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Shirley I Dilley

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Grow Your Own Food or Not
by Shirley I Dilley   
Rated "G" by the Author.
     
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Piece from my book "Scribbles to Chew On". A quick look at a REALLY amateur gardener.

 A recent posting of a friend and fellow writer asked what you would do if you were Empress of the World. She laid out a plan with five initial suggestions that over time would create world harmony. One of the suggestions was for all people to be involved in food production as world peace would be easier to achieve if there were no empty bellies.

I’ll go with that. When I’m hungry and have to start thinking about what to cook for dinner, I can be witchy. (That's spelled with a "B" if you're over 13)

Now, if I’ll need to start foraging for and/or start producing my own food supply, I have several questions for the masses. I’ll search the internet later today for some tips to get started.

1. How do you grow ‘potato chips’ and ‘cheezits’? How often do they need watering?

2. Where do you go to buy some ‘brownie seeds’?

3. How long does it take to grow an ‘apple’ tree? Will I have apples by springtime?

4. Do I need special fertilizer for ‘rib eye’ steaks or will just regular fertilizer do for both ‘rib eye’ steaks and ‘ground beef’?

5. Is there a special tracking system I can hang around the squirrels’ necks to be able to locate the nuts they’ve ‘squirreled away’ for the winter. (Yes, that was an intentional pun.) If I locate and confiscate their nuts, am I obligated by law or common courtesy to share my other food with them?

6. What is the “command” I need to know to order my chicken to lay an egg? Is there a different command for male chickens?

7. If my kids don’t want to eat any green vegetables, what do I add to the soil to make them a different color?

8. How long do I have to position my cow in front of the open freezer door for the milk to get cold?

9. Will I only be able to grow ice cream if I live in Alaska?

This all sounds like a lot to learn and entirely too much work. You might not realize it, but I'm a city girl and these things just don't come naturally to me.

Think I’ll just order from Amazon prime. Dinner will be here in two days.


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Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on December 9, 2016
Laughed all the way to the dinner table.

From childhood onward many years to learn how to grow food with all the hazards involved. Now, one can go on Internet and quickly find out the best way to grow almost anything. I think that city folks like you with no gardening experience are going to be some of the best farmers in the future. No fun intended.

Ron

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