Category: Memoir Publisher: Page Publishing, New York, NY
ISBN-10: 1635688353
Type: Non-Fiction
Pages: 203
Copyright: May 16, 2017
ISBN-13: 9781635688351
Price: $9.99 (eBook)
Growing up in and becoming estranged from a highly dysfunctional family.
My Real Hue is an extraordinarily brave man's quest to fully understand and accept himself despite his family obstructing his path. Though it spans five decades, the story is a poignant reminder that adult life is constantly and comprehensively affected by childhood. From the instant readers meet young Danny, his torturous relationship with his parents is evident. His dysfunctional family capitulates everything from challenges with coming to terms with his sexuality to a set of burgeoning neuroses. He discovers the only way to save himself is to sever ties with the very people who brought him into the world. The reader will accompany Danny on his painful journey toward shattering the age-old notions that 'blood is thicker than water, ' 'family is everything, ' 'family comes first, ' 'Thou shalt honor thy father and mother, ' 'You're going to regret severing your relationship with your parents when they are gone, ' and the like. Readers in similar circumstances to Danny's will be confronting a thought-provoking alternative to the self-destructive, self-loathing, guilt-ridden, depressing, dangerously unhealthy, stressful, and often suicidal existence associated with feeling inextricably attached and obligated to an abusive and dysfunctional family. Danny will ultimately demonstrate to the reader that the potential stigma of being estranged from one's family may be well worth the trade off of being able to live out one's life far more happily, peacefully, healthfully, and self-fulfilled than one could have ever imagined.
Excerpt
“Living two blocks from the ocean, my parents took my brother and I to the beach regularly. … My lips longed for the cold relief of soft-serve ice cream. Sizzling hot dogs were wedged between warmed buns and distributed for quick lunches. Children passed by with cotton candy clouds that engulfed me in a veil of sweet smoke; as satisfying and addictive for me as a True Blue was for Nanny. … We spent afternoons swimming, snacking, and getting caked in sand.”
Professional Reviews
Columbia Review of Books & Films
My Real Hue by Daniel Yves Eisner is a memoir that begins with a boy’s childhood in post-WWII New York and continues through several decades, spanning a life rich with family conflict, personal introspection and, ultimately, wisdom.
The author begins with a wonderful portrayal of growing up under the glow of a strong, dominant mother, who had barely escaped the Nazi occupation of France and, for the rest of her life, longed for her homeland. The book’s particular strength rests in the author’s poignant descriptions of contrasting childhood experiences, which set the stage for a life of complex and conflicted emotions. Here is one example, which is worth quoting at length. On the one hand:
“Living two blocks from the ocean, my parents took my brother and I to the beach regularly. … My lips longed for the cold relief of soft-serve ice cream. Sizzling hot dogs were wedged between warmed buns and distributed for quick lunches. Children passed by with cotton candy clouds that engulfed me in a veil of sweet smoke; as satisfying and addictive for me as a True Blue was for Nanny. … We spent afternoons swimming, snacking, and getting caked in sand.”
On the other hand: “One Saturday evening, when my brother and father occupied the other toilets in our home, I found myself knocking gently on the door in my parent’s bathroom. “Ma,” I whimpered. “I have to go.” … “Not until I’m finished in here,” she snapped back, my nervous fingers slipping off the knob. … I simply cried and defecated as silently as possible until my mother swung open the door. In the course of cleaning, howling, and disciplining, she made sure I knew how my accident ruined her Saturday night.”
The book continues with equally perceptive recollections, including, for authentic historical understanding, the family’s relationships with maids of color. While critical of his mother, the author cannot help but write of her with humor and sympathy. For example, showing her attachment to France, he writes:
“Unlike most mothers of the time, she didn’t fill her days with parenting. Ma dabbled in whatever suited her ever- swaying interest. One week it was music foundations, then next it was political fund- raisers. When she inevitably tired of the American working world, she sought a position at a travel agency, where she could argue for the superiority of France on a full-time basis. The Paris-heavy itineraries she pushed at travelers lit a fuse that saw her get hired and fired from several different travel agencies before she finally launched her own. When the burdens of entrepreneurship proved too heavy to bare, she threw in the towel and took a vacation; to France, of course.”
My Real Hue lives up to its title with detailed, honest and revealing accounts of growing up, confronting pain—and even inflicting self-injuries—as well as dropping out of college, searching for meaning within the family (“I weighed every decision heavily against whether it would help or hurt my mother.”) and then away from it, until the fog of emotional hurt, confusion and sensitivity gives way to a growing clarity about life, self-identity and the path to healing and happiness.
Highly notable is the author’s deft treatment of his long and difficult journey of sexual doubts, barriers, and ultimate liberation. “Going to the gay bars was an important continuation of my coming out process. Like many men who first come out, I wanted to gravitate to settings with other gay men. I craved spaces to express my sexuality and feel welcome, safe, and uninhibited. … After over thirty years closeted, going to gay bars and being with other gay men was euphoric.”
Presaging the eventual breakup of the bond with his mother, the author’s ultimate attempt to share the journey of self-discovery is blunted, dramatizing the perpetual injustice and imbalance that has permeated the central emotional relationship of his life: “Two days after she received my letter, my brother forwarded me an e-mail sent to him by my mother. She stated, “Please tell your brother that at the risk of never seeing him again, I refuse to go to a psychologist or counselor of any kind. He knows very well what I think of all those people, they’re all crooks, crutches, and charlatans.”
In summary, My Real Hue by Daniel Yves Eisner will make you laugh and cry, and entice you to reflect on your own life’s journey. It succeeds in sharing a unique life with mesmerizing clarity, emotional depth, sharp humor, and a keen eye for detail that makes the book indelibly memorable. This is a genuine story of joy, pain and the courage it take to prevail against life’s strong headwinds. Bravo!
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Reviews for "My Real Hue"
Reviewed by Toni Hoy
4/13/2018
Interesting story about a man who discovers his true self and the many parts therein and how he comes to accept all of them. I could easily relate to this story. The only negative is that it could have used some better editing, especially towards the end. I'd recommend this to anyone who doesn't know who they are and feels outside pressure to be who they're not.
In this tour de force book you will be amazed and saddened at the story of a life a child is forced to endure, taken hostage by a dysfunctional family with an overpowering mother who has a relentless power and will that brooks no interference from anyone!
Meet Danny!
Imagine having his mother who says to her grown son, “If you love me and want me to have a good anniversary, you’ll solicit my friends for money so I can get the gift I want.” Danny reluctantly takes on this suicide mission in raising $1350.
When Danny’s mother receives the money that he was able to collect, he is met with, “You love me?” Crying, his mother continues, “You love me but you won’t shell out a few extra dollars to make me happy for my big day? “…$350?…what kind of love is that?”
With a devout sense of familial duty and responsibility, Danny, bravely carries on in an Olympian effort to please his mother, whose Paris celebration he helped to plan with extras such as obtaining an extraordinary congratulatory 50th wedding anniversary certificate signed by President Clinton.
Danny knows his parent’s party was a grand success, and with eagerness, a few weeks after the soiree, he opens his mother’s letter expecting her thanks and recognition of all that he did to make it special and finds himself stunned senseless to read “Were we wrong to expect (you) to rise to this once-in-a-life-time event and do something ‘special’ and meaningful for us?”
Imagine a lifetime of continual replays on the theme of ‘you’re never good enough no matter what you do’ and how devastating this will be to a child who only wants acceptance and love by the most important people in his life — his parents. But, he never gets the kind of consistent love and nurturing, understanding, and support he longs for, with Danny assuming it is about his unlovability.
The author, Danny, details in a riveting narrative the destructive mothering he lived with that insidiously affected his life and the sober realization his passive father did nothing to protect him. He chronicles his near-miss attempts at liberation from his mother when he moves to a distant state, claims his sexual orientation, finds love, and builds a highly successful career.
But it is his parent’s 50th anniversary party that becomes the final straw and allows Danny to break the bond that is meant to last a lifetime. It was after this party that he realizes without a doubt that he has a sick parent, one who isn’t going to change, who is going to continue to perpetuate drama, pain, and chaos in his emotional and physical world unless he cuts the umbilical cord to the malignant narcissist who bore him.
In order to transition into his truest self, Danny has to emotionally and physically step off from his dysfunctional family and refuse to be manipulated any longer by the crazy-making, soul-crushing histrionics of his mother so that he finally become the person he was meant to be.
The Hue is an amazing odyssey to maturity written by a sensitive, caring son who longed for his mother to validate his very existence and show him love. After bearing with her and giving her every chance to accept him, Danny painfully realizes she is incapable of loving him. This awareness forces Danny to make the heart-wrenching decision of renouncing his relationship with his pathologically superficial mother who relentlessly lies and deceives to prop her self-esteem up and make her needs the priority with nary a thought of her children. No matter how socially unacceptable it is to divorce your parents, to be true to himself and be able to live his life as an adult, Danny made this hardest of decisions which results in building an admirable life, creating a supportive family of his own, and realizing sustained happiness he has never before known.
We Will Stone Him is a raw, unfiltered trauma memoir about surviving childhood abuse, emotional manipulation, and the lifelong wounds that follow. This true story marks the beginning of the Rising From The Ashes Trilogy, John Gambacorta and his survi
