A rancher, wanting an heir for his Rocky Mountain paradise, places an ad in a personal column.
A biologist with her 'best before' date fast approaching responds to his plea.
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Personal column, Vancouver Gazette:
WANTED: Tall, unattached, well-educated female, age 30-35. OBJECTIVE: Children. Marriage not an option. BENEFITS: Financial security and a stable ranch life in interior British Columbia, the most beautiful place on the planet. Please enclose photo. Apply to Box 6457 this newspaper.
~ * ~
Dear Sir:
I am a 33-year-old single female, five-foot-seven, 115 lbs., employed in marine biology. Your desire to raise a family in a picturesque environment caught my interest as it matches my own.
I am not enclosing a photo since I consider the matter of procreation too serious to relegate to a beauty contest. Although healthy and fit, I am not a raving beauty should this be a prime requisite. I’m told my sincerity and even-temperament are my best attributes.
If interested, please contact me, and at your convenience we will set up a meeting in a public setting.
Yours truly,
LFC
Phone 604-555-1101
~ * ~
"Hello, Dana? Can you come down? I really need to see you!" Julie Reagan’s hand trembled while holding the receiver. "I’ve done something so stupid I can’t believe it."
"I’m on my way!"
Two minutes later, her heart beating ridiculously fast, Julie paced the hall in front of her apartment threshold.
Dana, dark ponytail bobbing, breezed down the stairs and stepped inside. "What’s this about being stupid? You’re too methodical to do anything dumb."
Julie flipped back her coppery bangs and closed the door. Leaning against the foyer wall she folded her arms. "Dana, did you see yesterday’s personal column in the newspaper?"
When she nodded, Julie pointed to the edition spread wide on the kitchen chrome table.
"I always read that column after I scan the front page. Some of the letters are real dorky. Why do you ask?" Dana yanked out a chair and plopped down. "Well? C’mon; out with it."
"I want you to read an interesting letter that’s in today." Julie slid onto the chair opposite her friend.
"There usually are a few intriguing ones; that’s why I read them." Dana raised an eyebrow. "Just be glad we’re not so desperate we have to advertise for a mate."
"Speak for yourself; you’re engaged. No one rings my bell." Julie hesitated, then stared straight into Dana’s questioning eyes. "One letter was so compelling, I answered it."
"Tell me you’re kidding." Dana sat up straight, her blue eyes widening with disbelief. "You’re not kidding. Which one did you answer? No, let me guess." She hunched over the paper with keen interest, her finger slowly guiding her through each block of letters.
Julie watched Dana’s concentration, then noticed her friend’s finger pause and slide back up the column, landing on the very ad Julie had answered.
"That one!" Dana’s eyes sparkled with certainty.
"You’re right. How did you know?"
Dana tamped down her enthusiasm and looked thoughtful. "Because you’ve been talking about having a baby." She shifted her glance from the paper to Julie’s face. "Did you give the guy your real name when you wrote to him?"
"No. I signed it LFC."
"Good. What does that stand for?"
"Longing for children, which is what I am. I didn’t want to give my name to a stranger."
"At least this guy doesn’t beat around the bush. He lays out what he wants, and he’s not gross about it. You’re direct by nature, too, Julie. That’s why you picked this letter." Triumph shone in Dana’s eyes. "He says he wants children. You’re shy. Could you go to bed with a guy you haven’t known for a long time?"
"Dana, he doesn’t say it has to be through intimacy. I can’t imagine sleeping with a stranger, but if we like each other and the commitment is there, I might consider it. You know I’ve been going to look into artificial insemination. Maybe he’d be willing to settle for being a sperm donor. He appears to be straightforward, but there’s no way of telling exactly what he has in mind unless I meet him."
"Julie, all things considered, you’ve led a sheltered life. You haven’t dated enough to know much about men. A meeting might not tell you anything. You’d have to get to know him first. He’ll be in your life for a long time if you have children together."
"I’m aware of that, but it could work if we’re compatible. He says marriage isn’t an option." She paused. "I wonder why?"
"Maybe he’s already married."
Julie shivered at the distasteful thought. "If that’s the case, then it’s a no go. But I’m at least curious enough to find out. You think I was stupid to reply?"
"Rash... daring, maybe. Not your normal pattern, but not stupid. How will he reach you?"
"I gave him my phone number."
"Aw, Julie. Do you think that was wise? There are a lot of weirdoes in Vancouver. I thought you were supposed to reply with a box number?"
"I guess I was anxious to get to the crunch if he was interested. Now I’m thinking it wasn’t a smart thing to do. You’re right, he could be a crackpot looking for a thrill."
"You can change your number if he is. Just be careful should he call. Normally, he wouldn’t know who you are or where you live, but if he’s a computer geek, he could find out."
Julie began to wonder what had been in her head now that Dana crystallized danger as a major problem.
"The ad asks for a photo. Did you send one?"
"No." Julie heated with embarrassment. "I’d hate to think some man I haven’t even met might pass me on the street and recognize me as the woman desperate for his child."
"You aren’t desperate, Julie. There are plenty of guys around if you’d just take time to seek them out. You deliberately shut out the male species. I guess that’s what makes you a good scientist: you can stay objective without involving your emotions."
"It’s a self-preservation technique I learned long ago." Julie reached across the table and squeezed Dana’s hand. "Thanks for not shooting me down. I wish I were more outgoing like you, but I can’t see myself on a permanent basis with any guy I know."
"Julie, you’re attractive. You have naturally curly eyelashes and long sleek eyebrows that I’d die to have. Your evening runs along Stanley Park’s seawall have given you the slim figure most women crave, but you bury it beneath loose-fitting sweat clothes." Dana swept her hand toward Julie’s shapeless garb of the day.
"I have a couple of pairs of tight-fitting jeans and a few nice sweaters. I’m not always a slob."
"You need to be out in the sun and get more color in your cheeks. If you’d use makeup and pay more attention to the way you dress, guys would herd around you."
"Right. Just like the sea lions I research." Julie laughed at the imagery. "I’m not interested in the complications of intimacy and you know my views on marriage." Her memory darted into the past for just an instant. Catching her mood in a downhill trek, she whipped her thick, frizzy curls back over her shoulders and scowled. "I guess I should have thought it through better." Her shoulders sagged. "The chances of finding someone with aspirations similar to mine are zero to nothing. I’m sure I’m capable of raising a child alone, but if this guy works out, it would be ideal to have two loving parents."
Dana motioned in the direction of the paper. "But if it doesn’t? This guy would want the baby, too."
"Then we’d have to go to court." Julie shrugged. "Perhaps I should stick with the clinical route."
"This guy’s aversion to marriage would work in your favor if it came to a lawsuit."
"Think so? I know there are thousands of single mothers."
Dana shrugged. "I wonder why he’s so definite about no marriage."
"Maybe he’s not interested in the trappings and confinement of a piece of paper any more than I am. People don’t have to marry nowadays, you know. Don’t you see? I was serious about considering a sperm bank, but I’d like to know something about the personal qualities of the father."
"In other words, you plan to meet and study him like one of the sea lions?" Dana tried to suppress a giggle, but the impish gleam in her eye couldn’t hide it.
"I guess you could say that." Julie frowned. The rancher’s letter had served as a catalyst spurring her toward her dream. She’d been astonished and impressed by her boldness, but now the pendulum had swung the other way, riddling her with doubt. "If I see certain unfavorable characteristics inherited in my child, I could work to correct them, don’t you think?"
"I don’t know anything about bringing up kids. I suppose you could at least try."
"I am desperate, Dana." Julie flung her hands in the air. "My biological clock is ticking so loud that it echoes in my ears night and day."
"I hope this guy is more cooperative and not as smart as the sea lions. They can be difficult when they get bored with experiments and decide to play, instead." Dana’s comment brought a smile to Julie. Enthusiasm in training the aquatic mammals for Julie’s experiments had often disappeared when Dana had borne the brunt of foul-smelling fish breath or a quick snort of water blown on her face.
"You think I’m crazy to give this a try?"
"I’m concerned because you’re important to me. Remember, you’ll be dealing with a species driven by testosterone with highly developed predatory habits. Don’t take any unnecessary chances."
The coffee machine gurgled to a sputtering drip. After pouring two mugs of the brew, Julie sat back down and helped herself to a heaping spoonful of sugar.
"Julie, what do you suppose this guy is like? He doesn’t give much information, other than he lives on a ranch. He might only be a hired hand."
"Well, it doesn’t make much difference to me what he does for a living. If I decide to take this opportunity, it might only be for a short while."
"You mean you don’t intend to stay?"
"I can’t plan far ahead. There are too many variables. He must be able to support a woman, or he wouldn’t advertise for one. I’m thinking he’s in his mid to late thirties, because of the age restriction, but that could be off. I’ll find out soon enough. Who knows? Granted, the whole idea is iffy." Trying to read between the lines of his letter, she spoke more to herself than to Dana. "If he lives in the Interior, it could be in a remote region or else he’s so busy he doesn’t have time to seek out a willing companion."
"There’s not much to go on."
"This guy really has me curious, Dana."
"He might be ugly to the extent he had to try casting further afield than his home territory," Dana continued, playing the devil’s advocate.
"Appearances aren’t important if he has a good heart."
"They are when your children could look like him." Dana bolted upright. "He might be an axe murderer, Julie!"
"He wants kids badly, or he wouldn’t be going to such lengths. So do I. Going to a sperm bank seems as impersonal as grocery shopping." Julie blew across the top of her coffee, then sipped it slowly.
She found the shake of Dana’s head discouraging. "I don’t think I can afford to wait. You were lucky in your choice for a mate, but for me there is no Mr. Right. I can get enough romance fantasizing in dreamland. It’s safer that way."
"Why, Julie, I didn’t know you ever had romantic thoughts. You’ve shattered my illusion of the cool, obsessive scientist I thought you were."
Julie laughed. "Give me a break; I’m human, okay? You’re going to be moving out in a few weeks and already I dread it." She waved back another objection from her friend. "Maybe he won’t answer, but it will be kind of exciting waiting to see if he calls. If I meet him and feel uneasy, I’ll take off. I know there are lechers out there, but I’ll give him a chance. I ran away from my life years ago. Now, I have this urge to run to something that will give me purpose and a sense of self-worth beyond my job."
Dana gulped. Her voice softened. "Do you know anything about ranching? I hear it’s a lot of work from sunup until sundown."
"I’ve never been on a ranch, but I’m good with animals, and I’m not afraid of hard work. It must be glorious deep in the Rockies." Suddenly anxious to get away from the negative aspects Dana had pointed out, she changed the subject. "Look, it’s Saturday and hot for mid-September. Let’s walk the beach at English Bay and see how many tankers are anchored today."
Dana sighed with resignation. "You’re on."
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