Winning Romance North Shore Records Category:  Self-Help Publisher: Simon and Schuster ISBN-10:  9780743294195 Type: Non-Fiction Pages: 167 Copyright: November 2005 "Winning Points With The Love in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time by Jaci Rae is the best and only book I have ever seen that embraces men and women and does it with their interests in mind. I read this book cover to cover two times and found the information extremely useful and pertinent. It's fascinating and compelling, but most of all informative." -- Dr. Dale A. Helman, Neurologist - Salinas, CA Chapter 12 - Recruiting and Stats When the Chicago Bears are recruiting top players for their team, they base their decisions on a player's statistics and determine how much they are willing to pay for the contract of that player. When you choose a woman, you are essentially recruiting her based on her stats. A woman's "stats" may be derived from such criteria as her appearance, body type, sense of humor, background and education, to name just a few. This process is similar for women as they choose men. Below is a poll taken from men and women of all ages and backgrounds on what they look for in the "stats" of men as well as what turns them off. The results of this survey are based on interviews with three hundred women randomly selected over the course of a year and a half. While there are a few additional "stats" that I would add to my personal list, this is a poll, and remains unbiased. In presenting this information, I am just stating the facts of the poll conducted; I am NOT making judgments. In my original book, I left out some of this data, but because I thought that it was important enough to inform men about what women really think I've included it in this version. Continued polling has shown it to be overwhelming in evidence. As I said earlier, this book, while geared for men, is also important for women. So women…don't feel left out here. I also conducted a survey of a little over one hundred men, here is what they had to say about women and the "stats" that they find important! The Almost Perfect Female A woman who takes care of her body. A woman who is secure in who she is. A woman who has a stable career, not just a job. A woman who is clean. A woman who has it together emotionally. A woman who has her own set of friends and doesn't need to always be with a man. The "Don't Go There Ever" Woman A woman who doesn't take care of herself or doesn't take pride in her appearance. A woman who is hygienically challenged. A woman who is clingy. A woman who is emotionally needy. A woman who is gossipy. A woman who doesn't support her man; a naggy woman. A woman who sleeps around. A woman who plays head games. A woman who doesn't know what she wants and can't make up her mind. A woman who is financially needy. The Almost Perfect Mate A man who is hygienically clean and well-groomed. A man who is confident in himself and comfortable in his skin. A man who is financially stable. A man who has a good sense of humor. A man who is intelligent. A man who is well-mannered. (E.g. opens doors, introduces you to his family and friends, not crass, etc.) A man who is physically fit and healthy. A man who is a good listener, interested in who their partner is and what she has to say. A man who is conscientious and patient about her needs in bed. A man who follows through on verbal commitments. The "Don't Go There Ever" Man A man who does not follow through on commitments. A man who is conceited or arrogant. A man who behaves in a lewd or lascivious manner. Pornography and strip clubs do not appeal to the majority of women. They may quietly put up with it, pretending that it's okay and even joining in his "fun, " but they secretly resent him for it. This resentment will rear its ugly head eventually. On this point, 89% of the women polled agreed. Believe it! When I asked why, if they secretly resented the men, they still participated instead of speaking up, they said that they wanted to please the man in their life. However, most said eventually that it progressively turned them off and they lost interest sexually as this type of behavior continued. A man who is hygienically challenged. (Brush your tongue because it holds an immense amount of bacteria and odor!) A man who smokes or drinks heavily. A man who uses the toilet brush technique when kissing his partner. (see below) A man who plays emotional games. Here are the actual words used in the man’s survey listed in the book: 1. What are the top five things that women do that make you crazy or get on your nerves? Manipulate. "Two words... MOOD SWINGS!" "Say... 'Whatever YOU want to do...' when truth is, that translates into 'you had better do what I WANT to do and you BETTER know what that is!'" "Complain too much." There is much more to this chapter, but because of copyrights laws we are restricted in what we are allowed to post on the web. Below is a list of what you can expect to find in, Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown at a Time. You can purchase Jaci's book here, using the links provided or by going to most major brick and mortar stores such as: Barnes and Noble, Borders or many major books stores across the USA and throughout the world (it is translated into many languages). Additionally, you can purchase the book at amazon.com. TABLE OF CONTENTS FORWARD CHAPTER 1 Stepping Into the Stadium CHAPTER 2 Getting onto the Field - Shedding a Little Light on the Complex World of Male - Female Relationships. Why we are the Way we are CHAPTER 3 Avoiding the Defensive Lineman and the Backfield CHAPTER 4 Learning to Avoid Incomplete Passes - Communication CHAPTER 5 Learning to Key - Women Feel Their Words, Hear Them CHAPTER 6 Hitch and Go Doesn't Work in Relationships - Do What You Say: Say What You Do CHAPTER 7 The Huddle - Emotional Word Pictures CHAPTER 8 Getting Benched - the Difference Between a Man's "No" and a Woman's "No" CHAPTER 9 Making the First Round Draft Pick with Romance CHAPTER 10 Learning the Playbook - the Memory Game CHAPTER 11 The Team - True Intimacy, the Road to Becoming Best Friends CHAPTER 12 Recruiting and Stats - Things Women Need You to Know CHAPTER 13 The Chemistry of Love - Scientific Facts CHAPTER 14 Illegal Procedures - Women in the Wallet, Women in the Frames CHAPTER 15 Adding Value to your Team - Spending and Investing Time CHAPTER 16 Looking for a Draw Play - Non-Verbal Communication CHAPTER 17 The Last Pass - How and Where To Meet The Woman or Man In Your Life if You Don't Currently Have Anyone to Score a Touchdown With CHAPTER 18 Getting into the End Zone Consistently - the Final Word CHAPTER 19 Relationship Advice from Legendary NFL Clutch-Kickers CHAPTER 20 Football Definitions, Rules, Penalties and Fun Football Stats CHAPTER 21 Epilogue Excerpt Forward “Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy.” - Bill Cosby “When Jaci Rae first contacted me regarding her new book, “Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life, One Touchdown At A Time;” I was intrigued and maybe a little skeptical. Could THIS book actually entice men to pick it up and hold their attention as it describes differences between the sexes and provides advice on how to better understand, connect and communicate with their partner? As I verbalized some of my initial thoughts to Jaci, I said something like, “If the subject doesn’t relate to sports, news or politics, it usually won’t appeal to many guys.” At this point, Jaci began to read aloud from the table of contents and I found myself thinking, “brilliant.” Jaci Rae took what she knows about men, which is a lot, and wrote a book that speaks directly to them, in a language they know and understand very well. Her creative use of football metaphors to explain how women think, feel and behave has made this book not only very informative, but also easy and FUN to read. Her writing covers a whole range of critical components needed for successful relationship building, including; understanding how men and women are different, the real definition of chemistry, active vs. passive listening, common pitfalls in intimate communication, listening vs. hearing, differences in the way men and women express themselves, and how to connect with a woman through building real friendship and intimacy- to name a few. Even though I am not a true football fan, I found it difficult to put this book down. Each chapter presents an important nugget of information and offers clear and rational supporting facts and descriptive vignettes all wrapped in a sports themed package. On almost every page, the reader can find an interesting football fact that keeps them hooked and turning the pages for more. I thought of all the women who could benefit from this book as well, because it offers great insights into how men are wired and the influence this has on their view of the world and their (at times confusing) behavior. When I read the chapter on how men and women use language differently because of cultural and biological differences; I found myself thinking of the many couples I have worked with who had reached an impasse in their communication due to their inability to sit down together to share feelings and resolve issues to their mutual satisfaction. In these sessions, I often found that the woman had read more into something her partner had said because, as Jaci points out so well, “women have a natural intuition that drives them to dig deeper and search for hidden meaning.” On the other hand, the man’s perspective was usually that he had said what he had to say- with no hidden meanings or agendas attached. In this kind of all too common scenario, the woman usually feels he is holding back and not sharing himself with her and the man feels that she is looking for something negative because she is angry with him for not agreeing with her point of view and/or giving in. As Jaci talks about this, she uses the metaphor of a football “play”. This is when each “player must learn a specific language that tells them how to respond to their teammates on the field.” When every player understands the techniques and how they are executed - it unites them into a winning team. Now this is something a guy can relate to. In my counseling and coaching work, I have often heard one partner express anger at the other because they are hearing one thing but experiencing another from them. Jaci addresses this with her “Hitch and Go” play. This is when, for instance, “a player fakes a turn to catch a pass and then continues downfield for a deeper one.” Every football fan knows and loves this one. However, Jaci points out that this will not work in a relationship. She calls the play beautifully when she says we need to, “Do what we say and say what we do, or anger and hostility will result from the promises made but not kept.” The next time a woman raises this issue in coaching, I plan to turn to her male partner and talk about the danger of using a “Hitch and Go” play. I’m pretty sure I will save some valuable session time and not have to worry about his eyes glazing over as I try to find a way to relate her feelings to something that he can understand. One of my favorite parts of this book is when Jaci talks about building friendship and true intimacy. Her descriptions of how men and women differ in the ways they seek and attain intimacy are perfectly articulated. Men are visual and tactile and seek physical contact with women they find physically desirable. Women, on the other hand, crave emotional intimacy. They want to know how the man thinks and feels, what he believes, and what is important to him. If not understood, these differences can lead to her belief that he is more interested in sex than in her, and his belief that she controls him with sex because she has little desire for it. Neither of these is true; but when they are believed, they lead to the kinds of issues that many couples come into counseling for. Along with identifying and explaining this difference, Jaci offers great advice to men on how to achieve emotional intimacy. Her suggestions are concrete and easy for guys to implement. She emphasizes the important point that for women- intimacy is really all about the little thoughtful things that a man does, or does not do in the relationship. One of the most important things Jaci says in this chapter is that, “Just as a football team will look for a player to replace you if you aren’t fulfilling your role, a woman will draft another player into your position if you aren’t meeting her basic needs in the relationship.” Too many men figure this out too late in the game. Even though this book speaks in the language of football, it will have great appeal to women as well. Here they will find a list of traits that men say can be found in an “almost perfect female.” They will also get a man’s perspective on the “Don’t Go There Ever” woman. Want a list of the top five things men say you should know about them? This book has it. Want to know what to say and do to keep him happy or perhaps get a view into his thoughts when you say, “let’s talk?” My personal favorite is the list of “top five things that women do that make you crazy or get on your nerves.” Fasten your seatbelts ladies- this is a great ride. Jaci also offers many ideas and suggestions on ways to spend quality time together, how and where to meet the woman or man of your dreams and how to help your relationship thrive. Again, she gives concrete and practical tips that are sure to offer something to every reader. This is a book I would highly recommend to every man and woman who is interested in improving and/or deepening his or her intimate relationship. Speaking to the guys out there, I would say that finally there is a book on relationships that won’t leave you feeling like you’ve been dragged to another “chick flick.” To the ladies I would say, “read this and you will never again have to ask, why do guys act like that.” In addition, he will be impressed by your incredible knowledge of football.” Toni Coleman, LCSW Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience helping singles and couples achieve their relationship goals. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications and has been featured on abcnews.com; discovery.health.com; aolnews.com; MSN.com, and Match.com. As a weekly contributing commentator (love and dating coach) on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO); she offers dating tips and relationship advice. Toni is also the featured relationship coach in the newly released book, “The Business And Practice Of Coaching, (September 2005).” Toni is the author of many popular articles on meeting, dating, communicating, single life and healing from relationship loss. These can be found on over thirty dating and singles oriented web sites and in several lifestyle magazines. She founded Consummate. com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. Her monthly newsletter, The Art Of Intimacy, helps thousands of subscribers with its dating and relationship advice. Toni is also the featured relationship coach in the newly published book, “The Business And Practice Of Coaching.” Toni is a member of The International Coach Federation, The International Association Of Coaches and The National Association of Social Workers. My mom and dad were over for a cookout and my dad (he is the epitome of strong, silent type) sat down and was reading the book!! After 41 years of marriage, this is the first book he has ever read to work on his relationship with my mom. When they were leaving he asked where he could get the book!!!" -- Laura Shigley, Marysville, MI "My boyfriend and I were on the rocky side of the road and this book helped us turn it around. I’m getting married now in five months! After three years of on again off again we are finally solid and firm! This book is a must read for anyone who wants to improve their relationships!" -- LeAnne Corner - New York, NY “The poet Rilke said that love is the hardest work there is. Unlike so many dry or ethereal books on the subject, Jaci makes attracting and sharing love fun! Not only is her book fun however, it also provides practical healing guides for one of the day's greatest wounds, the wound of loneliness.” -- Dr. John Becker, Psychologist and Psychotherapist When I first started to read ‘Winning Points, ’ I let out a YES!! It's practical manual for a very challenging and sometimes daunting subject...relationships! This book is fun, entertaining, and a great educational read. After working in professional football a long time, I still learned some great facts! Good Job! Wonderful!” -- Mark Weldon, Owner, Sonic Vision, Sound and Television engineer for the San Jose Sharks, San Jose SaberCats and the Oakland Raiders

Richard Leiby, The Washington Post
"Country songbird Jaci Rae's latest book, Winning Points With The Love in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time, is sure to drive football-loving men right into their end zones! The award-winning singer's 10th book tackles the subject of improving romantic relationships. Cleverly using football plays, scrimmage strategies and tactical maneuvers as analogies, she shows the male reader how to score big points with their woman."

Athletic Business Magazine
"Winning Points With The Love in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time helps the male football fan improve his relationship skills by speaking his own language – by using football plays, scrimmage strategies and tactical maneuvers as analogies. The result? Male readers can ‘score big points with their woman."

Tim Miller, Operations Manager for the Pro Football Hall of Fame
"I found Winning Points With The Love in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time to be very informative and a quite descriptive read. It is a wonderful help to those men and women who would like to improve their relationships. The use of football metaphors greatly enhanced the subject matter and made it a fun and easy read that keeps you turning the pages. I truly enjoyed this book and recommend it.”