I bought a package of underwear at the Dollar store the other day and when I ripped open the package, it had a ziplock strip on the top so it could be re-sealed.
 
But the sack has a hole in the front so you can “feel the softness” of the said underwear.
(Humming and stroking the underwear in the aisle of Family Dollar while saying “Oooh, soft!” is NOT recommended. The police officer eventually understood, and the charges were dropped.)
 
So, they can’t be resealed to keep out moisture, because there is a big-ass hole in the front of the package.
 
Which leaves one to wonder: why is there a ziplock strip on there? What is it for? Am I meant to take one of two pairs of underwear out of the bag and wear them, re-seal the bag, and “feel the softness” of the second pair while I anticipate tomorrow(!) when I get to re-open the bag and take out the remaining one?
That’s not the kind of joy you can readily share with your coworkers without HR getting involved.
 
Or am I supposed to postpone wearing the second pair for a few days while the apprehension builds to a crescendo?
 
That a little weird.
 
Like:
“It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again!”
weird.
 
Why waste the extra plastic it takes to create the ziplock strip?
Who is it intended for when there are only two pairs of underwear in the package?
 
Maybe I need to find a hobby and stop wondering about these things.
 
I know! I’ll find un-stroked underwear in stores and stroke them, so they don’t feel lonely and left out!

That can’t possibly end badly.
 
And the socks. I can’t leave the socks out of the equation.
 
Ooooh! Cotton socks! I’ve never touched them before! The texture! The feel! The softness! Almost like…every other cotton sock I’ve ever bought.
 
I suppose there are some socks out there that feel like steel wool on my feet, but until I touch them all, I won’t know.
 
That will be a treat for everyone involved (especially the arresting officer).

I hope they have cotton socks in prison, because it will be a huuuuuuuge letdown after that if they don’t (because they're so soft! I know because there is a hole in the front of the package and I caressed them. Repeatedly and vigorously.)