A veterinarian's wife and farmer shares a lifetime of bizarre and hilarious stories about her encounters with animals.
Annie Greer has been a veterinary chiropractor, animal healer, farmer's wife, radio host, speaker and occasional human sheepdog. But mostly, from her childhood in England to today in Florida, she has been a magnet for improbable animal encounters. From being sexually assaulted by a chimp in her shower, to finding a kidnapped flying squirrel, from drunken hamsters to special needs turkeys, her stories are uniformly bizarre, hysterically funny and 100% true. She and co-author Tim Vandehey have collected 23 of the best in this book.
Excerpt
If you’re a grandparent, you know. Everything that seemed a chore with your own kids takes on a newness when the kids are someone else’s. My “Daktari” dream was coming true as I watched Sammy nurse from his first bottle of milk. “Wow,” I thought. “It can’t get better than this.”
I changed Sammy’s diaper (the old skills came back in a flash and I felt like Super Mom), and with order restored and a clean-smelling cutie clinging to my chest, I settled down to watch some TV with my husband. We looked like the perfect family with a new baby in the house. Kent and I had married at a point in our lives when more children were not an option, so we allowed ourselves a little daydream with Sammy as our special kid. Chimps don’t care about TV as a rule; Sammy was far more interested in watching Kent’s every move.
In the wild, chimpanzees rely on their perception of facial expressions to help interpret situations. Sammy fixed his brown eyes in Kent’s direction. Like most men, when watching TV Kent was unable to multitask, so he was unaware of what was going on next to him. I could feel Sammy’s little body tense and the hair all over his body rise into hackles, but I put it down to his unease at being in strange surroundings. Then without thinking, Kent absentmindedly draped his arm over the back of the sofa and touched my shoulders. Sammy went nuts. Demonic Sammy!
Puffing up his hair like a horror movie character and seeming to double in size, he started to scream and bite my husband!
Figures. The one time in my life I have two men fighting over me and one of them is not only much too hairy for my taste, but he’s trying to maim my life partner. Clinging protectively to my shoulders, Sammy was jumping up and down, hooting loudly. He opened his mouth to reveal a row of gleaming teeth, each one capable of taking a chunk out of you. I remembered the case in California where two sanctuary chimps driven wild by jealousy had basically ripped apart and nearly killed a man. I didn’t want my weekend of mommyhood to end in the ER.
Kent is a firm believer in the power of the pen over the sword, but he knew the situation called for a more Neanderthal approach. This was man over beast. The man who’d kissed me on our wedding day began jumping up and down, hooting loudly himself. His mouth pulled open to show a row of
gleaming white teeth, each one capable of taking a healthy chunk out of a medium-rare filet mignon. He waved his arms above his head in a threatening posture; wild, primeval sounds issued from his throat.
Gosh! I’d never realized my hubby could be that scary.
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