Lady Justice Takes a C.R.A.P. City Retiree Action Patrol is a mystery/comedy novel about Walt Williams, a retired senior, who comes out of retirement to head the City Retiree Action Patrol in the police department of a large metropolitan city.
In this hilarious, action-packed story, Walt and his band of scrappy seniors capture the "Realtor Rapist" and take on the "Russian Mob".
You'll laugh out loud as Walt and his friends meet the challenges of old age head on and thumb their noses at the ravages of Father Time.
Walter Williams is a sixty-five year old retired real estate agent and like many who have given up their life’s work, he finds himself adrift, without direction or goals.
Then, one day, he witnesses the mugging of an elderly woman and this rekindles a fire within him to make a contribution with his life.
In Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P., follow Walt’s incredible journey from retired realtor to head of the City Retiree Action Patrol.
As a uniformed officer, he and his partner, Ox, find very unorthodox ways of bringing criminals to justice. But they have plenty of help from others in the senior set.
Meet sixty-five year old Willie, the former con man, who has given up his shady ways to be Walt’s friend and sidekick.
Then there’s Mary, the seventy-five year old apartment manager with a 36
inch baseball bat and an attitude to match.
This merry band of seniors is kept on the straight and narrow with words of wisdom from eighty-five year old Professor Leopold Skinner.
And what hero would be complete without a heroine by his side? Meet Maggie McBride, Walt’s sweetheart and helpmate and discover that intimacy doesn’t disappear with the arrival of Social Security.
In this action-packed hilarious adventure, Walt and his band of scrappy seniors give Lady Justice a helping hand by capturing the ‘Realtor Rapist’ and bringing down the ‘Russian Mob’.
And you don’t want to miss the excitement as Walt and his fellow grey-hairs go undercover at the Senior Center and capture the ‘Senior Center Mugger’ at the Prom.
Every Golden Ager knows, that as we grow older, we face a whole new set of challenges in life. Walt and his friends meet these challenges head-on and you’ll have a hard time not laughing out loud as they thumb their noses at the ravages of Father Time.
I guarantee, after reading Lady Justice Takes A C.R.A.P., you will come away with a new perspective and respect for the triumphs and challenges of the senior set.
In fact, you may even be prompted to ask your grandpa what he’s been up to lately.
Excerpt
Chapter 3
I had been dreading the next step in my induction process. PT, that’s physical training, an acronym for getting your ass kicked.
By this time, ten of the original twenty-seven had made the cut and we gathered in the gymnasium. Two guys came into the room dressed like Ninjas and lined us up around a mat on the floor. They explained that their job was to teach us some basic hand-to-hand combat skills so that we could protect ourselves and subdue the bad guys. Unfortunately my reputation preceded me and they made me leave my taser in the locker room. I was on my own.
The two Ninja guys squared off and began a series of intricate ducks and parries and jabs. Now it was our turn. I watched as the first recruit was attacked by the instructor. He was soon flat on his back gasping for air.
“Don’t hold back,” the Ninja said. “This may well be a life or death situation. Don’t worry about hurting us. Protect yourselves.”
One by one each recruit took their turn getting their ass handed to them on a platter.
Finally, I was up. “If these young studs are getting the crap kicked out of them, what chance do I have?” I wondered. Then a thought came into my mind and a little voice said, “If you can’t whup ‘em you’d better outsmart ‘em.” Kinda like Yoda in Star Wars. “May the force be with me,” I thought as I took the mat.
I was dancing around the mat doing my best to avoid physical contact. You know ‘float like a butterfly, sting like a bee’ when I remembered a scene from a movie I had seen. What I needed was a distraction. Then I could move in for the kill. I pointed down to his feet and said, “Be careful, I think your shoe’s untied.”
Instead of looking down as I was, he delivered a roundhouse to the side of my head. Some guys just can’t follow a script. I remember in the comics I read as a kid, when some character was whacked he always saw stars. I thought that was really funny.
Not so much.
As I lay on the floor, it suddenly occurred to me in which movie I had seen that particular diversion, The Three Stooges.
Ok, what now? Here I am in a fetal position waiting for the Ninja to come in for the kill. Think! Think! Then it came to me, ‘if you can’t be a grizzly, be a possum’ and remembered a quote from my mentor: “Man who gets kicked in testicles left holding bag.”
The Ninja guy stood over me and yelled, “Get up old man,” and he gave me a kick in the ribs. I lay motionless on the floor not moving a muscle. Again, “I told you to get up.”
Nothing.
Fearing he had crippled a senior citizen the Ninja spread his legs apart, straddled my body and bent down to see if I was still breathing. I kicked upward with all my strength and planted his gonads halfway up his ass. He moaned, grabbed his crotch and fell to the mat. I was immediately on top of him, my forearm pressed against his throat bearing down with all my 145 pounds.
Out of all the recruits that day, only the old dude whupped the Ninja. “Well done Obe Wan Knobe.”
Professional Reviews
Donetta Garman, Author
As I sat to read Lady Justice written by a colleague and friend, I thought, "What has Bob gone and done now?" Soon, I was engrossed in the story of an over-the-hill, retired real estate agent turned officer of the law; not only an officer, but the head of City Retiree Action Patrol.
The first chapter draws in the reader, "It wasn't until I entered high school that I discovered that justice could be quite elusive. Most grade school kids are about the same size and strength but as we reach puberty, nature has a way of segregating us into certain pigeonholes whether we like it or not.
"Some guys bulk up and become football stars...Some of us get eyeglasses and become geeks."
Justice is important to Walter Williams and throughout the book the reader is challenged with the question, "Where is the justice in that?"
The book's hero meets the bad guys head-on, with help from his fellow senior friends and acquaintances. He not only meets the evil doers face-to-face, but he tackles aging with the same straight forward attitude.
Enter his sidekick, former con man Willie. Then there is Mary, elderly apartment manager who carries a big stick...or in this case bat! No story is complete without a love interest. Maggie McBride, Walt's romantic interest adds character and depth to the storyline in the book.
This lighthearted read is entertaining and while written with the senior set in mind, most ages will enjoy this amusing tale. I'm sure readers will be ready for the next Walter Williams adventure!
Marilyn Dobbins, California
"This book is laugh-out-loud funny, on par with today's most popular writers! It's great to see that old age and wisdom triumph over youth and exuberance again. Walt and his senior friends prove that there are still new adventures and opportunities for senior citizens. We can't wait for the next set of adventures! Go get 'em Walt!"
Tricia Pile, Missouri
"Bob's book proves that dreams don't die with age and that seniors (or, as I like to call those of us of a certain age - people with lots of experience) can stay active and involved with life. The characters in his book push against the invisible boundaries set for people in their later years."
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Reviews for "Lady Justice Takes a C.R.A.P. City Retiree Action Patrol"
I do not keep all the books I receive for review, this is one I will not soon give away. I thoroughly enjoyed writer Thornhill’s humor, expertise with words and wit.
Settings are believable, characters are people with whom we can identify, we have all known a skinny high school geek or two, and a con man now and then. We have met and been charmed by gals such as realtor Maggie McBride, and have hoped to know a Police Office like Ox when we need help. Mary, while she outweighs both of my own not your average old lady aunties is representative of that generation of women who met the world and dared it to blink. In her 90s my auntie Poll donned her levis to go up on the roof of the church and get repair work done because the 60 year old preacher was –too old to do that kind of work. I like Mary, all 220 pounds and flowery muumuus of her.
Thornhill adds enough police procedure to keep the story moving, enough romance to keep interest high, enough action to keep readers turning the page and enough out of the ordinary to create a book that is highly readable and is not the least bit ordinary.
I’m looking forward to the next in the series.
FOR FULL REVIEW CHECK mjhollingshead den for article Lady Justice takes a C.R.A.P.
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