Because I was a rebellious, strong-willed child, my father and I batted heads a lot. He would threaten reform school to me on many occasions. Being the oldest of sixteen children, I found many excuses to stay away from home. My father expected me to marry right after high school graduation, and he did not believe a girl needed an education or a drivers license. He decided he knew who was the best person for me to marry, the one that would be able to support me the best. Little did he know the tumultuous roller coaster ride I was going to have as far as lack of support financially, abuse: verbally, sexually and physically. The closed door syndrome was devasting. I found solace in my children and working outside the home. But the solace I found with my children was unknown to them. They saw me as angry and silent. I am still trying to repair the anger they saw; and now it has turned on to me from them.