George Hammond hesitated at the foot of the stairs, glanced nervously over his right shoulder, checked his watch, and then slowly climbed to the first landing. Turning left, he was confronted by a door with the words; ‘Alex Drakkos, Introductions Unlimited’ printed on the glass. George opened the door, stooped to avoid hitting his head on the beam, stepped inside, and quickly shut the door behind him.

There was nobody in the room except a female receptionist. “Can I help you, Sir?” she asked.

“I have an appointment to see Mr. Drakkos at 2 p.m. My name is Hammond, George Hammond.” As he spoke, he looked up at the clock above the receptionist’s head and noted that it was still only ten minutes to two.

The receptionist looked at him sympathetically. “Take a seat, Sir. Mr. Drakkos will not be long.”

George found a seat in the corner behind the door and buried his face in a magazine. He couldn’t concentrate to read, but instead found himself listening to the ‘tick-tock’ of the clock. He waited for what seemed like an interminable time before he was startled by the door opening from the inside office. It was eight minutes past two.

He heard a voice coming from inside, “Thank you, Mr. Daniels. I’ll be in touch in a day or two. I’m sure I’ll be able to find the perfect match for you.”

“Thank you,” came the reply as a short, stocky man with a beard and unkempt hair emerged from the office. George stared at the scruffy looking man when he passed to go out of the main door. As he pulled on an old grey gabardine raincoat and donned a moth-eaten checked trilby, the eyes of the two men met for an instant; then Daniels was gone. The smell of stale tobacco lingered.

Seconds later, Mr. Drakkos came out from the inside office. He was a short muscular man with an olive tan and sleek black hair brushed back. His appearance was in keeping with his Greek origins.

“Mr. Hammond?” Drakkos motioned with his hand for George to follow him into the office. George hustled inside and quickly shut the door behind him.

“Mr. Hammond, sorry to keep you. My last client was a bit late arriving. I’m Alex Drakkos.” He offered George his hand. “I’m pleased to be of service to you ... for a small fee, of course.” He chuckled after a brief pause. “My company’s motto is:

‘If Drakkos cannot help you, you must be very dull.

The person of your dreams is waiting for your call.’

Good, eh?” He chuckled again. “Now George; you don’t mind if I call you George? Let’s get some personal details from you.

“Full name?”

“George Washington Hammond.”

“Date of birth?”

“Fifth of July 1954.”

As he asked the questions, Drakkos typed the answers onto his computer. When he had finished, he waited for the printer to print out all of George’s information.

“Here is a copy of your portfolio,” said Drakkos. “Would you care to read it through and check all the details? You will see at the top is your reference number. Do you have any questions?”

When George’s questions had been answered and the fee paid, Drakkos rose to see George out. While they shook hands again, Alex reassured George with the words, “I’ll be in touch with you in a day or two.”

George felt relieved as he descended the stairs. Thank goodness that’s over, he thought to himself. I hope I’m not going to regret this.

A few minutes later, Alex Drakkos made two phone calls, the first to Daisy Summers:

“Ms Summers?”

“Yes.”

“Alex Drakkos, Introductions Unlimited. I think I’ve found the ideal partner for you.” He punched some instructions into the computer as he talked. “He’s thirty five years old, a divorcee like yourself, a smoker like yourself. He enjoys the company of a pretty lady ... like yourself. His hobbies are fishing and playing crib. He enjoys a night out at the pub.”

At that moment, Drakkos’ secretary entered carrying a cup of tea. He put his hand over the mouthpiece. “Thank you, Susan,” he said.

He continued speaking to Daisy Summers. “Are you there? Sorry, my secretary just brought my tea. The chap’s name is, er, let me see ... George Daniels. How does he sound?”

“Sounds ideal. Can you give me his number? I’ll call him right away.”

“Of course, I could. But it’s usual for the gentleman to contact the lady. Can I give him your number and ask him to call you?”

“I can’t wait.”

After he had put the phone down, he made his second call, to Maureen Davis.

“Good afternoon, Miss Davis. Alex Drakkos, Introductions Unlimited here. I’ve just had a chap in my office who I think you will like. He’s forty years old, never been married, ex-army, a rather shy type, a real gentleman. He’s a great fan of cricket and likes hill walking. A non-smoker and infrequent drinker. How does that sound?”

“He sounds lovely. Will you please ask him to ring me?”

“Of course,” said Alex with a satisfied grin. “By the way his name is J ...” He was interrupted by a huge bang in the street below. “Hang on a second, sounds like an explosion outside.” He walked over to the window and glanced outside. After a moment he returned to the phone. “Just a car backfiring,” he said.

“What’s the gentleman’s name again?” asked Maureen.

“John Hammond. Goodbye Miss Davis, and good luck.”

Later that evening, George phoned Maureen.

“Good evening, Miss Davis ... Maureen. Drakkos has given me your name and number ...”

“Ah, yes, I was expecting you to phone.”

They spoke for a few minutes and agreed to meet the following evening for dinner. “I’ll meet you by the clock tower at 7 p.m.,” concluded George.

“Wait, how will I recognise you?”

“I’ll be wearing a grey mackintosh and black shoes.”

John Daniels also made a phone call the same evening to Daisy Summers, and they agreed to meet the following evening at the clock tower at 6.45 p.m. “We could buy pie and chips,” said John. “Then we could go to my local for a drink or two. I’m playing crib for the pub team later in the evening. How does that sound?”

“Great,” replied Daisy.

At 6.45 p.m. the following evening, Daisy Summers waited expectantly at the clock tower. She was a short plump woman with shoulder-length brown hair; not very attractive to look at, but a lot of fun to be with. Since her divorce she had had numerous male friends, but she had found most of them very dull. She had gone to Introductions Unlimited in the hope that the computer would find her a better match. She saw a tall, elegant man approaching. He was checking his watch and looked very nervous. He wore a grey mackintosh and smart shiny black shoes.

Ah, the gabardine raincoat, Daisy thought to herself. This must be him.

“Hi, you must be George.”

“Yes, yes, I am he. Let’s be on our way quickly. I don’t like hanging around these sorts of places.” He quickly took Daisy by the arm and marched her off. “I’ve got the restaurant booked for 7.30. It’s not far. We can get better acquainted as we walk there.”

As they rounded the corner, they passed a spruce, middle-aged lady with auburn hair. She wore a smart brown suit, high heels, and had a yellow scarf around her neck. Maureen Davis was on her way for her rendezvous with George Hammond.

She was a little early, so sat down on the seat in front of the clock tower to wait for her partner for the evening. At ten past seven, a scruffy looking man arrived. He wore a grey gabardine raincoat and black suede shoes, scuffed at the toes. The two eyed each other suspiciously for a few seconds before John Daniels spoke. “Miss Dai ...”

“Yes.” She cut him off before he could say any more. ‘Let’s go quickly,” she said, “before somebody sees us.” She thought to herself what a fool Drakkos must be to send her this specimen, but she would have to go along with it for the evening. It was too late to call it off now. The smell of stale tobacco reached her nostrils. “How far is it to the place where we are going to eat?”

“It’s just around the corner.’

After they had turned the corner and walked a couple of hundred metres, John stopped outside a small cafe. Hardly a restaurant, thought Maureen. They went inside.

“Pie and chips for two,” he ordered.

“Any drinks?” asked the proprietor.

“No thanks. We’ll be drinking plenty later on.” He winked at Maureen.

By now Maureen was feeling very uncomfortable, but decided to make the best of a bad situation. As they sat at a small table in the crowded cafe, she made conversation with the unsavoury man who was greedily stuffing pie into his mouth.

“Have you done any walking lately,” she asked.

“Only as far as the pub, or the chippy,” he replied. “Can’t say I’m a great one for walking. I prefer to get my exercise in a more traditional way.” He winked again.

She was surprised by his answer, but decided to try a different tack. “I see Rutherford got a century against the Indians the other day. Did you watch it on TV?”

“I think I saw some on the news,” he replied, finishing his chips. He pulled a rather dirty looking handkerchief from his trousers pocket and used it to wipe his beard. He replaced his handkerchief and at the same time pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He offered one to Maureen.

“No thank you, I don’t.” She looked bewildered as she recalled the words of Drakkos: ‘a non-smoker’. How could he make such a mistake? I’ll demand my money back, she thought.

Meanwhile George and Daisy were on their way to the restaurant. Daisy was very surprised when they arrived outside a very posh looking French restaurant. The sign above the building said ‘Le coq d’or’. They went inside. Daisy excused herself to go to the Ladies while George approached the receptionist.

“My name is Hammond. I have a table for two booked for seven thirty. My friend will be with us in a moment.”

“Ah, yes, Mr. Hammond. I’ll show you to your table as soon as she gets back.” When Daisy returned, the receptionist said, “Follow me Sir, Madam.”

When they had taken their seats, George asked, “Would you like a drink?”

“Oh, lager would be fine, thank you.”

A bit taken aback, George suggested, “How about a nice bottle of Burgundy?”

“Fine,” replied Daisy, eager to please.

They ordered their food. As they waited, Daisy made conversation: “Have you caught much lately?” she asked.

“Oh, I don’t play anymore. I only watch these days. Saw a fine fifty the other day by Crowe.”

“Really!” Daisy was surprised as she replied, “That sounds like a lot to catch in one day.”

George thought to himself that obviously the lady didn’t know much about the game of cricket, and quickly changed the subject. “Tell me a bit about yourself.”

“Well. I’m 34 years old, divorced ... but no kids.”

“Oh, I thought you were single.” George sounded bewildered. “I’m sure Drakkos called you Miss ...”

“Yes, I’ve reverted to my maiden name, but don’t worry, I’m clean. No nasty diseases or anything like that. I’ll give you a good time.”

“Really!” George was relieved to see the food arrive, and the conversation was not continued as they began to eat.

At about 9 p.m., George and Daisy left ‘Le Coq D’or’. As they walked past a pub, Daisy suggested that they go inside for a drink. The tall, greying ex-military gentleman and the short, plump slovenly woman looked a peculiar sight as they entered the pub together. To one side of the room five tables were set aside for what appeared to be a competition involving cards. An untidy-looking man with a beard looked up and the eyes of the two men met again in mutual recognition. Nearby a small, smartly-dressed woman sat, watching the game with an air of boredom.

“Looks like a game of crib,” said Daisy. “I bet you wish you were playing.”

“Not at all, hate the game,” said George gruffly. “Can I get you a drink, Maureen?”

At the sound of her name, the other woman looked up.

“My name’s not Maureen. It’s Daisy,” said the plump woman. “Who’s Maureen? And I thought you were a gentleman, Mr. Daniels,” she added angrily. “I think you had better take me home.”

The bearded man was startled to hear his own name, and hesitated to make his next move.

“Daniels?” said George Hammond. “That’s not my name.”

“No, it’s mine,” interrupted John Daniels.

“And I’m Maureen,” said the lady with auburn hair.

Suddenly recognition dawned on the faces of the four strangers.

At that moment, a short, olive-skinned man with brushed-back, black hair entered the pub.

“Drakkos,” they shouted in unison.

“You cheat,” said Daisy Summers.

“Fraud,” echoed Maureen Davis.

“Bounder!” exclaimed George Hammond.

“Liar,” concluded John Daniels.

Alex Drakkos was bemused. “Ladies, gentlemen, I’m sorry if things didn’t work out for you, but remember my motto:

‘If Drakkos cannot help you, you must be very dull.

The person of your dreams is waiting for your call.’ 

Give me a call tomorrow, and I’ll fix you up with the person of your dreams.”

“Oh no!” they all said at once. “We want our money back.”