Abandoned Life ~ Autobiography:  Part Three

Musical Background: Trying to stay focused

Trying to focus and become a star is not the easiest thing by far to do.  Tinka’s mom and dad taught their children quite well how to play a few musical instruments through their growing years; mostly played the guitar and piano.  They had great talent, but not great skills.  So they all had to learn the hard way and to play by ear.  Dad would play the guitar and mom and the kids had to sing along; sometimes, she guesses, much to the annoyance of the neighbors.  Dad would also play the harmonica and guitar all at the same time, and Tinka had to hold it, standing behind him, holding it in position so he could easily slide his mouth over it.  She did not dare to let go, even though it tired her legs and hurt her back like hell.  Later on it would feel like fire in her arms and neck.  Her father never got that far in buying him self something, a gadget to hold the harmonica in place.  These musical sessions could go on for hours at a time.  On other days mom would teach the kids how to stay focused on the note level of their voice, she would change from one key to the next like a second voice, and expected Tinka to stay in tune and on the first key.  What a torture that was for her.  She could never get that right… she just could not do it period.  The moment her mom would drop a key Tinka would follow and lose it completely.  Eventually her mom would make her close her eyes and ears by putting her fingers to her ears, not to hear her mom’s voice.  That worked for a little while until Tinkas curiosity would take over and she would want to make sure it worked, or her mom gave her the sign to open up.  That is when she would fall right off the wagon again.  Some days Tinka could do it so well then be totally off key the next day.  Even today she struggles with that, although belief it or not she writes the most beautiful songs and melodies.  She uses her own technique but it works at the end.  Through the years she learned how to play guitar, piano, electrical keyboards, anything that has the same notes, piano, accordion, even a little concertina all without any educational training by someone qualified to do so.  She is a home style back yard musician but quite effective.  Tinka’s dream was to become a singer, poet, writer and composer, but had to wait many years to fulfill her dream.  Today she has written quite a few songs, lyrics and melody of which she is very proud.  This was her very first song:

A Million Miles Away

I’m
Sittin' here lonely - feelin' blue,
Lovin' you only - what can I do,
How can I - face tomorrow,
Or live for - another day -

Tie .....

Knowin' darlin' - you're a million miles away.
Chorus .....

Oh you walked out on me - I had to set you free,
Now my tears - fall like rain - how can I bear this pain,
Knowin' you're a million miles - away from me.

II

Oh how do I face - life without you,
I don't know - what I'm gonna' do,
All my hope - and dreams are gone,
Where do I turn - how do I carry on.

Tie .....

Knowin' darlin' - you're a million miles away

Chorus .....

Oh you walked out on me - I had to set you free,
Now my tears - fall like rain - how can I bear this pain,
Knowin' you're a million miles - away from me

Musical Break .....

BrIdge .....

Yes a million miles away - so what can I do,
Deep down inside - you know I love you,
I'm tortured without you - by a burnin' desire,
You know baby - how you set me on fire.

Tie .....

Though I know darlin' - you're a million miles away.

III

A million miles away - trapped in yesterday,
You can hear my voice - echoing
In the chambers - of your heart,
Calling to you - from far away,

Tag .....

"Come home - come home,
come home to me today -
come home to me today."

5/20/03

At the age of seven Tinka went to school away from home living in a hostel for girls, fighting her way through it all to survive.  She started off with a big bang becoming the sweetheart of many teachers with her bubbling spirit and trying to be the best on the sporting field.  In the classroom she became a little ambassador of sorts.  While not always the brightest, just average, she was always there with a helping hand reaching out for others.

This was to become the best time of Tinka’s life.

At the tender age of only nine she wanted to play basketball but was too young, so she took on a dare of her life to prove herself.  She told the teacher that she could score a goal just by doing what the others did, not having a clue what it was all about.  The teacher thought okay you little rebel I will teach you a lesson and gave Tinka a chance to show what she could do.  To the great amusement of the other kids, Miss Schultz said; “if she could score a goal three times in a row she would consider taking her in”.

Without further ado Tinka took the ball from Miss Schultz and took place where one of the kids pointed out.  Without any trouble she did it three times to every ones amazement not to mention her own.

Miss Schultz had to get permission from the headmaster, but did not go back on her word.  The next day Tinka became the little darling of the school. Miss Schultz personally trained her and she never looked back. 

Even in gymnastics and on the sports field Tinka’s aim in life was to be the best in everything she did.  Doing that she was not alone and felt loved, even though sometimes abused by older children who envied her ability to do what she did at such a tender age.

How could she have known that the stage for her life was being set, one filled with bitter memories of abuse and regret.

School years were the best time in Tinka’s life, and her first kiss was something she would never forget.  At fourteen she hardly had any breasts to be proud of and having to wear bra’s that were padded and three sizes too big.  Mom said she could not buy new ones all the time and that she would grow into them soon.  Tinka then thought what the heck lets fill it up then.  She took one of her bobby socks and filled the gap.  There was no more accidental denting on that front.  All went well and boyfriend Billy who she thought was her one and only true love took her to the school bioscope that night.  He was a real gentleman till after the show.  He walked her back to the hostel like all the other kids when he pulled her behind the rose tree and wanted to kiss her.  She had no idea how to kiss a boy.  She held her breath as his lips touched hers.  “Oh boy that was hell” she thought almost fainting as she pushed him away to catch her breath.  He laughed and asked her what was wrong.  She blushed and explained to him that this was new to her and she could not breathe.  He burst out in laughter as he held his stomach.  Tinka looked at him with a duh look on her face and asked him what was so funny.  He then taught her how to kiss without fainting by breathing through her nose.  He then wanted to touch her breasts and she had a hard time to keep him away knowing those were socks and no real boobs.  She just gave him one good smack and asked him to behave and that she was not that kind of girl.  Respecting her wish he said good night, kissed her on the forehead and left.  She went home for the school holidays without seeing her Billy but a few days later her dad came home with something in his shirt pocket. It was a letter from Billy…and dad had opened it.  He gave her hell for having a boyfriend at her age.  Then he noticed the size of her breasts and the next moment reached out and pulled the bobby socks out placing them next to her plate; brothers laughing hysterical knowing she was literally busted.  Tinka had to explain why she had those socks propped in there, and he would not belief her.  He just said she was trying to be an oversize bitch that wanted to get the boys attention.  Tinka did not eat but ran to her room. She took her bra off and went back to her dad asking him to take a good look at it and tell her how to wear this shit without making a fool of her self.  Her father had no words.  Just waved his hand and send her to her room to cool down.  She never wore them again till much later when she was fully - grown.