I couldn't decide what catagory this needed to go under...
I didn’t have the hardest childhood but I didn’t have the best one either. My brother molested me and had me convinced that everyone did it. I don’t remember how it all started but I remember it happening so needless to say I wasn’t a virgin when I met Tom. I was sexually inexperienced but not sexually stupid. I knew how everything worked and I knew what a guy liked.
We hit it off immediately. There was just something there that clicked right away. He never pushed me to do anything sexual as I had already confided in him that I wasn’t a virgin and why but my sexual appetite was growing by leaps and bounds.
I just couldn’t get enough. No matter how many orgasms I had it wasn’t enough. Maybe it was the fact that Tom could get me to orgasm and I loved it!
I started getting my periods when I was 10. Talk about a major hormone roller coaster ride! By the time Tom and I met I had been having my periods regularly for almost a year.
It was summer and I was at a friend’s house. His older cousin was over and boy was he a hunk! Tom was almost 15 but I didn’t care. He stirred emotions in me and I just had to have him! I asked him how long he was going to be at his cousin’s house. I was thrilled when he said the whole summer!
Needless to say I finished my chores as fast as I could every day to get over there just to see Tom. His cousin was my age and couldn’t understand what Tom wanted with a Tom Boy. They even joked about us being Tom and Tom but neither of us cared. We’d just ride our bikes away from them and go sit and talk.
We talked about everything imaginable. From school to our friends to how much we didn’t want to go back to school. We talked every day and Tom told me his plans for his life.
He wanted to be a scientist so he could research diseases and find cures for them. He didn’t aspire to be the one to cure cancer or AIDS, which he had to explain to me as it was the first I had heard of it, he just wanted to make a dent in all of the research. He felt that if the drug he helped create or the cure he helped to find cured one child anywhere in the world then all the hard work he would have to put in to get his degree would be worth it. I loved Tom all the more for that. It was a very noble cause.
I leaned in and kissed him on the lips. As I went to lean back he carefully put his hand behind my head and kept me close to him. It was my first French kiss and man was it nice!
We talked some more and I told him about my brother and my plans for my life. When it came time to go home we kissed again. It felt like I was being electrocuted! I left, breathless, and rode home.
I was nervous the next day. Tom was the first I had ever told about what my brother had done to me but his smile was just as genuine as it had been the day before. He told me to put my bike in the garage and come in. He had a PG-13 movie all ready to go and that everyone else had gone to the water park for the day. Tom didn’t know how to swim, so he stayed at his cousins house. Matter of fact he always avoided the water, whenever possible. He wouldn’t even get too close to an above ground pool that had sides high enough that there was no chance he’d fall in.
I sat on the couch and Tom sat next to me. There were no nervous yawning moves used. He simply sat down and put his arm around me. That was one of the things I liked most about him. He was confident and he had enough confidence to bolster my low self esteem.
To this day I can’t even tell you what movie we watch but we actually did watch it. All of it, all the way through. That was the other thing I liked about Tom. He wasn’t a horn ball, I was!
When the movie was done we went for a bike ride and ended up at the local school playground. We climbed around for a while and then sat on top of the monkey bars and talked more. It was a wonderful day and I wished it would never end! But all good things must come to an end and it came time for both of us to go home for the night.
The next three weeks were wonderful! We talked every day and learned more about each other. We learned each other’s likes, dislikes, favorite colors, favorite numbers and anything else we could think of to ask about.
And then my whole world changed! Tom started getting frisky and I was in love! We found any place possible to be alone and we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other!
Tom stole condoms from his older brother and…well I don’t think I need to go any further there!
My period was late and I started to get worried. Tom had noticed there was a tear in the condom, but not until it was too late. I told him not to worry that if this was our fate then so be it. We’d cross the bridge when we came to it.
We came to the bridge almost a month later when I had finally managed to get to a store that would sell me a pregnancy test, “For my older sister, she’s too embarrassed to buy it herself.” Was my story and this time it worked. Maybe it was the eye roll I used, maybe he knew, maybe he only cared about the sale. I’m not sure and, frankly, didn’t and don’t care.
I went to see Tom, I had been waiting to pee and needed to go bad! We rushed into the basement of his cousin’s house and went immediately into the bathroom. Five anxious minutes later and I looked at the stick. It was positive.
We made plans to hide my pregnancy. It was bad enough my mom had absolutely no clue what my brother had done to me, not that she would ever believe me, but to be pregnant! That would have been certain death!
Life went on and I managed to hide that I was pregnant. I still can’t figure out how but I managed to do it! Tom and I spent every second we could together but he lived almost 15 miles away. It was one hell of a bike ride that he did once a week and on Friday’s.
Weekends were wonderful! I would spend the night at a friend’s house and Tom would sneak in. I’m pretty positive a few of my friends figured it out but, to this day, they’ve never said a word about it.
Then the cravings started and boy were they strong! I needed pickles and melted cheese and I needed a lot of it! It was most satisfying to have just plain old melted cheddar, like cheese whiz, but if nacho cheese was the choice I wouldn’t turn my nose up at it, which is what brought us to a not so desirable part of town on my birthday. My need for pickles and cheese was driving me, not my brain. If my brain had been in control I would have turned around and found another store for my desire, but no such luck.
On the way out of the store Tom looked up in time to see one of the local gang bangers holding a gun out the window of their car. Tom jumped in front of me in time to get shot in the heart. That bullet was meant for me, not him. It’s a long story but I had managed to piss of that gang. It was actually a misunderstanding but they felt it had to be dealt with, severely.
Tom died in my arms, on my birthday, while I was pregnant with his child. He had saved my life and his son’s life.
My son was born one month later, to the day and exactly at the time his father had died one month before. I named him Timothy Brandon.
A poignant story about letting go of a narcissist in your life. Have you ever been attacked FULL force by a narcissist? It's the closest thing to being stabbed over and over in the back.
