Kindle Edition Download to your Nook (eBook) Download from Apple iTunes (eBook) Download from Smashwords (eBook) Amazon You Will Feel the Feelings Wattpad Category:  Biography Publisher: Meghan McDonnell ISBN-10:  B0195KUAG4 Type: Non-Fiction Pages: 178 Copyright: Dec 18, 2015 ISBN-13: 9781310335044 Price: FREE! (eBook) American woman reports from the trenches of daily life. Minor is the first installment of the personal journals in which, for over 20 years, writer Meghan McDonnell has chronicled her life beginning at age eight through present day. With searing candor and tenderness, her musings on daily life and observations of family, social and romantic relationships coalesce in a commentary on growing up, facing down passion and fear, and American life in the 21st century. Wide in scope and vivid in detail, her journals are her confessional love letter to the world. Join her on a fearless, vulnerable, sometimes painful and quixotic, but always honest journey, also known as the human experience. Readers who love Cheryl Strayed or Karl Ove Knausgaard will enjoy this author. Volume one spans her eighth year through age 17; reflections on family, friendship, education, a stint at survival camp and coming of age.    Excerpt End of July Dear Diary, This has been the loneliest time of my life. On my birthday I went to Colin’s and he gave me a rose and some weed. That night Abel, Doug, Joe, and Lane spent the night at Emma’s and I shroomed with Doug. Yesterday I went to the hospital because I hemorrhaged. I’m fucking my health up and I need to live better. My family relationships are messed up. Tilda got back and I’m a different person. I feel like I’m going to die. I love life and I’ll fight for it but I don’t have much strength. Everyone thinks they understand but that’s bullshit. Everyone: stop fucking pretending to care and understand. No one gives a fuck about anyone but themselves. That’s as true as it gets. The world would be better if everyone learned to care and listen. They don’t need to understand, but it helps to talk about things. I don’t want to die. I need Doug but if he can’t be here I’ll stop looking to others to ease my pain. Let me live. Love, Meghan September 1, 1994 Dear Diary, My parents are sending me to Idaho for three weeks so I can get my shit together. I can’t leave now. I’ll miss everyone. I want to fix myself up now. I’m ready to make changes and I regret so much. I miss Tilda already and I don’t know how I can do this without her. Sometimes I think I’ll be okay and then I think of being away for so long. I’ll do anything to stay here. God help me. Meghan September 2, 1994 I got to this camp and it’s nothing like I expected. It’s hell. I saw something like this on MTV once when all these people tried to do what we’re doing out here. I didn’t realize we had to live off the earth. I miss everyone. I have no idea how to get through the next 19 days. Lord, make it pass fast. All we’re doing is hiking and trying to survive. I think I might die before I get through this. It makes me feel better to know Jason and Todd have gone through this program. I need to take it step by step. I’ve never been so challenged in my life and that doesn’t make me feel strong. It makes me feel weak and makes me want to give up. But I can’t. I can get through this. It’s unfamiliar and scary. I don’t know if I’ll get used to this and I’d love to talk to my parents. I’m fuckin’ pissed and sad. I’ve thought about what it would be like to live off the bare necessities but I never thought I‘d have to try it. I’m afraid I’ll come home more worn down than when I left. It’s hard to say on my first day, though. My group is cool and I like my instructors but I don’t want to spend 19 more days out here. That thought depresses me and it doesn’t make me want to accomplish anything. I hope I get some horrible health problem so I can get out of here. I’m stuck in hell. War was probably as bad as this. Maybe worse. I have to learn to be happy for food, water, and sleep. If I don’t graduate by the end of the course, I have to stay longer. I need to look into myself to get through this. I’m depressed and I’m not in the mood to go accomplish the impossible. All we’ve done is work in curriculum and check out the food ration situation. This is not good. God, get me through this. I hope we can write home or I’ll die. Wish me luck. This is such a fucking joke. Meghan Day 3 I have mixed feelings about this place. One minute I feel okay and can handle it. The next, I’m trying not to cry. God better help me through this. I feel better when I think about my family and Tilda. I don’t know if I’ll get used to this shit. What if I have a panic attack? Stan tells us to stop thinking about graduation and to focus on getting through today but that makes me feel trapped. I don’t know what to think about. I hope things are better by week two. I’m already dirty and picturing the van picking us up on the last day makes me happy but what if I get sick of that thought? Other people in my group have to go to boarding school after this so I should feel lucky but I’m worried about getting through this. We started our hike today for our new camp and I wonder how long it’ll be till I break. Last night, while everyone was having dinner and I was trying to sleep, I heard them talking and I like this crew. This group came together from different parts of the country and we all have a lot in common. We’re the MTV-watching, parent problem, Generation X regulars. It’s good to know that these people are connected to the real world. It’s comforting to know that every second that goes by and every step I take brings me closer to the end of this. I want to occupy myself with survival and at night, I want to slip away to an escape so my reality isn’t so harsh. We have to think and reflect and that gets me sad. Will we be rewarded for this? Right now I’m angry and I don’t want to be here but I hope that soon, I’ll maybe even like it here or at least get into it. Three weeks is a dot on my life. Three weeks is eternity. I hope I don’t come home as angry as I am now. Meghan Day 4 At times I’m fine about being here and I think I understand how to get through the next 16 days and other times I feel like a lost little puppy. I started a countdown of the days and I made a list of what I want. Every second that passes and every step I take brings me closer to the end of this. What I’m afraid of is that instead of getting stronger and things getting easier, I’ll get weaker and sadder and sicker. The food is unbearable but if you puke, they cook it again and make you eat it. We hiked eight miles yesterday. That’s pretty good. I enjoy talking with the people in my group and Brody’s funny. It gives me hope to know that everyone who comes out of here has had a positive experience in the end. Stan said that it was the hardest and best experience of his life. I picture my parents picking me up. I hope it gets more livable when we’re on search and rescue. I can’t wait until our field supervisor shows up. I don’t want to hike today but if it gets me through the day, it’ll do. I hate it here. That’s how I feel. No one can comfort me. I can’t take anymore. I don’t care about being strong, I want to go. If I were in Hawaii, I’d get homesick - it’s my nature. And being out in this shit place makes it worse. I’ll do anything to go home but I have to get through this. I hate how we have no information about anything. It makes me insecure. I don’t know if it makes me feel better to try to be strong or let myself be weak. I don’t want to think about anything out here. I’m too sad. This is not living, this is practically dying. I want to leave but I’ve got to make it through. I’m going to toughen myself up. Meghan Day 5 I’m homesick. Do my parents understand what they did to me? When I get home I’m going to hug them and say, “I love you and I’m sorry, but how could you do that to me?” The search and rescue team (third week group) came by last night and told us how much SUWS has helped them and they related to us and understood how we felt. I suppose that should give me hope. I had a hard time making a rat trap last night. Stan and I stayed up late after I finished so I could make a fire with my spark rock. I’m getting used to the food but a bagel from the Bagel Stop sounds good. I like Jenny. She seems chill and Brody is funny. I’m afraid that everyone back home is changing and when I get back I’ll be some pure and innocent outcast. Right now I have no clue why I’m here and everyone says you have to figure it out for yourself. I hope it doesn’t take much longer. It’s good to know everyone who leaves thinks it was a positive experience. Maybe that’s because home felt so good and they got through the damn experience. I hope I get more used to this shit. If I try to get into it, it will go faster and easier. Search and rescue will be awesome because we’ll feel powerful. One of the third week members was named Christopher from Illinois and he seemed like he’d be hot but then again, it was pitch black. My Mom said I was supposed to be in that group. They all seemed strong and I hope we’re like that by at least the middle of the second week. This is hell. It’s like how they lived during Vietnam. I have crazy dreams out here and Stan said it’s because your mind is clear and it’s quiet. I think about St. Mary’s and my friends there. That’s weird. School starts tomorrow - without me. I love and miss Doug so much I could puke. I better not though, because I’ll just have to drink more water. God help me. Meghan (later on) The field supervisor came to talk to us after a long, terrible hike. He confused the hell out of me. I can’t help thinking about home but I will try to get something out of this. It feels like a weird dream but it definitely isn’t. It’s probably about 7pm and we’re not even at camp yet. Sometimes two more weeks sounds like a breeze and others, it sounds like a nightmare. I wish we were as close as the third week group but that comes with time. Stan’s always in a bad mood and Emily is heartless. It’s their job. They ain’t doing it to give people compassion. The field supervisor told us we could make ourselves get what we want. He said we have to find the answer to an unknown question. I don’t get it. I’m getting used to this but I’ll be home soon. I miss my parents, Elizabeth, John, Tilda, Doug, and Emma. But I’m doing this for myself. Meghan

Review by Peter Kelly
Novice is the second in a series of diaries by Meghan McDonnell. It covers the years 1997 to 1999, when she first fell in love, attended university and went to Australia. McDonnell should be commended for her courage in making so much personal material public.

The memoir is dominated by Meghan’s frustrating relationship with Lucas, a young man who I perceived as being a drip. Especially after he cheated on her. The plot also concerns Meghan deciding what to do with her life. All this is much more interesting than it sounds, partially because McDonnell makes it clear her story is set in the nineties by referring to the contemporary music of the time.

My favourite section was Meghan’s trip to Australia with her friend Cassidy. They go to Sydney, Melbourne and even the cheesemaking town of Bega – all places that I’ve visited. I was fascinated by her description of Lygon street and its Italian restaurants, even though she misspelled it Lyon Street. Similarly, Swanston Street became Swanton Street. While these mistakes initially amused me, I figured that they also effectively communicated Meghan’s disorientation in a strange country.

I also liked how she included a list of every song mentioned in the book as an appendix. This list is practically an invitation to the reader to make a mixtape or a playlist, so maybe it should be at the start of the book.

I don’t have a lot of experience reading diaries. The lack of dialogue threw me at first, but I soon got used to it. It also bothered me that we couldn’t see things from the perspective of other characters, although this would be impossible to do honestly in a diary. I just really wanted to know what Lucas was thinking.

The ideal audience is people invested in nineties nostalgia, particularly if they live in Washington State where the book is mostly set. It would be interesting to see what fans of Romance or YA react of Novice‘s depiction of a real young adult relationship. I’d also recommend it to young people trying to imagine what their lives would be like before the iPad or Facebook. Overall, Novice is a book for those interested in the inner lives of ordinary people.

Review by Charity Rowell-Stansbury
Beginning in 1987 and chronicling her life until 1997, McDonnell reveals her innermost thoughts and secrets; a fact that cannot be ignored as the formatting in Minor is similar to what you would find in a diary, or journal.

The formatting of Minor is definitely unique, and it reminds readers that they are reading an uncensored and candid re-telling of a person's life. There are a few grammatical errors, but these minor errors lend an air of authenticity to the book which serves to remind readers that McDonnell's reflections are transcribed from her earlier days.

Readers are guided through a collage of memories that discuss lost friendships, new friendships, crushes, life-defining music, drama at home and in school, unrequited love, travelling, books, and teenage angst punctuated by periods of alcohol and drug use as McDonnell shares her perspective on life as a girl and teenager.

There were moments when I smiled at some of the colloquialisms used and the music references, because I remember what those words used to mean and I remember listening to the same songs. I empathized with the young McDonnell when she struggled to figure out where she fit in society, or the world because I remember feeling the same at that age.

I could not relate to some of the moments in her life because I grew up in a different kind of household. However, it is nice to know that some aspects of being a teenage girl are universal; even if our teenage selves would have rolled our eyes at the prospect, and remained convinced that nobody could even come close to understanding us.

Minor may not be a polished memoir; however, it is sincere, honest, and real.

Review from Melissa
I was sent a copy of Minor by the author in exchange for an honest review.

I enjoy reading books that are written in diary or journal format. I find that it gives a great inside view on the main character, or in the case of Minor, the author herself. This particular journal showed how young teens are heavily influenced by the people around them, most specifically their friends. Growing up in a city with a large population, McDonnell made friends and entered relationships with many different people. And these people opened the door for her experimentation with drugs and alcohol.

Her experimentation with these vices would lead her parents to send her away to a survivalist program. The time she spent in the wilderness was probably the most interesting part, for me because she really began to express herself in her writing.

Unfortunately I had a hard time relating to McDonnell and her experiences during her formative years. Sure I tried new things like any teen, but not to the extent that she had.

The people she mentioned throughout this journal, weren’t really described in detail so they became faceless names to me. Although I do understand that these entries were written for her own personal records and therefore at the time, there wasn’t any need to be descriptive. This first journal would also pave the way for the following books in the collection. However I think that it may have been more enjoyable to the reader, had the author included some footnotes to explain portions in better detail.

Because this is a true journal I struggled with how I would rate it. In the end I decided not to give it one at all. Not because I didn’t enjoy it, but simply because how do you put a rating on someone’s life? I would recommend Minor by Meghan McDonnell to other who like reading memoirs and to those who intend to read the entire collection.