The Kettle Bell Murders

Today:

Detective Jonas; “So it looks like we have another one.” 

Detective Thomas; “Yes, same M.O,” “force blunt trauma.”

Detective Jonas; “Victim struck in the head with a what the assailant wants us to believe is a kettle bell, due to the fact that he or she leaves a kettle bell with the victims blood on it at the scene.”

Detective Thomas; “But forensics proved that with the last victim that the kettle bell left at the scene was not the instrument used to commit the murder.”

Detective Jonas; “You are correct.”

Detective Thomas; “So why bloody the thing and leave it as if it were the murder weapon?”

Detective Jonas; “What we come to know is that each of the murder victims all attended nearby work out facilities,” “but none of them were ever seen working out with the kettle bell or even picking one up.”

Detective Thomas; “Forensics did however discovered that the blow that killed the victims were done by something that could have been a kettle bell, but their findings are somewhat inconclusive.

One Month earlier in a bar lounge:

“Come on Harry, the stock in the kettle bell industry is not climbing and we’ve lost a lot of money on it so far,” remarks Tim.

“I know Tim I know, the marketing efforts haven’t been successful, even with showing those physically fit male and female specimens in the infomercials, it’s just not getting it done.”

As Tim and Harry exited the bar they saw one of it patrons who was completely stoned, inebriated about to walk up stairs and slipped and fell and struck his head on cast iron banister.

Both Tim and Harry ran over to see if the man was alright, but after checking the pulse in is neck found the man to be dead.

Just then a light bulb went off in Harry’s head and he ran to his car and took out a brand new kettle bell. 

“What do you plan on doing with that,” asked Tim, “whack him again to make sure he is dead?”

“No stupid,” answered Harry, “I’m going to make it appear that he was struck in the head with it by placing it in his blood.” 

“What the hell,” exclaimed Tim, “I think it was you that had a little too much to drink in there,” Tim remarked.

“No my friend,” “this is genius,” said Harry, “What better way to get free 24 hour advertisement on over 210 networks,” remarked Harry.

“There was murder, we didn’t do anything really, but took advantage of a situation that presented its self to us,” Harry continued. 

“It’s like the companies that manufacture guns they are always on television, the movies. They even did a bio-pic of a gun runner.” 

“So what you’re saying besides us faking a murder we’re going to become gun runners?”

“No stupid,” responded Harry quite annoyed at his so called partner, “we are going to bring the kettle bell up the same marketing level as the gun, or at least close to it,” explained Harry, “this is a marketing ploy you idiot,” “now do you get it?” 

Today:

“We’re back and we’re making a killing,” “if you buy a set of kettle bells in the next 30 minutes, your get another set for free all you have to do is pay for the shipping and handling . . .