This ebook, available now, includes 7 chapters of must read revelation about the intricate and complicated nature of the core wound of abandonment, that is the root-cause of the emotional and relational devastation of Borderline Personality Disorder.
In this comprehensive ebook A.J. outlines the definition, scope, and meaning of the core wound of abandonment. She describes it as the central wound that drives the emotional and relational devastation experienced by those with BPD, those who treat them, and those who cIare about and/or love them.
The anatomy of the core wound of abandonment is examined and explained. Along with her own experience of abandonment and her ruptured relationship with her own mother, A.J. Mahari has written an unbelievably detailed and insightful examination and explanation of the core wound of abandonment. Mahari offers her readers, in this ebook, a detailed look at how and why the core wound of abandonment is so destructive to those with BPD and everyone who gets anywhere near them relationally. Mahari writes that the destruction of the core wound of abandonment leads directly to the loss of self - a loss of authentic self that creates the false self organization of Borderline Personality Disorder. She also offers solutions and maps out the things that every borderline needs to learn if they want to recover, as A.J. has. She shares the steps that she had to take, the pitfalls that block change and the awareness required to get on and stay on the road of and to recovery.
Whether you have BPD or are in (have been in)a relationship (friend, family member, significant other, ex-partner) with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as any professional treating someone with BPD will benefit from the insight A.J. Mahari shares from her own borderline experience, and her journey to her recovery from BPD.
Excerpt
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness. At its epicenter are pervasive instability of moods, intense unstable personal relationships, an unstable self-image, and often erratic and unpredictable behaviour.
Those diagnosed with BPD are often very mercurial - being very quick and changeable in temperament and often quite volatile.
The marked and pervasive emotional inflexibility and instability seen in those with BPD disrupts every aspect of their lives and the lives of those closest to them or anywhere relationally around them.
I have learned, in my experience as the child of 2 borderline parents who developed and was diagnosed with BPD myself and who then recovered from it, that trying to isolate a cause is not going to mean some magical cure. I think it is reasonable to conclude that not all borderlines develop BPD for the exact same reason. Though it is equally reasonable to assume that there are commonalities in the possible causative scenarios of the experience of the human infant.
Through Object Relations Theory and Attachment Theory it is made clear that the inability to master the emotional and psychological phases of early childhood development and either a failure to attach or any insecure or anxious/avoidant attachment is experienced as rejection and in the presence or absence of neglect or trauma gives birth to the abandonment wound.
The collective experiences compiling in the very young infant are forming an internal representation of the world; an organization of concepts and actions that can be revised by new information about the world.
Schemas are the organization of experience in the mind or brain that include a particular organized way of perceiving cognitively and responding to a complex situation or set of stimuli. In the case of Borderline Personality Disorder in the making, if you will, these schemas become patterned automatic, largely subconscious and often defensive responses designed to ensure survival of the psyche in the face of unmet needs, neglect, and/or trauma.
In my experience of not attaching or bonding with my mother I found that as I got older and eventually came to understand this and feel the searing pain associated with this lack of attachment it was in and of itself very emotionally traumatic. Failure to bond and failure to master separation-individuation traumatizes an infant’s psyche. It is wounding. It is a loss of self and blocks healthy emotional development all before the age of 2 years. The ensuing schemata is one of distrust, lack of emotional safety, and protection at all cost. A piece of the infant’s psyche and soul separates from his/her forming sense of authentic self which is experienced as a death when it is supplanted by the creation of the false self in response to abandonment trauma.
If one were to look at attachment in terms of a spectrum, and I just offer this as an example to illustrate a point here, at one end would be healthy, secure attachment. At the other end would be failure to attach, really no bond at all. Somewhere over to the side of no attachment would be insecure attachment and perhaps just a little to its left would be disorganized attachment.
When an abandonment wound is suffered it isn’t always the result of abuse, neglect, or malice on the part of the mother. There are many scenarios in which a mother can inadvertantly leave her infant experiencing abandonment. This combined with the as yet unproven potential that those with BPD have a more sensitive temperament than those who do not develop BPD, leaves a question mark as to whether or not there is any perceived threat or instinctual reaction on a biological level from the infant that could account for some abandonment experience.
Professional Reviews
Excellent Read - The most comprehensive and insightful information about abandonment trauma in Borderline Personality Disorder
This is the most comprehensive and insightful information I've ever found or read about the central core wound of abandonment in Borderline Personality Disorder. As a mental health professional, I very much admire the expertise and indepth knowledge that A.J. Mahari imparts in this ebook. Though A.J. is not a mental health professional, she has, in my opinion, even more credibility as someone who has not only recovered from BPD, but as someone who has a rare and profound understanding of Borderline Personality Disorder. I highly recommend this ebook to my professional colleagues, to those diagnosed with BPD, and to anyone wanting to understand more about BPD. - -- Joanne T. Levenson, M.S.W.
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