Excerpt
Ida Belle pulled him aside. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Gomer looked bewildered. “I thought you’d be pleased.”

“Pleased, no. Upset because you didn’t tell us about this? Yes, that’s it. Upset is definitely the word I’m looking for.” She jabbed her finger at his chest. “This is dangerous, Gomer, even for you.”

“Especially for him,” I whispered as Gertie nodded in agreement.

Gomer stood taller. “I’m a grown man and haven’t been asking for anyone’s approval for several years now.”

“Ida Belle, let me handle this.” Gertie reached in her large camo-style handbag and pulled out a handful of dried fruit. As she pummeled him with it, she said, “The last time we discovered mobsters in the bayou, there was a tall and handsome older gentleman. And now you’re putting us through this again?”

Gomer used his arms for cover. “How was that my fault?”

Gertie stopped with the food slinging and narrowed her eyes. “Last time wasn’t, but I’d like to be prepared for future happenings. A little warning would’ve been nice.”

“Not to hurt your feelings, but I run a reputable joint out here. No one is looking to fraternize with grandmotherly types.”

Ida Belle’s high-pitched whistle faded fast. I tried not to laugh.

“Go ahead,” Gertie said, tossing another handful of fruit at Gomer. “You’ll need me one day. Wait and see.”

Gomer’s eyes twinkled. “You might be right since we already have one resident your age. Ever heard of Mattie Milhorn? He was an international playboy back in the sixties. He robbed a lot of jewelry stores and took women on extravagant trips.”

“Oh geez,” Ida Belle groaned. “Gertie has fought in wars for fewer rewards.”

Gomer grinned big and nodded. “That’s right. You and Celia were at odds over the Jax factor.”

“We’ve been at odds for many decades. Jax isn’t to blame.” Gertie batted her eyelashes. “Jax and I bonded over coffee and cookies. Old movies, too. Those were the good ole days.”

“It was last year,” Ida Belle said, returning her undivided attention to Gomer. “Tell us what’s happening.”

“I could give you the grand tour, but I have to make an announcement first.” He motioned for us to follow him. When we stepped on the back porch, he grabbed a red megaphone and a laminated script which he waved in our direction. “I try to stay on point with cheat sheets.”

“Then you’re in good company given the people you’re housing here,” Ida Belle said.

“We keep law and order around here, Ida Belle.” Gomer lifted the megaphone to his mouth and read, “Ladies and Gentleman, Please feel free to leave your beautifully appointed bayou home and resume your daily schedule. This was only a test. You may now return to your daily activities.”

He tossed aside his script. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He held up his forefinger and returned to his post by saying, “Stay tuned for an additional announcement.” He motioned for Gertie. “Can you sing?”

Gertie blushed. “Well, I hate to brag, but my voice has been compared to—”

“Miss Piggy’s,” Ida Belle said, never cracking a smile.

“Of the Muppets?” Gomer asked.

“That’s the one,” Ida Belle said.