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Category:
Fantasy
Publisher: createspace
ISBN-10: 1539592502
Type: Fiction
Pages: 161
Copyright: 2016
ISBN-13: 9781539592501
Price: $2.99 (eBook)
A fantasy that takes place in Scotland with preteen children and Faerie folk.
Overview from a createspace editor.
This is a nicely developed story that serves as an introduction to a fantasy/sci-fi series and will leave readers intrigued. It has many fascinating characters, but they have yet to prove their powers and interactions in a conflict. An imminent danger looms, but the reader is left wondering exactly what it is. Lingering questions may be addressed in a sequel.
Structure/Plot Flow
The plot moves along well in a fairly chronological order. Instances of time travel are made clear. Plenty of dialogue and introductions to new characters and mysterious situations keep the story moving at a rapid pace, but there are pauses where necessary for the reader to absorb the imagery. The narrator ends each chapter with a note of suspense, encouraging the reader to continue.
The characters are nicely introduced, the magical powers are adequately explained, and the buildup to a grand conflict is looming.
Point of View
The point of view is mainly from the central character, Ewan, though parts of the story give the points of view from other characters as necessary, as Ewan is not in every scene. Readers—imaginative younger readers in particular—will generally relate to these points of view. Overall, point of view is consistent and appropriate.
Characterization
Most of the characters are well developed. The distinct personalities and physical descriptions are clear. The characters introduced directly to the reader are generally likable and relatable. More ominous characters are mentioned but never encountered, which readers may find intriguing
The number of main characters is not overwhelming, and the ancillary characters add plenty of color. The purpose of some of the minor characters is not quite clear. For example, we don’t know why the Cruach members need Faerie partners, other than to protect them from some unknown danger.
Tone and Style
The overall tone and style fit well with the genre and the plot, though some of the sentences were a bit long for ease of reading—particularly for younger readers. I broke up some of these long sentences and in some cases provided punctuation for pauses. Many of the Scottish words and brogue lend a nice authenticity to the story but might be confusing to some readers. The existing explanations in the manuscript are written in a natural tone, but I suggest more balance and consistency.
Dialogue The dialogue is a large, vital part of the story, and it seems a lot of effort has been made for it to sound natural and authentic. This adds a nice depth to the story, For example, the dialogue frequently slips into and out of Scottish brogue. In some places—particularly when Ewan’s grandparents are speaking—it is so thick that it can take some time to understand. In other places, the dialect seems to be plain English
A lot of the dialogue starts with vocalized pauses, such as “Well…” and “Um…” This is a common way for people to start speaking in real life.
Grammar
Throughout the manuscript, I’ve worked to correct areas of grammar, spelling, mechanics, and syntax. Below are some of the most common errors, along with examples from the text.
Other Comments
This seems like an intriguing introduction to what could be many magical stories about clashes between friends and foes, battles against evil spirits, and other conflicts. It would be interesting to learn how the faerie partners use their powers to help the Cruach and how the children discover the powers of the Fae within themselves. Consider adding such a story to this manuscript—perhaps a conflict with the Unseelie Courts—that would bring together all of the various characters.
—Cheryl, CreateSpace Editor
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