It's like The Dukes of Hazard fight the Evil Dead. Gory, Sexy, Page Turning Fun!
This is the first story featuring the Zee Brother’s, in which they meet the love of their lives, JJ and her magical puppy, Xanadu. They uncover the secrets of an ancient indian curse involving a zombie omelet, wait, amulet. They fail to rescue their first client of the day and end up keeping him as a pet instead.
All of this takes place in the small gated community of Winter Oaks, AZ, built atop the tribal burial ground of the Pakatini Tribe and right next to the county dump. Awakened when the obnoxious president of the home owners association disturbs an ancient artifact, the zombies return from their graves to reclaim their sacred amulet.
Arriving in their extermination truck loaded with weapons and their strangely premonitory Magic 8-ball shifter, the brothers quickly get to work. Bodies and brains explode as they seek the answers to end the ancient zombie curse before it leads to a full on Zombie Apocalypse.
Before it’s over, Jonah, Judas & JJ teach us about Zombie Bondage, Zombie Dental Hygiene & The Wonders of Orgasms and Chocolate, all while trying to survive being the target of an ever growing number of newly awakened dead.
Aided by JJ’s mysterious dog, the brother’s manage to get the amulet, but not before Jonah is marked for death by the Pakatini’s High Priest. It is going to take more than their really big gun, that they affectionately refer to as DeeDee, to get them out of this one.
Filled with nods to zombie pop culture, this tale of Pulp Horror will keep you entertained and leave you smiling.
Excerpt
Part I - Mr. Pembleton
“I’m sorry sir, it doesn’t appear to be a rodent problem.”
“What do you mean? Not rodents? All that scratching and scurrying all night long? What kind of bugs can be making that kind of racket?”
The man from the pest control company looked down and rubbed his name tag, ‘Burt’ with his right hand. “Sir, do you know if this area may have once been home to a graveyard?”
Mr. Pembleton’s brow furrowed. What kind of question was this? “Well, yeah, this whole area was once Pakatini tribal lands. My neighbor Shirley told me there are small family plots buried all over. Just last week, the Hembrooks over on Lancaster, dug up a pile of bones and some kind of am-let thingy. They threw it all out in the trash. Bones in their back yard. Can you believe it?”
Mr. Pembleton stopped there, a sparkle of realization dawning, “Wait, are you trying to tell me there are bones down there and a dog or some feral cat got in ‘em?”
Burt’s eyes widened at that. “Um, no Sir. From the way the earth is disturbed and the scratch marks on the floor joists and foundation, I would say you have a zombie infestation.”
Mr. Pembleton blinked twice. Rubbed his grey and black whiskered jaw and adjusted his false teeth, then asked, “How much is that gonna cost?”
“I don’t know Sir, we don’t handle zombies. We only make living things dead, not, um, dead things dead.”
“Who does then?”
Burt, sweating a little from his brow, broke his stance and started checking his pockets. “We, uh, technically aren’t suppose to recommend anyone, but, um, there are these brothers. They have a little side business and I’ve got their card here somewhere. With the apocalypse coming there’s been more and more of a need for their services.” He was now flipping through his wallet, his pockets having revealed nothing but lint and old cough drop wrappers. He ate them constantly to keep the smell of the poisons he used from making his nose itch.
“Which apocalypse is that? Was it that Nostradumbass fella again? He predicted Hitler and the Obamanation of our country, or wait, I saw one on TV the other day that said George Clooney was the anti-christ and if he sees his reflection in the mirror at the Vatican—”
“Ah,” Burt pulled a tattered business card from his wallet and thrust it at Mr. Pembleton, interrupting his rant. “Here you go!”
Zee Brothers : Zombie Exterminators
Jonah & Judas : Owner Operators
888-867-5309
Ask for Jenny
"We keep the dead, dead."
Burt made his way to the door.
Mr. Pembleton looked up from the card. “Are these guys any good?”
Burt’s hand was on the front door knob. “Well, I don’t know Sir. No one I’ve given their card to has ever called to tell me, I just know they’re a bit...different.” He twisted the knob and swung the door open.
Mr. Pembleton opened his mouth to speak.
“Best of luck Mr. P., no charge for the inspection. Have a Pest Free Day!”
Slam!
Burt scurried down the drive, popping a cough drop into his mouth and breathing in the sweet menthol, never hearing, but knowing exactly what Mr. Pembleton had wanted to ask.
“What do you mean, different?”
Inside, Mr. Pembleton’s eyes drifted back to the card. He shambled off to find his phone, muttering under his breath. “Different, huh? This better not cost to much.”
Part II - The Zee Brothers
Ring!
“Zee Brothers!” a male voice answered. “How can we help you?”
“Uh, yes, is Jenny available?”
Laughter erupted from the other end so loud that even though Mr. Pembleton’s hearing wasn’t the best, he had to hold the phone away from his ear until it died down.
“This is Judas, Owner, How—, OW!”
There was a clambering and clamoring on the other end for a moment, then a different voice came back on the phone. “This is Jonah, Owner of Zee Brothers, Zombie Exterminators. How can I help you?”
“My name is Larry Pembleton. I live at 547 Westerly Dr., the pest control man just left and he gave me your card. He thinks I might have a zombie infestation.”
“Mhm.” The voice on the other end answered. “Just a minute Mr. Pembleton.”
For a moment all Mr. Pembleton could hear were muffled voices as it sounded like someone had placed their hand over the receiver.
“Sir,” the second voice came back on the line, “Ok, what else can you tell me?”
“Well, Burt asked if the house was built over any kind of cemetery.”
“And is it?”
“Well, yes, yes it is. Most of this development was built over the old Pakatini Reservation for the new county dump and our fabulous gated community of Winter Oaks. Progress you know. The Pakatini’s all died off years ago.”
“And you said Burt? From Pests B Gone?”
“Yeah, that’s what his tag said.” Mr. Pembleton was getting annoyed. “Look mister, how much is this going to cost?”
“Mr. Pembleton, I need you to listen really closely to me. The infestation, is it in the crawl space under your house?”
“Why, does that cost extra?”
“No. Look, it’s almost sundown. I need you to go and make sure that Burt closed and locked the cover to your crawl space.”
“Alright, alright,” Mr. Pembleton grumbled as he got up out of his chair. “But seriously, how much is this going to cost me?” He shuffled off down the hall to the closet. Behind the closed door, the hatch to the crawlspace was indeed open. A skeletal hand of bone and decayed flesh fumbled around looking for leverage to lift itself.
“We’ll talk price in a minute Mr. Pembleton. Let’s just make sure that thing is locked up tight for now. These native zombie types generally only rise after sundown and they’re usually searching for or upset about something. Can you tell me if you’ve been doing any yard work lately and maybe disturbed some bones?”
Mr. Pembleton came to a stop just outside the closet door. “Now listen here mister. I don’t know what kind of negotiation tactics you’re playing at, but all these games ain’t gonna make me do anything more till you give me a price! And I ain’t done no landscaping, it was the Hembrook’s over on Lancaster. If they were the ones that caused this, then they the ones that need to be paying for it! I don’t care if he’s president of the homeowner’s association and what not!!” Mr Pembleton was full on shouting now, his hand rested on the knob and he pulled the door open.
“I keep my grass cut, just like it says in our covenants and if he up and disturbed some kind of zombie omelet he’s gonna pay!”
“Zombie omelet?” Jonah asked. “Ahhhhh!”
Mr. Pembleton fell over backwards, more
in fright then from the weight of the small frame lunging on to him. The phone fell from his grasp
and his screams were soon replaced by the rending of flesh and gurgling of blood.
Then a low guttural moan, “Ommmmllet.”
Professional Reviews
Funny well written book!
Would you consider the audio edition of The Zee Brothers: Zombie Exterminators to be better than the print version?
I love how this audio book had music that really set the theme for the narration. I feel like the music was paired perfectly and other music choices wouldn't have been as great as a fit as what they choice. Perfect pairing.
What was one of the most memorable moments of The Zee Brothers: Zombie Exterminators?
I was laughing so hard listening to this, there were so many memorable moments. I really loved their first client who turned zombie and was attacking them trying to gum them to death. I was nearly cry laughing.
Which character – as performed by Ian McEuen – was your favorite?
Judas and Jonah Zee were my favorite mostly because they are the main characters.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
Yes it was it's a nice short book, perfect to curl up with a blanket and listen to the whole thing. It's less than 2 hours and ideal for a one sitting listen.
Any additional comments?
I felt like this was a mix of ghost busters meets zombies which was a great idea. I loved every minuet of this book and I hope there are sequels to come!
Laughed so hard
What a funny and outrageous book. I laughed so hard and thoroughly enjoyed it.
It is hilarious from the start and kept me chuckling till the end. The Zee brothers Jonah and Judas are perfect and made the book so funny. They are so likable and the humorous exchanges are great. I would want them for my Zombie control hahaha.
The other characters made the book simply rock. The details are clear and although a killing zombie is rather gory it was still funny and sent me be part of the tale.
The illustrations are amazing and added so much to the book. I had such an easy time reading it, the chapters are the perfect length and the crazy tale kept me reading at a smooth pace.
This is my first encounter with this author, Grivante but it will not be my last. His imagination is wild, crazy and his humor is mastered to a true 'laugh out loud' wave. It is one of the best books i have read and I want to see what happens next.
Read this book and be ready to laugh till you cry. I am reading it again! I most definitely recommend it to all
Action packed and fun filled zombie story!
Zombies are one of my favorite things about horror.. so when I saw this book, I was interested. But once I saw the title, I was all in. I had to know what a "zombie omlet" is.
From the first chapter, I couldn't stop turning the pages! The story flows very well. The Zee Brothers are the loveable zombie hunters. The addition of J.J. and her side kick pup, Xanadu make the story even better! There is plenty of action, the blood and gore of a great zombie story, and some hilarious story line. Plus, the illustrations are pretty darn awesome.
I do hope that Grivante will write another book. I need to know what happens next in their story! You will be glad you read this.
Happy Halloween. A volume of Horrible Haunts & Twisted Tales taken from the horror books La Belle Rouge has written every October for a decade and a half. If you have read her works in the horror genre, you know the invitation is for you to enjoy thr
The fortunate inherit riches, prestige, positive notoriety. Those not so lucky bear legacies filled with poverty, infamy or, worse yet, the unhinged insanity and murderous urges of their ancestors.
