Five years and many days ago, I set off to meet a friend for coffee at a local fast food restaurant. Since I was early, I walked over to browse in a department store located in the strip mall behind McDonald’s. After wasting a little time, I crossed the parking lot and was nearing the restaurant when my shoe stuck on the pavement. The momentum propelled my body forward, knocking me to the ground. My bifocals’ frame split apart on impact and became a weapon. Raw metal ground into my eyebrow. I returned to my feet and hurried inside to wait for my friend. Bleeding profusely, but moving under my own power with a painfully twisted hip, I asked the manager for some extra napkins. He brought me some bandages to cover the wound and asked how he could assist. I informed him my friend was due momentarily and would drive me to the emergency room.

Now the fun begins, of course.

First, I must tell you I ONLY speak English and everyone in this story speaks English so the problem must be a lack of listening skills. In the emergency room, I was asked several questions about my accident.

“What happened?”

“My shoe stuck on the pavement and I fell forward.”

“Were you dizzy? Did that cause you to fall?”

“No, my shoe stuck on the pavement and I fell forward. When my glasses hit the pavement, they broke and cut my eyebrow. I, also, twisted my left hip.”

Did you hit your head when you fell?”

“No, like I said before, my shoe stuck on the pavement and I fell forward. When my glasses hit the pavement, they broke and cut my eyebrow. I, also, twisted my left hip.”

“Have you ever had a stroke?

“No, like I said before, my shoe stuck on the pavement and I fell forward. When my glasses hit the pavement, they broke and cut my eyebrow. I, also, twisted my left hip.”

It wasn’t until after the tests I saw the diagnosis on the order sheet for an x-ray and MRI.

“Diagnosis. Dizzy from possible stroke-fell and hit head on pavement.”

Not only was there no concern or testing for the injured hip, where did that description come from? Now before you think I’m picking on the medical community, let me assure you, I’m not. The victim in this saga is a retired intensive care nurse. The experience was a total lack of listening at the healthcare worker’s interview.

Stitches were inserted and the ER co-pay was paid with instructions to follow up with my personal physician. Please do note that there is still no concern for the messed up hip of an elderly patient. At this point, I had so little confidence in their concern or capability that I just wanted to leave.

They, evidently, submitted their bills to my insurance company ASAP, because in no time at all, I received a questionnaire regarding the incident. It is interesting that it now became an incident with the insurance company, instead of an accident.

One of the sample questions, after asking where the ‘incident’ occurred, follows.

“Was there trash in the McDonalds’ parking lot that needed to be removed by management, causing you to trip and fall?”

“No, my shoe just stuck on the pavement and I fell forward. It was an accident. It happened behind McDonald’s in the parking lot of the shopping center.”

“Were there old wads of gum on the McDonalds’ parking lot that should have been removed by management causing you to trip and fall?”

“No, my shoe just stuck on the pavement and I fell forward. It was an accident. It happened behind McDonald’s in the parking lot of the shopping center.”

I fully expected them to ask me the brand of chewing gum if I had answered ‘yes’ to that one.

Two weeks later and another questionnaire.

“Who owns the shopping center where the incident occurred? Were there cracks or flaws in the paving causing you to trip and fall?”

“No, my shoe just stuck on the pavement and I fell forward. It was an accident.”

“Who paved the parking lot?”

“I don’t know and it has nothing to do with the ‘accident.’

 I decided to go a bit further to show them how ridiculous their efforts were to try to manufacture a party to blame and sue for my medical bills. I added the following information.

The party who owned this land prior to the development of the shopping center can be located by researching the address with Pinellas County public records. Possibly, they didn’t have the ground graded properly prior to building and paving, causing me to trip and fall.

Prior to their ownership, the land was inhabited by the Seminole Indian tribe. They may have left traps on the property or applied voodoo-type spells on future visitors causing me to trip and fall.

Prior to the Seminoles, an early caveman may have left his stone hammer or axe lying on the ground, causing me to trip and fall.

I hope you can find the responsible party to ‘sue’ for my ‘trip-and-fall incident.’

Oh, and by the way, you’ve never asked the brand of shoe I was wearing. Sloppy detective work, don’t you think?