There was this retarded man in town where I grew up, Leonia NJ, and he had red hair and we used to call him "Red", and he was tall and lanky and never spoke a word and all he did was walk from one end of the town to the other, back and forth, all day long, day after day, no matter the weather, from one end of the town to the other, he had daddy long legs and walked with giant long strides, never saying a word, and we'd watch him while we were high on pot. One day we didn't see him. He died. I've missed him ever since. Never knew his real name. I write for people like that.

When I was twelve I ate a blueberry pie in thirteen seconds. Won an ice cream cone.