No One and Nothing
I stay up late – writing to no one about nothing. I lay awake – thinking about no one and nothing. The dark represents no one and nothing. I embrace it. The silence sounds like no one and nothing. I love it. Here I am. Here I am. Nowhere. Here- where no one and nothing exists. Here- where I am, but where I’m not- ‘cause no one’s here, and nothing’s here. And if I’m here – where no one and nothing exists – then I must not exist. That’s OK- I like it. I love it. Here- where I am not.


Torment
“I write to find out what I’m thinking.”… “I write to find out what I’m thinking.”… “I write”…I write ‘cause the words in me are demons. They possess me and scream to be let out. They wake me up at midnight. They tug on me at noon. They cry and scream and kick and tug and beg and plead and wine. They torture me. They torture me. I’m forced to let them out.


Sometimes I just write. I write about nothing and everything, no one and everyone. I try to write every word that’s ever entered my head. Sometimes they become a beautiful song, and sometimes they’re a jumbled mess; but I love to write. I need to write. I write small ‘cause single thoughts are small, but, added together, you begin to see how much they fill my head.


Doodle Thoughts

I call these “doodle thoughts” ‘cause they’re just like doodles. I move my pen, almost randomly sometimes, and sometimes it’s something to burn and forget; and sometimes…sometimes it creates something beautiful.


The world doesn’t like me, and I don’t blame it. They don’t even know me, ‘cause if they did they’d hate me. But from what they know they just don’t like me, and that’s fine with me. Don’t know me. Don’t like me. You’d hate me if you knew me. I swear I’m worse than you know. Don’t know me. Don’t like me. You’d hate me if you knew me.


Horrible Game

You stare into her dead eyes and ask where did all the life go? You look at her poker face and can safely say there’s no fun in this game. Life is a game. It’s luck, chance and maybe a little skill. But it’s a horrible game, and it’s sucked and squeezed her dry. Ironic – life has taken life from her. Look into her eyes, and look a little deeper. See the pain; touch the scars; you’re taken by surprise. She’s so young. Where’d all this come from? There’s no fun in this game.


Emotion

You hate it ‘cause you hate to feel, but I love it. You hate everything I love, but maybe you’re wiser. I love every strong emotion in the world. I love to let the emotion course through my body. Let it over-take me. I love it. You hate it. Maybe you’re wiser.


She sings to the ocean,
But the ocean hears no words
She sings of love and pain the same
And how they torture her

Ocean Breeze blows away her words
‘til no one sees
All her pain and hurt

She hides it deeper,
And no one knows
She fights on harder,
And ocean breath – it blows
She promises to be stronger
And that’s how the story goes
And she lies there…
‘til they disappear
‘til they’re all forgotten –
Every fear, every tear
Everything…everything she hides


Forever
I love to walk down to the ocean
And scream my problems at it
Let the ocean’s breath just blow them away
(forever, forever)

I love to climb the staircase
And stand at the top, staring down
Thinking of where I’ve been
(forever, forever)

I love to take a plane ride
And gaze out of the window
Pretending my problems don’t exist
(forever, forever)

I love to star at the TV screen
Pretending I am watching
Escaping from my problems
(forever, forever)

I love to blast the stereo
Sitting on my bed to now forget...
Just forget
(forever, forever)

I love to walk down my street (totally oblivious)
I live in my own world
And I like it (yeah, I like it)
(forever, forever)

I love to lay upon the beach
Letting the sun and sand consume me
I lose myself to it
(forever, forever)

I love to stare up at the moon,
Imagining the galaxy
And everywhere I’ve been
(forever, forever)

I love this life I live
And I like becoming someone else
Just watching my life
(forever, forever)


Again
I feel like I’m dying (over and over and over again)
I keep on falling (over and over and over again)
I can’t keep from failing (over and over and over again)
And I keep on crying (over and over and over again

Somebody save me!
Somebody catch me!
Somebody help me!
‘Cause I keep on falling down

Throw me up in the air (just to watch me fall)
Push me down on the ground (just to have a laugh)
You think it’s funny! (You think it’s funny!)
Throw me down a rope, and drop it before I reach the top
Give me a hand, and shove me down
You think it’s funny! (You think it’s funny!)

And I fall for this every time
Yeah, surely I’m the fool
I should’ve seen it coming
I guess I deserved this after all
Please, hurt me – to make me forget my other pain
Please, shove me down again – but – make me remember
(that’s where I belong)

You think it’s funny! (You think it’s funny!)
Yeah, you think it’s funny! (You think it’s funny!)
(Well I think you may be right)

Sand, Wind and Ocean
I like to listen to the ocean as I lay upon the sand. I like to hide from all my problems as I listen to the wind. I lose myself. I disappear. The sand and I are one. The ocean writes a symphony. The sand and I – we like it. We lay here and listen. There’s not a problem in the world. I like it I like it. I like to disappear. I’m not here. I’m not here. There’s only sand, wind and ocean. I’m not here ‘cause that’s the only way to make my problems disappear. I’m not here. I’m not here, so neither are my problems. I’m not here. I’m not here. There’s only sand, wind and ocean, but my problems and I – we’re not here. (we’re not here)


An Apology to the Ocean
I love to write my problems in the sand and watch the ocean wash them away. I love to scream my problems in the wind and let the ocean’s breath carry them away. I feel so sorry for the ocean. How many people give her all their problems? Oh, Ocean. Oh, Ocean, forgive me for adding to your burden.

Define “Growing Up”
I scream inside – I wanna be alive! I remember being happy – no, not fake Hollywood sappy. I remember having fun, but I guess that’s all done. I remember never crying or feeling like I’m dying. I remember keeping my crush a hush; and I remember that time in my life when I finally knew the meaning of every bad word I heard. This is growing up – did I ever ask to grow up? I fell in love – did I ever ask for love? I’ve become obsessed – who would’ve guessed?


Escape
Let’s not move (Let’s pretend they don’t see us)
Let’s not breathe (Let’s pretend we don’t exist)
Let’s disappear (so they can’t hurt us)
I wanna get away from here

I wanna run away
I wanna ditch this life (for the one I used to have)
I wanna get away from here
I wanna run and not look back
I don’t wanna scream and not be heard
So I’ll run – yeah, I’ll run, and I’ll run


And when you fall//don’t worry//’cause we were rootin’ for ya//but with the weight of the world on your shoulders//everyone knew//you’d fall down
‘Cause when the weight of the world’s thrown against you//if you don’t stumble//I guess there’s something wrong//but, ha, maybe that’s the point
Don’t worry when you stumble//Please, don’t cry when you fall down
Everyone saw it coming//so maybe we’re the one’s to blame


Who knows what one thinks when one is not thinking? I wasn’t thinking – it’s that simple. Everyone can stop asking me what I was thinking now. I wasn’t.


Time Travel
It’s true – music is a rare art form that can cause you to travel in time. The first song made me remember every laugh I’ve had. The last one brought me back to every tear I’ve shed. Really, I bet most art forms can do this. I’m sure you can look in a picture and travel through time. I’m most familiar with music, and it’s probably the most effective for me, but I see how you can fall in love with any art form.


I feel like it’s my fault. I know I could’ve done something. But what? But what? Burdened by the question: “What could I have done?”; haunted by the answer: “Something. Anything.” Dear Lord, if I had a time machine, I’d fix it, make it right. I’d do something, anything. I’d do something, anything.


Got your face stuck in my head, your voice forever in my heart and your words forever branded on my soul. “If you can’t get someone out of your head, maybe they’re supposed to be there.” “Love is like cement – the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave…but you can never leave without leaving your prints.”


They Say It’s Worth It
They say it’s worth the pain and heartbreak. They say love is worth the jump. I’m not sure I agree. They say something like “it’s better to love and lose than to never have loved at all.” I think I may prefer the latter, though. Am I missing something? Love is so over-rated! It’s not like I asked for it. Maybe I’m just too young or dumb. It hurts. It hurts. And there’s no way I can win this one. All I want is to win it. ALL I WANT. So, yes, I’m sure it’s worth a loss to win, but I don’t think it’s worth my love to lose. I lost – constantly lose. And it hurts.


Song of Love
This is a song of love//and I love you//Don’t know how else to say//and nothing sound so true//as I love you//I love you//and in ev’rything I do//no matter where I go//I love you//I love you//I just need you to know//yeah, I want you to hear me say//that I love you//and I love you//Not a word more true//not a breath more real//Oh, I love you//Yeah, I love you


Crush
It’s kind of ironic that they call a crush a crush, when love is the one that crushes you. But perhaps I am wrong. I suppose a crush can crush you, but love can do much more. Love can chew you up, spit you out; throw you up, just to knock you down; and beat you up so bad, leaving you a different person in the end. Ah…love, and what a sweet name it has.


You say you know what I’m going through; I don’t believe you. No one knows – no one’s been here.
You look into my eyes and say you love me. I look into the mirror, and really look, and think, “How can that be?” I hate what I see. I’m not what I should be.
Sometimes I feel so lost. Sometimes I wonder if I’m any better than them.
I’m trying to organize these thoughts. So lost, so lost, so lost.
I’m not sure how to write these feelings…I write random words, looking for the right ones: broken heart, sorrow, grief, loss, unfailing love (despite defeat), hurt, hurt, hurt, pain, confusion, sickness, stress, overwhelment…I can’t.


Evil Number 6
They say you’re six people away from everyone in the world,
And I’d do anything just to meet you.
Six people away from the entire world,
But I can’t get to the one I want to.
I really wish I knew who to talk to.
Six people away.
If I know him, and he knows her, and she knows you…
Dang six people away!
And I’ve searched long and hard for whom I know, the link to you.
Six people away.
And six is a number I’ve learned to hate, true.
Six people away.
I’ve decided the world’s over-populated by five,
But since it’ll always be, I guess I write this poem just for kicks.


Man’s Best Friend
I listen to the dog whimper at night. I wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling, if he even knows. I wonder if we feel at all the same. No wonder they call a dog a man’s best friend. Maybe sometimes it feels like you have more in common with a dog than any man in the world.


I love how the moon sits in the sky with a great big smile, and the stars hang there decorating the perfect, perfect sky. It’s like a dream, this perfect night. A beautiful dream – but I know one thing’s missing. Yeah, the air, the sky – they’re all just right, but…but…
I wish you were here! I wish you were here, on such a beautiful night. Everything’s just right, but I wish you were here! I wish you were here! And the air’s so clear – maybe a little crisp, but it’s nice. I just wish you were here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here.


If God’s not real, then nothing on this feakin planet’s real! If the Holy Spirit’s not for today, then I don’t want a thing to do with the things of today. I’ve never experienced anything more real. My Pastor uses the analogy that he’s had chocolate cake. You can’t convince him chocolate cake doesn’t exist. He’s had it. He’s experienced it. That’s a lot like how God is to me. Only He’s more real. We talk to each other. I’ve felt Him. When we went to Peru, I laid hands on a man with crutches and watched him walk home with new legs. I laid hand on a mute boy and heard him speak. I saw hands laid on a blind men and women who walked away seeing. The miracles were endless. I look at myself and everything God’s done in me…and I’m amazed beyond words; I cry simply upon looking. Looking up at the stars, I wonder how anyone can be an atheist, to think the sky, the stars, this world – everything – just happened. And then I look at myself – what I’ve experienced – and think of all the people I walk by and talk to everyday, never telling speaking a real word. I think of how I go about a normal, worldly life, and I wonder. I wonder; I seriously question myself.


One Person
Sometimes I look inside myself and think, “Ha, this is what it’s like to be alive.”
Other times I look and think, “God, I’ve never seen a thing more dead.”
I feel so scitzo.
Which of me is real?
I feel so crazy.
Is either of me sane?
God, I just wanna feel happy and alive.
I wanna be one person living only for you.
I wanna be one person doing what you want me to do.
I try so hard.
My heart is pure,
But I fall short so often.
You pick me up, even when I do it again and again.
You forgive me every time I crush your heart.
Oh, God, oh God, I love you.


Real
This is how I feel.
This one of me’s real.
This is who I am –
whether you like it or not.
This is me, and this is real.


A Goddess in My Head
I like to just lie down and think. Don’t you ever just like to think about the world and dream about your life? I like it- lying there pretending I’m someone just totally amazing. I love the places I go in my mind. I love who I am in my head. I love who I’m with and what I do. I love living in my head, where I control everything and everyone…where I never screw up. A goddess in my head. I love it. I love it. Total and complete control. Only the feelings I want are allowed (and I admit this includes some bad ones). But I like it. I like it. I love it.


Pulse
I love standing next to the speakers at a party or concert. I like being right there: where the music’s pulse becomes yours, where your breath becomes its, where the music and you melt together until you can’t tell the music from yourself. I realized the other day I’d actually rather feel the music than listen to it. I love listening to music, but I love feeling it even more.


Let it out!
I laugh – not ‘cause it’s funny. I cry – not ‘cause it’s sad. I jump – not ‘cause I’m joyful. I dance – not ‘cause I’m happy. I scream not ‘cause I’m scared. I yell – not ‘cause I wanna be heard. I whisper – not ‘cause it’s a secret. I write and talk – not ‘cause I got somethin’ to say. Sometimes this is just how I let it out.


More And More
He’s like a song I fall more and more in love with every time I listen to it. Every time I see his face, every time our eyes meet, every time I hear his voice, every time I think about him…I fall more and more in love.


My poems, these words in notebooks and documents, are so precious to me. In them I’ve opened up my heart and showed everything inside. Someone online once was talking about how new musicians (ie: her husband with his guitar) don’t like people to her them play. I think that’s how I feel about my poems. I don’t want people to see them because if they don’t like them or make fun, the cuts will go straight into my open heart. I don’t wanna be hurt.


Love and pain. I search for a difference between these words.


Not Like Me
No one feels the same as me. I talk to people who act like they totally relate to me, but the more they talk, the more I see how different we feel. I’m not like them; they’re not like me. I can’t relate to them, and they can’t relate to me. I think the day I find someone who feels the same as me, or even understands how I feel, I’ll immediately fall in love…if that person exists.


Dead Language
It’s so hard to translate my thoughts into words. It’s like my thoughts are a nearly dead language, and my pen is one of the few who knows it.


Cite 67
The pitter-patter of rain on an otherwise silent night. Seeing nothing’s actually quite a sight. Although I prefer silence, the sound’s alright. And I’d almost rather lightning make its claim now, but I do quite enjoy the current sight. I smell of air’s perfectly normal – not crisp nor damp – but simply air. For some reason my feet look strangely small. For some reason my hands feel far away. My stomach feels empty, and I just ate. My hands feel grimy, though they were just washed.


‘Cause I Simply Don’t Care
I enjoy the lay here and dream: as the sun beats upon my back, as the breeze does likewise to my face. I pop another Skittle in my mouth, along with a grain or two of sand. I watch a kite almost crash, only to be saved just in time. I watch the people in the water and like to see how they react to it. Some run from it; some stand still; some dive into it, and some ride over. A little boy with curly hair stands just in front of the water, bracing himself for a football tackle as it approaches his feet and flees in terror once it reaches. It smells like salt, my shorts are wet with ocean water, the sand’s irritating, the sun’s too hot. And today is perfect ‘cause I simply don’t care.


The Meaning of “Poem Without Words”
A song without words is worth singing, and a book without words is worth reading because they can go on and on saying absolutely nothing but still mean everything. A poem without words is worth writing for similar reasons. I would call “Poem Without Words” a poem without words, ironically (and not just because of the title). It really says nothing, but it really means everything. A game without rules is worth playing. Sometime life is a huge game with very strict rules, and sometimes it’s a huge game completely devoid of rules. I’ve found the time to play is when there are no rules. A checker with one side is the one worth kinging. Sometimes something may not seem very special or even normal; in fact, it may appear to have something simply wrong with it, but I’ve found this to be the thing worth risking everything for. Guitar without strings is the one worth playing. This one sounds strange, but sometimes it’s about something a little more than sound and feel. Sometimes you have to fight a war that can’t be won. You have to. Sometime you don’t even know why, but sometimes you just have to fight for what you want – what you need – even when you know you’ll never win the war. Souls don’t have mouths, but they cry out for more food than my mouth. “I dance to music without a beat.” I can’t dance to music that doesn’t have a beat. I can’t. But sometimes you have to do something you can’t do. You just have to. “I jump into a waterless pool.” I’m not sure this line goes with the rest of the poem perfectly, but I do love what it’s saying. It’s pretty much the story of my life. Recently I can apply it to my love for Kiefer. They say, “The worst thing a guy could do to a girl is let her fall in love when he doesn’t intend to catch her fall.” Well, I not only fell in love; I dived. But Kiefer doesn’t even know it. How is he supposed to catch me? He’s never even seen my face before! So it’s the ultimate stupid – diving into a waterless pool – the ultimate dumb. It’s truly suicidal. But I can’t stop myself. I can’t help myself, and I don’t know why this waterless pool is so enticing.


A Second
Yesterday seemed shoved into an hour, which was stuffed into a minute squashed into a second. It was a total blur as it flew on by, and now it’s gone. It’s gone. Yesterday. In a second.


Crying
I could see a young girl looking at those of us crying, and her look said everything she thought of us. But it doesn’t matter what she thinks. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. God knows. They’ve never felt my pain. Even the ones crying haven’t. I’m sure they feel pain – probably even worse pain than mine – but not my pain. No one’s felt my pain. But somehow God knows what I feel. He’s there for me. Mary Francis prophesied over me and spoke about being forgotten and chances to get bitter that I didn’t take, but she reminded me that God never forgets me. Never. I cried. Of course I cried. If there was one thing I didn’t want to do it was cry. I don’t care if everyone in the building was crying (and hardly everyone was). I didn’t want to cry. But I cried.


Everything
I guess…I guess you’ve got to be willing to fail if you ever want to succeed. Be willing to lose it all if you really want to win. And be willing to give everything and risk everything if you ever want to gain anything. If you really want something you’ve got to give up everything you love.


I feel like no one knows how much it hurts when I fail, and no one knows how hard I try. But I guess the latter problem’s at least partly my fault. I pride myself in making it look easy, like I’m not even trying, and I guess I can’t keep that pride and expect the sympathy I seem to want. I guess it’s just that sometimes…sometimes it seems like it wouldn’t hurt to be loved.

My house is on top of a hill, so you go down it onto the road we live on. I love sprinting down our driveway as fast as I can and keep sprinting ‘til I collapse. I go so fast it feels like…I feel like I’m flying.


One Chance
I’m working on a song about a time machine. It’s about what I’d do if I had one. I know the exact date and time to set it to, and I’d fix everything. I like the song ‘cause I think people can relate. I think everyone has at least one point in their life – one big one – bigger than the others – that they’d do anything to go back to and change. I like to wonder what the world would be like if we all had one chance to go back and fix one thing.


Real
I love how the sun reflects off your face on a cloudy day. You’re like fire. You’re hard to hold. You’re beautiful. You’re perfect to me, though you’re so flawed. You’re just so real. So real. I look into your eyes – your beautiful eyes – and they’re so open…so honest…so real.


Dark Mountain
I look down from the dark mountain I stand upon
And see the beautiful, bright lights below
It’s lovely how the dark makes them beautiful
As pain makes rare peace and wholeness better
And poverty makes prosperity richer
And bondage makes freedom taste so sweet

It’s so beautiful, and I love the dark
And, yes, I have fallen in love with pain
It’s wonderful, and if you’ve never tasted bondage, then truly you don’t know the sweetness of freedom.


The Worst Thing a Guy Can Do
He was young, and I was younger, but we both seemed so much older than that. I was in love and thought he was too; then again, I always have fool. I was in love, real love; I know I was, but now all I feel’s pain, real pain, that you can’t explain. I was so high, so high; I’d left this world. I never saw it coming, never had a clue. I never knew there was a level this low, and falling from such a height was quite a blow. They say the worst thing a guy could do to a girl is let her fall in love when he doesn’t intend to catch her fall. But they’re wrong. The worst thing he can do is catch her, bring her higher, and then pound her down.


Murder
She beats herself down. She hates herself now. She can’t stand herself now. [Can’t stand herself] (2x). [And she murders herself] (2x). And now…She’s killin’ herself…Breath by breath…She’s destroying herself…Step by step. She hates herself. Yeah, she hates herself. And right now…it’s herself she can’t stand. Yeah, it’s herself she can’t stand. She beats herself up…over ev-er-rything, over ev-er-rything. She drives herself nuts – absolutely insane, absolutely insane. [Can’t stand her own skin] (2x). And she’s allergic (to herself, to herself). And she murders herself, and she murders herself.


Never Die Again
You and me – let’s run forever…as hard as we can. And if we do, will we ever need to fall down, need to break down, ever slow down? Let’s not die now. Let’s not die.
And you and me – let’s run…as far as we can get, as hard as we can. And you and me – let’s run.
Do we need to fall down, sit down, slow down, break down?
Let’s not die now. Let’s not die. You and me – let’s run and never die again.


Constantly a Fall
I remember that day – oh so long ago, but just the same as clear. I remember it like yesterday – the first day that I died, but it certainly wasn’t the last. And I die now. All the time I die – constantly a fall. And I die now. All the time I die.

I stood there in shock – but now I’m numb to it. And I’m so used to death, it’s no longer a threat, and I’m so used to pain that it no longer hurts.


Slow Death
You know, sometimes people say things they totally don’t mean, and they’d do ANYTHING to recant those words. But these words aren’t the kind that can be erased by a simple sorry. These are the kind you can’t take back and you can’t really make better. These are the kind that slowly kill two people: the person who said them and the person they were said to.


Pain
I was playing keeper yesterday, and I went to save a ball and got kicked in the head really hard. It hurt pretty bad – okay – really bad, but it just felt like a bruise, and I’m pretty used to those. But since last night it’s been throbbing and it kills! I feel like everyone in the room can hear the “BOOM! BOOM!” of my head and see the whole right half of my head bulge in and out. That’s all I hear and feel. It’s probably some of the worst physical pain I’ve ever felt, but I’d gladly take double to get rid of a little of my mental pain.


Too Hard
Everyone demands so much of me! I demand so much of me. I try so hard to live up to what everyone wants me to be, but I fall short. It’s so hard. It’s so hard! Sometimes life just seems like too much for me – like it’s too hard for me to take. I wanna be who they want me to be – live up to what’s expected. I try – I do – but I always fall short. Life’s hard.


Partial
I’m always making up these great partial stories in my head. They intrigue me, with characters I want to know more about, places that draw me in and lines for movies or books I write in my head that interest me. I always want to know the rest of my story but never do. I know they’d be great if I found the other half.


Cruel
This world’s so cruel. Yeah, the world can be so mean. Can’t they see they’re killing her – slowly now – destroying her
Can’t they see she’s hurting? Can’t they see that in her eyes?
Can’t they see they murder her? Slow and painful is her death. They don’t know what she’s been through, but surely they can see it’s been a lot.

I’ve found the world to be cruel and people to be worse.


Heart beatin
            Lets him know that he’s alive
Head throbbin
            Makes him remember he’s in pain
Soul bleedin
            Now he remembers that he’s wounded…
 
We got a man down
            On the front line
Isn’t someone gonna help him?
But we’ve got our heads down
            And we’re not watchin
We can’t see what’s going on

We march right to our deaths
            Do we even care?
This is how it goes down
            Is this how you thought it’d end?

Sometimes…we just gotta be reminded that we’re dying
Sometimes…just gotta remember *that they’re cryin…
            Crying for he-e-e-e-elp
And they’re saying…
[Can’t anybody help me?] (2x)
Can’t anybody help...me now?

We’ve got the answer
But we seem to be too busy
            Dying…
And sometimes…we just gotta remember *

But we seem to be too busy
Yeah, we seem to be too busy
            With our deaths 


Beautiful
She’s runnin around with an open wound
Even a she smiles, she slowly dies
And she’s eaten the lies that she’s been spooned
She’s shed her tears but no longer cries 

And she tries so hard to be strong
And even now, you see her beauty
And trusting him – she never thought she could go wrong
Oh, she’s beautiful; she’s beautiful

And if you could do one thing, you’d save her soul
From the demons that claim it now
And if you could say one thing, you’d tell her how
She’s beautiful; she’s beautiful

She’s tormented and you’d love to see her whole
Oh, she’s beautiful; she’s beautiful
 

And if you could do one thing, you’d save her soul
From the demons that claim it now
And if you could say one thing, you’d tell her how
She’s beautiful; she’s beautiful
Even now

And you hate to see her beaten down
You’d do anything to help her out
And it kills you how it kills you how
She keeps you out

She’s so used to pain, it no longer hurts
So used to death, it’s not a threat
Anymore
Ye-hah
And she can’t take a failure or another hit
Oh, not right now
She’s so-o used – to falling down

And if you could do one thing, you’d save her soul
From the demons that claim it now
And if you could say one thing, you’d tell her how
She’s beautiful; she’s beautiful


I'm Sorry
I’m sorry…
I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m not hot enough
I’m sorry I’m not strong enough
I’m sorry I’m not rich enough…

And I’m sorry…
I’m sorry I’m not perfect

And I’m sorry I can’t read your mind

And I’m sorry…
I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry I’m not cool enough
I’m sorry I’m not sweet enough
I’m sorry I’m not nice enough
And I’m sorry I don’t have her hair
Yeah, And I’m sorry…
I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry I’m no what you wanted
And I’m so sorry…
So sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry I’m not tan enough
I’m sorry I’m not cute enough
I’m sorry I’m too weird for you
And I’m sorry I’m just not that good with words 

Is my blood too red?
Is my heart too broken?
Are these eyes too dead?
Can nothing change the words I’ve spoken?

I’m sorry…
I’m sorry…
This was not my intent
I tried to be perfect

I’m sorry…
I’m sorry…


It's Only Blood
I guess I asked the magic words: are you all right now?
You ask can’t I see that you’re fine
I say what about those wounds
But you say you’re all right now

Hey…it’s only blood
You’re only bleedin

Yeah, you’re only bleedin
And you’ve felt pain before

It’s not like you’re dead
You want me to let you live now
You’ve felt worse pain before 

[It’s only blood. It’s only blood] (2x)
But can’t you see
It’ll be the death of you


Happy to Watch Me Die
I should’ve seen it coming, and I know it’s all my fault. I should’ve done something, but you know it’s hard when you’re in love. And it’s hard when he’s so perfect, and it’s hard when he’s so good at what he does. But I should’ve remembered how hard it is to have your heart broken, smashed upon the ground. I should’ve remembered just how much it hurts. And he’s a pro at breaking hearts, and I’ll sure give him that – not like I haven’t given ev’rything else I’ve got. I gave him my heart. I gave him my soul. He took it all, and that’s sure taken toll. But he gave it all back – what was left, and that sure wasn’t much. In fact, I think I’d rather he’d’ve kept it – the state he left it in. I think I’d rather not’ve seen it, after where it’s been. Totally destroyed – left in agony – I sweep these broken pieces up off of the floor. And I know he had it all planned, and that’s part of what hurts so much. He lured me right in, and he sure took me high, before he slammed me down – happy to watch me die.


You Were Wrong
Don’t point that finger so freely. Don’t wave that gun around, and don’t you point that thing at me.
You’re the one in trouble. I’m the one who’s right. Don’t ask me why – I think you know. Yeah, I’m the one who’s right. You’re upset. I understand, but there’s no need to freak. Don’t you point that finger, and don’t you wave that gun.

It’s not really my fault, and you brought this on yourself. Now you hop into a car; we’ll see how far you get. You sure chose a nice one, but now the cops are chasing you. They run you off the road. They approach the car, but you don’t even move. They tell you to get out, but you stay in your seat. Now a young and eager copper approaches your door. He opens it wide, places a finger on your neck, desperately searching for a pulse. He hangs his head in sorrow. It didn’t have to end like this.
This isn’t the end that I predicted, didn’t know it’d end in blood. And I was just so happy: I was right and you were wrong. Now what’s it really matter, given that you’re gone?


Hide and Seek
Yeah, sure, I’ll play hide and seek with you,
But if I don’t find you, it’s ‘cause I don’t want to.
You look for me in the sun – where you thought you’d find me,
But you find me here in the dark –
By myself and utterly alone.
Would you sit with me for a while?
But, please, don’t turn on the light,
‘Cause I don’t need you to see my tears right now,
Although I know you know I’ve shed them.
Just sit here and keep me company.
Can we waste these moments for a while?
Snatch this moment out of time.
Let’s not breathe, not break the spell.
We’ll pretend we don’t exist.
Let’s not breathe; let’s not breathe,
And everything’s all right until we break the spell.

I guess it’s my turn to look for you,
And if I don’t find you, it’s ‘cause I don’t want to.
Once again I find you here – where I knew I knew I would,
in the dark and by yourself – utterly alone.
I’ll sit with you for a while,
But I won’t turn on the light.
You don’t need me to see your tears,
Although you know I know you’ve shed them.
I’ll just sit and keep you company.
We can waste these moments for a while;
Snatch this moment out of time.
We won’t breathe; we won’t break the spell.
We’ll pretend we don’t exist.
We won’t breathe, and we won’t breathe.
I know exactly how you feel,
And everything’s all right until we break the spell.


I Was Wrong
I cast my cares into the sea-
The endless, rolling sea.
I cannot find them any more.
I pray they don’t exist.

I forget about the lies I told-
Don’t want to remember anymore.
Forget all of the mistakes I’ve made
And promise not to make anymore.

I run upon an endless road
And pray I find you at the end.
I hold my breath for a while,
Hoping to God these lungs do hold.

But it doesn’t really matter.
What is done is done.
I know that sounds obvious,
But I keep on forgetting.

And I’m sorry for those I’ve hurt,
Sorry for those that I’ve let down.
And for those who called this all along
Say the words I know:
“I told you so.”
“I told you so.”
You told me so; you’re right.

I’m sorry I was wrong
To think I could be right.
I’m sorry I was wrong
To think things would work out.

But right now it doesn’t matter.
Right now I’ll just forget.

I cast my cares into the sea-
The endless, rolling sea.
I cannot find them any more.
I pray they don’t exist.


Second-Best
Give me a piece of your star so that I won’t have to travel far.
Stardust is good enough, and it’s just fine with me.
Don’t make me run; don’t make me cry, and please don’t break my heart.
I’ll settle for second-best if that’s what it takes
To not be hurt, to not be broken, smashed upon the ground.
I won’t take the one I want, if he may break my heart.
I’ll stay clear of danger, if it’ll save myself.
I’ll forget what I want, if that’s what it takes
To forget the pain, forget the hurt and things that break me down.
I’d rather be alone and keep what I've got left.


Unspoken List
I run my mind over a list
Of things I want to say to you.
I go over again all the things
I’ve failed to communicate.
I open my mouth to tell you now,
And I apologize, but the words some how
Just won’t seem to come out.
I know what they are;
They’re branded in my head,
Written down a million times.
I want you to know these words I can’t always say.
I want you to hear the ones written down.
I want you to know feelings still unnamed,
And I want you to never forget.

The feelings strongest and these thoughts truest
Are truly the hardest to let out.
But I want you to at least see them now:
I’m so sorry when I hurt you,
And I truly always love you. 


Beautiful Flame
Beautiful flame, you lure me in.
Beautiful flame, you burn me.
Beautiful flame, I knew you would.
Beautiful flame that burns me. 

Beautiful flame, I’ve been a fool,
But you have made me one.
Beautiful flame I am to blame,
But I through it back to you.

Like fire, you’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful; you’re hard to hold.
Like fire, you burn me,
Just like I knew you would.
Like fire, I just couldn’t resist.
Beautiful flame, you lure me in.

Beautiful flame, you lure me in.
Beautiful flame, you burn me.
Beautiful flame, I knew you would.
Beautiful flame that burns me.


If I Had the Words
So many things I want to say to you,
But I don’t know how.
Oh, I don’t know how.
So many words locked up inside of me
Oh, but I don’t know how...
There are so many things I want to tell you,
And if I had the words,
I swear I would.
There are so many words I want to let out,
And if I knew what they were,
I swear I’d scream them now!

I…I…I…am at a loss for words
I…I…I…am unsure what to say

There are so many things I would love to let you know
There are so many things I would love to share with you
But I confess
That I don’t know how
Oh, I don’t know how.


Everything I Could've Done
It’s been a while since I lost you.
It’s been a while since you’ve been gone.
And they think I should be over it,
But they don’t understand exactly what it’s like
To lose someone so close,
To lose you’re very best friend,
For them to die and you not to.
Yeah, they don’t understand.
And I still feel so guilty,
And I still lose my breath
When I think of you,
Which is all of the time.
And I still feel so guilty,
And I still stay up at night,
Thinking of you and everything I could’ve done. 


They say, “Good sense makes sense,”
But how can that be true
When I still manage to hurt you
Like I always do?
They say, “Good triumphs in the end,”
But how can that be true
When I’m still on the up. 


You’ll find me here;
You’ll find me here
If you’re looking hard enough.
I will die here;
I will die here
If never I am found.
I’ll die alone;
I’ll die alone
If everyone forgets.
It’s not suicide,
Not suicide;
It’s eating me alive.
I’m all alone;
I’m all alone,
But you can find me here.


Back to the Water (aka End in Red)
I sit with my 
            back to the water;
I don’t wanna see it go.
I die with my 
            face on the floor;
I try not to scream your name.
Is this the 
            way that it ends, now;
Do you always fade past gray?
And if it’s 
            death that we know,
Then surely I am red.
I am;
            I am red.
And with my 
            death now upon me,
Oh, how I hate to see you go.
And if I could 
            have done one thing
It would have been to let you know.
Oh, oh, oh…
Oh, I hate to see you go.
Yeah,
And does it always end in red?
And does it always end in red?


Ice Cream in the Morning
Here’s my vote for ice cream in the morning
Late night strolls that never end
A climate that’s never freezing
And a sun that never burns my skin

Here’s my vote for new beginnings
Friendship that never ends
For days I will look back on
Saying, “Those were the days, my friend.” 
Here’s my vote for love and laughter
Good days outweighing bad
You and me as lovers
With love growing stronger everyday

Here’s my vote for never dying young
Having fun growing old
Living life to the fullest
And never regretting what we did

Here’s my vote for good winning in the end
For never feeling pain
For those we love not dying
For those we want to win

And here is my vote (3x)
And here is my vote for you
Here’s my vote for living
And never giving in


Tattoo
Kiefer says he won’t need anyone to speak at his funeral. They can just open his casket and look at his tattoos. Even the random little designs mean something special. It’s actually kind of beautiful. He has a picture of Mary on his forearm. He’s not religious or anything, but he says it represents his home town (which apparently had a lot of that kind of stuff). He has a lot of that type of stuff. He has a Japanese symbol that means something like ‘never give up, and when you fall keep trying.’ If you know anything about Kiefer you know how much this means to him. You can tell when you read his quotes and stuff about him how much each tattoo means to him. I wouldn’t know what to get for a tattoo. I don’t want to cote my whole body with them, and I want something that means a lot to me and looks cool. I think I want a design on my bicep that means something really special to me. I think I can take the pain of getting a tattoo. When asked if it hurt, Kiefer said, “It depends on your definition of pain.” I’m pretty good with pain. I think I can take it. There was a vid online of Kiefer getting a tattoo. He was just sitting there talking to the camera like they were having tea and cookies and a nice little chat. I think he winced a little once and looked down at his arm. That wasn’t his first tattoo or anything, though.