I WAS JUST WALKING THE STREET- IN SLIGHLY PENSIVE MOOD-JUDGEING AND MULLING OVER MY LIFE FAILURES-"a MAN WITH A Ph.D YOU OUGHT TO HAVE A JOB A CAR, WIFE, A MILLION DOLLARS". "WHAT IS IT?" MUST BE SOMETHING. THE PEOPLE I KNEW, MARRIED, CHILDREN, HOUSES, TRAVELED THE WORLD-LOTS OFAUTHORITY, FINESSE. MUST TAKE MORE THAN INTELLIGENCE TO HAVE SUCCEEDED, THEN AGAIN, WHAT IS THE VALUE OF MY SCHOLARSHIP AND SCHOOLWORK, DEDICATION, AND DISCIPLE. THE REASON FOR MY FAILURES-NOTHING EVER REALLY SAID to me-I ASSUMED MISTAKENLY/UNREALLY ABOUT THE TROUBLES I HAD ALL ALONG. SEVERAL SCHOOLS, LONG TIME TO GRADUATION, EXCESSIVE TROUBLE, NO NOTES OR THOUGHTS ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE EVER COMPARED WITH ANYONE. IM SUPPOSED TO KNOW, OR DIDN'T ASK OR NEVER A REPLY. WERE MORE THAN GRADES AND RESEARCH SUCCESS WERE THE JUDGEING FACTORS?
WAS JUST WALKING THE STREETS....WASHINGTON, MIAMI, BOSTON, PHILADELPHIA, SACRAMENTO, LOS ANGELES, TIAJUANNA, SAN DIEGO, JUST WALKING THE EARTH BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE A WAY TO STOP. A WAY EITHER TO STOP THE MISSLES, NOISES, CONSTANT ROBBERY, AND TERROR ENCOUNTERED EVERY DAY. THE EARTH DID NOT SEEM TO ADD UP-NOT ONLY WAS THE TRUTH MISSING, THE ASSUMED TRUTH NOT HOLDING UP GAINING A BETTER PICTURE OF REALITY, NO DISCERNEABLE, OR IMAGINEABLE TRUTH WAS SURFACEING..I APPEARED TO MYSELF TO BE EXACTLY ALONE ANYWHERE TREADING A FINE LINE OF LEARNED SURVIVAL MUCH LIKE MY JOURNEY THROUGH SCHOOL...THE WORLD NOT LEARNED SOUNDLY EITHER PLACE BUT WAS ALWAYS UNIFORM AND CONSISTENTLY SLANTED IN A CHILD LIKE MANNER-MY IMPRESSION ON OTHERS, NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY MENACEING, OR SUSPICION DRAWING,(COULD OTHERS SEE ANY TRUTH OF A VULNERABLE STRANGER-YES THEY SAW A VULNERABLE STRANGER WITH PROBLEMS THEY TRESSPASSED UPON? MY INTERPRETATIONS AND ADDITIONS OF PEOPLES BEHAVOIR WAS 1% VALID)...I JUST SIMPLY DREW MEANESS AND CRUELITY IN SUCH CONSISTENT REPETITION THAT ALL OF THE LAWS AND FREEDOMS GUARANTEED BY CHURCH AND STATE ADDED UP AS NON- EXISTING-IN ANALOGY TO ESTABLISHED INSTITUTIONS AND THOUGHT EDUCATED AND REASONABLE AUTHORITY VIOLATING ME PERSONALLY.
I THOUGHT IT THROUGH VERY CAREFULLY-MY EXPERIENCES-TO CLEAR MY CHEST-PART OF MY REASONING- A 101% ONE SIDED APPLICATION-NO HANDS EXTENDED TO HELP-EARS TO HEAR OR LISTEN-AND WHEN IT CAME TO MONEY OR NEEDS-THE STATE SPEND OVER TEN MILLION DOLLARS AGAINST MY WILL, AGAINST A NON LAW BREAKING CITIZEN, THAT NOT ONLY RESTRICTED MY FREEDOMS IN THE PROCESS, LEFT UNPAYABLE BILLS BEHIND, WORSENED MY SITUATION, DESPITE EXACT SPOKEN PREDICTIONS OF THE CERTAINTY OF, ON APPROACH.
I THOUGHT IT THROUGH AND THOUGHT IT THOROUGHLY THROUGH, AND THE WORLD WAS NOT EVEN WHAT I SAW IN THE EYES OF OTHERS OR WHAT I THOUGH IT TO BE MYSELF-OR WAS ANYTHING EVER WRITTEN DESCRIBING IT AS NOT ADDING UP TO ITS' ADVERTISEMENTS, ESSPECIALLY THE DEMOCRACY OF AMERICA.
NO INDIVIDUALS I KNEW SEEMED TO BE THAT BAD-I MYSELF MIGHT NOT HAVE GONE OUT OF THE WAY TO HELP A TRANSIENT-BUT I'D NOT OF CAUSED HIM MISFORTUNE. I COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT.
I COULDN'T FIGURE IT OUT ...THE WORLD AROUND ME RUN BY SOME ENTITY WITH THE EMOTIONAL MATURITY OF A FIFTH GRADER AND WAS INVISABLE, EVERYWHERE, PERVADING THROUGH THE EARTH LIKE AN OPPOSITE TREE OF LIFE, A CANCER TO THE SOUL, BACKWARDS EVOLUTION, A LACK OF REASONING-A WORLD DRIVEN OF FORCES BEYOND REASON.
I COULDN'T SHAKE IT, ESCAPE IT, AND HAD NO WAY TO JOIN WITH IT, AND DIDNT KNOW WHAT IT WAS.
I HAD ALSO LEARNED FROM A COINCIDENTIAL HABIT OF THINKING OF MY BEING IN THIS WESTERN SOCIETY THAT IT COMPLICATES THINGS, MULLS ON THEM, BEATS NOTIONS TO DEATH AS A TEST TO SEE IF THEY BIRTH LIFE, YET, SPEAKS OF BAD SURPRISES, FOR THE UNWISEST. IT REMAINS IN MY MIND TO DAY AS A PROMINENT REFLECTION OF ALL MY STUDIES THAT GOOD BREEDS GOODNESS ONLY, BEATING A DEAD HORSE IS UNFRUITFULL AND TIME WASTEING, BIRTH COMES FROM ONLY GOOD LOVE AND KINDNESS, AND THAT ANY OR ALL TRANSGRESSIONS OF JUDGEMENT IN THESE REGARDS, THOUGH NOT BEARING PERSONAL GAIN, NOT BEAR PUNISHEMENT EITHER (I.E I MIXED THE SALT WATER FROM LAKE MICHIGAN WITH THE DISH WATER AND LAUNDARY DISCARD FROM KALAMAZOO AND THE ELECTRICITY AT BOTH NIAGRA FALLS AND AND THE ASWAN DAM BLACKED OUT. sHOULD BE A TEST, A LEARNING EXPERIMENT.. SOMETHING IS LOPSIDED
...AS I WAS SAYING.... OF THIS WESTERN MIND OVER MATTER PREOCCUPATION..IT'S OVER COMPLICATIONS, AND OBSESSIONS,, LOOKS AND ACTS LIKE CANCER AS I SEE IT, EXPRESS IT-SOMETHING THAT JUST GROWS TOWARDS ME LIKE A TREE OR PLANT, (NOW I WENT THROUGH THIS RITUAL MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE-PROBABLY BECAUSE OF A CORNER I WAS IN- BUT IF IT LOOKS LIKE , SMELLS LIKE , AND TASTES LIKE SHIT IT PROBABLY IS SHIT-AND I'D HAVE TO THROW IT OUT AND START OVER-NOW IF I KEPT COMING UP WITH SHIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND EVERYWHERE I LOOKED IN THE EYES OF ANYONE IT DIDNT READ "SHIT"-EITHER, ONE DIDNT EQUAL ONE, OR ONE PLUS ONE TWO, I DIDNT EXIST, OR EVERYONE ELSE DIDNT.... GETTING BACK
AGAIN TO THE MY MENTAL PREOCCUPATION OF A CANCEREOUS CORD IN SOCIETY I WAS HAVING A BAD TASTE OF... I FINALLY CONNECTED MY DESCRIPTIVE IMMATERIALS WITH A BOLD INTELLECTUAL STEP AND PROUDLY CONCEIVED AN ESTUTE IDEA
I CONSIDERED BORDERING ON GENIOUS(ESPECIALLY AFTER YEARS OF UNRESOLVED GASTRITIS TROUBLE OF "UNKNOWN ORIGIN") THAT THE SUBJECT TOPIC AND ANSWER TO MY LIFES INCONSISTENCIES WAS AN EXISTING AND TANGEABLE BRAIN CANCER IN SOMEONE (WITH A COERCEIVE PROPENSITY TO CAUSE MEANNESS LIEING AND CHEATING AND AALSO HAD SOME CONNECTION WITH THE PUBLIC WITHIN THE RANGE OF MY TRAVELS). A CONNECTION BOTH LANGUAGE WISE, AND MEDICALLY THROUGHOUT THE TEACHING AND SURVIVAL OF THE POPULATION. .. AND I STARTING INVENTING THINGS THAT COULD SEEK AND STRIKE QUICKLY WITH LIGHT, ELECTRICITY, ETC IN A 360 DEGREE FASHION, WORLD WIDE.
VERY FEW EVER CONSIDER THAT IF SOMETHING MANAGED TO CONNECT FLATLY ACROSS THE FURTHEST DISTANCES OF OUR VISIONS THAT AT ITS' SOURCE IT'D BE AT AN ANGLE DEPENDING WHERE ON THE EARTH IT WAS, THAT IT COULD BE BEHIND THINGS, UPSIDE DOWN, SHOPING IN A STORE AND AT THE SAME TIME ROBBING A BANK OR GIVING A SPEEECH IN ANY TOWN ANYWHERE-UPSIDE DOWN, RIGHTSIDE UP, IN BETWEEN, UNDER TEN THOUSAND POUNDS OF WEIGHTAND SPREAD ONLY BY PRINT AND TALK, AND YET HAD TO BE PENETRATED SOME OTHER WAY ..IT COULD BE SENDING ARMIES TO THE FAR EAST..... AND AT THE SAME TIME SABATOGEING MY INVENTIONS, PREPAREING WITH AN ESTUTE INTELLECT TO SELL THEM , COVER UP THEIR SOURCE, FEARING, NEEDING A BUFFER, NEEDING AN UNKNOWN THOUGHT//BIRTH TO PUT BACK IN PLACE A WORLD OF CHAOS AND LOST ORDER FROM ITS OWN PUBLIC EXPOSURE OF INTIMATE
SECRETS, THOUGHTS AND WISDOMS, THAT REMOVED THE MEANING AND INTENTIONS FROM A CONCRETE NOTION...SEEKING TO IMPOSE SSSUFFERING AS IT SUFFERED..A SAD ENOUGH SENERIO TO REDUCE STRONG HAPPY HEARTS...TO HABIT, OBSESSION,AND DESPAIR...LOOKS LIKE IT, TASTES LIKE
IT, AND SMELLES LIKE IT...etc AND MEN GREW TO HUNGER FOR IT, INDULGE IN IT CONSUME IT: BUT THANK GOD FOR THE WILL FORTITUDE, ARMS OF VIGOR, AND STRENGTH OF CHARACTER I CAME TO VIEW OF MYSELF, AND OF MY SIMPLE, DOG LIKE EXISTENCE BIRTHED SUCH A PARAGON OF EXCEPTIONAL OPPOSITE CHARACTER TO AS DECAYING MORAL FIBER, THAT BY THE MOST STRINGENT ASSUMPTUIONS, EXPERT DETECTIVE WORK, LABORIOUS REASONING AND THE ACQUIRED WITNESS OF EXPERTS OF THIS EARTHS TROUBLES, ITS' CRIMINAL AND CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES, HAD NOT A SINGLE SOLE STUMBLED ON MY POSSIBLE EXISTANCE, OR THE WAR I WAGED, AND BY THIS EXCLUDED ME FROM THE DEFINITION OF THIS EXISTENCE TO ONLY AMPLIFY MY DIFFICULTIES TO A STRUGGLE WITH FATALISM THAT IS CLOAKED IN EXACT IGNORANCE, THOSE WHO COULD BE DESCRIBED AS LATENTLY INCLINED PUPPETS OF MOLE HILLS AND IRRATRIONAL AND DESPERATE FEAR. fATALISTS SOLVING PROBLEMS WITH DEATH, SELF ENDOCRINATED SYSTEM HATERS COMPLAINERS, CORNER CUTTERS.. SO PITIFUL HUNGARY AND BLIND IN MANNER THAT MANY MEN MERCILESS SUCCOMB, MANY WOMEN LEND THEMSELVES PITFULLY, OF HIS WORLD TORTURED EYES, AND DESPERATE YET VERY CONCEALED COOL.. SUCCOMBTO INVITATIONS OF RAPE.
AND MAVIN, A MAN WITHOUT A WOMAN, FRIEND, MAN OF GREAT STRENGTH AND CHARACTER, a SAVIOR, BY INTELLECT AND SCIENTIFIC INVENTOR, AND FRIEND OF SOCIETY, WOULDN'T EAT THE SAME SHIT TWICE, AS THE REST OF THE COLLECTION OF DELIVERED CANCEREOUS IMMUNOGENICS
SEEMED TO THRIVE UPON AS A DELICACY IN A UNIQUE SPECIALTY MARKET.
I SAY "TWICE" BECAUSE i ONCE MYSELF LIVED AS A DEPENDANT ("MOUSE") IN THE SAME RAT RACE-LIFE HAS MORE RATS THAN MICE...I SAY THIS BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LEAVE THE IMPRESSION THAT I HAD A FALSE IDEAL AND EXPECTATION OF THINGS AS THE SOURCE OF A MULTITUDE OF SUBLIMINALLY ACQUIRED TRAITS AND BEHAVOIRS, THAT ON MY PERCEPTIONS DO NOT SPEAK AS WELL OF ALL OF THOSE WHOSE EYES I PASS IN MY DAILY VENTURES AND YET REMAIN AS UNNOTICED IN MY HAND SHAKES AND AWARENESS AS THE ACTUAL PERSONAL QUALITIES, JUDGEMENTS AND TEMPREMENTS OF A LAND FULL OF DISAPOINTMENTS AND REJECTIONS IN DEFENSE AND ARGUMENT FOR MY PERSONAL FREEDOMS AND LIBERTIES IN A PICTURED PAINTED BASICALLY WHOLESOME AND STRONG
BELIEVING SOCIETY
AND OF CATHARSIS OF THESE EXPERIENCES DEVOID OF UNIFICATION AND REASON i HAD CREAED A NOTION OF A WICKED, AND YET POTENTIALLY BENIGN. POISONED FIBER, HIDS IN THE DARK, DIES IN THE LIGHT, AND IN BREATHING, BEARS THE KEY TO ALL THINKING SPEAKING LIFE, PERMEATES EVERY MIND, LIVES WITH IT, SHARES THE SAME DIET, AS ANYTHING ELSE IS POISON TO ITS SEPARATE UNKNOWN PARTS, AND NOT TO ITS WHOLE.
MAVIN, SUPER SCIENTIST, CANCER FIGHTER, IN THE FIELD WITH HIS SCALPELS OF LIGHT ELECTRICITY AND MAGNITISM, AND HIS SOCIAL SECURITY CHECK, I JUDGE THE ACTUAL WHOLE REAL INCOME OF NORTH AMERICA, SEEN BY ANYONES PERCEPTION FROM ANY ANGLE OR LENGTH OF TIME IN KNOWING, DIRELECT, SOCIAL DROPOUT, POVERTY BITTEN, ADDICT LOOKING, PANHANDLING BUM ON THE SKIDS IN SKID ROW.
MARVIN ELI KIRSH
RED ALERT!! STORMED !!! MAYDAY!!!
