Amazon
Category:
Vision/Metaphysical
ISBN-10: B01LY9B0WP
ISBN-13: 9781633182226
The whole "reality" thing is kinda wacked out and wild. True realty comes from our life within.
Reality is not what we see, and feel, and touch, but rather comes from the life within us. With that as my premise I would like to present my version of “A Life Within.” It contains spiritual memories entangled with physical events. Since I find the whole reality thing kind of weird and wacked out. This view from within is separate from the designs caught up in the context of observable reality.
Excerpt
Relax… chill… God gets it.
He created humor.
He knows a good joke.
He made us human, right?
Yeah, that was a good one.
Chapter 1
As the small Cesena aircraft accelerated down the runway my mind was on fire. “Are you really this crazy,” I asked myself. I had never taken off on any kind of airplane before and I wasn’t planning on landing in this one. I was going to jump out of it.
I suppose it’s not so crazy, millions of people have done it. There are crazier things. As far as choices and decisions go this was not even close to the worst choice I’ve made over the years. This was an adventure, and as a young man adventure was important to me. After all there is so much to see, so much to do, and we have only a lifetime to do it.
There is a statement which says; you only live once. I read a qualifier on Facebook which suggested this is not true. You only die once… You have a chance to live every day. We seek adventure, but life makes it difficult. The idea is there. The desire may be there, but the opportunity is not. I question the whole adventure of life.
I knew I could spend my life traveling and never see all there is to see. I could spend my life trying different things, and still not begin to fulfill all there is to be done. It is a shame fear, money, and time prevents us from doing these things. Life it seems prevents us from living. How ironic is that!?
We envy people who have the opportunity to do great things. Why can’t we all be allowed to spend, and live, and play throughout our days? It doesn’t seem fair. I question the validity of reality in this expression of life.
My parachute opened on a static line, so it was basically jump out of a perfectly good airplane and float to the ground. I should have been scared; I am not comfortable with heights. It’s strange though… that high above the tree line you lose perspective. There is no point of reference. You are simply floating in the sky, looking down on the world. (Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone. J. L.)
This would not be the last time I would look down on the world. God knows the world has looked down on me. This view however is only perspective. In my personal view I tend to I look up. I’m an optimist. I pray, and believe, and look up to God. Perhaps my view is not the same as the doctrines of the formatted religious ideals.
A viewpoint is built and developed by choices and the characteristics we apply to what we see. How we look at things can change our world. God is a friend and an intimate part of who and what I am. A deeper part of me, a life within sees the world for what it is. I question perspective and how we are taught to see things.
Floating to the ground I hear a message, “jumper in the sky toggle left.”
There are steering lines on a parachute to guide you away from power lines and trees… and hopefully to get you back to the airfield where you began. “Jumper in the sky toggle left. You are drifting… pull left.”
I pulled hard on the toggle but nothing happened. I was pulling the weight of a canopy full of air and sky. Examining the left steering line I noticed it was tangled. Reaching up I untwisted it and pulled hard swinging back toward the large open airfield.
Reality slipped in to distract me at a moment when I wanted to just absorb my experience. It has a way of doing that. Reality steps in and brings us back from every high, every joy, and every placid moment we have in life. Reality wakes us from every dream. When things seem to be going well and you are floating in the breeze… reality will pull you down. Reality is the mud you get stuck in. It shatters hopes with illusions of truth. I think the truth is… reality is the illusion. I question this thing we call reality.
Yeah, eventually my feet hit the ground and I rolled into a parachute landing fall. Reality wins. But I believe we will defeat reality. We live trapped in its tiny overpowering realm until it wears us down, or kicks us out. In the end we all will get out… and I believe we will get out alive. In fact, I believe when we are free from the binds of reality our true, real life begins.
**************
Okay, so here I am today… A cool breeze blows through the door reminding me I’m still alive… alive today, for today. The clock is ticking. Alive as I know it… as it is at this moment, may not be the same tomorrow. So I’ll take it, and move on.
We are bound only by the freedom of our mind, but the shackles of reality weigh heavy and hinder the hunting of dreams. So are we free?
We are free to choose, but our choices generally come with a cost. These common contradictions and wild, irrational, daily developments prove to me… what we see and what truly is… are not one and the same. I’m suggesting simply; physical life as we know it is not our actual state of being… all of reality is not really real at all. Our true existence, our actual, factual authentic state of being comes from a life within; the energy, the power, the soul of who we are.
It seems to me the screwy, complex mysteries and absurd contradictions inherent in reality are too crazy and bizarre to be real. Reality is all guess work and speculation of truth based on our limitations.
Why are there so many varied ideals for truth in reality? If we suppose the concept of truth to be valid there should be only one fundamental truth. It should be undeniable.
Yet we fight over these concepts to the point of civil conflict and war. We move into models supporting belief. We join groups of believers who substantiate our ideals. Still on the bottom line, belief is an entirely personal and intimate thing. It is your own.
Let’s talk about “belief.” There is power in belief, immense, incredible power in the application of belief, especially in groups.
Christ suggested with faith the size of a mustard seed you can move a mountain. Image your faith as a seed as tiny as an atom. Now split that seed and you will certainly move a mountain.
“Belief is the seed of truth.” This statement is the single most important concept which allows us to be who we are. Belief is more important, more valid, and significant than anything else in our tiny view of reality.
So in using my personal power of belief I want to covey that reality is not what we see, and feel, and touch, but rather comes from the life within us. With that as my premise I would like to present my version of “A Life Within.”
It contains spiritual memories entangled with physical events. I find the whole reality thing kind of weird and whacked out. So, this view from within is separate from the designs caught up in the context of observable reality.
The choice to present a life as known from within is simply more reflective of this personal being and the subjective, idealistic philosophies common to my individual soul. It is a testimony of Self and can only come from where I am.
This limits me to a restricted single point of view. It forces me to continually use the personal pronoun “I.” So, when speaking of my soul I shall use the persona; Zeke.
Let me get this straight. I know things often get lost in interpretation. Zeke is merely a reference. I do not suffer from a dual personality disorder. Get it, got it, okay then. Let’s move on.
Zeke was born with me. However, he was born truly aware. Before any religious concepts even began to be defined in my life I could feel a kind of mega me inside. I knew some kind of latent energy was within me.
One of the first times I remember actually sensing my soul was when I was seven maybe eight years old. My human conscious mind was still developing. My soul, my spiritual awareness, Zeke was knocking on my door.
A storm had passed through our town. High winds had ripped off roofs and blown over trees. One of these trees was in the yard of the house behind us. The roots which had ripped out from the ground towered over me. I really don’t remember the storm. I don’t remember how I got up in that tree. But I can see the older kids climbing across it though the branches as the massive giant lay on an angle leading fifty yards to the roof of the house behind ours. There were kids waving happily from the rooftop.
I guess it looked good to me. I guess I wanted to be up there on that rooftop, smiling and waving like I was on top of the world. The angle and branches must have allowed me to climb onto the trunk. I do recall walking easily along the bark. I remember slinking around thick branches. I have no idea what caused me to slip, I fell.
My head was on my Mom’s lap when I awoke. She held a bloody rag to my face. What a freak out to realize it was my blood. It was a quick and groggy walk to the car with the rag on my lip as Mom drove me to the hospital.
I only got twelve stitches, a minor injury considering I did a face plant from a tree. But curious things awoke in me. It was the realization of mortality and the recognition that my true essence was more than that.
In order to stitch me up a white gauze cloth was placed over my face. There must have been an opening to allow the doctor to perform his sewing job.
When the surgical light was turned on suddenly my entire world shifted into a radiant white luminescence. The impression of this created a kind of spiritual memory. I felt my soul; the eternity within me. Zeke and I were introduced. I realized we were one and the same.
I felt the comfort, the reassurance of my soul telling me; “hey relax. It’s just a few stitches. The world which holds your body is a physical place. Sometimes things need to be sewn up and repaired.”
I didn’t know what was going on, but it seemed like I was floating somewhere new, somewhere tranquil. Okay, maybe it was the pain killers. Does it matter?
The next voice I heard likely began with the doctor speaking as he carried out his stitch job.
“So you were trying to tag along with the other kids up that tree, huh? Not a good idea to follow the crowd. If you follow you can only go where you’re led. To break out and find something new and different you need to find your own path.”
The white light and my groggy state likely led to the rest of what I heard, a combination of the doctor and Zeke. “This is not your path. You will suffer from your exposure to these worldly ways. You will be led astray often, but you will learn and endure.”
“Many times choices will present themselves. By stepping out onto the limb you may fall, but I know, it is your way. By taking such steps you will find yourself again back here.” I think the doctor was speaking of the hospital, but the mystical voice I was hearing insinuated something else. I could and would always come back here; to the hands of God which is where I want to be every day.
The light went out and the white cloth was pulled off my face. “So young man, you should be fine. Just take care of yourself and be careful with your choices. The next time you try climbing something, remember as long as there is gravity you can fall and hurt yourself.”
I thought about this. He was right. Okay, so next time… no gravity, nothing to pull me down. You can’t tumble, stumble, or drop if there is no down. Still, even without gravity I would discover, as a human we are bound to fall.
I would climb a lot of things in the years to come, mountains, trees, bridges; both metaphorical and physical. As an adolescent we discovered a ladder inside a beam which rose vertically supporting a 150 foot bridge which crossed the valley near my home.
We had several adventures climbing inside the beam in pitch darkness to the upper horizontal support beam. There was a gap between the support and the road over our heads so we could look out. It also allowed pigeons to fly in and freak us out. We would cross the support and climb down the other side.
Several kids in the neighborhood were pulled into this adventure. Many thought I was crazy, or perhaps not of sound mind. Then again maybe gravity didn’t exist for me. No one ever fell. Life is good without gravity pulling you down.
The sad thing is it is not just gravity; it is people. People will always try to pull you down. There will be opinions and judgment on everything you say or do. Everything I try to convey in this book will be subjected to opinion. I wish I could say what you want to hear, and phrase it the way you want it to be expressed. I cannot.
We all put great value on our opinions. It would be nice if I could incorporate all your ideals with my own. Unfortunately, Zeke does not know your beliefs or opinions. Since the human being I am at this time does not enjoy the ability to read minds I ask for your indulgence. I am submitting the best representative I can to pass on my conscious confusion with the soul character Zeke. Trouble is we communicate without words. I am left with only human expression.
Yeah, maybe everything in this book is way off base and wrong. No, this is not an agreement to disagree. I will tell you as matter of fact, you may be right. I don’t know. Some of my beliefs are radical and bizarre. This is simply an insight to my life within. Take it as you will.
Zeke has very little power over what you choose to see or hear. Perspective is one of the few, rare things we actually have control over in our lives. Its impact becomes more meaningful if you choose to consider all options.
If you blindly accept and never question, choices are not really your own. To assume a presubscribed doctrine as the final truth without openly seeking to understand others is incomplete. You limit your Self. You limit your soul.
Life is the way you choose to see it, yet we are constantly bombarded by media and society. How and what we see must be filtered or you will be indoctrinated by so many outside sources. Reality challenges us. You must find your Self as they say to recognize a life within.
The natural character and intention of most human beings is idealistic and promising. We all come into this world with high hopes and expectations.
Issues develop because we forget we are all spiritual beings trapped inside physical shells. We are locked in the program we call; reality. We do not get the opportunity to know who we truly are at our core.
One idea builds upon another. Truth seeks to sustain itself. While belief cannot confirm belief, the same paradox occurs in reality. A physical hand holding a physical object only proves it is physical. It does not prove it is real. The validity of anything can only be found by discovering a life within.
Heart and soul and gut tell me there is a greater reality than the reality we call real. This comes from the insights of Zeke. He tells me to trust my gut.
There is nothing unusual here. I am an ordinary man. My thoughts are just thoughts. There is a suggestion that over analysis is dangerous to a spiritual being. Stillness is the true key to find unity with God. To completely be able to analyze something living… you have to kill it. A strange notion when applied to God.
So I get the part where the mind becomes entangled with reality and you need to release your thoughts. You need to break free of the binding ideals which ensnare you. That’s all good. But thoughts of God do not belong to reality. They are never bound.
It may be true that over thinking is dangerous. But to know something is to learn about it, to think about it, and to question its essence. To blindly accept is a trap. So am I saying question God? Yeah, I guess I am.
He wants us to know him. While we are bound in a physical shell the logical mind demands answers. Yeah great, release yourself, set your Self free from reality. I have a need to know. So yes, I question God. I speak with Him casually saying; “Really? What’s that all about?”
I have conversations with God. I will often ask these kinds of questions, and I will hear answers. Some people may suggest I need to wear a tin foil hat to suppress the voices. But truly, this is my source of sanity in a crazy world. We need to listen better. The world would be a better place if we listened to the voice in our head.
Then of course will come the question; how do I know this is the voice of God and not some crazy rambling caused by the food I ate? So you question the question. There are always questions. The circle is eternal. But bottom line, there is a comfort level I feel, a serenity I feel when it comes from God. This is why I question, why I pursue truth. I want to find that security.
I cannot imagine a madman who hears voices telling him to hurt things can be comfortable with Self. The body, mind, and soul must be in tune or there will be anxiety and confusion as they struggle against each other. The soul will fight back.
There are psychopaths in society. People void of empathy. They cannot hear their soul. They cannot hear God. I will discuss the research into this later. But I will leave it with the thought that perhaps these people evolved with a purpose in reality.
This is where Zeke comes in. He is my filter. He is my gut. I trust my gut. I trust my soul. It’s not like I’m all weirded out or anything.
Sure, maybe Zeke sometimes sees the top and then goes over it. This happens. And yes, his humor is a bit off the wall, but for the most part people see me as pretty normal. Zeke expects a lot of people are this way. Now and again we have odd thoughts and whacked out notions.
Is Zeke wrong? Am I wrong?
Deep contemplative questions and bizarre ideas pop up like fireflies in the night. We dwell on them for a moment, but normally we let them slip away.
Last night Zeke had a thought. He captured it and put it in a jar beside my bed. When he awoke in the morning it was gone. You’ve been there. You know the drill.
Unless you are fortunate enough to have a friend and/or partner you can share with, most of us tend to keep these thoughts to ourselves.
Still, Zeke tells me stuff is happening inside of me, spiritual stuff of which we remain unaware. We are not always cognizant of this mystical side of our being. The condensed energy of our soul reaches out and tries to touch us. It tries to make us realize; to make us comprehend this reality we see is not really so real. So I listen and try to comprehend.
**************
This thing we call reality does not fit into what I believe is actually real. Yet, some concepts that are real spill over into this reality. Let me provide a list of things which are real but fail to manifest completely in our phony existence.
Justice is real. It is a concept our hearts understand, however the world we live in cannot seem to be able to make it work. Justice is certainly not applied universally. This is proof number one… the world we live in is not real. In a real world Justice would be clearly defined and executed flawlessly.
Understanding…. Our hearts may understand, but when it comes to the world we live in, we only understand what our brain chooses to accept. Humans are not good at understanding understanding. There are many things I cannot understand. It shouldn’t be so difficult. But you have your life and I have mine. We are wrapped in our metabolic shells. We cannot see inside or comprehend the inner workings of another. We have only windows.
Our sight is limited so we make judements based on our perception and experience. The word empathy is suggested as though it is something we can employ. We cannot. Those gifted enough to attempt such a task will find it grossly inadequate. Life is secure in our own domain, and no one else can hold all the keys.
So, validation number two on my reasons why I believe reality is not real; understanding. This is another impactful vestige which needs to be real for reality to hold any metaphorical water for me.
Acceptance… Acceptance is simply something which should be done and yet is not. The real world I believe in does not incorporate bullying. Number three… in my real world we accept acceptance without question.
Glory, glory, hallelujah… We all are entitled to some share of glory. We all should project and receive the glory of life. Yet we rarely see it in others (unless the media has sold the idea) and we rarely feel it in ourselves. Our existence is the stuff of glory and wonderment, but the world we call real only recognizes fleeting glimpses. Do you still think this world is real? The failure to identify wonder and glory is number four.
Love… We know enough to comprehend the magnitude of love. We know it can change our lives. We know life is more rewarding when we are surrounded by love. Every signal and sign tells us that giving love will fill our soul with joy… and yet what do we do? We destroy it… or we horde it… We try to turn it into something material. We fight to bring love into this world… but this world isn’t real.
For love to work it must be maintained on a spiritual level. When we bring it in to the manifest world it begins to distort and decay. How can this happen to something as wonderful and powerful as love? Yet here in this world even love can become warped and twisted. Reason and proof number five… this reality is not only unworthy to be considered a true reality it can poison something as profound as love.
Trust… Most of the ideas in this countdown are suggested by words which exit in our lexicon but cannot be instituted or maintained in what we call reality. Trust however, is a word which should not even exist. We should not have to stop and consider whether we trust. Trust should simply be… it should be without thought. The world we live in is filled with disloyalty and betrayal so we must question whether we should trust or not. Are you kidding me? I’m sorry… this is what we call reality?
There are some who might suggest trust, or the lack of it defines reality. No way… Zeke (my soul) assures me a true reality has no need to debate trust… Trust will be, and we will pity those who are too distorted to grasp the concept. Reason number six I consider this world unreal… the need for trust.
Pride and Doubt… the extreme delusions of individuals… We must seek to know who we are. This should be inherent and natural. Pride and Doubt blind us to truth. Our natural state is somewhere near the center of these.
Within this world the scale can slide depending on where you are and what you are doing. We take pride when we are able to accomplish something. This is good, but in this world pride must be earned. Pride should be a natural state of being. Doubt should never exist. But we use pride to elevate ourselves. Good and bad, right and wrong, successes and failures… these are things which provide some degree of relevance and substance. These are games we will play with in a spiritual world, but we will not take too seriously. They are simply toys. Success and failure are not real.
Enjoy pride when you excel, but temper it with ethereal wisdom. We all will doubt at times, but it won’t matter in a hundred years. Seven and eight are the conflicting ideals of doubt and pride.
Time and age… Science has already shown us that time is a dimension subjected to various aspects within our reality. Velocity and our reference point will cause variations in our perception of time.
It also seems biological conditions alter the rate at which we age. Yet in this reality there is a termination point; a place where life ends. It is hard to conceive the notion that the “I” that I am would simply cease to be… but we trapped inside our biological structure of limitations.
When the “I” is free the energy of Self will be limitless. The ninth proof is the binding factor of time and age in this world. I suppose we could call this our corporeal dilemma. My soul (Zeke) is free inside me and cannot be bound. You may disagree… but c’mon… you can sense the spark inside you… Touch it… and tell me how you feel.
Corporeal life and reality itself… My tenth and final proof this reality is not valid… this precarious existence is not a viable representation of what we are… is displayed in the nature of reality itself.
Many people today are aware of the fundamental presumption of matter discovered by Werner Heisenberg known as the uncertainty principle. It has been determined that the observation of matter in quantum mechanics disturbs the system enough to prevent you from seeing any further. When you focus on one state of matter other aspects of it become diffuse. For example; if you try to calculate the position of a photon… the more precisely you try to measure its position the less it is possible to accurately measure the particle’s momentum. It seems we as observers effect our reality. Have we made the world into what it is by the way we have viewed it over the centuries?
Max Planck was an early pioneer in the development of what is now called quantum physics. He stated; “All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force... We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent Mind. This Mind is the matrix of all matter.”
So, in my solipsistic belief this reality is just an illusion. But I don’t think I’m living here alone. No, I conceptualize a life on spiritual plane with a completely esoteric cosmology where we transcend the limited ideas bound in the physical world. “You may call me a dreamer… but I’m not the only one,” John Lennon.
Within my limited ability to understand the technical perspective; I believe I am dealing in a realm known as; western esotericism. I don’t want to open myself to this definition, because I often find in my search of knowledge in these proposals I find some wild flaw which is in tangent to my personal philosophy. In the end I only know what works for me. In my mind any form of clinging to religionist ideals is dangerous simply because the truth within reality will always be undefined.
Truth… There you go… I guess there are more than ten proofs of reality’s flaws… How do I explain it…? What we call real… is not. I may be wrong about many things, but it does seem our understanding of reality must be redefined. Everything you believe is wrong… Yikes… That may be true… We just don’t know.
And so bottom line… there is no bottom… And if there is… it lies far deeper than our human comprehension.
You thought you had seen enough sorrow.
You thought you had felt enough pain.
But here comes another tomorrow,
and it starts all over again.
Chapter 2
This life within has developed beliefs; seeds of truth. So, go ahead and make your judgments. These are my beliefs. Belief is a choice. Thank God for free will.
Before I expose you to more of my mystical mayhem allow me to reveal some of the life I have lived in this reality. Allow me to share some of my past.
I was born October 30, 1957. At this moment my proximity to death is likely closer than to my birth.
Mom filled me with the wonder of the world and my Dad taught me how to face it. While Mom introduced me to reading, poetry, and art, Dad gave me an ethic of work and a drive to succeed.
Emotions create the strongest memories. One of my first recollections was fired by the illusion of disappointment and the reward which can be hidden in unwarranted expectations.
I was six when my brother was born. I had two older sisters, but they sometimes seemed interested in things which I found unappealing. (Playing dress up just didn’t work for me.) So, when Mom came to me and asked; “How would you like to have another brother or sister?” I immediately shouted; “a brother Mom! Yeah, I want a brother!”
It’s funny. I don’t remember her gaining weight or anything. I was busy playing and enjoying childhood. “You know,” Mom would say. “You may have another sister.” But I didn’t hear any of that. “No Mom, I want a brother.”
In my mind I imagined having a friend to play with. Someone who could run around with me and get into the trouble I was so good at making.
The vision is very clear to me of the night I awoke. I noticed a light in the living room. I snuck to my door, laid on the floor and peaked down the hall. My Aunt Rita was sitting on the couch reading a book. This was strange. I thought I was being sneaky, but my aunt looked up and said; “Go back to bed, Billy”
Of course I didn’t listen and immediately ran down the hall and stood in front of her. “Where’s Mom and Dad?” My aunt smiled, put down the book and said; “Your Mom is having her baby.”
My heart exploded with joy. I was finally going to have a best friend to join me in my adventures; a brother. Anxiously I went back to bed barely able to contain my excitement.
I awoke the next morning to hear my sisters screaming and laughing. I heard my Dad saying; “You have a new baby brother named Steven.” I jumped out of bed and ran into the other room ecstatic; a brother. My Dad always had a smile that lit up a room, but this morning his eyes sparkled with pride.
It’s strange the word “baby” didn’t entirely register with me. I did find it curious that Mom didn’t just bring him home. Where was she anyway? Why did I have to wait around another day to start playing with my new brother?
You think I would have noticed Mom and Dad had set up a crib in their room, and there were some new unusual things on the shelves. That was all adult stuff. I was too busy playing and waiting for my new playmate. So, when Mom came in the door and climbed the steps with this tiny little creature in her arms I was confused. “What the heck is this? I can’t play with that!”
Okay, maybe I was not very bright, but when it came to my hopes and expectations I was naive. There are plenty of things I would learn about expectations as life went on.
I at least thought my brother would be a little more substantial. This baby thing was fragile. It was like holding a water balloon with a fish inside. Yeah, he was a bit of a letdown. My sisters could not wait to hold him. Barb was ten and Karen was eight.
When my turn came to hold the new baby, I remember Mom sitting close, watching carefully. I’m sure she was afraid I might get distracted and run off letting my new brother flop to the floor.
I did flip my brother more than a few times over the years, but on that day I was strangely amazed, disappointed, yet content with the outcome. Now Steve and I are very close. We drink and vacation together. We get together as often as life allows, and talk regularly.
It’s hard to believe I could actually have been that oblivious to the world outside. Maybe I really wasn’t, but still that’s the way I remember it.
Today, each day the world presents itself. I wake, look around, and say; “All right another day, No problem. I can deal with it.”
You know the roller coaster. We all ride it. Choice seems limited in this regard. Some days you slowly rise to the top. You look around and enjoy the view. The next day you are rocketing downward barely able to hang on. The track and tempo feel set up, planed, and out of control. You have to ride it out.
Then suddenly, with a gasp and a sigh you find you are standing, just standing and waiting. You are waiting in line for the next crazy ride to begin.
So, you wake in the morning trying to determine what kind of ride you are on, or are you just waiting. It seems we spend a lot of time waiting. But make no mistake, before you realize it you are strapped in again and flying out of control.
These rides might be fun… could be fun when conditions are right. But normally circumstances are not, and the ride is too intense. It will leave you weak, and dizzy, and sick. And you cannot get off. You might as well try to enjoy it as much as you can. You cannot return the ticket. You cannot change its path. Not right away. The course must be finished first. Perhaps it can prepare you for the next run.
You get the whole allusion here. It’s easier to present life in a packaged bit and pictured images. Trying to make sense of the hard core tangible events of life is like trying to use a tweezers to pick up a bowling ball. So, I make a conscious effort to avoid agonizing over the whole full-blown reality deal. Wow, yikes… all of that stuff is just too wacked.
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