Carolyn’s Birthday Party - Back yard patio. Wooden table and chairs. Bench with cushions. Small vegetable garden. Stone grill. 8 people at 8.00 P.M. Think British.  

          “What’s that hangin’ on the wall over there?”

“Cats mostly, of course. But people bring me their sick dogs and pigs and goats, as well.”

“The hummus is lovely Carolyn.”

“Kudos to Eddie for that, darling. He makes the best hummus on the island.”

“Looks like an old fashioned tennis racket.”

“What’s hummus made of?”

“Does a bit.”

“Oh, I know. It’s a rug beater. That’s it, isn’t it?”

“Chick pea paste with olive oil, lemon juice and garlic.”

“Me mum actually used an old tennis racket to beat our rugs. Wooden frame strung with cat-gut as I recall.”

“Put some on a piece of bread. It’s very tasty.”

“Cat gut?!”

“Tom, get away! Away from the table, Tom. That’s a good dog.”

“More wine, anybody?”

“It was a ritual every spring. Hang out the rugs and beat ‘em with this old tennis racket.”

“Want to put the octopus on the grill now I think, Eddie.”

“Clouds of dust and grime you wouldn’t believe.”

“Lovely salad, Carolyn. These tomatoes are simply divine.”

“Enough to make your choke.”

“Tony made the meat balls.”

“Tell him about our new toilet Edwald.”

“Tony and Eddie look so much alike.”

“Well, they’re brothers aren’t they.”

“Are they?”

“Yes they are.”

“Used to be an oven jutting out the rear end of the house.”

“We gutted it.”

“Five tons of rock and soil.”

“Brothers, you say.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Well no wonder they look so much alike.”

“Now it’s a proper toilet. Very functional. Very cozy.”

“Want to see it?”

“Not just this moment I think, Edwald. We’re in the middle of dinner, aren’t we?”

“Well, it’s just across the road. Wouldn’t take but a minute.”

“Edwald, please!”

“You spend your summers here on Patmos?”

“May through September for the past three years. I’ve a small house up in Chora not far from the monastery.”

“These meatballs are lovely, Tony. Just the right blend of spices. Garlic, oregano and something else…What else Tony?”

          “Tony doesn’t speak English.”

“You’re alone up there, Catherine?”

“Yes.”

“You get lonely?”

“Somebody brought me a sick mule last week.”

“Oh?”

“Intestinal problem. Turned out to be worms.”

“Well, ask him in Greek.”

“Doesn’t speak Greek, either. He’s Albanian, isn’t he?”

“So ask him in Albanian.”

“I don’t speak Albanian. Only Eddie does.”

“Got a large, thick plastic bag and six feet of two inch rubber hose. Heated about five gallons of water, mixed in some herbs…”

          “Eddie dear, ask Tony what spices he used in the meatballs. Jillian says garlic, oregano and something else.”

“…Two enemas a day for a week. That cured him but, oh what a mess!”

“What’s the something else?”

“Mule shit and worms. Gallons of the stuff.”

“I enjoy my own company. That helps.”

“You’re lucky. Reckon most people don’t  enjoy their own company.”

“Most people don’t seem to enjoy mine either. That’s why I’m alone.”

“Oh.”

“Rosemary.”

“Where’s Rosemary?”

“In the meatballs.”

“Isn’t that funny. I was just thinking of  Rosemary. She’s such a dear.”

“Rosemary, you  say.”

“That’s what Tony says.”

“Poor thing doesn’t get out much since the stroke.”

“Struck by a stroke? Rosemary?”

“Poor dear. She’d have loved to be here for your birthday. Carolyn. You know how fond of you she is.”

“I’m just kidding. I do have a nice set of friends here. And, I have a radio too.”

“Maybe turn those octopus Eddie, darling.”

“A radio can be nice company.”

“I think so.”

“More wine, anybody?”  

Excerpt from 'All Over the Map' available via Amazon