This is the story of six late teenaged superheros attempting lives with sanity and failing miserably.
Note: This story and all episode preceding this one are not mine. They are the works of a Miss Danielle Riseley, and it is with her permission that I post these extraordinary pieces of literature. ^^
"So what was the "big emergency?'" asked Jenny while putting their police reports in order of importance.
"Nothing actually. Scott just found a spider and went spastic," replied Isis while turning on the news. "Anything to do today?"
"Looks like no, nothing more than typical police work," stated Jenny as she finished the reports and looked up. "Hey could you turn that up?"
"Sure."
"Earlier today, in front of Rumson's town hall, there was quite a commotion, unlike anything we have ever seen. John has the story," said Sam Loren, their local news anchor.
"Thank you Sam," said Jonathan Carlo. "I am here in the town hall, where just a few hours ago, something quite odd happened. From what I can tell, some devout Hindu followers met here to incite the citizens about the blasphemy of their gods. They seemed to be looking for converts, according to witnesses."
"The lead speaker said that a lot of the things that an average citizen does blasphemes the gods. I, for one, didn't believe in any of their statements, but I think they have a right to voice it," said Emily Jefferson, one of the witnesses.
"Some citizens weren't as open-minded, and tried to attack the speakers," said Carlo. "Police then intervened and broke it up. The speakers did not get arrested but were advised to get a permit next time they want to make any sort of speeches. Back to you, Sam…," came from the speakers of the television, as well as the caption on the screen.
"Intriguing," stated Isis.
"Oh yeah, simply outstanding. People should have better things to do then have religious riots, they really should," Jenny advised.
"… Do you want cream in your coffee?"
"Just leave it black."
"Alright," Isis said as she began to leave the entertainment room.
"Wait! Just bring the whole pot!"
"Whatever," Isis said walking into the kitchen.
"Isis, how come you'll make Jenny coffee? She gets free board too! And-and I get nothing. Favoritism is bad," said Willow disapprovingly from her seat at the dining table.
"She does all the work and makes all the gadgets while you just mess around. Hence, she gets free board."
"…Ummm…," Willow began to rummage through cabinets then pulled out a spork and a permanent marker. She then proceeded to draw a face on the spork. "TA DA! I give you Spork Buddy! Is it a fork? Is it a spoon? No, it's Spork Buddy! You can pick things up." Willow seemed to be having some difficulties with her new invention. "I said pick things up!" she said with exasperation and started stabbing bacon, then stuck it onto the top of the spork. "There we go," she said with satisfaction. "And you can scoop up food," she said happily, scooping up some gummy bears lying around and then eats the contents on the spork. "And when you're done eating it's your best friend," she said logically, and began to make it appear as if Spork Buddy was talking.
Isis looked at Willow in disbelief and rolled her eyes.
"Yeah. Nooooooooo."
"Aw come on man! Spork Buddy is the awesomest!"
"I fear for you really I do," said Isis as she walked into the kitchen.
At the moment when Willow was still playing with the spork and Isis was searching for the coffee pot, Amanuet decided to walk in, drinking a beer.
"What are you people doing?" Amanuet asked slowly so that their fragile young minds might understand.
"You have insulted Spork Buddy! Now face the wrath of… it?" stated Willow confusedly as she sat on the counter pretending the spork could fly.
"…How did I insult it? What are you people smoking," cried Amanuet. "Drugs are bad."
There was an awkward pause in which all the inhabitants gave her a shrewd look. "On second though," said Amanuet, cowed. "Give me the directions to where you got it so I can buy all their stock."
"I haven't smoked anything; I'm just trying to find the coffee pot…" replied an irritated Isis while searching through cabinets for the coffee pot.
"I put it in the freezer," stated Willow nonchalantly.
"Why?"
"It was sweating… I thought it would want to cool off."
With that both Amanuet and Isis looked at each other with looks of confusion.
"I'm joking. Honestly, I'm not that weird, it's probably just drying off in the dishwasher."
"…sure," said Isis as she went opened up the dishwasher which had finished several minutes ago, "and oddly enough you're right."
"I am?" Willow exclaimed disbelievingly. "Wow I'm so proud of myself!"
Amanuet merely looked at them disgusted and walked off to the living room, muttering to herself.
Homer's Ill Iliad & Odd Sea Odyssey (420 pages) is an adult satire/parody rewrite of the classic stories of the 10 year Trojan War and of the 10 year adventure of Odysseus trying to return home to his native Ithaca.
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