So, you think that life has dealt you a losing hand?
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away there lived a precocious little girl, born to a rather large family of seven. Back in the 1960's, five children and two parents were fairly common. But, for this fragile little lass, seven was such a big number.
How could she possibly compete for her parents' attention?
This bright, analytical child, our heroine, devised ways to keep her mind entertained as she became more lost within the family. She never considered herself special, or smart, or pretty nor talented. These were things that people said she was, but the shy little person who dwelled inside her skin could NEVER possess such qualities.
Yes, she won many school awards for excellence in creative writing, math and biology. And, well she did win first prize two years in a row for submitting the best science fair projects. But, our darling star of the show thought that this was what was expected of her.
After all, she tried so hard to be noticed and loved by her dear father and her loving mother. Her dad was always working, while her mom was always trying to hold everything together.
Mom was an extremely strong and powerful woman. She was large and spoke with such confidence. Her mom really had her stuff in order, so the little girl firmly believed. "When I grow up, I want to be exactly like my mom," she would tell herself.
Well, as time crawled by, this fragile, sad and lonely little sweetheart realized that she certainly had become just like her mom. Somewhat insecure, rather timid and hardly as confident as she would have the rest of the world to believe.
Always questioning her actions and motives, she turned inward, finding great difficulty in making and maintaining friendships. Reading books and writing in her journals were her favorite pastime. Yep, books and writing tablets were her constant companions. Getting lost in the fantastic worlds and lives of the characters in her books is what kept her going.
She excelled in school, trying desperately to make her parents proud of her! Straight A's throughout school and graduating top of her class!
Now she proclaimed to her parents, "See me!! See what I am doing? I am somebody, but no one cares!" These thoughts plagued her well into her teenaged years.
And, God forbid, puberty did rear its ugly head! How could she, such an unattractive, or so she thought, clumsy, although tall and athletic, loser, like she, get and keep a boyfriend?
This poor dear decided that she was doomed to never find happiness or love.
So, once again, finding clever ways to somehow move forward in life by blending into the woodwork, our sweetheart trudged on. She met a few students who drank after school. Hmmm, drinking was an interesting way to not feel those terrible feelings of inadequacy.
The drink somehow freed her to be the woman that she always wanted to be.
"My goodness, this feels good!" she exclaimed.
"There is no pain or sadness when I drink. Life is more manageable and suddenly worth living!" she naively believed.
And, suddenly she found the friends that she had been desperately seeking for too many years. They were all just like her! They, too, felt less than, under appreciated, lost, secluded, and totally alone in this big bad world. She finally had found the acceptance she sought for so long in her new drinking buddies.
After high school graduation, her life took a major turn having found her darling father lying unconscious and bleeding on the front stoop of her family home with his skull fractured.
You see, drinking had played a major role in her dad’s life, too. Unable to cope with his health issues, a large family, and a controlling wife, he hid deep inside the bottle. He had sustained many, many alcoholic falls, as witnessed by the lovely heroine.
Many a night she lay crying, trembling in her bed, hiding in the safety of darkness underneath her blankets.
Silently she prayed that he would make it all the way up the stairs this time without losing his balance, tumbling down, down, all the way down and crashing in a crumpled heap at the bottom.
But, this time he would not be getting back up and dusting himself off, till the next time. He lay hospitalized in a coma for eight days, only to succumb to his internal injuries.
“What do I have to live for? My father was my hero!” she wailed as she cried into her beer. ...
