HOW A CAPRICORN MOON FACED HER FEAR AT BALATA GARDENS IN MARTINIQUE, FRENCH ANTILLES 

            There I was, several weeks ago, high above the canopy of trees at Balata Gardens in Martinique, The French Antilles, walking across one of five rope suspension bridges. This was a life-altering event, one that this seventy-one year old woman would never have dreamed to be possible. Though the story that follows may seem farfetched, it may not be for those who appreciate the symbolism of astrology. After all, what does a Moon sign have to do with anything, especially facing one’s greatest fear?  

I was born serious, so much so that one day when my mother was wheeling me in my wooden carriage, a woman stopped by to peak in and said, “Do you know what you have there?” My mother shared this story with pride many times over to me, because at some level she understood that her little daughter evoked a reaction from others that wasn’t the typical, “Oh how cute and adorable she is,” but instead gave the onlooker pause to recognize that an infant with a Moon in Capricorn was born serious, and tended to stay that way. What that dear lady didn’t know, was that she was looking at a double earth, soli-lunar combination of Taurus and Capricorn. Roughly translated, I was a determined individual with a high potential for self-discipline.

I was never one to be interested in playing with dolls, or warm and cuddly things; I loved to be in the middle of adult conversations about the state of the world and other pressing matters. It didn’t matter that I was so young, the thought provoking content and tone of the subjects discussed was what I needed to feed my soul. I sought out seriousness, and being born during the Second World War only added to my natural emotional soberness.

Whether you believe in past life experiences or not; I was one of those individuals who felt great anxiety whenever my feet were away from terra firma. In other words, I had a significant fear of heights…seems like it came in with me from birth, how else could I explain it given my mother took such great care of me, and I was never dropped. So great was my fear, that I needed to walk the same safe path daily, stepped off of curves with significant trepidation, and if I could have put lead in my shoes, I would have, just to give myself more grounding and confidence.

So getting a little more serious, which I do very well; Saturn rules Capricorn, and colors its ability to feel and respond in its own unique emotional way. In Saturn’s very adult hands, the Capricorn Moon has the potential to derive self-respect, as well as self-discipline. There is also a faith in one’s destiny…I recall many times as a young child when I was in a “Pondering” mood, the words, “I will be alright,” and “I’ll figure it out,” came into my mind. I would attribute both of those thought processes to a deep faith in my own potential to be in charge of my future. There is a potent internal process that drives the need for self-sufficiency, figuring out things alone has always been important to me.

Saturn is all about being in reality; sometimes described aptly as the “Reality Principle.” The experience of being an adult, making decisions, and being independent are all part of its serious veneer, which sometimes is described as being “Cold.” Underneath the veneer however, resides a heart that beats and has longings just like everyone else, a heart that has no less need for support and affirmation than any other human being. And in my case, a woman who yearned to be able to be like other people who could look down from a one-story building without being terrified, and ultimately achieve the impossible – walk across a rope bridge, high above a canopy of trees, without passing out cold. Was I asking too much?

I moved through my life just as a proud Taurus/Capricorn would normally do; I, determined and self-assured as always, raised three wonderful children, have a meaningful relationship with a man I dearly love for over half a century, and succeeded in my careers as a nurse, an educator, a writer, and an astrologer. But, I never totally conquered my fear of heights, that is until December of 2014 while we visited the beautiful Balata Gardens. Oh yes, I’ve flown, I’ve driven across bridges, and I can even climb up on a chair to retrieve items from the back of a high shelf, I had to! Little by little, I have gotten stronger over the years – that’s what happens when your fear gets in the way of having a normal life.

The morning of that amazing day, we entered the gardens and were greeted by beautiful, luminous, green-colored hummingbirds, and a cloud covered mountain showing through the trees in the distance. It felt otherworldly, as if I had stepped into an exquisite dream that was just perfect in its beauty. Then the magic happened, and I knew I was finally able to let go of my fear; in doing so, I felt a peace that I can only describe as surrender. The trails twisted and turned until the steps leading up to the first of five hanging bridges was mine to climb up to. I went up to the first platform, “Only two at a time can cross,” the sign read. I remained calm, and moved forward. With a firm step, I held firmly onto the rope that framed the sides of the bridge. In the middle of the first bridge I became acutely aware of my self-talk, “This is your time,” and “Whatever fear has been with you during this lifetime, you no longer need it.” The fourth bridge was longer than the others, and swung the most, even so, I kept moving forward – knowing that this was something that I had to do for myself. No one else could ever force or wish this experience on me. When I reached the final bridge and walked down the steps to the other side, a feeling of deep pride came over me. My husband who was behind me, was speechless; his smile a reflection of his knowing how this fear had me in its grip for so many years of my life.

There comes a time for everything, and my day had finally come! This didn’t happen by accident; it was shaped by my true nature – a hard worker, a planner, a believer in self-sufficiency, and yes, a woman with a Capricorn Moon. That serious little girl had finally achieved what she had strived and hoped for all her life; she found the courage to be herself.  

 © 2014 Myra W Darwish