Get ready for the funniest book of the year! This is the first in a series of irreverent and bawdy religious satires that will tickle your funny bone.
Sister Mary Olga is a bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun who's always getting into trouble with the Reverend Mother, a reformed prostitute. The convent's chef is a gay cowboy. Just watch out for the nasty town busybody named Priscilla Bunhead who is always digging in the dirt. There's plenty of that for her to find on Dinkledorf Drive in the fictional town of Bucksnort, Wisconsin. There's a lot of hanky panky going on there!
All of the book's other zany characters are delightfully flawed and the scenarios are outrageous. You'll discover the secret of a transgendered nun under the most unlikely circumstances. You may have never discovered a body in the process of cremation as you tried to bake a cake or bore offspring who made inappropriate digestive noises while playing Baby Jesus in the annual Christmas pageant. Yet you will be able to relate to the human foibles discussed by Sister Mary Olga.
Sister Mary Olga takes the attitude of "to each one's own." She pokes fun at the conservative religious and social attitudes of the day. Yet the book has an underlying spiritual message; that is to lighten up and not take life so seriously.
Are you ready for a class in Advanced Holiness for people from all walks of life? Then, perhaps you're ready to take a trip to the Have A Heart convent in Bucksnort, Wisconsin. There, you'll meet a nun you're not likely to forget - Sister Mary Olga Fortitude.
The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude is a satire with a spiritual message, but there's a lot of hanky panky going on here. Sister Mary Olga is an irreverent nun who has some unique spiritual views that differ from those of the Pope. She's a great believer of "to each, one's own." She also loves her Marlboros and her bourbon. Just don't let the Reverend Mother in on her secret. The next class in Advanced Holiness may be canceled.
Here in Bucksnort, you'll meet a zany cast of all-too-human characters. There's a lot of secret-keeping going on here, but Sister Mary Olga will be sure to deliver the goods in order to provide you with good and bad examples of holiness.
The Reverend Mother is a former prostitute. The convent's chef is a gay cowboy. Priscilla Bunhead is the town busybody who opens some other closet doors. She, along with the other folks on Dinkledorf Drive, serve up examples of what not to do.
One thing's for sure. These characters will lighten your load and help you to not take life so seriously. Get ready for non-stop laughs.
Excerpt
Speaking of looking up, that brings me to the subject of Sister Samantha's secret. Lord have mercy! Well now! I was extremely thirsty following my most recent week of penance on my knees in my humble little cell; so, I'd made a hasty visit to Randy Cowboy who was generous enough to give me a half gallon of Jack Daniel's.
I threw caution to the wind and I ducked into cubicle number four where I began to have a few nips. Oh, I must confess the truth. I tied one on! By the time I'd passed out, I'd managed to refresh myself with almost half of that big bottle.
Sometime during the night, I must have slipped off the toilet and landed on the floor. I didn't wake up until the following morning; and, I must say, I had quite a headache! I also realized that I had partially slid under cubicle number three; and, I couldn't get up.
Well, wouldn't you know it. The restroom door burst open and I immediately thought that the gig was up. With my luck, I thought that it might be Mother Carmen and that I'd be sent back to my cell for another week of solitary confinement.
Fortunately, God spared me that ordeal and had sent me an angel. It was Sister Samantha. Of course, I didn't find that out immediately. Let's just say that we both had a big surprise in store!
Well! There I was, with my head under cubicle number three, when I heard Sister Samantha singing "Amazing Grace" as she entered that very cubicle! Apparently, she was so moved by the Holy Spirit that she didn't even notice my head facing up toward her toilet. I closed my eyes in reverent prayer just as she was lowering her panties. As she was preparing to sit upon her throne, her habit swished over my face which brought me to attention. I opened my eyes by reflex. Boy, did I get an eyeful and I do mean boy! Sister Samantha wasn't a woman! Lord, have mercy!
Well! It was a rather awkward situation to say the least! I had learned of Sister Samantha's incredible secret. I also needed her help. What could I do, but gently murmur, "Please help me, Sister. I've fallen and I can't get up."
Let me tell you. Sister Samantha might not have been a woman, but she let out a high-pitched scream that sounded like a woman giving birth. She jumped off her pot and whooshed her habit off my pleading face. If anyone else could have seen us at that very moment, I'm sure that both of our faces would have appeared beet red.
Well! If either of us had had a blackmailing bone in our bodies, we both would have had sufficient ammunition to use against the other. Suffice it to say, each of use took a higher path except Sister Samantha had the higher advantage at that moment.
Well, that little woman proved to be very strong. She grabbed me under my arms. Then, she pulled me right under the partition of cubicle number three and out onto the restroom floor.
Even though I was feeling very shaky, in more ways than one, I managed to get myself up and onto my wobbly legs. Well, what could I say besides, "Thank you;" however, given the situation, it seemed that something else might be in order. I felt rather like Little Red Riding Hood when she discovered that her grandmama was actually a wolf.
The nice thing about my situation was that Sister Samantha wasn't about to eat me up. I decided right then and there that I wasn't going to give her up. Sister, "I said. "How did you ever pull it off?"
That's when she told me her story. You see, Sister Samantha just happened to have been born in the wrong body. She really was every bit as much of a woman as myself with one notable exception. God sure works in mysterious ways!
Sister Samantha was the most beautiful child. She was christened "Bobby O'Reilly" and she was her mother's only son. As it had turned out, he had been her only daughter too. Mother and child lived with Bobby's grandmother on the family farm. He was conceived on Christmas Eve and he was born on the harvest moon of the following year.
It was a fruitful harvest, in more ways than one! He was his mother's pride and joy as well as being the favorite grandchild of his elderly grandmother. Little Samantha or, should I say, little Bobby was a perfect angel.
On his first day of school, his mother dressed him up in knickers and sent him off to the Baptist academy in his hometown which was located in a little parish similar to our own. When he returned from school, both his mother and his grandmother were in for a big surprise. Little Bobby had discovered the academy's Good Will clothes closet and he had decided to change his outfit. When he returned to his grandmother's farm, he was wearing a dress, high heels, and he had braided his long locks into a perfect French braid.
Grandma O'Reilly chastened her daughter by saying, "Whatever possessed you to send Bobby to school like that!"
Bobby's dumbfounded mother simply stared at her son and said, "I didn't!"
That was just the beginning. By the time Bobby was in high school, he had run off to the big city and he had started living as a woman. He had the most gorgeous natural female breasts and he began to receive hormone shots that made him the envy of the big city drag queens.
He named himself Samantha Monet and he decided to seek fame and fortune as a female impersonator. With his new female voice, he could hit a high C. He was soon performing in the big city clubs and making big money.
One of his favorite routines involved him dressing as a nun. It only seemed fitting since he had converted to Catholicism and had decided that, once he'd had a taste of the world, he was going to become a nun. Sister Samantha was a smashing success and she wooed the crowds with her renditions of religious songs that soon won converts to her beloved Savior.
Sister Samantha was planning on having a sex change, but a part of her believed that she was born in a man's body in order to teach the world a lesson in tolerance for those who are different from others. Well! Sister Samantha had already taught me a lesson. The Lord is a mighty God!
By the time Sister Samantha had made a mark for herself in the big city, she quietly disappeared to the Sisters of Charity and she took her vows as a nun. When the call went out from the Have A Heart convent for new blood, Sister Samantha was ready to leave the big city behind. She was ready to follow her passion of compassion for those in need, indeed.
She had become a nurse and she was taking a mail order course in veterinary science. She was now ready to serve both "man" and "beast." That's the long and short of it and we were now the lucky benefactors of her talents. Her secret would be safe with me; and, I trust that her secret will be just between you and me as well as the lamp post of eternal light.
Professional Reviews
Sarah Moore, Writers in the Sky
When I reflect on the fictional nuns who have found their way into our collective consciousness through television and movies over the last fifty years, there seems to be the common thread of a dichotomous personality. These pious women are portrayed as kind-hearted servants of God and their communities, but also mischievous humans who are quite capable of less-than-holy behavior. Maria from The Sound of Music cared about those VonTrapp children, but she was known to be late to afternoon prayers. Sally Field was charming as The Flying Nun, but her unorthodox methods often had the Reverend Mother up in arms. And, of course, Whoopi Goldberg used her habit to hide from the mob during her turn as a nun in Sister Act. Davis Aujourd'hui adds another Sister to the roll call of memorable nuns in his new book The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. With her alcohol-filled crucifix and Marlboro smoke signals sent straight to heaven as prayers, this sister will undoubtedly captivate your attention and have you turning the pages.
Sister Mary Olga speaks to the readers directly, with each of the chapters reading like the script from a classic radio broadcast. I doubt that many of the nun's stories would have passed FCC scrutiny, however! She draws us in with opening remarks which immediately command our attention, like "T.L.I.A.M.G, my dears!" (the acronym standing for The Lord is a Mighty God) or "Now!" Then, she proceeds to share important lessons in Advanced Holiness using some of the residents of Bucksnort, Wisconsin, home of the Have a Heart convent, as the fodder for her tales. Readers of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude's wise and unique perspective will quickly learn that no one is without a fascinating story to his or her name. Although you may never have discovered a body in the process of cremation as you tried to bake a cake or bore offspring who made inappropriate digestive noises while playing Baby Jesus in the annual Christmas pageant, I know that you will be able to relate to the flaws discussed by Sister Mary, albeit exaggerated, that are common to the human condition. Mr. Aujourd'hui's inspired storytelling and fun use of words make each of these revelations all the more memorable.
Even while creating a hilarious cast of characters and series of events in which they are players, Aujourd'hui presents his readers with a serious commentary on the importance of tolerance and refraining from judgment. Through Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, he introduces us to people who are often considered outcasts in traditionally accepted society, from transgendered nuns and prostitutes to gay cowboys and morbidly obese women. While sharing their stories and secrets, Sister reminds us not to be critical of the unusual personalities we meet as the book unfolds. And, as reinforcement, she repeatedly confesses to her own shortcomings in terms of lust, gossip, and alcohol. The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude is a laugh-out-loud interpretation of the Golden Rule.
To further the point of the dangers to be found in judgment and narrow-mindedness, Aujourd'hui creates a group of women who are known as the Bunheads United Now organization (BUN). These ladies are known for their tight pulled-back hairstyle, which Sister Mary Olga points out is a hindrance to unimpeded brain functions. They are critical of anyone who does not fit the acceptable mold of behavior and they create superficial, seemingly perfect demeanors to hide their most personal doubts and insecurities. The leader of the BUN brigade, appropriately named Priscilla Bunhead, ends up on the receiving end of some vengeful scissors. Readers who have felt judged for their lifestyle or decisions will likely take some satisfaction out of this particularly amusing moment in the book.
The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude is a new release by Davis Aujourd'hui that presents a sharp and irreverent look at humanity. Offered through the lens of an unforgettable nun who knows everybody's business but refrains from placing judgments (well, most of the time!), this novel is wonderful in its personality development and colorful language. And, as is promised on the book jacket, I am thrilled that more "misadventures" await those who quickly will become loyal readers. I have no doubt that Sister Mary Olga Fortitude has many more secrets to share and life lessons to teach, and I plan to be sitting in the front row.
Michelle K. Malsbury, Bookpleasures.com
Prior to actually reviewing The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude by Davis Aujourd'hui, I had several conversations via e-mail with him. I found him to be very warm and personable with an exceptional sense of humor. Because I had found him to be so easy to converse with I looked forward to reviewing his new book.
When Mr. Aujourd'hui's [...] book arrived I found that The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude is one in a series of books that he hopes to publish one day. (see back cover) The story takes place in what I assume is a fictional town by the name of Bucksnort, Wisconsin. The lead character, Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, had been born into a Baptist family and in her late teens, or early twenties, decided to convert to Catholicism and become a nun. As you might imagine, this decision did not please her parent's, but regardless she followed her heart and became a bride of God anyway.
The book outlines Sister Mary Olga's daily/yearly trials and tribulations in her new profession according to season and is written almost like she is sending you a personal letter. There are religious undertones followed by examples of what one should, and should not do, but all are tempered with a bit of cynicism and witticism.
The Reverend Mother, who was previously a prostitute, and Sister Mary Olga do not get along well, perhaps because of the Reverend Mother's sordid past. Sister Mary Olga is nosy and a gossip. Oftentimes she finds herself in troubling situations beyond her direct control which leaves the Reverend Mother seeking fitting avenues for holy punishment. Because, or perhaps in spite of, this division between them, Sister Mary Olga seeks her own spiritual comfort from her congregational confessors and the rigid hand of the Reverend Mother by tipping a little, sometimes more than a little, Jack Daniels or Old Granddad coupled her passionate ritual of smoking Marlboro cigarettes.
From people Sister Mary Olga grew up through their grandchildren there is a zany cast of characters and a collection of kooky events that will keep you laughing the whole way through The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. For a non-stop tickle on your funny bone this religiously inspired book is a fun, quick, and easy read!
Tracee Glechner, ReviewYourBook.com
Mary Olga Fortitude is like no nun you've ever met. A chain-smoking, liquor-drinking nun, she brings a little holiness and a lot of humor to everything she does.
This book was a breath of fresh air in my reading adventures. Mary Olga was born during Leap Year, and her parents believed that she should only be able to celebrate her birthday every 4 years...seriously. So, while the other children in her class get birthdays every year, she waits patiently for her birthday every 4. They even try to prevent her from drinking on her 21st birthday, because she isn't truly of legal age. This is when she decides it is time to escape and chooses the Have a Heart convent.
This book catches you from the very beginning with it's humor. The characters' names are hilarious--Mary Olga Fortitude, Sister Daniella Shakealot, and Martha Mayhem are some of the characters. It puts a smile on my face just reading them. Each of the characters you encounter are what conventional society would consider different, just like Sister Mary Olga. She enlightens us to be more accepting; being different is not necessarily a bad thing
This was a light-hearted read that carried a great message. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Reviews for "The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude"
How can you not help loving Sister Mary Olga Fortitude? I think Davis might have known some of the same nuns I had in school while growing up. I can just imagine some of the characters, like Jewels, Diddles, Margarine, and Fartley living in my old neighborhood.
Reading the book made me feel like I was sitting across the table from an old aunt, who had just returned from a life’s journey and is sharing stories of her adventures and the people she met along the way. Of course, like Sister Mary Olga, she is already through two thirds of her Jack Daniels and well on her way through her second pack of Marlboro ‘prayer sticks’.
I felt like I was peeking through the curtains while reading of her frequent trips to the confessional for spiritual and spirits sharing with Father Cowberries and their sharing those tales-not-to-be-shared.
Each ‘lesson in holiness’ adventure is short enough to be consumed in one bite and told with a wink that the reader is being confided in and won’t share with the rest of the world or might be sent to Remedial Holiness class.
Sister Olga’s reminiscence of the Christmas Play and Manger scene had me laughing out loud, with no one else in the room.
This would make a wonderful play and has more mayhem than Nunsense. A true bonus is the good moral lesson seasoned in with the wacky humor.
I almost forgot how wonderful it is to read a book, close the cover, and feel like I just attended an Oscar winning performance.
Thomas F. Shubnell, Author of Gracious Me. . . Is Nothing Sacred
A naïve councilman and a down-on-her-luck single mom try to save their county’s last stand of forest from greedy developers and a dysfunctional government.
Farctured Frazzled Folk Fables and Fairy Farces, Part II satirizes popular children's stories into adult-oriented renditions. FFFF &FF, Part II is also available in Amazon Kindle and Barnes and Noble e-book formats.
