There are some swears in this but you'll understand why when you read it. I finally remembered this when I was 16 and it felt real good to get it written down.
They make us complete
They leave us incomplete
They can be forgiving
They can be unforgiving
They make us everything we are today, tomorrow and next week
They can haunt
They can daunt
They can tease
They like to taunt…
Pain flooded my body, and memories escaped me. My heart ached, my chest felt heavy. My leg felt broken, my face was hot. I couldn’t see. “Am I blind?!? Answer me!” I screamed but no one heard. No one was there. Wait, I hear feet moving towards me. “Hello? Anyone there?” My heart started to race, the pressure got worse in my chest. “Is there an elephant sitting on my chest?” Still no answer. “Please talk to me” Nothing. “Alright eyes, work, open…..WORK, OPEN!” My mind reels, I start to sweat, my eyes start to make out differences in light and dark. A light goes on directly above me. I try to cringe away. Nothing works right. I try to turn my head, throw my arm over my eyes, anything to stop the pain I now feel. My eyes burn, my chest gets even heavier. My heart beats even faster. Pain like I have never felt courses through me. Pain? Pain? Can’t be, I don’t feel much pain. My nerves don’t reach the right places to feel actual pain. The Doctor did that pain threshold test on me. I was off the scale. Pain….This is what actual pain feels like? This isn’t right. “TURN OFF THAT DAMN LIGHT! Please, it hurts my eyes.” Darkness overtakes me, as I feel something cool running through my veins.
Soft light filters through my eyelids; I can hear my heartbeat throb through my ears. My head pounds, my heart still aches, my chest still feels like an elephant is sitting on it. My body doesn’t move. Pain still courses through my body. My eyes won’t open, I can’t smell anything….Wait, what was that faint whiff? Blood? Yes, definitely blood, dried, not fresh. “Hello?” Still no answer. Alright arms, legs, head, something move, eyelids anything. Faint footsteps….”HELLO!” Still nothing. “Okay body, you and I are gunna have words if you don’t start working right, and NOW!”
“Hey, her head moved.”
“Hello? Did I hear someone? Anyone?” Maybe I’m dreaming, maybe that’s what’s wrong. “Alright body you worked once, how about again?” I feel my arm move, but not like I had moved it, like someone else had moved it. “Hello? Please talk to me. I’m scared.” Nothing. Fear takes over, My heart beats wildly, my chest hurts even worse. Waves start crashing in my head and ricocheting through my ears back to my head. Pain overcomes me as the darkness envelopes me, once again something cool starts to run through my veins and I feel like I’m floating.
Unbearable pain runs through my body. I feel hot all over. Waves of unbearable noise flood my ears, my heart pounds out of control. Suddenly everything goes quiet, all pain vanishes, my heart stops beating. Light floods through my eyelids, but it doesn’t hurt.
“Code Blue ICU 2, Code Blue ICU 2.”
A stampede of elephants must have been running towards me with all of the footsteps I could suddenly hear. I started to wonder who the code blue was for when I noticed that nothing hurt, and I couldn’t feel my heartbeat anymore. The stampede kept getting closer and closer. I started to actually pray to God to spare me. I suddenly realized that I was in the hospital. I couldn’t remember anything that could have caused me to be in the hospital. Closer and closer the footsteps came. “Don’t let me die, I don’t want to die. I’m too young to die.” Blinding lights came on above me as the stampede came to a halt. I could hear clearly now. “No pulse. Start CPR. Charge to 200.” I heard a cart roll towards the bed, the paddles were pulled out of their cradle, the machine hummed to life. “Clear!” I didn’t feel anything; I thought that the machine wasn’t working. “Charge to 200 again.” The hum, then; “Clear!” It seemed like an eternity before the machine stopped humming. “Charge to 300.”
“Well, the machine works. Why can’t I feel it? It should feel like I’m being electrocuted.” The lights above me got brighter and the voices in the room got faint. My head started to roar again, my body felt like it was on fire, pain had returned to me. “Am I alive? Sorry I forgot you can’t hear me, my mouth must not be working”
“I hear you little one.”
“You do?”
“Of course I do”
“Who are you?” Fear had started to return, my heart beat uncontrollably once again.
“Shhhhh….Don’t be afraid little one.”
“God? Is that you? Do you really exist?”
“Shhhhh….Sleep little one.”
“No, I have so many questions for you.”
“Shhhhh….Sleep little one.”
“Will I live?”
“Shhhhh….Sleep little one.”
Darkness started to overcome me, and my last thought was: “Damn am I getting tired of this.”
Three weeks of the same sensations and periods of darkness, the same thoughts of doubt and despair as I tried constantly to communicate that I was still alive. Three Damn weeks of unbearable pain, and darkness interspersed with periods of that damn light above me. Three weeks of my stomach grumbling for food. Three weeks of not knowing or remembering what happened. Three weeks of sadness and depressing thoughts. Three weeks without anyone talking to me. Three weeks of Hell.
I woke up, opened my eyes, looked around at ICU 2, and tried to find the nurse call button. No luck. “You’re in an ICU room stupid; of course the button isn’t within reach. Wonder what time it is.” I spot the clock on the wall and wished it was digital. I can’t read the time on the clock. My mind reels, my heart races and the elephant returns to sit on my chest. Pain starts to flood back into my body. Footsteps approach. I spasm painfully, the monitors in my room start screaming. The footsteps start running towards me. I close my eyes in response to the pain and that damn light that is going to be turned on shortly.
“Code Blue ICU 2, Code Blue ICU 2.”
I fight the spasm. I start to thrash. “I REFUSE TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!” “Alright body this is the words I told you we would be having. Now work right and behave!”
“Shhhhh….Don’t be afraid little one.”
“Not until you tell me who you are.”
“Shhhhh….Don’t be afraid little one.”
“NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHO YOU ARE!”
“Shhhhh….Sleep little one.”
“NO, I REFUSE TO DIE!”
“Shhhhh….Don’t be afraid little one.”
“This must be a recorded message I’m hearing.” The light above me came on. I looked right into the eyes of the nurse. I tried to grab her arm to make her listen to me, but I couldn’t get my arm to work. I thrashed harder. I could hear the bed creaking like an old pier being buffeted by the waves. I could see the nurse’s lips move, but I couldn’t hear her. Someone else came into the room behind her. I saw him go for a syringe and a vial of some sort of medication. I watched as he put the medicine straight into the I.V. that was hanging beside the bed. He left the needle there and started to hold me down. I looked into his eyes. They were kind eyes. I could see his lips moving, but I couldn’t hear him. I closed my eyes and darkness overcame me, but not before I heard the machine hum to life, the paddles pulled out of their cradle…….
“Hello, anyone there?” Silence.
“Hello…..Anyone there? Hello?!? Anyone? Please, someone talk to me. I don’t want to be alone anymore. Can anyone hear me?”
“I can”
“You do?”
“Of course I do”
“Who are you?” Fear didn’t overcome me this time.
“Shhhhh….Don’t be afraid little one.”
“God? Is that you? Do you really exist?”
“Shhhhh….Sleep little one.”
“No, I have so many questions for you.”
“Shhhhh….Sleep little one.”
“Will I live?”
“Shhhhh….Sleep little one.”
Darkness once again started to overcome me, and my last thought was: “Damn I am really getting tired of this.”
When I awoke again all pain was gone, so of course I freaked. I had gotten pretty used to the pain, it was comforting. Who was it that said “Do you know the good thing about pain? It lets you know you’re still alive!” I looked around the room again and noticed that I was still in ICU 2, but there was a nurse call button in my hand this time. I pushed it. I started to cry when I realized that my hand had worked right. The nurse came in almost immediately. She came up to the bed, pushed my hair back and said, “Shhhhh….Don’t be afraid little one.” My eyes must have popped out of my head in surprise, because the nurse whipped around to look at the monitors so quickly I thought she would give herself whiplash. She twirled back around and looked into my eyes. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, opened my eyes and croaked out that I was lonely. The nurse smiled, patted my cheek in a motherly fashion and said; “I’ll be right back with a couple books and you can pick the one you want me to read to you.” I just nodded my head in agreement.
This went on for another three weeks, but this time there were people to talk to. I was never left alone, even when I was eating my meals. Someone was always there either reading to me or telling me funny stories. During those three weeks I was filled in on the accident.
A drunk driver crossed over the line and hit me and my mom head on. My mom got away with a few cuts and bruises, the drunk walked away without a scratch and was arrested for DWI, leaving the scene of an accident (he had only gotten ˝ a mile before the alcohol took over and he fell asleep and fell on his face), reckless endangerment, and two counts of attempted murder. I spent a month in a coma and coded twice. The drunk will be spending the rest of his natural life in jail.
It took me almost seven years to remember everything, including coding twice. The amazing thing is that I didn’t have a concussion and there was no medical reason for my coma.
No one admits to being the calming voice I kept hearing. The nurse that first responded to my call button was amazed with my story when I finally remembered it and told it to her a week before my 17th birthday.
A drunk driver killed her the following year.
I can’t say for sure if it was God or not, but I do know that there were a lot of unexplained things that went on. I still don’t remember everything, but I remember enough to be thankful for the 911 services and all of their personnel that helped keep me alive till they could get me to the hospital. I’m also thankful for all of the hard work that went into my care at the hospital, and believe it or not: I Thank God.
They like to pull
They like to push
They like to tickle
Memories are so damn fickle.
A page-turning novel about a relationship between best friends that is interrupted because of betrayal , deceit, sexual promiscuity and pregnancy happens!
