat is primarily for kids twelve and under,” Olivia pointed out.
Veronica studied her fingernails. “I can mention it to Pastor John. Let’s take it to him. See what he says. I think it’s an excellent idea.”
Realizing the pastor had more on his plate than he could possibly do, I said, “I have a better idea. We’ll help you think of something a little more age appropriate.”
“Did Paul have any other ideas?” Olivia asked in a timid voice. “We don’t want him to feel alienated.”
Veronica sighed. “You won’t like the other one.”
“We might.” Olivia smiled. “Try us.”
“It couldn’t be much worse,” Mary mumbled.
“All right,” Veronica whispered, dragging a photograph from her purse and sliding it across the table to Mary. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Mary peered down at the picture then turned it facedown. “I stand corrected.”
“He’s such a clown, that one,” Veronica said. “Now you see who I get to live with.”
“Yes, well, if I were in your shoes, I’d leave him.”
“Mary Grace!” Olivia gave her a stern look. We’d been keeping one another in line for over twenty-five years, but given the look on Mary’s face, I was inclined to believe that she had a very good reason behind her odd, if not inappropriate, recommendation.
“My apologies. That was uncalled for.” Mary stood and looked at me. “Melanie, we should establish boundaries all the same. This is an event for children.” She pivoted to Veronica. “It’s also a Christian event.”
“Exactly! The bible says not to judge. I can’t think of a better way to show that our beliefs are in line with that expectation than to make sure everyone feels comfortable enough to be themselves!”
Olivia grabbed the photograph, took a quick peek then gasped, and turned the picture over again. After a mix of emotions crossed her face, she nervously laughed. “Of course. It’s a joke. Ha. Ha.”
“It isn’t.” Veronica assured her. “We’re prepared to do one or the other. Paul can host the haunted-to-heaven house or he can do Santa’s Summer.”
“This isn’t Christmas,” Mary said, still visibly upset. “Look at the picture, Melanie. What do you think?”
As soon as I saw Paul dressed in practically nothing, I handed the photo back to Veronica. “I um…don’t really know what to say.”
Veronica fumed. She tucked the photograph back in her purse.
Mary mouthed, “Thank you.”
Olivia pulled her keys from her pocket as she stood. “It’s getting late and I need to go to confessional.”
“We’re nondenominational,” Mary reminded her.
“My dad isn’t. Maybe Father Paul will make an exception. If I don’t, I’ll never get that sinful image out of my mind.”
“How about we work on the haunted camper idea again,” I suggested. “Maybe we could tone it down a bit.”
“How do you tone down hell?” Veronica asked.
“For starters, you don’t give the devil a foothold."