Amazon iUniverse, Inc. Category:  Relationships Publisher: iUniverse ISBN-10:  0595274803 Pages: 158 Copyright: Mar 1 2003 A survivor's guide for wives of widowers, written by the ultimate insider!** Sensitively written by Julie Donner Andersen, a WOW herself, the book is a clear and honest portrayal of the roller coaster ride of emotional ups and downs that most new WOWs endure. It includes reassuring quotes from fellow WOWs who validate Ms. Andersen’s research. The author also empathetically describes the heart of a widower and how the WOW can relate compassionately to his grief issues while at the same time, protecting her own sense of security, self worth, and dignity. Best of all, "Past: Perfect! Present: Tense!" offers valuable and sensible advice about how to deal with WOW-related issues in marriage, such as what to expect and how to deal with guilt feelings, grief triggers, living with the past, interpersonal relationships with the late wife’s family and with the rest of society, becoming a WOW stepmother, and setting personal WOW boundaries. The chapter called "Embracing The Late Wife" is both compelling and moving. There is also a funny yet informative chapter devoted to how society can best approach a WOW, what to say and do in her presence, and what not to say and do. Ms. Andersen has penned a book that will surely be a comforting resource for newlywed WOWs, future brides of widowers, and widowers contemplating remarriage. "Past: Perfect! Present: Tense!" will also be a wealth of fascinating information for the non-WOW as well as clinical practitioners in the fields of psychotherapy, social work, and grief counseling. Excerpt I believe that as human beings, we require validation for our feelings - the right to feel our feelings, no matter how bizarre others may find them - and WOWs are no exception. For WOWs, however, problems arise when getting that validation means the possibility of being perceived by others as completely selfish and unsympathetic. And the WOW often does stand a good chance of being judged harshly, since she is dealing not only with herself but with someone who has experienced the death of a spouse, and all of the people who have loved and lost the woman he once called his wife. Our WOW angst about the late wife. and issues that arise because of her, make us seemingly petty and unrealistic to the outside world, but nothing could be further from the truth. We care deeply about the feelings of her survivors, and often about the late wife herself. But at the same time, we feel helpless and often hopeless in a society that still finds death and death-related issues "taboo". It is my hope that this book will help WOWs-to-be and newlywed WOWs find the peace of knowing that they are not alone, nor are they crazy for having WOW anxieties.

Wise, insightful, and candid...
"Past: Perfect! Present: Tense! Insights From One Woman's Journey as the Wife of a Widower" (by Julie Donner Andersen) is wise, insightful and candid; a clear and captivating look at the unique and challenging life of a "WOW" (Wife Of a Widower). Julie Donner Andersen writes with obvious knowledge and revealing personal experience that makes the book an easy and informative read. The book addresses how the WOW relates to the family and friends of the late wife - and even the late wife herself - while granting much needed support, understanding and empowerment to help the WOW protect herself at the same time. Like those who have never been divorced cannot understand its effects, only a WOW can truly understand a WOW's life. But Mrs. Andersen deftly paints such a clear picture that the reader who isn't a WOW will understand much more and the reader who is a WOW will breathe a sign of relief to have her feelings validated and find a common spirit. Mrs. Andersen covers the topics of grief, anger, guilt, insecurity and more without a maudlin attempt for justification. Instead she plows straight ahead into affirmations and resolutions that are sure to help a hurting WOW heal. Her "please do" and "please do not" list is right on target, enlightening and heartwarming -- a succinct source of strength and inspiration for those all too frequent encounters a WOW experiences. With honesty, grace and clarity, Mrs. Andersen offers a welcomed companion for the often misunderstood and amazingly courageous wife of a widower.


~ Karon Goodman, author of The Stepmom's Guide to Simplifying Your Life

A must-have for all WOWs...
A little over a year ago, I married a widower and became a stepmother to five motherless teen-agers and young adults. I am glad to see that someone with real-life experience has penned a book that addresses the unique challenges of an often-overlooked group--Wives of Widowers. This book is a "must-have" for all W.O.W.'s and an excellent resource for counselors, clergy and anyone else looking to expand their areas of empathy.





~Susan Law Corpany


Author of Brotherly Love, Unfinished Business and Push On


(Hagoth Publishing Company, Inc.)







Proven methods of healing...
"Julie Donner Andersen speaks from the heart; feelings moulded from her personal experiences. Her openness and willingness to share are refreshing. Ms. Andersen definitely has something to offer women in her same life situation. Her writing style is easy to read and offers specific support and her own proven personal methods of healing.





Many how-to books have a stiff style with the author obviously lacking personal experience. This book is a welcome relief. As a therapist I would and have recommended it to other wives of


widowers."





~Raymond Mark R.D., B.S.W., H.B.A. Psychotherapist/Clinic Director


Newmarket, Ontario
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