Category: Drama Publisher: CreateSpace
ISBN-10: 1438257937
Type: Fiction
Pages: 300
Copyright: Jun 25, 2005
ISBN-13: 9781438257938
Two men at odds with their past cross paths in Big Bend National Park and a new friendship and destiny is born.
Nothing would ever be the same for Michael Anderson, a renowned San Diego surgeon, after losing a little girl on the operating table. He blamed himself, rightfully, having stayed out the night before to indulge in his exotic nightlife.
A half continent away, Justin Brooks left his bride-to-be standing at the altar when he ran from the church as if it were full of vampires. Leaving his hometown behind, in a fog of guilt and self-doubt, he found solace in the vast desert wilderness of far west Texas, as a park ranger in Big Bend National Park.
When their paths crossed where the river and desert and mountains meet the sky, a friendship was born. Together, as one day ran into another, they found peace in the whispering hues and textures of the arid land; and they began to heal, learning more and more of themselves and each other. In the haunting desert solitude, they found a spark of hope. They loved the mountains, the sunsets and the poetry of the land, and they loved each other.
Michael, beset with increasing pressure to revive his skills as a doctor, couldn’t find it in him to accept the responsibility. Not until he and Justin faced losing everything they had found, did both realize yet another destiny in the Big Bend. Neither could have foreseen the peril they would have to live through first.
A tale of renewed dreams, of sensual adventure and the unexplainable mysteries of two men falling in love, A Song in the Park is a celebration of human diversity and a discovery that the simple things in life matter the most. Though essentially unchanged, it is a revision of the original addition published in 2005.
Excerpt
Chapter 1
Michael Anderson’s tormented gaze shifted from his bloody hands to the small lifeless body on the operating table. The doctors and nurses standing around the operating table looked on in disbelief. A gloom fell quietly over the room that felt like foul oil on their skin. Dr. Anderson had repaired her heart valve with his well known, some say incredible skill. This time he had over-looked a small ruptured vein. A little girl. Eight years old. Her breath stopped a few moments after he had closed her small chest.
During the frenzied half-hour they fought to repair the damage, Michael suf-fered anxiety he had not known in his entire ten-year career. He had tried desper-ately. He could not bring her back. Now, as he stared at his dead patient, laboring for reason, his mind reeled with blind thought. He felt empty, used up. A wildfire had run over him. There was nothing left to burn.
While the assisting staff milled about, the reality of this tragedy accepted, Shannon Mason, the head nurse, still had not taken her eyes off of him. She watched him with heart-wrenching concern. He had pushed back his surgeon’s cap with the back of his hand. Sweat plastered his sandy blond hair to his fore-head. She ached for him, his face twisted in angst, his blue eyes, always warm and disarming, now distant with fear. His shoulders were drawn and small.
Shannon didn’t know what to say or do. She had been a nurse at the hospital for nearly a year and had worked with Michael much of that time. Though she had not shared her feelings with anyone, least of all Michael, she had fallen in love with him.
A twenty-nine-year-old transplant from the Midwest, she had found a small apartment in San Diego and waited, it seemed forever, to be accepted for her cur-rent position. Having worked side-by-side with Michael for several months, she had finally gathered the courage to ask him to dinner. When he accepted, he didn’t realize it set her heart sailing. She had taken off early that day, got a sharp new haircut that gave her that carefree California look. She had bought a sexy, short black skirt. As radiant as she had ever been when he picked her up, she wondered if her efforts might prompt a suggestive invitation. It never happened. He had been charming and attentive; and how time flied that night as they sipped coffee and talked until three o’clock in the morning.
There had been a few more dinners and a couple of evenings at the theater since then. He was her anchor. If it weren’t for her friendship with Michael, she knew she would eventually leave San Diego. Though she wasn’t meant to be a city girl, her feelings for Michael kept her in Southern California. She had de-bated the daring idea for weeks, but still had not found the courage to invite him to her apartment, nor did it appear he planned to suggest it.
Now this. She had never seen such grief possess a man’s face. She stepped forward, quietly, and stood beside him. He glanced at her as if he didn’t know her, lost in the responsibility of ending a young life. She wanted to take his arm, comfort him in some way, though nothing she might say seemed appropriate. Her voice soft and filled with compassion, she finally said: “Michael, we can take care of things here. Why don’t you wash up?”
“I killed her. I killed a little girl,” he muttered, wanting to take hold of the body and shake her back to life.
“Michael,” Shannon pleaded, “it was a mistake we all made together. Just go and wash up. Let me finish up here and then I’ll join you. We can sort it out. We can ...” She averted her eyes when a tear run down his cheek.
He turned and walked aimlessly out of the operating room. Then Shannon watched an intern wheel the gurney through the bleak stainless steel doors. The small body had been covered with a sheet.
Doctor Jacobs approached. “Anderson’s gonna have a hard time with this,” he said. “First time I’ve seen him leave an operating room without everyone slapping him on the back.”
Shannon looked at the doctor, concern etched on her face.
“I’ll do the report,” he said. “He won’t be worth a damn any time soon. Let’s hope his malpractice premiums are current.”
Shannon’s expression took on an edge of contempt. “That’s an awful thing to say.”
“A fact of life, my dear. You think that girl’s parents will sit still for this? Not with every discriminating detail recorded.”
“What are you talking about?” Shannon asked.
“You know what I’m talking about. You saw him yawning. He hasn’t had enough sleep, and there’s no way I’m taking part in a cover-up.”
“No one said anything about a cover-up,” she said hotly. “It was an innocent mistake. An oversight. The kind of thing that can happen in any procedure. That doesn’t mean it has to lead to a lawsuit!”
Jacobs laughed mockingly. “Maybe not in Kansas, honey, but consider it a foregone conclusion in California.”
Shannon turned her head in exasperation. She didn’t like Doctor Jacobs from the moment she met him. In fact she didn’t care for most of the hospital staff. It seemed like a world of back stabbing and unbridled ambition, and long tedious hours spent with self-possessed complainers.
Shannon found Michael in his office staring out the window, unaware he had already drawn a conclusion as to why the mistake had been made. Instead of a good night’s rest the night before, he had recklessly stayed out most of the night, responding again to the call of those never-ending escapades found in the local bathhouses. He had not gotten enough rest. The shock of losing the little girl had already turned into self-loathing.
Shannon took a few tentative steps into the office. He had changed into his street clothes, jeans and a pullover shirt. Though Michael had a wonderful sense of style—he wore Armani when they went to dinner—he had acquired a rather eccentric reputation with his affinity for casual dress. She was looking at him from behind, the fairly long sandy hair, the shoulders of a man that lifted weights. At five-eleven, he stood an inch or two taller than her. Every time she looked at him, she thought about how proud she was to be seen with him: his sense of style, his perpetual optimism, his wonderful blend of casual sophistication and boyish charm. And she loved to look at him: his sensual lips, thin and straight across, his nose rather narrow, his eyes crystal blue.
He stood trance-like, staring out a window. He had rolled up his sleeve and had tied a rubber tube around his arm. It looked like he had just drawn a sample of his own blood. It seemed odd to her that he would do this just now, noting the vile on his desk when she stepped up behind him.
“Michael ...”
He seemed on the verge of panic. “I’ve gotta get away from here,” he inter-rupted.
“Michael ...”
He turned suddenly, his blue eyes red and puffy.
She swallowed hard, groping for the right words. “You shouldn’t be alone. We both need a little fresh air. Maybe you should eat something. Let me drive you to the beach. We could go to Sonny’s Grill.”
“You could eat?” he said angrily.
“Well, maybe a cup of coffee then. We could talk for a while. I just don’t want you to be alone right now.”
He looked at the floor in thought. Why am I snapping at her? It wasn’t her fault. …God! I need help! He looked back up. “Forgive me, Shannon.” He closed his eyes and nodded.
* * *
When Shannon returned to the picnic table with two cups of coffee, Michael was staring across the beach. A salty breeze came off the Pacific and fluttered his fine sandy brown hair. His anger had melted back into a state of despair. Placing the coffee on the table, she sat down opposite him, her back to the ocean, and watched his eyes fix on the coffee.
She took a deep breath and said: “We were all there. None of us saw the ruptured vein. You can’t take all the responsibility yourself.”
His forearms rested on the table, his hands knotted in tight fists. “Why do you think they call me the head surgeon? That title doesn’t come with the luxury of blaming others for your own mistakes.” He looked at her for a long moment before adding: “Shannon, if you wanted to be with me to help invent excuses, for-get it. I killed that little girl and nothing will change that.”
“She was dying before we put her on the table,” Shannon said in his defense.
“She was dying because she needed a routine operation. Any competent sur-geon could have saved her.”
“Competent surgeon! Who’s more competent than you? You’ve worked miracles with your beautiful hands. I don’t deny it was tragic, but no one operates on as many people as you do without eventually making a mistake.”
“She was a child. There was no excuse. It’s hard enough to lose an older pa-tient—at least then you have the consolation of knowing perhaps no one could have saved them. Not this time. Not an otherwise healthy eight-year-old girl.”
“Michael, perhaps ...”
“It was my fault, Shannon,” he insisted, closing his eyes, swamped with an overwhelming sense of guilt. The pain of confessing roiled in his stomach, yet he felt compelled to get it out. “I got maybe two hours sleep last night,” he whis-pered, then opened his eyes, glancing at her attentive brown eyes. “Two hours sleep the night before a heart surgery!” He saw a look of bewilderment. “You heard me. I stayed out all night before a complicated heart surgery. Guess I’ve gotten just that damned cocky.”
She was perplexed by his confession. It had indeed been bad judgment to stay out all night. And though she couldn’t presume the right to know the private aspects of his social life, she did wonder what had kept him out all night. Dr. Ja-cobs’ words echoed in her mind. She sat for a moment in a fog of confusion, now concerned on a different level. “Michael, don’t ever tell anyone else you only had two hours sleep before that operation,” she said with the tone of a conspirator.
“Why not? It’s the truth.”
“Doctor Jacobs said you’re facing a malpractice lawsuit.”
He looked down at the table, then back up. “Of course I am. Wouldn’t you sue the incompetent sonofabitch that killed your daughter?”
“Oh, Michael. I’m worried. If that happens, they’ll make me testify against you.” A nervous tension came into her hands. There had been more than a few nights she had lain awake, allowing herself to imagine a number of paths their lives might take if Michael ever fell in love with her; but testifying against him in court was surely not one of them.
Michael stared at her, her short blonde hair sparkling from the glare off the ocean behind her. They had become very good friends during the last few weeks, but the concern he saw in her eyes went beyond what might be considered a sim-ple friendship. Suddenly he feared he may have misled her somehow—this on top of his wretched failure as a doctor. His sister had warned him. Her words rang in his ears.
Jody, his sister, his confidant and best friend, lived in the apartment next door to his on the sixth floor of a high-rise. Jody had accompanied Michael and Shannon one night for dinner the week before. She had stopped by his apartment that night, after he had taken Shannon home. Though he simply discounted the possibility, Jody had tried to convince him that Shannon was falling in love with him. “Women know these things,” she had said, and he laughed it off. In his thirty-six years, he never imagined any woman could fall in love with him, until now. The concern and emotion in Shannon’s eyes felt like a slap.
“Shannon, I ...”
As she watched him, his demeanor changed. He seemed as vulnerable as he made her feel. She interrupted him. “You figured it out, didn’t you? You know how I feel about you, that I’ve fallen in love.”
“Oh, God!” he moaned. Overwhelmed with grief, he couldn’t bear the weight of more guilt on this most tragic day of his life. The responsibility of breaking this delightful woman’s heart swelled in his chest like a physical ache. Throughout his life, he had suffered occasional depression, but he had never felt so utterly worthless; made worse by her staring at him, waiting for his response. Why must his existence come at the expense of others? Yes, Jody had been right about Shannon, this lovely lady, so warm-hearted, so sensitive—he felt like a man about to punch her in the chest. If suicide at that moment had been a viable alter-native to facing her, he would have chosen it.
Shannon had wondered for many years if she would ever meet the right man; what it would be like to tell him that she loved him, certain the moment would sit on top of a lifetime of joyous memories. This wasn’t the reaction she had hoped for. Now, beyond vulnerable, she also felt embarrassed. She sat fidgeting, unable to find the right words to ease the sudden tension.
Michael had no idea of how to undo the damage he had caused, but the bur-den was upon him now to hurt her. She had become a true friend, he loved her, only in a different way. Oblivious to the sea breeze, the endless stream of joggers and skateboarders, the volleyball game nearby, he said: “Shannon … guess I’ve always assumed my colleagues knew about my private life. I’ve heard the ru-mors. But I never talked about it openly, I suppose to avoid complications.” He paused, looking at her soberly. “Obviously you don’t know.”
He cringed at the sudden turmoil in Shannon’s eyes. Years before, he had resolved to talk to no one in his profession about his sexual orientation. Now he had no choice. He had been secretive because it would have caused gossip and concern; but today the effect would be heartbreak. He loathed himself all the more.
“I’m gay.” He said it quickly, to get it out, when instead he felt like getting up and walking away. The confession continued to pour out as if the words might poison him if they stayed inside a moment longer. “That’s what I was doing last night ... all night. I went to a bathhouse. Had sex with three men I never saw be-fore.” His eyes shifted away from her. “I suppose a man who lives like I do doesn’t realize a woman could fall in love with him.”
Finding it difficult to face her, he fixed his eyes on the table as he continued and spoke as if he were talking to himself. “I love you, too, Shannon. Your friendship has been one of the few normal things in my life. Our conversations, our time together, you’ve been a source of nourishment for me.” He glanced at her sadly. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t know. But this is why I’m not fit to be a doc-tor, and now why I don’t deserve your friendship.”
She hardly knew how to respond. Her first instinct had been to get up and leave and think this through, but something kept her from standing. He might have told her sooner, but evidently he had assumed she knew. Beyond that she understood his reason for secrecy. She had fallen in love with him by her own accord; she couldn’t justify holding him responsible for a broken heart. Sex with three men he didn’t know? Her mind couldn’t go there, but it did eliminate fur-ther misunderstanding.
“Wow,” she simply said.
He looked at her. “Do you to hate me.”
“You’re not the kind of man that’s easy to hate, no matter how stupid you are.”
A pained smile formed on his lips.
“At least it explains why you never kissed me good night.”
“I suppose it does. While you were puzzled about that, I saw myself as your guardian angel; a big brother intent on keeping you from getting mixed up with the wrong guy. But then I let you to get mixed up with the worst guy imaginable ... me.”
She wiped away a tear. “I wanted to spend the night with you. I was plot-ting a way to suggest it.”
He let out a sigh, momentarily possessed by a need to soothe her emotions. “That’s flattering, especially from such a beautiful lady. But you’ll eventually meet the man who deserves to spend the night with you. He won’t be patient enough to wait for you to suggest it.”
She tried to smile. “Can we still be friends?”
“I’m quitting.” Saying it brought Michael an unexpected sense of relief; though the guilt remained, tempered only by the fact that no one’s life would ever be in his hands again.
“What do you mean, quitting? Quitting what?”
“The medical profession. It’s the only way to keep my sanity. I’ll never kill anyone again.”
Shannon stared at him, dumbfounded.
“I’m leaving San Diego ... for a while anyway.”
“But, Michael, why?”
“Look at the way I live. You have to have character to be a surgeon and I don’t. My whole life is dysfunctional. I need to get away for a while, figure out what’s wrong with me.”
Just like that, Shannon’s life had changed again. Everything she had hoped for was nothing more than a dream. Not only was Michael out of reach, he in-tended to leave her alone in a world she despised. Distraught, she looked down at the table, rubbing her temple with her fingertips. The conviction in his voice rang in her ears with alarming clarity, and there seemed nothing she could say to change it.
A page-turning novel about a relationship between best friends that is interrupted because of betrayal , deceit, sexual promiscuity and pregnancy happens!
Rovella is a beautiful woman with a cold heart whom blames herself for an unfortunate old family secret that is literally ruining her life. This secret impedes a gorgeous woman from having happiness in her childhood, and throughout her life. Dark sec
Rovella is a beautiful woman with a cold heart whom blames herself for an unfortunate old family secret that is literally ruining her life. This secret impedes a gorgeous woman from having happiness in her childhood, and throughout her life. Dark sec
